Gifts to France

[little ms foodie]

when I bring flowers I bring them in a vase so there is no need to run around- it does really throw me off a bit to find a vase and pull pots out of the sink to make way to fill it!

I like the potted plants! I also like and have taken an interesting book for the hosts (something they have interest in), a beautiful candle with their initials (or anything with initials), honeys and/or jams to go with cheeses, pretty dishtowels, pretty cocktail napkins.

my favorite hostess gift I ever got was some homemade bacon!!! NICE!

[John Talbott]

We've been down this road before. I'll try and find the thread but rest assured as an Amurican one can bring uncustomly things such as wine, maple syrup and US doodads.

For flowers, my French neighbor taught me a nifty trick that avoids leaving your vase 20 km away; cut the top off an Oasis Orange drink container or its moral equivalent and plunk 'em in.

[Ptipois]

There are good points and bad points with every option. Bringing wine can be embarrassing for the host as it may interfere with whatever they have chosen to serve with their meal if they are a serious host. On the other hand if you're invited to a place where wine goes down fast, you can guess your bottle will do so as well, so make sure it's at the right temperature. Keeping the bottle for later, on the other hand, is considered unconvivial (though the practice does exist). Flowers are nice but they require extra fuss for the host, messing with trimming stalks, a heap of cellophane and vegetable debris, finding a vase, being extra careful with the thorns, etc., when putting the last hand to dinner or just being together with the guests should be more appreciated. The potted plant is very cute but, since it requires everlasting care from the host, I have often heard that it is not considered a very polite gift. However don't take that too seriously, nobody will hate you for bringing wine, flowers, plants, any small thing, etc., a gift is always appreciated as a principle.

My favorite idea is a bottle of cool champagne for apéritif since it doesn't mess up the host's plans, nicely fits into the evening, and makes everybody happy. The idea is to bring something that can be shared by all the guests and not give the host extra work, so if nothing's agreed upon in advance, champagne is a lovely solution. Some exotic or interesting foodstuff is appreciated. In the inedibles category, a book is nice.

Indeed — and to return to my general advice of not being too formal — I'd like to insist on the common practice of agreeing in advance with the host about what you should bring or not. This is much, much appreciated. Now don't take this advice lightly, if you hear the host answer vividly: "Nothing, please bring nothing, just bring yourself", it means just that. Don't think any further. Don't bring anything. It means that they've got everything all set, that the bottles are piling up, that they have no vase to spare and that there's no space to fit anything else into their small apartment. The French generally are frank about that: if they really want you to contribute something, they will plainly say so and make suggestions. If they don't want you to, they just say so.

Now it all depends on the formality level, but as I most often find myself in informal spheres this only reflects my experience. But there are manners even within informal contexts. You can learn to decode the answers: "Could you bring dessert?" means "I haven't had time/imagination/energy to think up of something for the last course". That usually means: go visit a good pastry shop on the way (I really like stopping at an Asian market if I can manage that, and bring good-quality tropical fruit, I noticed this was more appreciated than pastries). Seasonal variant I've been asked this year: "Could you bring a galette des rois?". "You can bring some wine, we already have all the red we need, so bring some white" (or the other way around) is also heard. Nobody will ask you to bring champagne (it has to be a surprise) but everybody craves it. Nobody asks for flowers either because flowers are never needed, but they're always loved (all impracticality set aside). Sometimes also this can happen: "Ooh we're out of bread, could you get a couple baguettes on the way?" which means they're a little disorganized but they've given their whole attention to fixing a wonderful meal for you, and then they realized that they forgot the bread. More frequent than it sounds.

Edited January 31, 2007 by Ptipois (log)

[Culinista]

My experience in France confirms the wisdom of Ptipois' advice. However, in our case we had some rather formal occasions. This called for flowers to be sent by a florist in advance (and much angst about the hosts' decor and tastes) and a mandatory day-after phone call of thanks. I was raised in the Southern US, so a written thank-you note from me often complemented Mr. C's phone call. (I have a thing about speaking on the phone, particularly in French.) I like to give flowers in a container.

I was pretty much told that any wine other than champagne or a quaint foreign vintage was pretty much not a good idea.

Foreign gifts seemed well received. Depending on the person, we have offered top-quality Scandinavian smoked salmon, Japanese sake or food, etc.

[John Talbott]

I have merged Dave's newer thread into an older longer one that contains much wisdom.

One additional point; the books all say one should send a gift (eg flowers) the next day but I think it's less common today than in past decades.

[Catriona]

I'm inthere with the chilled champagne people. (in general, but also in the context of a gift for the hostess). It's almost never wrong (except, I guess, when visiting a teetotal house with only teetotal guests!)

[Ptipois]

I'm inthere with the chilled champagne people.  (in general, but also in the context of a gift for the hostess).  It's almost never wrong (except, I guess, when visiting a teetotal house with only teetotal guests!)

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Which is a very rare thing in France.