Fresser

When I was in second and third grades, we used to mutter, "Whoever cut the cheese, pass the crackers!" whenever a classmate, er, erupted. It took me YEARS to figure out that expression. "What does cheese have to do with a smelly fart?" I mused. Of course, those were the days when the only cheese I ate was a square, orange slice wrapped in cellophane. But then I discovered Stilton.

Trust me, I realize people have different body types. But I chose a provocative title for this thread in order to get people to read it. You vant provocative? How about this? Shtupping Atkins Atkins, Schmatkins--I Want My Bagel!

Mr. G. reminds me of the Jack Nicholson character in "As Good As It Gets." Melvin Udall eats in the one restaurant that still will serve him but he brings his own silverware.

In case you need a Designated Schlepper for all the Costco goodies, count the Fress Man in.

I've taken the liberty of setting A Dente's pork paen to music--rap music: [Cue the beat-box] BABY GOT BUTT I like pork butt, And I cannot lie. You veggie-eaters can't deny When a waiter walks by Serving up a ham shank To a diner who will thank him for PORK! That you're gonna reach over and spear it with your fork! So your girlfriend serves you tofu Says the bean curd is good for you. But tofu ain't got the fat that's gonna satisfy you... My hungry tummy don't want none Unless it comes on a bun!

Am I the only one who thought this thread was about the spray lubricant that comes in a blue-and-yellow can, also known as WD-40?

Oy! But then I'm a Yankee.

I'm a cycling nut from the Heartland as well as an avid coffe drinker. So I'm curious to know if anyone has tried this coffee: http://www.chrisking.com/store/coffee_beer..._directory.html King Cycle Group (KCG) is a high-end cycling parts manufacturer in Portland, OR. Folks at KCG openly say that while they love to ride, they do so primarily so that they can enjoy more sweets, munchies and fine coffee drinks. So I have to wonder: is the Machinist's Blend any good?

I'd pick Bernard Malamud (author), Roger Ebert (Chicago movie reviewer), Pierre Fermat and Jackie Mason.

Congratulations, Inventolux and Hobbes! I happen to walk by Moto most every day now, since you're located in Chicago's Fulton Market district. This neighborhood is akin, I believe, to NYC's meatpacking district--lots of wholesale butchers and trucks milling around at 4 A.M. Some of the buildings are being converted into residential lofts, but the neighborhood retains a gritty, interesting feel. I can't wait to join the rest of the Heartlanders when we dine there. Anyone remember the scene at Chez Paul in The Blues Brothers?

I haven't met a white person (European-American?) yet that didn't like watermelon. So to say that serving a particular food in concurrence with a particular holiday belittles any one race or people is truly bizarre. Now in Chicago, lots o' people serve corned beef & cabbage on St. Patrick's day, and Mayor Daley doesn't get his knickers in a knot over it. The grounded among us realize that any cuisine does not categorically identify a single culture. Brother Slkinsey mentions the example of matzo ball soup and brisket being served on the hypothetical "Einstein Day." But this is traditional grub only for Eastern European Jews such as Einstein and my own kinfolk. But for Sephardic Jews, such as my wacky Moroccan rabbi, couscous and other Mediterranean dishes are their common fare. Most Israelis have never even had bagels & lox. Unless they moved there from Boca Raton...

Garlic!

I really don't think that the Luger's staff would slight any guest--whether it's a V.I.P. or just an everyday beefeater. When Big Mushy (from the New Jersey board) and I ate there, we were dressed VERY casually after a day of sightseeing. A most gracious bartender served us highballs and Diet Coke, and our waiter took a shine to me and playfully teased me during the meal. I think he could tell I was a tourist... As for the quality of the steak, I must admit that I prefer ribeye to porterhouse, so I can't vouch for Luger's superior beefsteak reputation, but the overall experience was wonderful. The staff treated us like family, and I made a point of telling the manager this as we left.

Actually, Spumoni Gardens in Brooklyn serves a marvelous Sicilian-style slice where the sauce sits on top of the cheese. Fat Guy speaks highly of Spumoni Gardens in his writings.

Good choice to visit Luger's at lunchtime. Fat Guy says that the restaurant is much less rushed, and you'll thus have nicer experience. Actually, menus are usually offered at lunch, so don't be shy about asking for one. Dinner time, however, is another story...

I've checked it sufficiently to determine, for instance, that it relies heavily on ketosis, which results from dietary deficiencies of carbohydrate. At least one food writer of my acquaintance painfully and expensively lost a kidney as a result of it. I understand that due to their diet-induced ketosis, Atkins dieters must check their urine with chemical test strips. This is a huge red flag to me. I have to check my blood sugar daily due to diabetes, but any diet that requires otherwise healthy individuals to check body fluids for chemical (im)balances sounds inherently dangerous. By the way, I need carbohydrates in my diet, along with proteins, fruits & veggies. I combine my diet with an intense cycling regimen, and I'm a mighty healthy diabetic--WITHOUT eschewing carbohydrates.

As I was bicycling through the Botanical Gardens today, I thought of President Kennedy's famous malapropism: "Ich bin ein Berliner." Roughly translated, this means, "I am a jelly doughnut." What are your favorite food-related expressions?

How many rabbis does it take to change a light bulb? One, it is written. However, it is also written...

Hell, my old law firm, which is a well known "Southern" firm had these guys: Julian, who went by "Bo"; Amos, who went by "Buck"; and Nigle, who went by "Tex". There's plenty of good ol' southern names around here. Not much good chicken fried steak, however. I just can't see a law firm named, "Bo, Buck & Tex." Sounds like a Jeff Foxworthy joke. On the other hand, I do remember seeing the following firm name: Famisht, Famuched & Farblondjet Attorneys for the Bewildered.

Ronnie, Did you and the G-Man whip up my green beans?

Maybe Varmint can share some wisdom here... Ever since I saw the above-named dish on a Denny's menu, I've wondered: what's in chicken-fried steak? Is it chicken or steak? As a cuisine-clueless Northerner, I never tried grits or other Southern goodies until I actually visited a region where Southern cooking was served as the norm. (Now I love grits--you can find them at a few places in Chicago). I'm kind of curious as to other Southern specialties. Guide me to the Promised Fridge, Varmint!

Oy, what a party! The entire Heartland contingent could have showed up at Ronnie's last night and he wouldn't have run out of food. I actually brought a few pounds of fresh string beans, hoping to whip up my famous Stir-Fried Green Beans, but Ronnie assured me that they'd hold till the next day. So here's the recipe: Wash the beans and trim the ends off. Then heat a large skillet (or soup pot, as it stops splatters) and add your favorite cooking oil or margarine. Plop the string beans in and stir-fry them quickly. About five minutes in, add cloves of crushed garlic, onion powder and continue to stir-fry. When they're cooked to the desired crispness, splash in some soy sauce and toss some more. You're done! Probably the best part (for me, anyway) was romping with the little ones after dinner. About four little beasties converged on me and gave the Fress Man a tag-team wedgie! Even adorable Iris joined in, as she snuck up behind me, wound up and smacked me on the butt! Oops...don't tell G-Man that.

What's the John Turturro role? Fran MacDormand co-stars as Rick's doting wife, making him Croissan'wiches as he shuffles off to work. "Artisanal ingredients, Rick? Yah, you betcha!"

Will they deliver? Sled dogs adore moo shu pork And slobber chow mein. Sled dogs deliver Moo shu chicken and egg rolls With fortune cookies.

Here's a tasty snack: Polish sausage on a stick Served with sauerkraut.