Fresser

Rachel, That has to be the PURTIEST dessert my sweet-lovin' eyes have ever seen! Have you named the various colors of the dessert? Starting from the top, I see Black Cherry, Bubble Gum, Aquamarine, Sky Blue and Cucumber. A dish this colorful could be the official dessert of the Crayola Corporation. Say, Maggie: I'm thinking if I gas up the Fressermobile and swing by your place, we could make it to Raleigh in 12 hours or so...

This can only mean one thing: Varmint's dining room table is safe. For now...

Please tell me I was the only one gullible enough to click the link to visit Perlow's Pornographic Peach Paean. Please. Were these peaches thusly drenched to make Varmint's peach cobbler? The fruits looked so lovely, all they needed was an oatmeal-based crust, some cream and (Gasp!) a sugar-substitute to make a delicious cobbler that even a diabetic could enjoy! C'mon, Varmint--you're a Ph.D. in the life sciences. Git yourself into the lab and whip up a peach cobbler that even the Fress Man can enjoy!

Why is it I can't stay away from this thread? Frankly, a big bowl of oatmeal swirled with strawberry jelly cures whatever ails me--hormones or not.

Fat Guy, Bravo on your interview! Also, might I commend you on the measured cadence of your speech. I hear too many radio guests rattle through their responses, unaware of how they are stringing their words together. Of course, they may be understandably nervous, or perhaps just unaware of how quickly they are speaking. But from your first mellifluous "Gooood Morning!" you spoke at a modest (but not labored) pace, making it easy to savor each comment--just like when I read (and re-read) your old Fat-Guy.com reviews.

This false paean to Sandra Lee is the Spinal Tap of cooking shows.

Yes Fresser that is a misguided Yankee concoction which can only be redeemed if you had the good sense to stir fry that broccoli in BACON FAT and then sprinkled the crumbled bacon you cooked that gave you the rendered bacon fat over said grits. You did do that, didn't you? Don't make me and the other G.R.I.T.S. women-folk here on eG have to hunt you down for any future "non-sanctioned" use of grits. You have been warned. ← Actually, the sight of a bunch skillet-wielding eGullet gals coming my way sounds most enticing. Now fasten your seatbelts, ladies, for I stir-fried my broccoli not in BACON FAT, but in [shudder]...olive oil, garlic and soy sauce.[/shudder] Heresy? Hell yeah! But it made for some mighty fine eatin'! Now think about it: crunchy green broccoli makes a fine color and texture contrast when plopped atop a bowl of grits. Not to mention all the vitamin A, iron and other nutrients contained in the "little trees." Nevertheless, I do expect a whuppin' from the G.R.I.T.S. out there. Not that I mind the attention...

I just topped my cheddar cheese grits with stir-fried broccoli. Yum! Is this a misguided Yankee concoction? Tell me, o G.R.I.T.S. gals!

Miami-based Don Shula's Steakhouse prints their menu on a football!.

Someone on eGullet wrote in a sig line: "Eating an anchovy is like eating an eyebrow." Bah! Whenever I tear into a Greek salad, I wrap the anchovies around chunks of feta cheese for a tasty (albeit salty) snack. It takes a certain hardiness to eat anchovies this way, but it earns me the admiration of Greek restaurant owners. The furry little fishies even played a role in one job's Friday Pizza Day. I was temping once near O'Hare when a co-worker informed me that they were ordering pizza for the group. They ordered the usual suspects: one veggie, one sausage-and-mushroom, one pepperoni, et cetera. But the Boss special-ordered the one pizza that no one else (except me) would touch: jalapeno peppers, garlic and...ANCHOVIES!! Gagging co-workers accused me of sucking up to the boss by sharing his pizza, but I really did like the fish-clad pie. I never was one to shy away from bold flavors.

The original egg-white omelet, from before egg-white omelets were cool and before Egg Beaters was a meme. The idea was to make an egg-white omelet with every vegetable in the restaurant's mise-en-place, except for green peppers -- never green peppers. ← This strikes me as a great punch-line. Seriously, though, why were green peppers excluded from Eggs Professor? Was it due to a food allergy or something medical? I do know that green vegetables interere with blood thinners.

Served on freshly baked BUNS!

It was a scene worthy of "Seinfeld." Mama Fresser and I were grocery-shopping when we happened upon the produce department. One chap was examining the papayas when he decided to inspect it for freshness. At least that's what I THOUGHT he was doing. He pressed the fruit flat up against his nose and sniffed. Then he examined it visually, and proceeded to nuzzle it again, pressing the poor fruit up against his face and mouth. Mama Fresser was at once catty and aghast. "What a slob!" she blurted. "I should report him!" "Yeah, Ma," I retorted. "Alert the Melon Police." Actually, I wanted to holler at him, "Hey, pal! You kiss your girlfriend like that?" Come to think of it, even George Costanza never hickeyed fruit before he bought it. Probably because he mooched it off of Jerry...

Who's part of the Illinois contingent at the Pickin? I'd like to mosey out there, but I'd need to share a Motel 6-type room.

Mention the word "mullet" to a Northerner and you'll conjure up images of really bad haircuts or even Billy Ray Cyrus. So imagine my suprise when a Southern acquaintance, having read the "Ways to eat grits" thread, said he'd like to take me out for mullet and grits. "What would they call it?" I wondered. "Hairy Hominy?" "Grey-Haired Grits?" Luckily, the fine gent explained that mullet is a freshwater fish often served in The Lighthouse Restaurant in Southern Alabama. Now, fish and grits sounds mighty tasty to me, even if my first choice would be lox. So I ask my extended Southern family: what's this mullet fish all about? Can you smoke it? And is it tasty?

Here comes Professor Fresser!! To change the font (or print) color, click the "COLOR" drop-down menu in the grid shown above. Here's a picture: Just select the color you like from the drop-down menu (green, for example ), and begin typing your message. When you want to revert to the standard print color, click the "Close All Tags" link. While we're on the subject, I'd be delighted to tutor one-and-all on how to use the HTML tags (viewed as the stuff in brackets) on our site. PM me for your free lesson.

Ah gotta git me a GRITS MACHINE!!

Next time you can play co-pilot in the Fressermobile. Hope everyone has a blast!

Warped? Who, me? Diva and I are happy-as-clams to collaborate on eHominy-Grits. I'm an HTML maven but the Diva and I welcome suggestions from other programming types and graphics geeks.

Would we differentiate between the type of grits used to make the drink, i.e., do we offer the customer his/her choice of "designer" grits, as is done with tequila or other liquors, or would the drink be made using the bar's "rail" grits? Okay, I'm returning to my padded cell now, since it's time for my afternoon meds. Carry on. ← I'll have the blue agave corn grits martini--shaken, not stirred. (Customer peers at the drinks container and gasps.) Ol' chap! How did you know I was a member of the Masons?

See? Being a hot chick has its advantages. I don't know if any Heartlanders have visited Ray's yet. If not, I'd love to be our twangy Midwestern emissary.

Now this is purely hysterical!! Someone should register the domain name eHominy.com post-haste! What really cracks me up is that there's an online dating service called eHarmony that, when pronounced in a New England dialect, sounds curiously close to the name of our tasty venture. Aw hell--let the I.P. lawyers fight it out.

I'm with you, Sista! PMS never strikes me either, though I do get kvetchy before payday.

I honed my Popeye-sized forearms working as an ice cream scooper at Baskin-Robbins. Two flavors that I loved then were Here Comes the Fudge and Golden Delicious Apple Sherbert. Oddly, not all customers shared my tastes. When offered a sample of the Golden Delecious Apple Sherbert, some tasters would make a scrunched-up Mr. Yuk face or even gag.

The culinary mavens at Hormel here recommend mixing uncooked grits, Spam, corn, mozzarella cheese, mushrooms and spaghetti sauce into an Easy-Bake casserole. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.