Fresser

Back when I was a Nouveau Southerner, I would put maple syrup on my grits. Now I stick to adding sharp cheddar and a dash of hot sauce, so consider me chastened.

Being a Yankee and all, I could use some pointers from y'all on how to eat my grits. This revelation struck me this morning, as I searched in vain for a bowl into which to pour my grits. None was available, so I plopped them on a dinner plate instead. Sacrilege? Let this poor Yankee know. Confronted with said plate o' grits, I thought to myself, "Dinner plate or not--I eat my grits with a spoon!" Is this correct? Is any particular utensil verboten for the wholesale shoveling down of grits? I then proceeded to plop a pair of sunnyside-down grits on top of my grits, in good Southern fashion. Shrimp, as I understand, also make a fine grits-topper, though said crustaceans were nowhere to be found in Fresser's Fridge this morning. What other seafoods can top grits? Scallops? Smoked halibut? Maybe even some lox for a real Southern Jewish breakfast? And how about fruit toppings for grits? Pineapple Grits for the hungry Hawaiian? Strawberry Grits would be most colorful. And you could make Smiley Face Grits with judiciously arranged blueberries. Come to think of it, the BEST way to eat grits would be with a glamorous Southern Belle sitting on my lap. "Here, Fressah, have some of Honeypie's down-home cookin'!"

This piques my interest. How many of these desserts could you make without sugar, Varmint? Given that I'm acutely sensitive to sweetness, I bet that your many fruit pies with blackberries, blueberries and whatnot would taste marvelous without added sugar (at least to me, anyway), given the fructose that the fruits already contain. While a part of me asks out of selfishness--I hope to visit North Cackalacky soon and would love to partake of no sugar added-desserts--I wonder how these dishes would taste to an audience that is used to more traditional recipes (read: with added sugar).

You could if you used a dry cleaner's pants-presser to grill the thing. I hereby nominate the Sangweech to be eGullet's new logo.

That would have been during Varmint's law school interlude at Marquette U. in Milwaukee. People in Milwaukee put cheese on EVERYTHING!!

Shiner Bock is Lance Armstrong's favorite beer--he'll often quaff several when he's not training for the Tour de France.

Who's bringing the back bacon and Tim Horton's donuts?

That sandwich would be the short-lived McDLT, served in a double-wide styrofoam box that functioned as a do-it-yourself hamburger kit. Do I get a brownie point for remembering that, Holly?

Oooh, that's cute!

Someone up to the challenge??? ← Now we're getting somewhere! Thanks, o Anonymous Artist--that's a pretty good rendition of a toque-clad piggy. Now if we just drop Porky into a Cadillac or VW Beetle-esque convertible and put eGullet.org on the license plate, we've got something. Has anyone tried searching Google for images of these cars? We could do a nice cut 'n paste job.

I am very passionate about oregano. Be it on pizza or in a salad, however it is presented, I go nuts. I liken it to how a cat presents himself after exposure to cat nip. I just start purring. PURR PURR PURR Another idea that I wanted to keep as my little secret (okay I'll reveal it because I love you guys) is the dipping of bread into soda pop. Normally I will start off with some oregano and when that buzz kicks in I will come down on Family Grains multi bread doused in diet Coke.

Thanks for the plug, Varmint. To reiterate, here's my idea, eGulletarians: A toque-clad pig is driving a Cadillac convertible with a Weber grill perched on the seat next to him. A cartoon balloon announces, "Ah wouldn't miss this!" For the back, we show the porcine-piloted Caddy from the back. A placard attached to the window declares: "North Cackalacky or Bust!" Could somebody put this into a graphic? Thanks one-and-all!

I'd pay good money to see Fat Guy dance the Kazatsky.

I'm a fan of wisenheimer waiters. Nothing enhances a crusty steak like a crusty waiter.

Here's my idea, eGulletarians: A toque-clad pig is driving a Cadillac convertible with a Weber grill perched on the seat next to him. A cartoon balloon announces, "Ah wouldn't miss this!" For the back, we show the porcine-piloted Caddy from the back. A placard attached to the window declares: "North Cackalacky or Bust!" Could somebody put this into a graphic? Thanks one-and-all!

I have a dandy idea for the Pig Pickin' graphic, but alas, I can't draw. If any graphic artists might be willing to share the fame and design the logo with me, PM me and I'll share the details.

This happens to me when I broil my famous Garlic Pepper Chicken. I crush garlic and place it under the chicken skin before placing the bird under the broiler. When I unwrap the leftovers the next day, the garlic has turned green. Why this happens, I do not know. But I like the color.

Good heavens! A twelve year-old is in the midst of a growth period. Is her mother trying to breed a young anorexic?

Now I know that gas stations have sold snack foods for years, but this one made me do a double-take. Next to the gas station sign that said "Diesel: 2.49/gal." was a billboard that proclaimed, "Hot Pizza Slices Inside." I can only hope they don't bake the pizza on the premises.

I'm 38 but I act MUCH younger.

We were three hungry college students, fresh from a fun afternoon at the Regenstein Library and in search of repast. Typically adventurous for the age, we schlepped down 53rd Street to Giordano's Pizza, only to hear it would be at least an hour before we were served. "That's too long," we agreed, so we moseyed westward down 53rd Street in search of someplace not so crowded. We happened upon University Gardens, an unassuming Middle Eastern joint. None of us had tried Middle Eastern food before, but with a chorus of "What the heck?" we entered and sat down. Shortly after we ordered, a mustachioed man named Khalil (who was known to the regulars there as "Mike") brought a tray with three falafel and tahini to our table. He dipped a falafel into the tahini, handed one to each of us and beamed, "On the house!" It was my first taste of falafel and I've been hooked ever since. Certainly "Mike's" hospitality was part of what made a falafel freak out of me. Has anyone else had such a gracious host upon your introduction to a new cuisine? Did the host stick in your mind as much as the food did?

Yo, Kay-TEE! You must take me on the Cheesesteak Tour when I manage to haul my carcass out to Philly. I've been known to walk seven or eight miles a day while traveling, so we can hit all the fine joints without me ballooning into Junior Samples-size pants. And I definitely want to visit Chickie's for the veggie sub with "(A)ged provolone that smells like feet."

I would have taken Ms. Reichel to the "Elegant Dining Room" at Mr. Beef.

Women who wear lipstick just make me quiver. After one eGullet dinner, Girlie Girl opened her purse and started reapplying her lipstick. I turned and stared at her slack-jawed, finally blurting out, "Do I get a big kiss?" She then turned and gave me a big smooch on the lips. Alas, that fizzled after a few months of dating, but I'm still transfixed by women who put lipstick on after a meal.

There almost certainly will be others coming from Chicago. Fresser has already said yes, and a couple of others are tentative. I'm 55 , if that helps. ← Alter-cocker!