Bringing Wine to a Dinner Party, from "Food and Wine"

[Busboy]

Lettie Teague shows a distinctly ungracious streak in the holiday (December) issue of Food and Wine, revealing that when she arrives at your dinner party with a bottle of plonk, she's not actually concerned whether you like it, whether it will appropriately accompany the dinner you prepared, or whether you spent many hours and many dollars buying wines yourself. She's only interested in your being sufficently impressed with her excellent judgment that you will take what she brought, open it up and serve it back to her.

"My ex-husband, Alan, spends more time trying to figure out how to ensure his bottles will be opened than he does choosing the wine....Some people might think it odd to care so much about the fate of a bottle once it's handed over. But I've found that the people who don't care whether or not their wines are opened don't invest much in them, emotionally or financially."

Apparently she has two groups of acquaintences, ridiculously generous people who are unfortunately eager to dictate the host's wine selctions,("This isn't true of my collector friends. When they bring wine, they always expect that the bottles will be opened and applauded. Sometimes, in fact, they bring bottles that are already open; for example, my friend The Collector...") and horrid types with so little taste that one wonders why she deigns to associate with them ("I once brought a terrific California Chardonnay to a new neighbor's house, and the wife handed it back to me, saying, "We only drink red." I opened my bottle and drank it while the couple downed a cheap Chilean Merlot.")

Though I am no expert on etiquette, I have always been taught that anything one brings unasked to a party is a gift, and one does not demand that a gift you have presented to someone be opened and given back. (And I have it from a semi-reliable source that expecting a Frenchman to open a bottle of wine to replace one that he selected is an insult tantamount to spitting on the carpet.)

At my parties, we almost always run out of wine and open anything that's been brought around, usually the somewhat cheaper stuff that many of my friends prefer (though once a Magnum of first growth Bordeax to accompany a cassoulet, and there's been some Burgundy). But my dinner parties are hardly respectable affairs and we'd drink Mad Dog if it was the only thing in the house. And sometimes, a friend offers to provide the wine and we'll coordinate, or it's some kind of cooperative effort where the non-cookers become the wine bringers.

But "how can I contribute?" is vastly different from "let's drink my stuff rather than the piss you bought." I mean, why not just drop by Popeye's and pick up the entree, as well?

An altogether grotesque piece of wine snobbery, of the type that makes people think that knowing anything about wine makes you an insufferable boor.

Edited November 30, 2009 by Busboy (log)

[John Rosevear]

Sounds like an excellent reason to avoid that magazine, as well.

[Shamanjoe]

She is rather pretentious, isn't she? I'd never go to a party and expect the wine I brought to be opened and drank, unless it had been specifically requested. And I certainly would never try and force my choice on someone else, even if they acted as badly as some of the people in her article. Hopefully their other writers are a litte more down to earth.

[Andrew Fenton]

An altogether grotesque piece of wine snobbery, of the type that makes people think that knowing anything about wine makes you an insufferable boor.

And worse: she doesn't mention food even once! Evidently she (and the Collector) don't care whether their super-special bottles will actually pair well with what's being served. It's just about showing off the size of one's *ahem* collection.

[et alors]

Having French inlaws and French friends and having eaten many meals there, I've had it driven into me that you can bring wine as a gift to a dinner, but it may well not be opened, as the hosts match the wine to the food. How this woman can expect to be psychic enough to select a good wine for the meal is beyond me.

"My friend Mark is a frequent houseguest who always brings wine. Mark doesn't care if the hosts share the wine with him or not; in fact, he prefers that they save the wine for later. Assuming they will, he encloses a clever little note with the bottle describing the wine in detail and suggesting when to drink it and what to eat with it. As a strategy, this sounded like a lot of work."

Sounds like a class act who understands what it means to give a gift to me. Here you have people who have spend money on ingredients, and most likely the entire day cleaning and cooking, and it's too much work to write up how to use the wine?

I'm really shocked by this article, which is teaching bad manners. I read it, hoping it was a joke, but it was really a revealing tale of selfishness that grew worse with every paragraph.

A gift is about the giving, not about being appreciated or getting to share. Something Lettie needs to learn.

Here is what I wish she's written:

A good strategy is to call the hosts a few days ahead and ask if you can bring anything. If they suggest wine, ask what they are serving, and if they have any favorites. Then you can select a couple wines that match mood and meal (and skill-level). If they say, just bring yourself, flowers are acceptable. Doing dishes after is even better (in my world, anyhow.

[David A. Goldfarb]

If I bring a bottle of wine to a dinner party, I don't expect it to be opened. If someone brings a good bottle of wine to dinner at my place, I'll open it if it is well matched to the food, but will save it for a better occasion, if it isn't. If someone brings a bottle that I don't think is going to be very good, but at least won't conflict with the food, then I'll probably open it, on the grounds that the person who brought it will enjoy it more than I will, so we might as well open it immediately. If someone brings a bottle of wine that I'm not enthusiastic about that will also conflict with the food, then I'm likely to save it for an occasion like a party where I have to bring a bottle of wine, but I know no one will care about whether it's any good. Did I just get myself disinvited to your office party?

Edited November 30, 2009 by David A. Goldfarb (log)

[Shamanjoe]

What office parties are you going to David? All of mine have been dry, at least the ones actually hosted in the office.

[David A. Goldfarb]

Interesting. Maybe things are just different in New York (because no one drives, or at least no one has to drive), or maybe things are different in academia (because, well, just because).

[KatieLoeb]

I agree with all that's been stated so far. My mother would roll over in her grave if I ever dared to show up anywhere empty handed, but I tend to check with my hosts first about bringing wine. If they're amenable to me helping to play sommeliere for the evening, then we'll discuss the menu in advance and I'll bring something appropriate that's expected to be opened and served with at least one of the courses of the dinner. Otherwise, I'd rather show up with flowers, a dessert, or more often than not, some sort of cocktail/punch for the evening. It's always best to play to your strengths, as well as respect your host's abilities to do exactly that - HOST.

Andrew is correct. Most often the folks that are bringing super special wine are only doing it to draw attention to themselves. Whether or not it pairs with dinner has nothing to do with expecting compliments on their good taste and fabulous wine procurement skills.

[prasantrin]

Once someone offered to bring a bottle of gifted champagne serve at a brunch I was holding. I accepted since there would be no other alcohol, just tea and juice. I figured we could have a toast with mimosas or something like that.

The guest brought a bottle of warm champagne. What could I do but serve it? I put it in the fridge for as long as I could (no room in the freezer), but we had warm mimosas to begin our otherwise lovely brunch.

I almost always bring wine as a gift, and I never expect it to be served. Perhaps the author was just testing to see how many people would get their knickers twisted up by the article.

[Dave Hatfield]

I would rather have people bring flowers or some other small gift than wine.

As has been said I choose the wines to suit the menu. Unless a guest has called in advance to ask which wine would go with the meal, I'd rather they did something else.

There is an exception, however. A few years back a large number of our friends were persuaded to buy "a row of grapes" by a young English couple just starting out. The idea was you could help in the harvesting & so forth and you then got all of the wine produced by 'your row'. This a fun idea.

The problem was that for the first few years the wine was awful. Not spoiled or anything, just awful. So, people started bring this wine as a gift when invited to dinner. My revenge was to serve it! They couldn't really say anything as they'd brought it and ,usually, most of the other guests has either bought their own row or were in on the joke. Fortunately its all gone now and the English couple make quite palatable wine these days.

As for those who bring something that's good, but advertise the fact- usually quite loudly. My ploy is to keep it, wait until they invite us to dinner, then take their pretentious wine back to them as a gift. What can they say?

Yet another ploy is to pretend that even a good wine is only OK. I did this to my step son who is a great Burgundy fan. (I'm a Bordeaux lover) He brought increasingly superb bottles, but I kept saying that they still didn't match up to the Bordeaux. Took him a while to catch on.

Great fun & games can be had messing around this way.

[Corinna]

I agree the subject is interesting, but the article is pretty shallow and insulting.

I recently hosted a dinner. I took care in choosing local wines to pair with the meal. One guest arrived with a bottle, handed it to me and said "Put this in the chiller for another night." Sheer class.

Another arrived with two bottles, which he proceeded to open and drink all himself, despite my offers to pour him a glass of what I was serving. (Maybe I unconsciously must have put BYOB on my invitation?!?)

To each his own, I suppose!

[psiweaver]

I find that generally if I will bring a mid level bottle and that way I'm not tied into caring whether or not it's opened or not. The host can run the show from there. Generally I'll try and figure out what the food is so that I can bring a bottle that would pair well just in case.

[Jaymes]

I do occasionally bring wine as a gift. I always say, "This is for your wine rack." But frankly, I'd rather show up with something a little more imaginative anyway, like some nice cocktail napkins or other interesting hostess gift (which I always keep an eye out for and have a nice selection of stashed in my closet).

Many years ago, I was strongly warned off flowers by somebody - Miss Manners, maybe, or Dear Abby - can't remember who, but somebody. Whomever it was said that flowers are not the best thing to walk into the front door with. You immediately give the host/hostess a chore - find something to do with the flowers. And, just like the issue with the wines, most likely the host/hostess has already designed a centerpiece, so won't want to put them on the table. And many folks have allergies to various plants, so you might well set the hostess into a sneezing fit just as her guests begin arriving.

_________________________

Edited January 8, 2010 by Jaymes (log)

[PopsicleToze]

I find that generally if I will bring a mid level bottle and that way I'm not tied into caring whether or not it's opened or not. The host can run the show from there.

What does that mean -- if you bring a very nice bottle of wine then you expect it to be opened? Doesn't the host always run the show for the party he/she is hosting?

Rhonda

[Shalmanese]

I now almost exclusively bring a bottle of Moscato d'Asti dessert wine to events. It's tasty, affordable and always a crowd pleaser. It usually fills a gap in the host's wine pairings and even if dessert isn't being served, a small glass at the end of the night is refreshing & a good cap to the evening.

[nakji]

That seems like an excellent idea! I'm going to steal it, if you don't mind. In my social set, no one has a "wine collection", so when wine is brought to a party, it's always assumed it's meant to be drunk that evening.

[mr drinkie]

It is hard not to agree with most of what has been said so far. I think regular (wine-drinking) people see a gift as a gift and the issue of making sure the bottle is opened is not a consideration. I remember reading that article in Food & Wine and thinking to myself, "I sure hope I never become a person like that or hang with a wine crowd like that." The whole article made me feel a bit ill actually.

With that said, I didn't feel the article was about regular wine drinkers. Instead it seemed almost fictional like some gaudy alcohol swingers club where instead of sex, alcohol was swapped -- in a very competitive way. I hope I am never in such a competitive snobby wine environment as that.

The only thing I will add is that some of the tips not directly associated with the story were sound advice (I thought). You can read them here. She still adds her 'open-my-bottle logic' but I don't think the advice for bringing wine was that bad. Too bad the tone of the article was such a turn off for most readers.

k.