Fresser

Here in Chicawgo, we call 'em "broads."

I told this one to my surgeon before undergoing knee surgery: There once was a gentlemanly fella Who suffered from an aching patella. Though a cortisone shot Hit his pain in the spot An arthroscopy made it all better! He laughed, then he put a mask on my face. Next... A matron with an enormous proboscis Called her doctor to seek his prognosis. "I would urge rhinoplasty," Said the doctor, "And not lastly, Listerine to cure your halitosis!" Thank You! I'll be here all week!

When I was in the 3rd grade, people would always holler, "Whoever cut the cheese, pass the crackers!" It took me years to figure that one out.

I didn't know how to say "four" in French.

Personally, I love Stilton, Gorgonzola and Havarti. Stilton on top of a latke is pure heaven.

I hereby nominate this post for Grossly Evocative Simile of the Month.

Mmmm, gay flavour...... wonder what that would taste like? I dunno, a generous portion of Bob Fosse, with a dusting of Rock Hudson with a Village People coulis? With Paul Lynde souffle for dessert? And for cleansing the palate, you MUST try the Little Richard Tutti Frutti Sorbet. Wop-bop-a-loo-bop-a-lop-bam-boom!

Single - mainly thin - disturbingly (don't these people eat at the bloody restaurant!) neat - questionably (uber-fashionable might be more appropriate) So Jerry Seinfeld was right!

I gotta ask: Are the clientele at "gay restaurants" primarily single, thin & neat?

There's a Chinese restaurant in Niles, Illinois called Happy Bang.

There are several restaurants along Halsted Street in Boys Town, though I'm not sure they are "gay restaurants." Having said that, I do remember the advertisement of one Boys Town eatery: "Where the crowd is queer but the food isn't." Nerissa: do you remember seeing this ad in the Reader? Anyway, the restaurants are open to pretty much anybody. The bars, however, strike me as being a different story. With names such as "Manhole," "The Ram" and others, even the oblivious straight guy (that's me) knows not to set foot inside these places.

I'm right here, o fellow Maroon! I ate at Salonica once or twice, but for the true fine-diner experience, go to Valois Restaurant at 53rd & Lake Park. All the hot-shots that arrive at the U of C pronounce it Val-WHA, but ask any Chicago cop where to find the Val-WHA and you'll get a furrowed brow and blank stare. "Oh, you mean da Va-LOYS. It's over on Fiddy-terd Street!" The Valois motto is: "See Your Food." They serve meatloaf, chicken pot and other homemade goodies, and its virtually impossible to spend more thant $5.00 per person. Also, the Valois is about the most down-to-earth place you'll find in Hyde Park. University students, neighborhood folk and retired blue-collar workers all mingle in a feat of urban sociology; read about the Valois in the book Slim's Table: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detai...=glance&s=books Are you coming to our Gosford Park-themed costume party, Nerissa?

Fuggetaboutit! Krispy Kremes are light 'n airy sugar bombs. A feather-light version of a glazed doughnut. They do melt in your mouth, true--but nearly pure sugar (with enough dough to hold the sugar together) will do that. It is charming to watch the little buggers come down the conveyor belt and drown in glaze, but when the charm wears off, all you have is a doughnut. Half of the Krispy Kreme mystique derived from the fact that they used to be a regional item, and they caused such a stir as their stores migrated west. But now you can buy them by the boxful at any Jewel or Dominick's (Chicago groceries), and frankly, Krispy Kreme has cashed in its mystique. Krispy Kreme's stock used to be a favorite of the Motley Fool pundits who fawned over KK's brand image and savory (to many) product. But to me, that's a leading indicator: people chase the stock, the company pushes its wares everywhere to satisfy what they think will be infinite demand, and the company crashes and burns. Besides, all the cops I know hang out at Dunkin' Donuts.

Glad you enjoyed it, Ryne. You're right about the volume they generate--the place is never empty. In fact, they expanded the place only two years ago, only to see their customers fill up the space immediately. They do make their own yogurt there--it is quite fresh and yummy. Oh--and that's their nickname for me: Yummy Yummy, since that's what I always utter as I pick up my tray o' food at the counter.

There was a restaurant in Mt. Prospect called "Mrs. P and Me" a few years ago... Also, the title of the donut joint was spelled out: Mister Donut.

Mr. Beef's slogan is "Home of the Elegant Dining Room."

Oy, have I got a book for you... Haikus for Jews. This book is hysterical! If you need further encouragement, view it at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/060...8539244-2149757 or see their website at http://www.extremely.com. And now, to make it all relevant, a Jewish haiku about (what else?) food: In the ice sculpture, Reflected Bar Mitzvah guests Nosh on chopped liver.

What, you don't get Dziennek Chicagoski out there in Seattle? You should pack up and return to Chicago immediately.

You're right on target, Wilfrid! Diabetics (like me) should not drink alcohol for just this reason. Low blood sugar can induce tremors, profuse sweating, and cause a diabetic to pass out.

This buffoon should have been served a peanut-butter sandwich. On stale bread.

Are you diabetic? Low blood sugar can cause the shakes. You might want to see a doctor about this...

Does anybody still call milk "Cow Juice"? I'm hopelessly Midwestern...

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Troopies. Here's a link to an article written by a Weight Watchers dietician: http://fitness.msn.com/articles/feeds/?dep...40903_breakfast

Nero, How long did it take you to dump this ding-dong? Ooops...that's probably another food he wouldn't eat. I, on the other hand, enjoy all types of food. Hint, hint...