US/FR Gastronomic Cultural Differences

[Felice]

If, for example, a person enters a store, and they say "bonjour", should they expect that others stop what they are doing and respond to this greeting? 

If there is a line to get into the shop that is going out the door, (for example a butcher or a baker) at what point should someone say "bonjour", when they enter the line, or when they pass the threshold of the shop? 

I live in a fast moving metropolitain area, and the neighborhood where I live is a young one, and many of the kids (in their early 20s) coming into shops don't greet the room.  No one seems to think this strange.  Why?  I do invariably greet the people with whom I deal with regularly coming into the shop, and again when we start our transaction.  Most the time, they're busy with another customer and don't acknowledge the initial greeting.  90% of the time I enter a store and say "bonjour", the other clients behave as if I've said nothing.  In fact I'm suprised if someone responds.  Why is this?

←

I've never felt the need to respond to anyone's greeting upon entering a store and never expect anyone to respond to me.

I often say "bonjour" upon entering a store, but more likely I will wait until I have some sort of transaction with someone. So, before ordering my chicken at the butcher, I'll say "Bonjour monsieur, I'd like X" . If I have a question for someone, I always say "bonjour monsieur or madame" before proceeding. This may seem very simple and natural, but I see a lot of tourists who don't do this.

Actually, I was in the butcher shop last weekend and there was a French speaking woman who did not say "bonjour" and just asked for whatever it was she wanted in a rather gruff way, she then paid and left without even a "merci" or "au revoir". It was obvious that the butcher was put off by this and after she left he shrugged, shook his head, and voiced his displeasure by saying how impossible some people can be.

[bleudauvergne]

In general, I think that when American show some humility, flexibility and gratitude (as they would when invited to someone's home) in a french establishment, they're treated very well. Exeptions to the contrary exist, especially in tourist areas, and are especially and unfortunately prevalent among customers who are not white, slim, and well-dressed. As you've seen in the news lately, these requirements extend beyond the restaurant doors, as well.

←

Just to update those who don't have access to French TV or radio, the press has recently been abuzz with the subject of prejudice and discrimination of various kinds, which started with an analysis of why the kids of the suburbs were not alright when the riots broke out.

Over time, it has expanded into more discussion of other issues, from unspoken policies not to hire overweight people, a recent sting to catch a real estate agency that marked their files with special codes to indicate the race and nationality of apartment seekers, to stories of Eastern Europen immigrants changing their names in order to give their children a chance to integrate here. My exposure to the news is radio and the newspaper only, since we don't watch anything but films from time to time on television.

Whether descrimination of people by their nationality has anything to do with service in a restaurant, there may be some stereotypes about Americans that linger among waitstaff in some of the more touristy areas and depending on a waiters personality some people might sense this. I would say it's an exception rather than the rule, however.

I do think that the basic French/American difference about who says "bonjour" first, as felice thoughtfully noted above can add fuel to any fire that may exist.

[therese]

I remember being specifically cautioned by my French grandmother against drinking water while eating couscous, as the consequences were reportedly dire.

Your grandmother was perfectly right. One is not supposed to drink water while eating couscous, though a sip of thé à la menthe or some wine is perfectly acceptable. Just look at what happens to couscous after a few minutes when you've poured the broth onto it and the vision speaks for itself.

←

But that's going to happen in my gut no matter what, as there's a great deal of water already there. Or there should be---perhaps a chronically low water diet changes one's physiology in this respect. I've been merrily breaking this rule now for years with no ill effects whatsoever. Marie (not technically my grandmother, but the grandmother of my French high school exchange partner) has passed away recently, so I now feel free to admit this transgression.

Interesting discussion re the cultural differences when it comes to entering commercial establishments and who greets whom, etc. I always smile and/or nod and/or say "Hello/Bonjour" and do it again if I'm making a specific request. I do this in the U.S. and pretty much without exception everywhere else I travel.

I don't know the extent to which having spent time in France when I was young has influenced my behavior. I do know that pretty much everybody likes cordial customers, and I get great service everywhere.

I do still have a bit of residual anxiety about entering small French shops that's the result of my French mother, Gilberte, and her sister-in-law, Monique, discussing (in my presence---the conversation was nothing to do with me) how much easier it had gotten to go shopping. In years past (when they were young women, so 1960s) entering a shop meant that you absolutely intended to buy something, likely an item you'd already identified in the shop window. Failure to buy something, anything at all, was considered very rude---you'd put the shopkeeper to a great deal of trouble and all for nothing. Each of them described instances in which they bought something small in order to escape without incurring a shopkeeper's ire.

[John Talbott]

I have to say that in more than a few trips to France, including a good deal of time in Paris, I've never encountered any rudeness that I can recall.  Maybe I have just been lucky.

←

I want to get back to the "rudeness" issue since it seems such a preoccupation on past threads.

I was lunching at the Cafe du Commerce today and had what I think was an experience some would consider "brusque," indeed perhaps "rude," service but was not at all. I entered (having reserved), was greeted at the desk and seated by the responsible and greeted by the waiter, all quite nicely I thought. I noted that as in so many brasseries, orders were taken, both waitstaff and dishes were flying in an out of the kitchen, plates were delivered efficiently, tables turned over promptly, etc. My order taken, I was making some notes on my handy-dandy orange Rhodia bloc note pad, when the waitress, who had previously been bustling about, cutting bread, setting tables, delivering food, clicking the computer screen, etc., suddenly stopped by my table and began to look at my note pad. When she saw the writing in my illegible English, she suddenly realized it was mine, laughed and took her same sized Rhodia out of her pocket and in a millisecond was my friend, tapping me on the shoulder, apologizing (for nothing really but buying the same pad as I), calling me "jeune homme," and running back to the kitchen chuckling. I think many Americans, save for egullet members who are more sophistocated, would regard this sort of waitstaff as cold, brusque or worse; nothing could have been further from the truth.

[Ptipois]

If, for example, a person enters a store, and they say "bonjour", should they expect that others stop what they are doing and respond to this greeting? 

No. Actually it is not really expected that one says "bonjour" to everyone in the store, unless the store is tiny. It's all a matter of intuition. Entering a minute shop in Romorantin selling nothing but kid gloves and containing only the shopkeeper and one client, when you say "bonjour" you say it to everyone inside the shop. Entering a larger store with more people in it, your "bonjour" will be more precisely directed to the shopowner or to the vendor who takes care of you.

If there is a line to get into the shop that is going out the door, (for example a butcher or a baker) at what point should someone say "bonjour", when they enter the line, or when they pass the threshold of the shop?

This is probably overstressing the matter. You're not expected to say "bonjour" to the line. In this case, you say "bonjour" and "au revoir" to the person who serves you, period. Maybe a cheerful "au revoir" thrown into the air will be received by the whole line and yield some returns, but this is not mandatory. In the case of a baker, the pace is so hurried that it is not even expected that you say "bonjour" or "au revoir" during the five seconds allowed for serving you. What is absolutely mandatory, however, is "s'il vous plaît" and "merci".

I live in a fast moving metropolitain area, and the neighborhood where I live is a young one, and many of the kids (in their early 20s) coming into shops don't greet the room.  No one seems to think this strange.  Why?

Contrary to what has been said here, greeting the room is not expected in France except in very, very intimate, uncrowded and relaxed situations. What you're describing is perfectly normal.

The French are very formal indeed, but rather on a person-to-person basis. I think that is the underlying principle: formality has to reflect a feeling of closeness, of admitting someone into one's emotional sphere. It has to rest on a certain likelihood of authenticity. The reason we French have not much taste for the immediate overfriendliness of American waiters is that we instantly sense the hope for the big tip behind it. Looking disinterested is the most royal way to look well-behaved in France, whether there's a material advantage in the end or not.

I do invariably greet the people with whom I deal with regularly coming into the shop, and again when we start our transaction.  Most the time, they're busy with another customer and don't acknowledge the initial greeting.  90% of the time I enter a store and say "bonjour", the other clients behave as if I've said nothing.  In fact I'm suprised if someone responds.  Why is this?

←

Simply because you're not expected to greet the customers. So they're not aware that you've just greeted them.

[Ptipois]

I will add that sometimes when visiting someone's home you may be offered ice.  If you say yes, expect one single ice cube. 

←

Ah, the ice problem.

Yes, we have ice! But we seldom serve it by the kilo in jugs of tap water.

Any café, any bar, and most restaurants, will readily give you ice cubes in a separate container if you ask for them. Just ask nicely, for it is not a common request.

[Ptipois]

I often say "bonjour" upon entering a store, but more likely I will wait until I have some sort of transaction with someone.  So, before ordering my chicken at the butcher, I'll say "Bonjour monsieur, I'd like X" .  If I have a question for someone, I always say "bonjour monsieur or madame" before proceeding.  This may seem very simple and natural, but I see a lot of tourists who don't do this. 

←

Now this is the French way to do it, indeed. The signal for the "bonjour" is often the beginning of the transaction.

[bleudauvergne]

Thank you, ptipois and felice for the clarifications. Greetings mark the start and end of our direct exchange with a shopkeeper or in the case of a restaurant, with the waiter, and need not begin the moment we enter the door. Under normal circumstances, no one expects a person to announce their entrance and greet a group where there are more than two or three people involved. I think Ptipois' example of a kid glove shop is a good one. If you don't know the people in the line or a shop containing more than a few people, no need to say bonjour until you are served. If some of your neighbors are in the shop, and it's a place you go often, by all means, say hello to everyone!

[bleudauvergne]

...I do still have a bit of residual anxiety about entering small French shops that's the result of my French mother, Gilberte, and her sister-in-law, Monique, discussing (in my presence---the conversation was nothing to do with me) how much easier it had gotten to go shopping.  In years past (when they were young women, so 1960s) entering a shop meant that you absolutely intended to buy something, likely an item you'd already identified in the shop window. Failure to buy something, anything at all, was considered very rude---you'd put the shopkeeper to a great deal of trouble and all for nothing. Each of them described instances in which they bought something small in order to escape without incurring a shopkeeper's ire.

←

I wonder if that's the reason why these days we see "Entree Libre" signs in the windows. To assure people that they won't be automatically expected to buy something if they go in the shop?

[Ptipois]

I wonder if that's the reason why these days we see "Entree Libre" signs in the windows.  To assure people that they won't be automatically expected to buy something if they go in the shop?

←

Now that you mention it, yes, that's probably the case.

[Ptipois]

If some of your neighbors are in the shop, and it's a place you go often, by all means, say hello to everyone!

←

And, directly to your neighbor: "Bonjour. This bavette is mine. I saw it first."

[therese]

I wonder if that's the reason why these days we see "Entree Libre" signs in the windows.  To assure people that they won't be automatically expected to buy something if they go in the shop?

←

Yes, that was what Monique and Gilberte said. There were still some shops in that small town (Villers-sur-mer) with older, persnickety owners who took a dim view of browsing activities that went farther than the vitrine. A certain jewelry store was pointed out as having that sort of owner.

The "entree libre" signs did little to assuage my anxiety, as they still made me consider the possibility that there was still some obligation on my part.

[therese]

I will add that sometimes when visiting someone's home you may be offered ice.  If you say yes, expect one single ice cube. 

←

Heh heh. Until very recently you'd have been lucky to get even that in my house (U.S., hot and humid Atlanta), as we didn't have an ice maker and rarely made or used ice apart from the occasional aperitif. We now have a fridge that makes ice and also delivers filtered cold water, neither of which I use very often. Every few weeks I clean out the stale ice from the storage bin so that the machine will make fresh ice that for guests as necessary.

[John Talbott]

Boy, this thread has legs.

This is addressed to our genuine French eGullet members rather than we Francophilic wannabes.

Since my family has not had a permanent residence in France since 1066, (I’m definitely SDF, unless you count the Red Carpet Club), like Therese, most of my instruction in French eating/etc. customs also came from my French “parents” at age 18; they were proper, formal and dignified but terribly warm folk as well as good communicators about customs/traditions/etc, but I often wonder, did they convey the right messages applicable to today’s world (they would shudder, as do I, at eating sandwiches on the Metro), how much was family-specific, how much class (I know there have been no classes in France since 1789, but…), how much their Flemish-Scots backgrounds?

For instance:

Approximating one’s glass of wine with those of others vs. clinking (trinquing) them American/Scandinavian style.

Mopping up sauces with bread.

Finishing one’s plate but not finishing one’s wine.

Not leaving the table to rush off to the office/farm/shop until all were finished and all had expressed themselves.

Not throwing food (just kidding, wanted to see if anybody was reading this).

I’d be interested in the answers as well as invite others of us struggling with these critical issues to pose other possible differences that have not been beaten to death upthread.

[Ptipois]

Approximating one’s glass of wine with those of others vs. clinking (trinquing) them American/Scandinavian style.

I'm not sure but trinquer is more common. Trinquer is considered warm and friendly. Just look at your trinqueur in the eyes while you clink, or you'll be rewarded with seven years of unlucky sex life.

Mopping up sauces with bread.

Mild bad manners when done in one's plate, bad bad bad manners when done in the common dish. My (New-Englander and sort of stiff-mannered) ex-husband did that a long time ago at some Parisian friends' place, and mopped up the sauce right in the collective gigot serving dish. The host burst out with utter joy: "Terrific, Brad! It's about time! You're becoming bad-mannered!"

Finishing one’s plate but not finishing one’s wine.

Not officially registered as bad manners. Happens too rarely to be registered as such anyway.

Not leaving the table to rush off to the office/farm/shop until all were finished and all had expressed themselves.

It is considered very nice to stay at table until the very end of the meal. If everybody gets up at the same time, it is an image of social harmony. One may leave the table before the end of the meal (right before dessert is a good time, it sends out the message that your hands are really tied), but a heavy load of genuine excuses is necessary. Going to the bathroom is absolutely permitted but just don't say it out loud, just say "if you will excuse me, I'll be right back."

Not throwing food (just kidding, wanted to see if anybody was reading this).

"Puis-je avoir le sel s'il vous plaît ? — Bien sûr, combien en voulez-vous ?" ("Please pass the salt. — Sure, how much do you want?" — from the Bonnes Manières phrasebook).

In the 18th century, every large aristocratic household used to have its special set of manners. I remember reading one stating that guests should not blow their noses and wipe their cutlery with the napkin, and should not play the trumpet while seated at table.

[John Talbott]

Just look at your trinqueur in the eyes while you clink, or you'll be rewarded with seven years of unlucky sex life.

←

Now that's what I call really useful information.

Thanks for the other answers as well.

[bleudauvergne]

Finishing one’s plate but not finishing one’s wine.

Please tell me more about this one.

[Bux]

Is it really bad manners to mop up one's plate with a piece of bread? I always thought it was acceptable in rustic bistros, but less so in those establishments sporting many forks, spoons and macarons in the red guide. On the other hand, I always thought it was socially unacceptable, that is, unacceptable to the other diners, but not at all unappreciated by the chef as a testament to his good cooking.

My own inadequate knowledge of French customs has enabled me to romanticize them according to my own fantasies. (Always with my hands above the table rim, however.) My assumptions, whenever I'm in doubt, are that respect goes to the food first, the chef second and one's companions last. If that's not actually pretty much the case in the real France, it serves as a guideline for manners in the world I carry with me.

I believe it's good to hold your fork in one hand continuously simply because it makes for more graceful movements and once learned, allows the diner to eat with less fumbling of implements. Left hand for the fork simply as a convention. Wine glasses are held by the stem simply to keep the bowl from acquiring fingerprints. It is just so much more appealing to have a table full of clean looking glasses, but there's no sense of contempt for those who do not agree or even for those who have not thought about it as I have and paying too much attention to how others eat can ultimately do nothing by ruin one's own meal.

. . . .

When rules of etiquette are used as justifications for contemptuousness and superiority, they have come unhinged from their moorings. They are no longer about politeness.

←

I'll second what Fat Guy said. "My" rules are all about enjoying the food and meal and hopefully to allow others to derive maximum enjoyment in a rational and esthetic manner. The quote above reminds me of an old thread, one that was not in one of the European forums. I, or rather my point of view, took a beating in the thread. If you took a vote, I think my perspective was defeated by about two dozen opinions to maybe two or three. If I recall correctly, Fat Guy posted one of supporting opinions. There might have been one other. The majority view was that I was a boor and a cad as well.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been told that it's proper to start eating when one is served in France, especially when the food is warm, and that this is true even if the rest or the table hasn't been served for any reason. The original post on the thread in question was about a restaurant in NYC, in which a large table was served just as one of the diners left the table to make a trip to the "powder room." The original discussion was about whether the restaurant was obligated to remove all the dishes, return them to the kitchen and bring new hot dishes when the lady returned to the table. Certainly we can discuss this from an Anglo-American view and a French one. Just how much responsibility does the diner have to take and is it incumbent on the kitchen to recook eight dishes simply because one person decides to visit the loo at the precise moment the main course is served. That's not the etiquette question I mean to raise. In this case, the restaurant made no effort to remove the plates and seven diners sat there while their food grew cold out of respect for the diner who left the table. I expressed the opinion that it was silly for them to ruin their meal, as it served in no way to improve the meal their companion had and that it's better for seven people to enjoy hot food than for none to have that enjoyment. I further expressed the opinion that I would be distressed to know others were ruining their meal out of respect for me and that I would expect my wife and daughter to feel the same way. (I will also add that I would expect the restaurant to do something about that one plate.)

[Ptipois]

Is it really bad manners to mop up one's plate with a piece of bread? I always thought it was acceptable in rustic bistros, but less so in those establishments sporting many forks, spoons and macarons in the red guide. On the other hand, I always thought it was socially unacceptable, that is, unacceptable to the other diners, but not at all unappreciated by the chef as a testament to his good cooking.

Nah. I wrote "mild bad manners", in fact it's very mild bad manners. It's tolerated and sometimes may be considered a proof of admiration for the cook. See, French manners are a bit tricky because of our ancestral ambiguity. On the one hand, we are very very formal. On the other hand, there's nothing we like more than transgression and breaking the rules. In some cases we make the rules stiff so that it shows more when we break them. I am not going to go into this in-depth because it's already difficult to understand for French people, so I may well make things more confusing for you here.

My own inadequate knowledge of French customs has enabled me to romanticize them according to my own fantasies. (Always with my hands above the table rim, however.)

Look carefully during a semi-formal meal or any family meal involving a certain number of people. Before the appetizers, everybody's hands are on the table, fingers loosely folded. During main course, cheese and dessert, hands are more mobile, so either on or below table, a small percentage may be on someone else's knee (tolerated but should not show). After dessert, you start seeing elbows on the table. Even from very well-educated persons.

My assumptions, whenever I'm in doubt, are that respect goes to the food first, the chef second and one's companions last. If that's not actually pretty much the case in the real France, it serves as a guideline for manners in the world I carry with me.

In very very formal dinners one is not supposed to thank the cook, who often is an employee. You're not even supposed to congratulate the maîtresse de maison for her veau Orloff at table, but it is considered nice if you do so after the meal, when putting on your coat before leaving. As a rule of traditional manners, food and politics should not be discussed as a subject during a meal. Of course, in tradition or not, everybody talks about them and they are favorite subjects. See what I mean?

I believe it's good to hold your fork in one hand continuously simply because it makes for more graceful movements and once learned, allows the diner to eat with less fumbling of implements. Left hand for the fork simply as a convention.

You'll be surprised, perhaps, but French people who know about table manners both in France and in the US seem to agree that, to them, US table manners are too formal. Crossing is something we never could understand. It amuses us.

Wine glasses are held by the stem simply to keep the bowl from acquiring fingerprints. It is just so much more appealing to have a table full of clean looking glasses, but there's no sense of contempt for those who do not agree or even for those who have not thought about it as I have and paying too much attention to how others eat can ultimately do nothing by ruin one's own meal.

Holding wine glasses by the stem is primarily for avoiding to heat the wine. This rule is rarely taught anymore.

. . . .

When rules of etiquette are used as justifications for contemptuousness and superiority, they have come unhinged from their moorings. They are no longer about politeness.

←

In France, they are like typographic rules, sometimes they seem gratuitous, but there's always a very rational reason for them, either historical or practical. And one should not forget the love for transgression that I've mentioned above. Strict rules of etiquette are hardly ever used anymore in France except to add style, so they're some sort of show.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been told that it's proper to start eating when one is served in France, especially when the food is warm, and that this is true even if the rest or the table hasn't been served for any reason.

It used to be that nobody started eating before the housewife was served, when everybody was served by servants that is. Now that the food is made by the hostess (or a caterer) I'll say the rule is still remembered and followed, but I've often seen the following interaction happen:

"Please start eating, do not wait until everybody's served.

— But you haven't been served yet.

— Don't let it get cold." (<--- imperious voice)

Guests then start nibbling at their food in an apologetic way until everybody's served and then everyone starts devouring.

Same situation applies to restaurants, where, BTW, it is very bad manners for the waiters to bring plates from the same service at large intervals of time.

The original post on the thread in question was about a restaurant in NYC, in which a large table was served just as one of the diners left the table to make a trip to the "powder room." The original discussion was about whether the restaurant was obligated to remove all the dishes, return them to the kitchen and bring new hot dishes when the lady returned to the table. Certainly we can discuss this from an Anglo-American view and a French one. Just how much responsibility does the diner have to take and is it incumbent on the kitchen to recook eight dishes simply because one person decides to visit the loo at the precise moment the main course is served. That's not the etiquette question I mean to raise. In this case, the restaurant made no effort to remove the plates and seven diners sat there while their food grew cold out of respect for the diner who left the table. I expressed the opinion that it was silly for them to ruin their meal, as it served in no way to improve the meal their companion had and that it's better for seven people to enjoy hot food than for none to have that enjoyment. I further expressed the opinion that I would be distressed to know others were ruining their meal out of respect for me and that I would expect my wife and daughter to feel the same way. (I will also add that I would expect the restaurant to do something about that one plate.)

←

That would never have happened in France. Everybody would have let the lady go to the powder room, and started eating. That's her responsibility. She would have had to catch up with the others when she came back. The service would have done nothing in particular, for as I wrote, it is acceptable to go to the bathroom during a meal, as long as you don't mention it plainly. So the service has nothing special to do about something that is not supposed to exist. I actually think that the pressure involved in all that protocol — removing the dishes, recooking them, etc. — is quite harsh on all the diners, including the one who leaves the table, and overly complicated. It is also uselessly guilt-inducing. It is quite normal to have to leave the table for a few minutes, particularly in a restaurant. There shouldn't be such a fuss over it.

Edited December 12, 2005 by Ptipois (log)

[John Talbott]

Finishing one’s plate but not finishing one’s wine.

Please tell me more about this one.

←

I have the feeling I'm way over my head here.

Lucy - The reasoning behind each is different; at least I was told that. Since we ate (in my French "family") family-style, one often selected one's own food, except for the soup. One was, therefore, expected to finish what one placed on the plate (one other thing I didn't explain in my prior post - this was 1953 and WWII and its deprivations were still very present in folks' memories; food was precious and not to be wasted; the nights' veggies always reappeared as a veloute or soupe or puree the next day at lunch).

However regarding wine, emptying the glass (as we Americans do it,) not leaving a drop, is a signal, to the host, in my case a man whose night job was selecting wines and wine lists for restaurants throughout France and very attuned to wine etiquette, to refill it - whereas leaving a bit at the bottom passively signaled that he (the host) could remain seated.

As I said before these things may be class, age, regional, post-WWII, familial/etc determined. But both seemed to make sense to me then and indeed even now.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been told that it's proper to start eating when one is served in France, especially when the food is warm, and that this is true even if the rest or the table hasn't been served for any reason.

Bux - Correct.

My recollection is than in the US, if there are over six persons, one begins immediately (so the food doesn't get cold) or at least after the hostess/lead woman picks up a utensil; whereas here, esp in bistrots or brasseries, unlike gastro-restos, where everything is often "finished" together, because say the fish dishes may be done before the meat ones, I have noted (as recently as yesterday) that the folks getting the fish, for example, start and when the meat arrives, the others join in. Again a caution, my experience yesterday was among local French inhabitants of Paris who are in my age demographic - it may not apply to ados or suburbanites.

[Ptipois]

However regarding wine, emptying the glass (as we Americans do it,) not leaving a drop, is a signal, to the host, in my case a man whose night job was selecting wines and wine lists for restaurants throughout France and very attuned to wine etiquette, to refill it - whereas leaving a bit at the bottom passively signaled that he (the host) could remain seated.

←

Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you were referring to this as bad manners. As for leaving some wine in your glass being good manners, it may be so, but it's an unwritten rule I've never heard of. It all depends on the price of the wine, of course. Leaving some château-yquem in your glass would be considered folly before it would be considered bad manners.

[jackal10]

There are the old rules of acceptable conversation.

The following subjects are banned at table:

Politics

Religion

Sexual proclivities and relationships of anyone present

The food being served

[bleudauvergne]

There are the old rules of acceptable conversation.

The following subjects are banned at table:

...

The food being served

←

I have found that not only does the food being served enter the conversation, but it is, at least in my experience, always part of the conversation at the table here in this country. In fact, one of the things that really caught me off guard when we first began to entertain here, is that after the first few bites, the questions would begin to fly about my recipes, like a kind of guessing game about every ingredient, from people I barely knew! What did you do to season that sauce? Why do you call this sauce a sabayon? How did you accomplish that? Where did you get this idea? What's your source for this and that? Do I taste juniper berries? What type of fish did you use for the stock? The cheese in your bechamel? Your bouquet formula? What kind of butter did you use for the pate brisee? People would then begin to debate definitions and sometimes the best way to cook something. This got on my nerves the first few times, I'm not sure why but the French way was quite strikingly different from what I was used to. It might be the custom only among my French family and acquaintences, however. I got used to it.

[bleudauvergne]

I often observe that people wait at the table for example at my in-laws, until my mother in law says "bon appetit", and then everyone begins eating. Perhaps its just the rhythm that the household has taken... Or is there a custom or rule behind it? At other homes where I have been a guest, everyone eats right away. What's the best way to tell people to eat right away? Sometimes, especially when I am hosting for 10 or 12 people, and am serving plates, I want to express this and am not sure what is the best way.

[ulterior epicure]

can anyone elaborate on the seemingly widely practiced custom of putting one's bread on the table, and not the plate? at least, this is the case in bistros/brasseries... (not the high end places where everything comes on trays, dishes or plates)? perhaps it's my misconception - but this seems to be practiced ubiquitously by the "jackets" and "jeans" alike...

u.e.