Competition 28: Culinary Limericks Revisited

[Pontormo]

A vegan from Texas named John

Cared deeply how lobsters got on.

Same goes for hens

And pigs in their pens

And udders, he shudders, "Come on!"

"Mommy cows should be nursing their broods,

Not some fully grown, butt-scratching dudes.

As for ducks and their throats

No more stuffing down oats—

Just purchase them froze at Whole Foods!"

"We read stories to them every night,

Tuck them in—not terribly tight

They range free and play sports

On fields, lakes and courts

And when axed, waddle into the light."

Edited November 2, 2006 by Pontormo (log)

[Daniel]

Nice Pontormo..

My big toe recently grew out

The doctors called it the gout

An option to choose

Is no oysters and booze

I am going the medication route

There are Crystals forming in my toe

But there are worse places it can go

Like Jupiter or

I am just going to stop now..

Edited November 2, 2006 by Daniel (log)

[racheld]

I''ve LOVED these!!! All that meter and rhyme---it's just been a funfest.

And one for MEEEEEEEEEEE!!! That's a first. Nothing rhymes with my name, I'm afraid. I am honored and humbled. Thank you.

[Daniel]

I am going to add a revised version of my original.. This was edited by Pontormo, so this would be a two person entry..

There once was a man from Peru

Who devoured too much Barbecue

He'd scarf fistfuls of pork

Forgoing his fork,

So his heart became gristle and goo.

[Ptipois]

There was a pudding in Aruba

Natives called the Jumbo Rum Baba.

When they tried to share it,

The Gods couldn't bear it

And sent forth the demon Humbaba.

[Carrot Top]

the demon Humbaba.

←

I think I know that guy.

..........................................

There once was a Man of the World

Who ate caviar till his hair curled

Silver spoons used as shovels

For fish eggs he grovelled

Till the day that he finally hurled.

[Carrot Top]

There once was a girl from Saigon

Who only ate sweets and wontons

Boys who ate pickles

She thought were quite fickle

And immediately sallied "So long!"

..................................................

There once was a lawyer from Nimes

Who ate ventricles pork fat and spleens

Though admired for his head

He was terrible in bed

And could barely fit into his jeans.

..................................................

There once was a lass from Pawtucket

Whose attitude hinted she'd suck it

But when it was time

To pick up that lime

In her fingers merely she stuck it.

.....................................................

December requires limericks, to my mind.

[Carrot Top]

Limerick to Celebrate the Past Full Moon Yesterday

................................................

There once was a wan girl named Hannah

Who ate only seeds and bananas

But one day on a hike

She found something she liked

It made her experience nirvana.

For she'd met a fey guy named Lars

Who spent lots of time in sports bars

He gave her foie gras

She said "Ooh la la!" then screamed

"Ah! Me gusta bailar!"

Entonces they ate many things

Pigeons en croute and hot wings

Those hot dogs with fixins'

She ate with conviction

And sometimes she started to sing.

There once was a wan girl named Hannah

Who'd discarded her only bandana

Now she ate escargots

And wriggled her toes

As she waved her "so-long's!" to Montana.

[Carrot Top]

There once was a girl from St. Pete

Who couldn't decide what to eat

So she purchased some prawns

Then mixed them with brawn

And discovered they tasted like feet.

[paulraphael]

The sommelier I called with a roar,

"There's a fly in my Chateau Latour!"

He said monsieur Keller

has more in the cellar,

but each glass gets one fly, never more!

Edited October 2, 2007 by paulraphael (log)

[alasdair]

The breasts of a barmaid from Sale

Were tattooed with the prices of Ale

And on her behind

For the sake of the blind

Was the same information, in Brale

[maggiethecat]

The breasts of a barmaid from Sale

Were tattooed with the prices of Ale

And on her behind

For the sake of the blind

Was the same information, in Brale

←

Instant classic. I've committed it to memory.