Kludging Cocktails in Non-Ideal Situations

[Chris Amirault]

I'm stuck at the Sheraton in Dallas, a land bereft of good cocktail options. I did manage to find a liquor store downtown (the aptly named Dallas Liquor Store on Main St) and grabbed a 375 ml bottle (a tenth?) of Wild Turkey 101 bourbon, but, alas, they had nothing else appropriate for hotel-room cocktail-making: bottles too big, lousy brands, no bitters.

Well, I'm at the end of a long day of workshops and meetings at a conference and I need a drink, so I've had to wing it. What follows is my recipe:

• Sheraton Sour
  1. Walk to the hotel bar and, when the bartenders aren't looking, reach into their garnish tray and steal the equivalent of half a lemon. Look for robust wedges, not wizened ones. Ignore the stares of the patrons at the stick who lack your dedication/neurosis.
  2. Go to your room and place all but one of the wedges in a water glass. Using your thumbnail, remove the pulp from the rind of the last one, being careful not to squeeze it, and add the pulp to the glass. (Pith is good. Remember, you lack bitters.)
  3. Tear open three paper packets of Domino sugar and dump them into the glass. Using your contact lens solution bottle, muddle the wedges and the sugar as best you're able. Add sufficient bourbon to the glass, remembering that whatever you manage to make is going to be better than the bourbon neat and you can't bring that bottle back on the plane in your carry-on.
  4. Grab your ice bucket and find the ice machine. Push down the plastic thingie to release all that superwet ice into the waste bin. Press the ice machine button to feed relatively fresh, merely wet ice into the plastic holder, and then load it into your bucket.
  5. Back in the room, fill the muddly water glass with ice. Place a paper coffee cup (that you've stolen or that the hotel, cutting costs, has put in your room) over the water glass and press tightly to form a seal. You've got your shaker, so shake it.
  6. Using a a shirt-tail, your fingers, a disposable coffee cup lid, or whatever you can find, strain into another glass with ice in it. (The ambitious will have filled it with extra ice to chill; dump that out if so and replenish.) Grab that reserved lemon rind and twist it over the top; rub the rim; drop it in.
  7. Enjoy!
  

If you've ever traveled, surely you've been in this situation. What sorts of band-aids, idiotic substitutes, and obsessive tricks do you have up your sleeve?

[thirtyoneknots]

Truly your dedication is an example for us all!

For me, it's more or less about one fo the following, both of wich should be manageable under hotel conditions:

Highballs (Old Overholt and Canada Dry is an excellent choice) for during the day.

Old Fashioneds in the evenings.

If you do it right, you only even have to buy one bottle of liquor. There's no grocery store, at least in Texas, that you can't get Angostura bitters. The sugar packets with the coffee acoutremon are 1 tsp each. In a pinch, the drink is perfectly acceptable without a twist, although as you point out, scrounging is always an option. Bam! Even old reliable, delicious, WT 101 works here, in fact it's one of my favorite bourbons for an OF.

As for highballs, I prefer rye and ginger, brandy and soda, or scotch and soda (in roughly that order) in this type of situations primarily because they all taste good even without the addition of any citrus, particularly the rye one. If you can get limes then it's scotch and ginger ale, gin and tonic, or rum and coke. And if you can get lemons, then what's keeping you from a Tom Collins? No excuse there pal.

There's really no end to what can be accomplished. Might be worth having in your carry-on a citrus reamer, bottle of angostura, and maybe a muddler, though I've used reamers for that in a pinch. Knife would of course be good but I guess you can't take them on planes. Armed with that you can be drinking Old Fashioneds on the plane even! I think the historical record will show that the Cock-Tail formula can and has been applied to nearly any distilled product you come across and make it better, enjoyable even.

Anyways, just some ideas. Good luck.

-Andy

[MattJohnson]

Too bad bitters come in 4 oz bottles. Isn't the limit for carry on 3 oz? Fee brothers should come out with a travel set.

[judiu]

Too bad bitters come in 4 oz bottles.  Isn't the limit for carry on 3 oz?  Fee brothers should come out with a travel set.

←

Ahem. If you're going to be away from home long enough to use an entire 4 oz. bottle of bitters in your make-do cocktails, you're probably in trouble anyway! You can purchase "airline approved" little plastic bottles at Walgreens, CVS or the like. Fill them with the flavouring potion of your choice and stick them in your shaving kit! Just don't get them mixed up with your mouthwash!

[Splificator]

I had a little piece in Esquire last year addressing this very topic, as it is one that repeatedly asserts itself.

The Hotel Room Old-Fashioned

I find that mini bottles will make it through airport security no problem, as long as you only have one or two.

If desperate, you can also use two water glasses of equal size as a cocktail shaker. Just place them rim to rim and wrap a towel around the middle. You'll need a grip of iron to keep them aligned, but it's surprisingly effective. You can strain it by cracking the glasses apart, Harry Johnson style.

Good call, Chris, about the hotel ice machine.

A plastic knife, used carefully, will cut a twist if you start with a lemon wedge and work it through the pithy part. Messy, but better than nothing.

[prasantrin]

Too bad bitters come in 4 oz bottles.  Isn't the limit for carry on 3 oz?  Fee brothers should come out with a travel set.

←

I've seen teeny tiny bottles of bitters. Comes with 4 or 5 bottles to a pack. Can't remember where or what brand, though, but if you konw it exists, you can look out for it.

[Chris Amirault]

Great piece, Dave. I think you really capture the exhausted, ennui-riddled misanthropy I feel at the end of a 12-hour conference day. And, as you say,

If this isn't what cocktails were invented for, it might as well be. A good, strong drink, made with care and precision, will go a long way toward wiping the slate clean. But there's the rub: Barhopping in a strange town takes energy, and who's got that? Even the hotel bar requires social skills, or at least pants.

My thinking exactly.

[brinza]

But wait, if the hotel had a bar, couldn't you have just . . .

aw, never mind, your way was probably much more fun and adventurous; I'd probably do the same.

[Dave the Cook]

. . . .

5. Back in the room, fill the muddly water glass with ice. Place a paper coffee cup (that you've stolen or that the hotel, cutting costs, has put in your room) over the water glass and press tightly to form a seal. You've got your shaker, so shake it.

. . . .

If you've ever traveled, surely you've been in this situation. What sorts of band-aids, idiotic substitutes, and obsessive tricks do you have up your sleeve?

←

A couple of years ago, I was stuck at a no-frills (as in no restaurant, no bar) motel in Tampa. Therefore, no filchable lemons. Luckily, such places tend to be located near strip malls, and I found what I needed at the local grocery:

Just remember to hold your finger directly on the hole; that metal flap thing doesn't seal very well.

I'm pretty sure I've gotten corkscrews through airport security, and most of them these days have a knifette that could manage a twist, as long as it hasn't been dulled by cutting through wine-bottle foil. Of course, if you can't manage a trip without a horse's neck, this Microplane gadget fits in a toilet kit. If TSA asks about it, tell them you use it on your foot calluses.

[Dave the Cook]

Something else: leverage your dining opportunities to obtain what you need.

Recently, we ended a long day of driving (Eugene, OR to San Francisco) with dinner at Beretta. As Erik notes in his post, the place has a great bar, and we indulged in a pre-dinner cocktail. But afterwards, we just -- as Mr. Wondrich suggests -- wanted to take our pants off and stretch out. So we asked the waitress if she would be so kind as to pack up a couple of lemons and limes for us. A few minutes later, she returned with one of their signature pizza boxes. Inside: three each yellow and green. No charge.

[weinoo]

Be prepared - take a lemon and lime from home.

I've taken one or two of those little bottles of booze through security - here's what the TSA says:

More than 70 percent alcohol content (140 proof) is prohibited

from carry-on and checked luggage. Up to 5 liters of alcohol with

alcoholic content between 24 percent and 70 percent are allowed

per person as carry-on if bought inside checkpoint.

[J_Ozzy]

I travelled with over 9 litres of spirits on my way back from Tales this year, so they're fairly flexible on the checked baggage side.

Edited November 9, 2008 by J_Ozzy (log)

[Kent Wang]

Yes, but you don't want to risk having those bottles break. No matter how well you've wrapped them, baggage handlers have a good chance of breaking glass. I know several people that have bottles of wine break and stain all their clothes.

What I do is bring plastic liquid containers. Then you can bring whatever you want in your checked baggage.

[J_Ozzy]

Indeed, I brought a purpose-made styrofoam packer to accomodate my precious cargo. I had to make a couple modifications to accomodate St Germain bottles, but it worked out nicely.

Edited November 10, 2008 by J_Ozzy (log)

[jsmeeker]

that's pretty hard core when you are going to be in a hotel for a few days, Chris. Especially a full service hotel with an actual bar. Sometimes, I think it's easier just to order a nice beer.

[KatieLoeb]

Chris:

You are both intrepid and thorough, an admirable as well as formidable combination of attributes. And please don't misunderstand me, I have an infinite amount of respect for that. But sometimes it's best to find a new liquor neat or over ice, a local microbrew or new wines that are available in your destination that might not be available at home that makes all the fussing less worthwhile. Cobbling together a mediocre cocktail just takes away from your enjoyment of a truly well crafted one as soon as you're back in a place where such a thing is possible. There's a vast and unexplored world of wine, spirits and beers that aren't necessarily at our disposal in our local orbit. That's what the discovery of travel is for. Not a MacGyver slapped together version of an Old Fashioned or whatever. Just because you can build a bomb out of a lipstick case is not necessarily a good reason to do it...

I'm all for being adventurous. A dear friend of mine once managed to open a bottle of wine with two Volkwagen keys when we didn't have a corkscrew. But sometimes the gods are trying to tell us something.

I love a great cocktail, as you all know. In these situation where I'm working way too hard for my reward, I'm often reminded of the lyrics of a favorite old song...

"...if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with..."

(with apologies to Stephen Stills for context)

Go to the bar and ask the bartender what the local specialty is. And then try it. You might learn something, Or if you're firmly convinced there's absolutely nothing worthy of exploring at the bar, you can still have a beer, a glass of wine or a hooch-over-ice without your pants on in the comfort and privacy of your room. Don't ask me how I know this...

Edited November 10, 2008 by KatieLoeb (log)

[JAZ]

I can see your point, Katie, and I'm all for adapting to circumstances. But I've been in Chris's shoes -- you're at a conference, you've been with people (not necessarily people you like) all day long, you don't want even the attenuated socialization required in a bar. You want a drink, and you want to drink it in your own room.

Yes, you can order a scotch on the rocks or a local beer or glass of wine from room service, but if you want a good cocktail, you probably have to make it yourself. And I don't know about you, but sometimes (often) after a long day, I don't want a glass of wine or a beer. And that's when a couple of packets of sugar and lemon wedges swiped from the afternoon beverage break can save your life.

[Chris Amirault]

Amen, sister.

[Mattmvb]

Just because you can build a bomb out of a lipstick case is not necessarily a good reason to do it...

←

I'd have to disagree with you there. OK, maybe not a bomb, but make it something harmless and I'm on it!

It's just like when Mallory was asked why he wanted to climb Everest. His reply - "Because it's there".

For me it's one of the great pleasures in life to be able to find yourself in challenging circumstances and prevail. That old fashioned that you've just cobbled together from next to nothing won't be the best old fashioned in the world, far from it, but at that particular moment it WILL be the best thing you've ever tasted, purely because you've tested yourself and won!

Not that I'm against trying out the local specialities - surely there's scope to do both!

Cheers,

Matt

edited to correct wrong quote

Edited November 16, 2008 by Mattmvb (log)

[KatieLoeb]

OK, OK. I get what y'all are saying too. I suppose this is akin to my very best moment of cooking under adverse circusmstances. I pulled off the most camera-ready perfect shiitake mushroom, fresh herb and brie omelet I've ever made over a campfire in 40 degree weather after it had just snowed on us overnight. My camping buddies were mighty impressed.

Perhaps this only illustrates that I like to drink far too much, and under less than ideal circumstances will head directly to the path of least resistance that will accomplish the task at hand. To me, the task is to get a palatable and pleasing drink in front of me ASAP. A wider range of options means I have to wait less and can avoid any further frustrations that day...Most particularly if I've been forced to be in the company of folks I don't enjoy all day long.

Get me that drink stat, doctor!

[Chris Amirault]

Just to set the record straight, I did have a Shiner Bock or three while I was there.

[KatieLoeb]

Just to set the record straight, I did have a Shiner Bock or three while I was there.

←

Ah. Easier than fussing, no? Perhaps no feeling of having conquered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, but painless and pleasing, I hope.

[Chris Amirault]

Airline travelers please note: nip bottles make a fine muddler. Just ask for some limes, sugar packets, a bottle of Bacardi, and two cups, one with ice in it; muddle the limes and sugar; add the rum; pour the mixture over the ice cubes and then pour back and forth a few times -- and you're drinking a US Air Daiquiri, my friend.

[misterdyer]

Folks, there are few things easier than enjoying a tasty beverage on board an aircraft. The essential parts of a fine cocktail are easily brought through security once you realize that TSA screeners are happy to punch the clock and get through their shift as long as no calamities occur. Having a fine libation in hand makes me feel as if I'm traveling first class...even below in steerage.

That said, I often survive the rigors of air travel with the help of these lil' friends:

1. 50ml nip bottles. Rye, Rum, and Bourbon? Check, check, and check. Making a Mile-High Manhattan? Pre-treat your bottles with bitters before you leave home.

2. Pre-mixed cocktails. Hey, I can bring on liquids in quantities of 3 oz or less. That sounds like 3 oz of batched goodness to me. Per bottle. And that bottle will be bringing his friends. I throw 'em in my TSA-approved Ziploc bag along with a trial-size toothpaste, and it looks almost reputable.

3. A sandwich bag of pre-cut lemon and orange twists. Or lime wedges. Or Luxardo cherries.

4. When these solutions aren't available, I hire someone to be my alcohol "mule". One can get a far greater amount of cocktail ingredients on board this way, as long as you are fastidious about washing off the bottles first. (Trust me on this)

However, I have found that airline employees and federal air marshals tend to become suspicious when the cocktail experience becomes too intense. As result, I now tend to avoid on-flight dry-shaking of egg whites, flaming orange twists, stirring multiple drinks at once, or using a Lewis Bag to crush ice. I also no longer make Blue Blazers mid-flight.

Hope this helps...

[vice]

Airline travelers please note: nip bottles make a fine muddler. Just ask for some limes, sugar packets, a bottle of Bacardi, and two cups, one with ice in it; muddle the limes and sugar; add the rum; pour the mixture over the ice cubes and then pour back and forth a few times -- and you're drinking a US Air Daiquiri, my friend.

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brilliant! i've never said this before, but i can't wait for my next flight.