Fresser

I just came across this riotously titled book: Grits Guide to Life. Grits here is actually an acronym for Girls Raised In The South. Being a Yankee (and single, did I mention?) , I'm enthralled by Southern Belles. So I had to peer inside. Along with recipes for Dolly Parton's Favorite Meatloaf (start with two mounds of ground beef? ) and House Tea ("The house wine of the South," says the book), the book includes such pearls of wisdom as, "If you can be ready to go in less than thirty minutes, you probably shouldn't be leaving the house at all!" So I ask the fine ladies of eGullet: are any of y'all Grits Girls? And does a woman have to be from the South to be a grits girl?

Them there's fightin' words, EqualMark!! A hot dog is mighty tasty with pickles, tomatoes, onions, relish, sport peppers & celery salt. Nestled into a poppy seed bun, I might add, is the best way to serve said doggie.

Yeah we're all so damned Midwestern in Jersey. I think I'll go to tend my wheat field. ← Don't forget to button your bib overalls, Jason! Billy-Bob Fresser Heartland Expatriate

Thanks for briefing the crew, Herbacidal! Indeed, I am from Chicagoland, having been born, bred and educated here. I was an English major at the University of Chicago, where I still serve as an alumni recruiter and avid buyer of college sweatshirts and things. From what I can tell, Sandy, Chicago is sorely lacking in barbecue, though I'm eager to try some genuine 'cue. Wait--that reminds me of one of Fresser's Funny Stories!!! When I was at the U of C (located on Chicago's South Side), some intrepid students would cross the invisible borders of Hyde Park into the decidedly rougher parts further south in search of barbecue and whatnot. One night around 1 A.M, a group piled into a beat-up tan Dodge Dart with a blue trunklid and schlepped to Leon's B.B.Q. at 79th and Stony Island Avenue for some fine repast. When they exited, a neighborhood resident scowled at the group's driver and muttered, "Silly white boy--you in the wrong 'hood!" (When I heard this story recounted later, I thought, "It's the trunk of his car that's the wrong color, not the hood..." ) Resident then smashed a beer bottle on the car's windshield as the group all beat a hasty retreat. I never did find out how the barbecue was...

Here's a picture of a couple of rippers (courtest of Holly Moore): In Chicago, the hot dog buns typically come with poppy seeds. Are seeded buns uncommon in NJ?

I can just hear Tony Shalhoub in "Big Night" shouting out, "He ordered two starches!" But enough movie quotes. Curlz was kind enough to invite me to the Jersey board, so I'll chime in here: Many quality Mexican joints here in Chicago serve seasoned rice in their burritos. One of my favorites, the now-departed Burrito Buggy, served a Salad Bar Burrito with spinach, carrots, mushrooms, rice, whole beans and the typical tomato 'n onion mixture.

Katie, You mean a Heartlander could be an honorary member of Pizza Club Philly? Woo-hoo! Also, I can't wait to see you in your adopted habitat of the restaurant world. Your bio listed a bit of your previous career--as a hat model, I believe--so I'm curious if you parachuted out of the corporate world, as did our own Zaftig Zagat, Fat Guy. I could stow away with my friend Big Mushy in Maplewood, NJ and make the jaunt down to Philly on my next sojourn east. Big Mushy is an ex-Wall Streeter who seriously considered purchasing a drive-in movie theater and donning a paper hat to work the concession stand. "Fixed-income derivatives now showing on Screen 3! Will that be a LARGE popcorn tonight?" he would say, practicing his script. If the eGullet Welcome Wagon could lure Big Mushy into the New Jersey forum--he's already registered--he could provide much amusement. PM me, one and all, and I'll provide Big Mushy's e-mail address. One final point in the Mushmeister's favor: he introduced me to the original http://www.shaw-review.com site, the predecessor of all things eGullet.

I like all kinds o' fish, especially if they're served with hush puppies. I can't wait to meet the Philly crew!

I'm hearing rumours about this wanton Lady of Libations... Since I can't drink alcohol, matching Katie drink-for-drink is out of the question. But I'd be happy to share a few roasted heads of garlic with Katie & the Philly crew. You too, Herb!!!

On my last sojourn to NYC, my host Big Mushy, his wife & I were served by an appropriately sassy waitress at the 2nd Avenue Deli. I did not make it to Katz's, where the menu warns those who order the pastrami-on-rye to "(O)rder it with mayo at your own peril." Frankly, I found most everyone in NYC to be gracious and accomodating, from the lady on the subway who pointed us toward Coney Island to the comedian-cum-waiter at Peter Luger's. Maybe it was my Friendly Fresser demeanor or my "Friend of Fat Guy" lapel pin, but I left NYC with a warm-'n-fuzzy feeling. I can't wait to go back. Maybe I'll get to meet Momo this time...

Congratulations from the Heartland, Katie! Might I ask: what prompted the move?

The bagel was actually created in Poland, so I would have guessed that Eastern European stock would make for a good bagel.

"Straight-friendly" probably wouldn't make an impression on me. I'm totally lacking in GAYDAR. One time in college I was schlepping down Kimbark Avenue when I ran into a guy from an English class. After chatting a bit, I asked if he wanted to grab some dinner. (It was dinnertime, mind you.) His eyes LIT up and he exclaimed, "I'd LOVE to go out with you! But I have this rash on my back..." I cocked my head to the side and gave him my most incredulous Scooby-Doo look, thinking, "Why would you take your shirt off at a dinner table?" Then the light bulb went off and he realized--"Oops!!" I staggered off to dinner solo that night. Anyway, I'd be willing to try a burger here the next time I'm in Philly--especially if KatieLoeb shows up.

"Diner" was a favorite of mine--especially the scene where one character eats every dish served on the left side of the menu. I won't even mention Popcorn Suprise...

So the owners stole the employees' money to finance a party for those same employees! How generous.

Elaine Benes must have visited your restaurant. Beware the woman with big, poofy hair and a face like a frying pan...

These folks were known as Yekkes to the rest of us unscrubbed immigrants.

That school would HAVE to be Harvey Mudd College.

Mama Fresser is a wizard at turning leftover veggies into tasty treats. Years ago, Mum would mix leftover spinach with eggs, matzo meal and spices and then fry the mixture up into Spinach Pancakes! One time when I was about fourteen, the whole family was happily noshing on these Popeye Specials and cracking jokes about the sailor himself. All of a sudden, my seven year-old niece (who had been chomping on the pancakes herself without knowing the secret ingredient), got the joke and exclaimed, "It's spinach!! " But then she realized how tasty they were, and continued eating anyway.

Mama Fresser & I ate at the International House of Pancakes (known locally as the IHOP) on Christmas Day, and I was amazed at the number of patrons I saw leaving skimpy tips. One couple to our right tossed a crisp $1 bill on the table as they sauntered out--this on what I guesstimate to be a $12 to $15 tab. Another set of big-spenders did the same a few feet away. It all looked like the opening scene from "Reservoir Dogs": "Everybody throw in a buck..." Frankly, I'm grateful for people who work on holidays to provide some hospitality for others, and I think they should find such hospitality returned in their tips.

Connoisseurs of Harold's Chicken Shack would often create a Fry Sandwich. Take the white bread that sits atop the chicken, pile on the greasy french fries, top with hot sauce and fold up the bread. Of course, who can forget the Captain Crunch sandwich that Ally Sheedy made in "The Breakfast Club"?

It isn't? Nope. The only thing worth bankrupting yourself for are shoes. ← Is that you, Sarah Jessica?

I like eating chocolate pudding off a woman's chest.

You must try A & D Ointment. This is the best stuff for healing dry, cracked skin as well as minor wounds.

Warm 'n Toasty Makes it Tasty!