Fresser

Alex and his Ultraviolent Gang drank milk laced with LSD. Given that the characters wore diaper-esque codpieces, a film critic (whose name I forget) suggests there's probably a Freudian element to their choice of beverage.

Back in my coffee-phobic days, I had to pull an all-nighter at college and sauntered down to the dorm coffee shop to buy some Haagen-Dasz. The only flavor they had, ironically, was coffee! This is probably where I developed a taste for the tasty little bean. But the drunken little fruits in Rum Raisin always made that flavor my favorite. Now if Haagen-Dasz would just concoct a no-sugar-added version, maybe I could enjoy it again.

Elephantine egos aside, chefs have to abide by employment laws, and that means confirming dates of employment. If Chuckie the Wunderchef thinks he can wipe his employment records clean and deny that Chef X ever worked for him, he's going to have many hungry lawyers breathing down his neck, but they won't be looking for food.

Fans of "The Big Lebowski" will remember Jeff Bridges as The Dude. Ever-inebriated, The Dude would wake up at 11:00 A.M. and mix up a White Russian with Coffee-Mate. And of course Vincent Vega in "Pulp Fiction" curiously ordered a five-dollar milkshake, sipped it and proclaimed, "Damn. That's a good f@&{ing milkshake!" Which gets me wondering: what other movie characters have signature beverages? And are the drinks conscious props, or are they just inserted to catch the attention of moviegoing food-fetishists (like us)?

Superdawg describes their namesake wiener thusly: Not a wiener - not a frankfurter - not a red hot - but our exclusive... Superdawg™. On a poppy seed bun, we tenderly place the loveliest, juiciest creation of pure beef hot dog (no pork, no veal, no cereal, no filler), formally dressed with all the trimmings, escorted by our often imitated, but never equaled, Superfries™. Served with all the trimmings - golden mustard, tangy piccalilli, kosher dill pickle, chopped Spanish onions and a memorable hot pepper.

As I hail from the Midwest, I serve a hot dog topped with mustard, pickle and various garden veggies. This has earned me the derision of various East Coast folk, who prefer their dogs relatively unadorned. Aside from the blasphemy of topping a hot dog with ketchup, is there a definitively wrong way to serve a hot dog? And how does this procedure vary from region to region?

This all sounds like a Jeff Foxworthy routine: [Cue the Southern twang] If you have a matching set of eight salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side...You Might Be a Redneck!" [/twang] Maybe the whipped topping-wielding hostess was from a region where they ladle Cool-Whip on top of everything. Personally, I can think of better things to do with Cool-Whip.

Up and down Milwaukee Avenue, you'll find Polish bakeries selling paczkis, kolackys and whatnot. I call the bus that traverses this street "The Warsaw Express." Lots of little Polish ladies clad in babushkas climb aboard and read the Dziennik Związkowy.

Archie Bunker drinks Manischewitz Concord Grape With his chopped liver.

Wild Irish Rose Gives you a bad hangover. Ask me how I know.

Mama always knows best . Though I don't want to, I may try to wean myself gradually, but I can't imagine how decaf tastes, any good? ← I don't think caffeine really affects a coffee's taste that much. Try to find a full-bodied decaf--flavored, perhaps--and you should be satisfied. Do they have Fourbucks® or the other coffee chains in Indonesia?

Ever the vigilant Jewish mother, Mama Fresser noticed that I was often getting up in the middle of the night to visit the bathroom. After she quizzed me about my blood sugar levels (we're both diabetic), Mama Fresser said, "Fresser, you need to stop drinking caffeinated coffee. All the caffeine is making you pee!" So I took Mama Fresser's advice and switched to decaf. I noticed a change immediately. My first night sans-caffeine, I slept like a log and was able to hop out of bed without whacking the snooze button repeatedly. Plus I needed to make far fewer pit-stops at work, thus devoting more time to computing and eGullet-surfing. Mind you, I never drank coffee in the evening--just when I waddled out of bed and upon leaving work around 4 P.M. But now I stick to decaf Gloria Jean's (mighty fine decaf flavors) and feel better for it. Has anyone else tried this?

During my days as an ice cream-scooper, the most popular flavor among the kiddies was "Superman." This blue, red, green and yellow swirled ice cream was actually vanilla ice cream with copious amounts of food coloring added. I swear, the stuff looked like Play-Doh to me.

Not to fear--you need Straight Plan for the Gay Man! Now I'm as virile as the next Neanderthal, but I find cooking to be most relaxing, especially after a day of going cross-eyed in front of a computer. Plus I eat RAW garlic! Does that make me an uber-foodie?

I like to eat Cheerios with Diet Coke.

This is true, at least for the welcoming sheiks in Saudi Arabia. The Saudi Tourism website stated several months ago that "No Jewish person or person with an Israeli stamp on his or her passport may enter the Kingdom (sic)." When the Wall Street Journal publicized this fact online, the Saudis quickly amended their website (though not their policies, I'm sure), now stating on their site that, "The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia's visa regulations are available at the Kingdom's Consulates. When erroneous information was noticed on SCT's website, it was removed. SCT regrets any inconvenience this may have caused. How did such "erroneous" information land on their website? Hmmm. The Zionist conspiracy, perhaps?

Hey, Pizza Clubbers! Don't forget to order a Fresser Special: thin crust with extra garlic! I actually visited Spumoni Gardens with Big Mushy a few years ago. My, what wonderful Sicilian-style squares they serve. The medium-thick crust actually tasted like fine French bread to me.

The Shula's menu is written on a football, as I understand.

Here in the snowy Midwest, you can find salt bagels, but they're not the most popular variety. Cinnamon raisin is popular (heresy to NY'ers, I understand), and I often choose the everything bagel rolled in poppy, sesame, garlic & whatnot.

Suddenly a menu comes to mind for Fresser'' Fibrous Festivities: Cruciferous Vegetable Appetizers Roasted Garlic Hommous Prime Rib with Onion Blossoms Sauteed String Beans with Mushrooms Oatmeal Cookies And... A BIG book of matches! Let the fireworks begin!!

Please, PLEEEEASE tell the rosemary story! Personally, I love the smell of Stilton.

I nominate Katie Loeb's post for the "Silly Simile of the Century" award.

I know a woman who won't bite into a doughnut because this would smear her lipstick. So she tears of pieces of the doughnut & pops them into her mouth. Having said that, I'll state flatly that I adore glamorous, beautifully made-up women. Maybe I should high-tail it to Texas.

Are those beef sausages in that photo? ← Sausage, schmausage... I was eyeballing the sunnyside-down eggs 'n grits! Mighty fine eatin'!

I think the nickel thing is interesting. I have a vague memory from childhood that we used to somehow come across these little disks of metal that were close enough in size to a nickel or quarter to fool a vending machine. We called them "slugs". I wonder if slug : nickel :: slug burger : 'real' hamburger?(I can't for the life of me remember how we came into possession of these things. Did we just find them lying around on the ground? Anybody else have any idea what I'm talking about?) ← I remember those growing up in Chicago. They were little metal disks that looked like coins that never were stamped in the dies.