liuzhou

So that you can see it? I have no idea and I certainly ain't ordering one to find out!

Many years ago, as part of my academic environment duties, I was required to invigilate examinations. You know. Those people who stand there making sure you aren't cheating. It was and I'm sure remains the most boring job on earth. You stand there for up to three hours or more, watching candidates write down the wrong answers. To maintain impartiality, we never invigilated our own subjects, so I did all sorts of exams, none of which I understood, but I still knew how to recognise a wrong answer. There was always more than one of us, the total number depending on the candidate count. To relieve the utter boredom, we played games. I came up with an idea. I told my fellow invigilators that I would tell them how many people were left-handed in the room within 1 or 2 and they could bet with or against me. I always won. (The bets were non-financial. More like "if I win, you go get the next round of coffees'.) It was always 10% lefties. Later as some of you know , I moved to China, where, at first I worked in a similar environment. Not one student was left-handed. Before you think this is well away from being on-topic in a food forum, let me say this has a huge impact on food culture. Here is what I wrote on the subject many years ago. If you are working in China, at some stage, you will be invited to a banquet. Despite recent attempts by the communist party to curb excessive use of public funds on banquets, they still happen, albeit more quietly and less often than in the past. There are a few rules to remember if you want to survive the experience. 1. Arrive on time. This will give you the opportunity to sit on a sofa and study the décor while you wait for everyone else. Then, as they arrive, you will have the opportunity to watch the other guests sit around eating sunflower seeds and throwing the shells on the floor as they wait for the host (or top man) to arrive. 2. Wait to be told where to sit at the main table. Get yourself comfortable and wait to be told to move to another seat. Once everyone has finished arguing over the seating plan, prepare to move again when three unexpected guests join the party and everyone has to shuffle up to accommodate them around the table (this is always circular, designed to sit ten to twelve guests but usually manages fifteen. 3. If you are left-handed, make an excuse and go home. No-one in China is left-handed and the condition is considered to be dangerous. It is impossible to eat with chopsticks if you are left handed as you will continually crash into the guy next to you, sending food flying everywhere. 4. Wait till the top man says eat, then eat a little and put your chopsticks down. This is not really the start of the meal, but a test to check that everybody can find a pair of chopsticks and that no-one is left handed. 5. Top man will then propose a toast. If you're lucky he will do this in the form of a speech less than ten minutes long. Take your drink, bang your glass against everybody else's round the table, and say 'Gan Bei'. This means 'empty glass' which is what you will have in your hand by the time it gets to your mouth. Consider yourself lucky. The glass probably contained Bai Jiu, a spirit made from rocket fuel flavoured with essence of vomit. 6. Now eat. Do not worry that there are only twenty dishes on the table for a party of fifteen. Your hosts will proceed to drink themselves under the table with endless toasts, leaving all the food for you to enjoy. 7. Interrupt your eating every now and again and wave your glass at a random guest. This is called toasting. If you can make a twenty minute speech in any language at all, then you will be regarded as an all round good guy or gal. 8. When your hosts put the head of the fish and the feet of the chicken into your bowl, SMILE. This is a great honour. At least that's what they tell dumb foreigners. 9. It is a good idea to pause in your eating and offer everyone at the table a cigarette. If they tell you they don't smoke, try to educate them as to the benefits of smoking. (It is no accident that the Chinese for "banquet" and "cigarette ash" only differ in tone!) 宴会 yàn huì (banquet) 烟灰 yān huī (cigarette ash) 10. When some unknown, drunken idiot crashes through the door and insists on toasting the entire room, don't worry. This is the restaurant manager. 11. When you have managed to get through all the dishes, do not despair. Another twenty will arrive. 12. If you are drinking beer, do not eat rice at the same time. The Chinese believe this is extremely dangerous. Rice should only be eaten after beer. Then it should be shovelled into your mouth as if you are expecting all rice to be confiscated forever in thirty seconds time. 13. When suddenly, for no apparent reason, your rice is confiscated and everyone leaves, this means the meal is over. Go home. If I have posted this before, then I apologise, but not convincingly! I can't begin to imagine how it would be for a left-hander working in a busy Chinese restaurant. Chaos.

There is a guy here in town who is something of an entrepreneur. He introduced the first supermarket to the city some thirty years ago, built it into a local chain, added smaller convenience stores then sold the lot to China's largest retailer for zillions. Since then, although ostensibly retired, he has kept one small fruit store, but opened a number of supposedly western restaurants. He opened a KFC clone before KFC arrived and has a generic "western" restaurant in the city centre. He also has an Italian restaurant in one of the most popular shopping malls. This he bills as being an "Italian Food Expert" joint. The only problem is that he knows nothing about western food! Everything is Sinified to the point of being unrecognisable to either westerners or the local Chinese. Recently he has opened a pizza place. Here is a sample of his offerings. Chicken popcorn pizza (The Chinese says "American Style") Top: Sea eel pizza (black base); Mussel pizza (black base) Bottom: Strawberry Pizza; Sea eel pizza (regular base) Black pepper beef pizza; Australian excellent beef short ribs pizza L-R: Beijing duck pizza; Crayfish pizza; Thai's durian pizza They like the durian pizza so much it appears on the menu again. L-R: Strawberry pizza (again); Hawaii fruit pizza; Rurality* pizza *Rurality pizza - I'd translate the Chinese as "Countryside scene pizza". Any odd pizzas round your neck of the planet?

Boiled egg on "buttered" untoasted home made bread. But the "butter" is cream cheese.

As I've already explained.

Good question! When I first went to a wedding banquet in China about twenty years ago, I wondered exactly the same. The happy couple would come around with a friend (a kind of equivalent of our bridesmaid or matron of honour) equipped with a flask full of what appeared to be very strong Chinese liquor (白酒 bái jiǔ) to top up the couple's glasses. Then they would toast up to a 100 people I quickly worked out something didn't add up. If my friend J really drank that much, she'd pass out by the second table. Her husband isn't a big drinker either. I have been reliably informed that what they are actually drinking is good old fashioned H2O. The guests are drinking the real stuff, and are well aware of this pretence, but politely feign ignorance. However, it is considered a sign of deep skill among the groom's friends to perform a bit of sleight of hand and switch the groom's drink for the real stuff. I'm reasonably certain that this didn't happen on this occasion. However, I did see a few guests challenge him to down a half pint glass of beer in one go - a popular way to drink beer here in China. He accepted a couple. They left totally sober! Unlike most of the guests.

I've been eating raw mushrooms for decades and haven't died yet... There are some which do need cooking though, but most supermarket mushrooms can safely be eaten raw. Certainly buttons, shiitake and oysters. I haven't done one for a while, but a mixed raw mushroom salad may well turn up on the Dinner! topic soon. Obviously, wild, foraged mushrooms need to be positively identified and whether they need cooking ascertained. Many do; some don't.

Stir fried fresh ramen noodles (拉面 lā miàn) with pork, shiitake, carrot, green onion, garlic, ginger, Shaoxing wine and soy sauce.

Yesterday, I went to my dearest friend's wedding banquet. She actually married her husband back on March 28th. That was the legal part; unlike in the west, the wedding reception can take place weeks or even years later. With our official marriage certificates. A few weeks ago, I was given this. It was no surprise. I knew of the plans over a year ago, but was sworn to secrecy! So, yesterday afternoon, I hauled myself off to the city's largest, and I'm told, "most beautiful' park, where the wedding was to take place in a well-known ethnic minority restaurant. This is the building. We were to dine on the second floor which is accessed by these stairs. But the building is not popular for views of the building. It is popular for the views from the building. The restaurant itself is set in a bamboo grove. The couple stand at the foot of those stairs shown above to welcome their guests and complete the all-important handover of gifts (always in the form of cash in a red envelope). Slowly, over two or three hours, the very red dining room fills up. The couple make their ceremonial entrance, there are a couple of speeches and rituals, and then the eating can begin. J left the dining room at this point to change from the white western-style wedding dress into a more traditional red dress. There have been small plates of cold, pickled nibbles on the tables since we arrived. but now the real food begins to arrive, dish by dish. What follows is in the same order I photographed them, so I guess that's the order they arrived in. Chicken consommé Cantonese Style White Cut Chicken Mixed Chinese Charcuterie Roast Duck Kou Rou Ribs (Half of these disappeared before I could photograph them. I was on the greedy table!) Steamed Shrimp Spicy Stir-Fried Squid Turbot Assorted Fungi Mixed Vegetable in Broth Braised straw mushrooms and oyster mushrooms with Shanghai bok choy Nut and seeds cake (front); Osmanthus jelly cakes (rear) Sweet soup Watermelon By this time, J had changed from the white wedding dress to the traditional Chinese red wedding dress and she and her husband visited every table and individually toasted each guest. By now, she was totally exhausted after 14 hours of ritual, but happy! And I was happy to see her so happy.

There is also a pun in the Chinese there. 猫抓老鼠 means "The cat catches the mouse." However they have substituted the last character 鼠 with 薯, both of which are pronounced identically - shǔ. With the substitution it ends up reading 猫抓老薯 which means "The cat catches the potato." Both are pronounced māo zhuā lǎo shǔ. Very typical Chinese humour.

Most rice cookers do not work on timers, but on a thermostat basis. When all the water is absorbed, the temperature rises above boiling point, switching the machine to 'keep warm' mode. So, it can cook any type of rice. It doesn't care what is in the pot. With brown rice, it takes longer for the water to be absorbed, so it is cooked longer. By the way, I have this one. It has three inserts of different sizes ranging from 1 cup to 2-3 cups. All three bowls can be stacked in the machine at the same time, so you can cook something different in each at the same time. It is 240 mm 9¼inches tall, and cost the equivalent of $8.50 USD

It is only bitter when raw; not when cooked properly.

There is only waste if you waste it. Pomelo skin is edible and done right is delicious. I have often had it braised with pork. Several years ago I was in a small town near the border of Guangxi and Guangdong provinces and was taken to a museum which claimed to be the former home of a famous concubine to the Emperor. I was told that she later killed herself in some romantic tragedy. I forget the details. Later the same day, I was at a banquet and was served, among many other dishes, braised pomelo and pork. We were told that this had been the concubine's favourite dish. "No wonder she committed suicide!" quipped one wag. His judgement was way off. It was probably the best dish of the night. That was the first time I ate it, but certainly not the last. I've never cooked it myself, but have eaten it people's homes much more than in restaurants. In 2008, Liuzhou held a pomelo festival where almost every dish contained pomelo in some form or other. Fruit, pith and skin. Sadly, I appear not to have any pictures.

Anticipating a large dinner tonight, I kept lunch simple. The chips were not good - the potato had a strange texture. Not sure why. Omelette was fine. Plain 2-egg omelette and chips.

Keeping it simple tonight. Marinated chicken in the usual Shaoxing, garlic, ginger and chilli with a little potato starch. Stir fried with shiitake, asparagus and Chinese chives. Rice.

I wish my local stores promoted International stuff. They almost never do. The only examples I can think of from recent leaflets are Ferrero Rocher chocolates and Blue Ribbon "beer". I don't like chocolates and I don't consider that wet stuff to be in any way related to "beer".

I think our many gifted bread makers might be interested in this. 14,000-Year-Old Piece Of Bread Rewrites The History Of Baking And Farming

Yes, lurking rice. There is more in the rice cooker pan, which is now in the fridge. What you see is about a third of what I cooked. I know what you mean. Living alone, I did have the same problem. However, I do have a smaller rice cooker which does maybe two rice bowls worth (cooked). Today, I used the larger one as I am thinking of some fried rice for lunch tomorrow. If that doesn't transpire, I'll just freeze it for another day.

I've made and posted this before, but, as I probably said last time, it is a favourite and anyway, it's never the same twice. Lemon coriander pork. With a tomato, red onion and basil salad. I'm working my way through a record basil glut on my balcony. Rice. For dessert I ate the rest of the salad. It is simply dressed with white rice vinegar and salt. No oil. The pork is liberally marinated in olive oil in which it is then cooked.

Bought me a fish. I was thinking I'd steam it Chinese style, but then thought "I can eat that any time. Do something different." In the end I did it the same and different. I prepared it for steaming as if it was going to be a Chinese dish. You have to creep up on these critters. Gutted and de-scaled it then washed it in Shaoxing wine and stuffed it with garlic and ginger. Decorated the top with ginger "scales", chilli and carrot. Just to confuse it, I used two scallions to act as an honour guard on either side. Then I steamed the baby for 12 minutes. before After 12 minutes steaming in the wok, I removed it, after let it cool a bit then removed the top fillet. That confused it. It's usually served whole, Chinese style. Plated the one fillet with orzo and asparagus. In case it felt like a fish out of water, I added the two now steamed scallions to give it a feeling of security in this bizarre foreign environment. Then I ate it. Then went back for the lower fillet., more orzo and more asparagus. The fish was nicely spicy from the ginger and chilli and I think it went well with orzo. I'm likely to revisit this.

...never again set my cell phone timer for 8 hours instead of 8 minutes to cook my pasta. I usually use my kitchen timer, but it was busy with a prior appointment. The kitchen timer only has minutes and seconds. Didn't notice that the cell phone went up to hours. I was thinking "that seems like a long 8 minutes" after about 20, but I was distracted on some food internet forum or other. I think its name began with an 'e" and ended with something sounding like it may be a baby sea bird. Pasta was perfectly cooked into mush. Start again!

I heard it's OK if you don't inhale.

It's a locally produced mozzarella which is made into a rectangular block rather than the traditional ball shape in Italy. It is made from buffalo milk and tastes just the same as the Italian original. Certainly nothing like brie or provolone in either taste or texture.

More con-fusion food. After an OK insalata caprese for last night's dinner, I fancied another with lunch. (Mozzarella doesn't last long, after all.) When I had it ready, I had a notion to add some drops of balsamic vinegar, but when I opened the vinegar cupboard door a bottle of Zhenjiang Vinegar ended up in my hand. (镇江醋 zhèn jiāng cù - what you may call Chinkiang, which is meaningless to most Chinese.) I wouldn't say that one is a direct substitute for the other, but they have similarities, mainly colour, acidity and depth of flavour (albeit somewhat different). Anyway, it worked for me.

I seem to have got my cultures mixed up. Starter: Insalata Caprese from the beautiful Italian island of Capri Main: 牛肉孜然夹馍 (niú ròu zī rán jiá mò) Cumin Beef Rou Jia Mo from the great Chinese city, Xi'an. Three were eaten.