Competition 28: Culinary Limericks Revisited

[Daniel]

1)There once was a man from Peru

He loved to Barbecue

He'd eat fist fulls of pork

Not stopping to fork

His heart quickly turned to goo

2)I was trying to cook one day

practicing like Bobby Flay

With some South West spice

I made it taste nice

My shirt wasnt as tight or gay.

3)There was an abusive chef name Gordon

who all the fame he was hordin

he would rule Hells Kitchen

and always be bitchin

Not like a chef, but a warden

Edited October 17, 2006 by Daniel (log)

[Carrot Top]

You guys are really good.

...................................................................

There once was a man from Hong Kong

Whose plum strudel was wider than long

But when one took a bite

He showed such delight

That one felt Other Strudels were Wrong.

[cinghiale]

Today's FoodTV personalities,

Dispense oh such bland generalities.

On Mario they soured,

What's wrong with Scripps Howard?

'Nuff said that their star shills for Applebee's.

[Carrot Top]

Dere once was dis chick from Manhatton

Whose diet was solely fried grattons

Till one day dis guy

Looked her straight in de eye

And said "Dahlink, you look like George Patton".

[ludja]

The sommelier stuck the cork up his nose

to discern hints of pepper or rose.

He poured for my taste,

but I was in no haste

to sip wine after viewing his pose.

Edited October 20, 2006 by ludja (log)

[Carrot Top]

...........................

A limerick a day keeps . . .well it keeps something or other away. At the very least, it is a good way to avoid doing unwanted other tasks.

.............................

There once was a fry-cook from Malabar

Who made blowfish taste sweeter than azucar

"Fabulosa!" they cried

And he puffed up with pride

Son nombre? Es "Magnifico Superstar"!

One day a fine damsel was the bar

She enticed him to sizzle her, in her car

And after, he stumbled

The fish cleaning, bumbled

(In not getting the poison parts out too far).

A man ate that fish (with his salad bar)

He'd come here to eat quite afar from Quaatar

"Blech-hooey!" he cried

Then keeled over and died

And that fish dish is no longer too popular.

....................................................

P.S. Naturally you must understand, this is a Morality Tale.

Edited October 21, 2006 by Carrot Top (log)

[Carrot Top]

I am really longing for more people to post limericks here.

May I hope to persuade you to give it a try with the fact that limerick-writing is good for your health? You will laugh or giggle, either outwards or internally based on your disposition, as the silly thing becomes itself, and everyone knows that laughter is every bit as healthy as science now tells us a glass of red wine is with dinner.

Then we will all laugh and be happy, too.

Do give it a try!

At the very least, so that those around you will ask "What are *you* laughing about?"

Pretty please, with caviar and toast points on top.

P.S. Sorry, Maggie, if this is posted in the wrong thread, not being a limerick itself, but my mind got tumbled about in its state of limerick love lust.

Edited October 26, 2006 by Carrot Top (log)

[Simon_S]

So, inspired by Karen's comment about wine with dinner...

A glass of red wine had with dinner

Is said to make French people thinner

Atkins diet? No, f*** that!

Roast your taters in duck fat,

Add some salt and you’re onto a winner.

For those of a sensitive disposition, I apologise for the colourful language!

Si

[IlCuoco]

A fellow from Utrecht named Roi

Loved uitsmijter since he was a boy

He ate them every day

and all he would say

to "het lekker?" was always "ya, mooi"

[Simon_S]

There’s a man, Luis G, at El Bulli

Who decides when the seasons’s booked fully.

Mr. G. if you’re able

To grant us a table

We’ll send you our best Golden Gully!

Si

[Carrot Top]

You silver-tongued devils, you.

Thank you for making my day!

[Simon_S]

You silver-tongued devils, you.

←

Those devils with tongues made of silver

They NEVER like eating their fill, for

Bites of meat, veg and garnish

Simply cause tongue to tarnish

It’s a regular tongue that they’d kill for.

Si

[Carrot Top]

There once was a man from Cancun

Who used his tongue just as a spoon

His soup he slurped up

Like One Hungry Pup

Till it wrinkled and looked like a prune.

.................................................................

There once was a man in Taiwan

Who wanted to make saucisson

Fine meats, up he ground

Then squeezed tied and bound

Then served it with soy sauce splashed on!

..................................................................

There was an old vigneron from Reims

Who put butter on all of his stems

"Zut alors!" said the tourists

"Bah humbug" said the purists

He responded: "It works with les femmes!"

Edited October 28, 2006 by Carrot Top (log)

[racheld]

I gotta say---Y'all DO beat all.

Si---you don't spend ALL your time at the keyboard.

[Carrot Top]

Gosh, Rachel -

It's funny that you should post right now. . . on the way home from the grocery store just a while ago I was putting together a limerick on Fairy Tea.

Edited October 28, 2006 by Carrot Top (log)

[C. sapidus]

Thanks a lot, Maggie - I need another time-consuming obsession like a fish needs a bicycle. Anyway, here goes. Please be gentle – this is my first time.

A Thai chef mis-measured through haste

His fish sauce, bird chilies, shrimp paste

An excess of shallot

Offended the palate

His curries, the dog wouldn’t taste

. . . and in a similar vein, but more in keeping with the spirit of limericks:

An amorous lad from Thailand

Did not know his gal preferred bland

His meal of larb gai

And curry Chiang Mai

Left him alone, pestle in hand

A love-stricken man from Bangkok

Put chilies galore in his krok

His date took a taste,

Departed posthaste,

And left the chef holding his saak

*Krok and saak = Thai mortar and pestle. Yeah, I know, if you have to explain the joke, it isn’t funny. Probably doesn’t rhyme, anyway.

[moosnsqrl]

There once was a restaurant reviewer

Whose opinions her readers did skewer

Seems the stars she gave out

Were the cause of much doubt

To all but a few chefs who knew her.

Edited to fix type-o, belatedly.

Edited October 31, 2006 by moosnsqrl (log)

[moosnsqrl]

To find a good wintertime melon

Would require the skills of Magellan

How much easier t'would be

To eat seasonally

And just buy what the farmers are sellin'.

[ludja]

^Excellent!

[Simon_S]

Si---you don't spend ALL your time at the keyboard.

←

Thankfully no! I wasn't too busy on Friday, and I just got the Limerick bug. You know how it is...!

Si

[Carrot Top]

Ah, well. One must stop running round rhyming and timing and cackling with laughter sometime(s), I imagine.

One last one from me, to give it the the old college try. Whatever that is.

..............................................

There once lived a lady called rachel d

Who cooked and then wrote quite joyfully

When asked how she did it

She'd smile like a true GRIT

For she held the secret of Fairy Tea.

................................................

Happy Halloween, everyone!

[Simon_S]

I was thinking earlier today that, as much as I've enjoyed this smackdown, a part of me will be relieved when it's finished, since I'm starting to drive myself mad thinking in Limericks. But then I thought "There's a Limerick in that"...

With my brain now resembling marshmallows

Quoth my raven, this Eve of All Hallows:

“Thirteen anapest feet

Weak weak STRONG, that’s the beat.”

Nevermore! Send this thread to the gallows!!

Si

[moosnsqrl]

I was thinking earlier today that, as much as I've enjoyed this smackdown, a part of me will be relieved when it's finished, since I'm starting to drive myself mad thinking in Limericks. But then I thought "There's a Limerick in that"...

With my brain now resembling marshmallows

Quoth my raven, this Eve of All Hallows:

“Thirteen anapest feet

Weak weak STRONG, that’s the beat.”

Nevermore! Send this thread to the gallows!!

Si

←

I hear you! I had a big presentation due today and the whole time I was working on it all I could do was try to put it all into the rhyme scheme. For some reason I don't think it would add to one's credibility (depending on the audience, I suppose).

I think Si should endow (there we are, using that word in conjunction with an Irishman again ) an eG scholarship and the winner could use the stipend for an extended stay in Limerick to see if the ability can be learned through immersion or is innate.

[maggiethecat]

I think Si should endow (there we are, using that word in conjunction with an Irishman again laugh.gif) an eG scholarship and the winner could use the stipend for an extended stay in Limerick to see if the ability can be learned through immersion or is innate.

I agree, and I think that The Dark Lady of the Smackdown should get to go first, just to check it out, and all!

Last call, my Limericketeers. This competition ends tonight at midnight, in the time zone of your choice.

[Simon_S]

I think Si should endow (there we are, using that word in conjunction with an Irishman again ) an eG scholarship and the winner could use the stipend for an extended stay in Limerick to see if the ability can be learned through immersion or is innate.

←

It's rare for *anyone* to go to Limerick by choice. Tourism Ireland will probably be so stunned to hear of willing visitors that they'll set up the scholarship themselves.

Si

[i jest, I jest. I'm sure Limerick's "Stab City" moniker is ill-deserved... ]