The customer is always right ...

[jordan]

Just a few:

-At tasting for event client asks account rep. if he can "make the bass chilean, you know, with butter and garlic?"

-A friend bought a bottle of 82 petrus for a client in Japan. When he arrived for dinner brandishing the wine his client took the bottle, opened it poured into a highball glass with ice and 7up and offered a glass to my friend. Like sparkling rose.

-I was working as a manager at a top NYC South Western restaurant (1994 you guess which one) and it was closing time. Our policy was that when the dinner guests left we closed the bar. So as our last guest was finishing dessert I instructed the bartender to make the last call. After the dinner guest left a bar guest requested another cocktail and the bartender refused. The drunk guest insisted that he speak with me and when I explained our policy he said "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THE F--- I AM (THROWING HIS CIGARETTE BUTT AT MY CHEST) I AM THOMAS PATRIC DELAHANTY, CLINICAL PHYCOLOGIST".

[ngatti]

Okay, related.

I'm a participant in the New Jersey Seafood Challange. This is oh back about 1987-88 or so. Remember now that the now ubiquitous 'Seared Ahi (insert preparation style here)', was a rather cutting edge type of dish. So I pick a a "Seared Tuna" over a tmato apple compote with cilantro and scallion. Okay...pretty cool so far.

I start prepping (lose points for neatness, I am kinda sloppy) and manage to finish the dish. The judging starts. The judge is one of those older, portly, old school German Chefs. You know ACF, ramrod up his arse, knows everything, major Atlantic City casino Hotel Executive Chefs, whose been in the business since the flood. You pros know the type.

Well to cut to the chase I finish LAST! The very public critique goes along the lines of..."and this dish...well the fish was...RAW!" Now I don't get pisse. I merely close my eyes and shake my head. Later i go up to the Chef/God and quietly tell him that the fish in the dish was supposed to be raw. He just looks at me and says that you can't serve fish raw.

I cut my losses and left. Telling myself that if I EVER EVER become like this guy as an older Chef, then I pray that my staff has the wherewithal to take me out and put a bullet behind my ear.

Nick

[Bux]

-At tasting for event client asks account rep. if he can "make the bass chilean, you know, with butter and garlic?"

I suppose not really parallel, but worthy of note in context are"

- The guy goes up to the soda fountain counter and says "Make me a malted."

and

- The Buddhist who goes up to the hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."

[ngatti]

Rare osso bucco. Anyone else get this one? This has happened several times.

Nick

[Oreganought]

Rare osso bucco.  Anyone else get this one?  This has happened several times.

Nick

Yup,and the waiter said and I quote "This dish is better rare"

and I said but this is a braised dish,he just nodded and smiled at me.

[ngatti]

Waiter with passing tray: "Steamed Chinese Pork Bun sir?"

Gentleman: "What's inside it?"

Bartender (laughing, sotto voce): "Shrimp"

Really, truly!

Nick

[Basildog]

"pink" confit of duck

[macrosan]

-A friend bought a bottle of 82 petrus for a client in Japan.  When he arrived for dinner brandishing the wine his client took the bottle, opened it poured into a highball glass with ice and 7up and offered a glass to my friend.  Like sparkling rose.

That is truly awful. Even I know you don't put ice in any Petrus later than 1975.

[macrosan]

Years ago, a new ultra-chic "Italian" restaurant opened in London. Waiters were clearly English but cunningly schooled in fake Italian accents. So was the menu, which had English subtitles.

"Escaloppa alla vuostra moda"

Escalope of veal fried in breadcrumbs and served with spaghetti)

[StephenT]

- The Buddhist who goes up to the hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."

And what did the hot dog vendor say to him when handed $10?

"Change comes from within."

[mynamejoe]

I am assuming that for all the hilarity these rubes offered, the restaurants involved were still willing to take their cash to help pay the wages of those who are now dissing them and that those serving were more than happy to take the tips.

While these things can be great fun ( I have some wonderful stories from my time in the bookstores ) it is worth remembering that not everyone is as obsessed with food and eating out as we are and for many it can be an extra ordinarily intimidating experience, particularly at a high end place.

I wonder how many situations we have all been in where we have  placed foot firmly in mouth not least of all when we were all in our nascent dining days.

Here endeth the sermon

S

Simon, please. At the root of all this is people trying to sound well-versed in knowledge about something they know nothing about. The end result of this is naturally comic to those of us that do have the knowledge. All a person has to do to keep themselves out of the "rube" group is have the nerve to publically admit that they don't know of what they speak. Until they get that nerve (which is the first step to learning anything), I will still find them hilarious and not feel the slightest bit guilty having done so.

And the "teriyaki sauce" couple? They held me up in a discussion with the server trying to figure out what they wanted or were talking about for a full 5 minutes on a slamming Friday night. That's a lifetime in a restaurant kitchen; a lifetime I could have spent on our other paying customers. All they had to do was ask if we still served the same sauce with the steak, instead of trying to put a name to it (teriyaki-sweet, demi-closer to bitter; I still don't see how they made a connection). I say yes, done deal. Now, off the soapbox for me!