Gastronomic sins

[Fresser]

Will I have to wait until next Yom Kippur to atone for this?

My boss had brought in lox, bagels and cream cheese and invited me to have a nosh. (As if an invitation were even necessary). My phone was ringing off the hook, so by the time I could I hit the snack station, all the garlic & onion bagels had been consumed.

All that was left was a...[Primal shriek!!]blueberry bagel![/shriek]

I winced as I spread the plain Philly cream cheese on the blueberry bagel! and topped it with lox. Pulling my cloak up to hide my identity, I retreated to my desk to eat my experiment.

The sweet-'n-salty taste wasn't exactly on par with chocolate-covered pretzels, but lox on a bagel still is hard to beat.

If only I can get over the shame...

Edited October 21, 2005 by Fresser (log)

[I_call_the_duck]

IMHO, blueberry bagels have no business being called that. Same as cinnamon-raisin. They don't belong in the bagel family. Think of it as a really dense chewy piece of blueberry bread. Maybe you'll feel better.

[tupac17616]

You poor, poor soul. I feel your pain.

[BarbaraY]

It could have been worse. It could have been made of whole wheat.

[Chris Amirault]

Fresser, I hope that you and your God work things out.

Surely there are other sinners out there. Enter, if ye dare....

[sazji]

I think the bacon and cheddar bagels I saw in Iowa somewhere probably top the "sinful and simply wrong bagels" category....

Edited October 22, 2005 by sazji (log)

[Fresser]

I think the bacon and cheddar bagels I saw in Iowa somewhere probably top the "sinful and simply wrong bagels" category....

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Now there's a snack fit for a pagan.

[mizducky]

Well, just be glad it wasn't a chocolate chip "bagel".

(Who comes up with these ideas, anyway? Presumably not people who grew up eating bagels with lox.)

(Or maybe it was the same folks who decided to create the chocolate-chocolate chip muffin--the bakery good for people who like to pretend they're not eating cupcakes for breakfast.)

[MT-Tarragon]

You should have taken only half a bagel, leaving a lonely half to wither and get stale, in order to atone for your misdeeds.

[kitchenmage]

You should have taken only half a bagel, leaving a lonely half to wither and get stale, in order to atone for your misdeeds.

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We did that thread somewhere around here a while back--the sin of taking half a bagel...or was it a crime? Come to think of it, I believe it was a crime.

Arund here those blueberry/raisin.etc creations are known as unholy fruit bagels...

[M.X.Hassett]

We did that thread somewhere around here a while back--the sin of taking half a bagel...or was it a crime? Come to think of it, I believe it was a crime.

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Sin and Crime

Half-bagel vandalism, and other bagel-related "crimes"

http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?showtopic=64039&hl=

Bagel Thoughts, What do you consider sacreligous?

http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?showtopic=46890

Edited October 24, 2005 by M.X.Hassett (log)

[BCinBC]

I was told recently by a passionate Italian-French gentleman that he was appalled after hearing that someone he knew put saucisson on a pizza. Sacrilege! he said. I nodded and smiled, thinking to myself that that sounded pretty good - understanding that it would be a gourmet pizza of course! I managed to smuggle some wild boar saucisson back home, and am planning on trying it. However I will not be reporting back to the Italian-French gentleman on whether or not it was any good.

Bagel-wise, many years ago a friend and I frequented a local place that had a bagel sandwich with ham on the menu. I used to joke about going to the counter and ordering the "Rabbi's Nightmare", but never quite built up the guts to do so.

[Alchemist]

I was living on an island in Thailand, and I love thai food but it's nice to have some variety. So a resturant opened claiming to serve greek food. I walked down the beach on opening night and ordered the Gyros platter. The cook had made the taziki with strawberry yourgert. MMMM garlic, cucumber and strawberry. I went home and had rotten fish head stew and was happy.

[Peter B Wolf]

Well, just be glad it wasn't a chocolate chip "bagel". 

(Who comes up with these ideas, anyway? Presumably not people who grew up eating bagels with lox.)

(Or maybe it was the same folks who decided to create the chocolate-chocolate chip muffin--the bakery good for people who like to pretend they're not eating cupcakes for breakfast.)

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It's all in the Money And The Dumbing Down Of America

[sazji]

(Who comes up with these ideas, anyway? Presumably not people who grew up eating bagels with lox.)

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They definitely did not arise in bagel country. When I was young, a friend of ours would bring us several dozen bagels when he went to New York. Aside from a Jewish schoolmate, nobody had even heard of them. Even in 1986, there was only one place with any real bagels in Seattle -- they were fluffy. And we certainly got the blueberry stuff first.

[Genny]

Will I get flayed if I say I like my lox/cream cheese/ red onion/ capers on an ASIAGO bagel? C'mon people, they make my mouth happy! Am I forgiven if I'm a gentile?

[Fresser]

Will I get flayed if I say I like my lox/cream cheese/ red onion/ capers on an ASIAGO bagel?  C'mon people, they make my mouth happy!  Am I forgiven if I'm a gentile?

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There's a REAL pun lurking there, Genny.

But given your sublime taste in topping your lox 'n cream cheese with red onion and capers, I think a dispensation is in order.

Now if you really want to be a devout bagel-eater, try putting the fixin's on a GARLIC bagel!

[toto2]

There is only one bagel in the world , and it is the Montréal bagel , boilled and cooked in a wood oven !

The silliest flavor you can get is cinamon raisin...

The sin of half a bagel is impossible to do here !

[aliwaks]

Will I have to wait until next Yom Kippur to atone for this?

My boss had brought in lox, bagels and cream cheese and invited me to have a nosh. (As if an invitation were even necessary). My phone was ringing off the hook, so by the time I could I hit the snack station, all the garlic & onion bagels had been consumed.

All that was left was a...[Primal shriek!!]blueberry bagel![/shriek]

I winced as I spread the plain Philly cream cheese on the blueberry bagel! and topped it with lox. Pulling my cloak up to hide my identity, I retreated to my desk to eat my experiment.

The sweet-'n-salty taste wasn't exactly on par with chocolate-covered pretzels, but lox on a bagel still is hard to beat.

If only I can get over the shame...

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I agree that the blueberry bagel is a shonda, what i don't understand is why you would put lox on it in the first place, i think it would be bearable with butter and cream cheese...the thought of the two tastes together make me shiver, maybe its me but i would hvae eaten the lox with just cream cheese and forgone the faux-bagel..or just waited and gotten myself a real bagel

Edited December 3, 2005 by aliwaks (log)

[Jmahl]

We need a new LAW for our prez Dubia. A B..e B..y bagel. I think its already a sin just to say it. This is a real moral issue. This is what the any supreme court candidate should be grilled on. Them we would know how he or she stands on any other issue.

Some things just make good sense.

[kitchenmage]

A B..e B..y bagel.  I think its already a sin just to say it.

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It's one of those He Who Shall Not Be Named things. I call 'em "unholy fruit bagels," a category that includes cinnamon raisin--about which said, the less the better...ah heck, i'll say it: Would you like icing drizzled on that? Or perhaps you should just get a cinnamon roll!

[MarketStEl]

Well, just be glad it wasn't a chocolate chip "bagel". 

(Who comes up with these ideas, anyway? Presumably not people who grew up eating bagels with lox.)

(Or maybe it was the same folks who decided to create the chocolate-chocolate chip muffin--the bakery good for people who like to pretend they're not eating cupcakes for breakfast.)

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The inventors probably grew up within or within a one-hour drive of Interstate 435. (Map freaks, look it up: there's only one Interstate 435 in the entire United States.)

While the following has nothing to do with bagels, it is Jewish enough, IMO, to be included here:

A friend of mine came up to me after the Philadelphia Gay Men's Chorus' holiday concert (I sing second tenor) and said that he enjoyed it, with the exception of the song we chose to acknowledge Hanukkah, a piece called "Over the Skies of Yisrael."

While the song incorporates a traditional Jewish prayer, my friend told me that the song was really not Jewish at all, but rather a gentile's notion of what a Jewish song would sound like.

Or, as he put it: "It's like serving matzo ball soup with bacon bits."

Surely there are other sins that reach the level of the transgressions described thus far. Parboiling your "barbecued" spareribs, for example, or requesting Swiss cheese on your cheesesteak. Can we get some other examples here, folks?

Edited December 5, 2005 by MarketStEl (log)

[I_call_the_duck]

Surely there are other sins that reach the level of the transgressions described thus far.  Parboiling your "barbecued" spareribs, for example, or requesting Swiss cheese on your cheesesteak.  Can we get some other examples here, folks?

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Pastrami on anything but rye. No lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, or fancy mustard allowed. Just some good old-fashioned deli mustard and a pickle on the side.

[gini]

Surely there are other sins that reach the level of the transgressions described thus far.  Parboiling your "barbecued" spareribs, for example, or requesting Swiss cheese on your cheesesteak.  Can we get some other examples here, folks?

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Pastrami on anything but rye. No lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, or fancy mustard allowed. Just some good old-fashioned deli mustard and a pickle on the side.

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That reminds me of a Milton Berle quotation:

"Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies."

[H. du Bois]

I'm a New Yorker presently in exile, and my mother (bless her soul), hearing me wax poetic about how much I missed my bagel-with-a-schmear, went out and bought me Lenders frozen blueberry bagels. With a package of fat-free cream cheese to go with them.

Have managed to "lose" the white petrochemical byproduct masquerading as cream cheese, will have to gracefully diminish the purple hockey puck supply.

Re: the gastronomic sins subject, for my money, putting ham and pineapple on pizza is just plain wrong.

Ellen