A trip into bizzaro world

[Keith Talent]

Needed to go to the mall last night, wife has the cold, I didn't feel like cooking so we decided to take our kids to White Spot. We go there 3-4 times a year maybe and every time I enjoy it not because it's good, it's not but because it's like travelling into some alternate Alice in Wonderland universe.

First, the unexplained wait. Empty tables everywhere, but there seems to be a rule that you need to stand around for five minutes while they "get a table ready". I've never understood the whole get a table ready thing. Is it their first day in business? Did they not expect customers to show up wanting to eat? I can deal though, I'm a patient man.

Next comes the server to tell us about the specials. Legendary Platter with side caesar, $8.99. Look at the menu see that I can get the same thing off the regular menu for the same price, but also get three onion rings. Huh? Where's the special? Is it special for them maybe? Maybe it's a special for the guy on the deep fryer station? He doesn't have to work. Wife begs me to not query the waitress, she knows it will turn into a protracted discourse on the concept of "specials" by me to some poor little high school girl waitress that's just trying to earn a couple bucks running burgers after school.

We order, two legedary platters, a pint of beer, (it always seems somewhat decadent to order booze in a White Spot. I wonder how many bottles of wine the flog a week? One? Maybe, if it's super busy? I've never seen the wine list there, I'm asking to speak to the sommelier next time. "What would you recommend with Ketchup?"(Oh, and the beer is GM Place quality at White Spot, yeah, I know it's shocking to think that there are two places in the same city that manage to serve flat skanky tasting pints)) and a Priate Pak for my kids.

Food comes on four plates.

Uhhhh, this could be trouble.

I've got two three year old twin daughters, and if you think that they are going to forgo an opportunity to eat burgers out of a cardboard pirate ship, well then you're crazy than Howard Dean appeared during his cathartic scream.

I call over the waitress. Wife shoots me the look that after a decade of marriage instantly conveys "DO NOT ASK THE WAITRESS ABOUT THE THOUGHT PROCESS INVOLVED IN CHOOOSING TO DENY TWO THREE YEAR OLDS THE VERY REASON WE'RE HERE." So I don't, I'm not an idiot. But I did mull it over while eating my delicious but not entirely burger tasting burger. Yeah, they serve burgers there, but it's a burger like a Big Mac is a burger, it contains all the requisite component parts, yet somehow manages to taste unique and unlike any other burger, which really isn't the worst thing I guess.

WWIII is averted by quickly getting dinner into two boats, bottom lips were quivering, but tears not yet flowing.

Things went smoothly from that point on.

[Coop]

Mrs Coop used to have a real thing for the BC burger. so monthly we would go to the Maple Ridge White Spot to get abused by the hostess. To pass the time while eating our food (after the half hour wait post ordering) my sons and I would bet on the one thing they obviously forgot. This item could be identified because it was the only item on the plate that was warm. It was never the fries, usually one of the four patties, or sometimes the zuccini.

This place was so lame it actually went bankrupt (the franchisee) and sat empty for about a year until they found someone to take it over and provide the same lame experience that the customers had come to expect.

I've never figured out why Nat Bailey is so famous. Maybe these places were better before his death. You can now get White Spot on the BC ferries. What a combo.

[MGLloyd]

I am acutely embarassed to report that when I go up to BC, I can never keep the name of this chain straight. I keep calling it 'The Wet Spot'.

[Keith Talent]

You can now get White Spot on the BC ferries. What a combo.

Better White Spot than the traditional BC Ferry food, (and I'm resisting putting scare quotes around the word food.)

What's up with that chowder? That stuff is neither famous nor good. Talk about a bad case of groupthink. If a thick creamy base filled with anchovy flavoured elastic bands prepared by a disgruntled union member is your idea of a delicious bowl of soup, then more power to you, but it's not for me. I'm sorry, but clams, like parachutes are one of those things I want to pay alot of money for.

You know who BC Ferrys should conttract in to run the cafeteria? Ikea. Those Swedes know how to run a cafeteria. Gordo is going to hear from me on this today.

[canadiancook]

Is the Ikea cafetria seriously good?...or at least good for a cafetria? Everytime I am there I always consider going in but something in the back of my head keeps saying there has got to be something wrong when they charge less than $5 for a salmon dinner.

You're right about White Spot burgers though. They are burger shaped, but they don't technically taste like a burger should. I have to admit I actually like these things almost to the point where I could become addicted if I didn't limit myself to maybe 4 or 5 of them a year. Must have something to do with the "Triple O" sauce - what the hell does "Triple O" even mean. Isn't it just mayo and red relish.

By the way, I have seen a wine list at White Spot. I was up in Fort St John on business and went in for dinner. Wine list had about 12 choices, mostly Australian (banrock station, lindemans. etc) but the only thing they actually had behind the bar was Conchy'a Toro Merlot.

[Keith Talent]

THe Ikea cafeteria is pretty good. The five dollar salmon is a reasonable lunch. Real food. Fillet, potatoes, and some sort of veg stew/ratatouille thing. Drink included. Tip to the sly; Combine 50% 7-Up and 50% Lingonberry juice at the fountain. And they can try to be sophisticated and urbane with their fancy euro Lingonberry juice, but I know cranberry when I see it.

The open faced roast beef is also good. Real roast beef, topped with dill horseradish and fried onion bits on some kind of rye. Pretty good.

[MGLloyd]

I am reminded of the Simpson's episode, 'Eight Misbehavin', where the family goes to shop at SHOP, a thinly-disguised takeoff of Ikea. Homer is thrilled to discover Polpenlugen listed on the FUD menu in the cafeteria, and tells the server 'and don't forget the doodlemunch!'.

I like the Ikea cafeteria at the store in Renton.

[paul mitchell]

You knockin ferry food Keith?..........wait till that union gets on you. I bet they'd have no problem shutting them down again if you didn't agree to retract your statement.

[Coop]

Just want to point out that the White Spot cafeteria food on ther ferry is better (sort of the tallest of the seven dwarfs) then the "food" served from the Pacific Buffet. How do you spell tomaine?

[Redhead]

“ I am acutely embarassed to report that when I go up to BC, I can never keep the name of this chain straight. I keep calling it 'The Wet Spot'."

LOL! Other less-than-endearing terms you'll occasionally hear from locals are The Bot Spot and The White Bot, which are references to a botulism outbreak at one Vancouver White Spot many years ago. Apparently a tainted jar of prepared minced garlic used in the sauce for the French Dip sandwich led to some very serious illness. Long time ago, but unforgettable (not in a good way) for those involved!

Re: the IKEA cafeteria, it's definitely worth a look. I suspect Mr. Talent is tossing his adorable twins into the play area (our twins love it in there) and then heading upstairs for a nice cup of Swedish coffee. They do a decent job with open-face cured salmon sandwiches (gravlax, with a sweet dilly mustard sauce) and it's dead quiet in there when the store first opens.

Re: Yaohan, I gotta get back there. They serve bipbimbap in REAL stone bowls? And people don't walk off with them?

Finally, in the interests of expanding my children's culinary world, I'd love to know what Chinese dishes appeal to the little Talents. Mine turn up their noses at most of the trad Westernized stuff like sweet and sour. What are yours eating?

[canadiancook]

I am reminded of the Simpson's episode, 'Eight Misbehavin', where the family goes to shop at SHOP, a thinly-disguised takeoff of Ikea. Homer is thrilled to discover Polpenlugen listed on the FUD menu in the cafeteria, and tells the server 'and don't forget the doodlemunch!'.

And I thought there wasn't a single Simpson's episode I haven't seen. I got to keep my eye open for this one. Best show ever.

[MGLloyd]

That episode is most memorable for Apu and Manjula having octuplets, and to keep this food related, Apu 'chilling his loins' in the Quickee Mart ice cream freezer when trying to impregnate Manjula.

The Simpsons works on so many levels.

Edited February 13, 2004 by MGLloyd (log)

[canadiancook]

Well than I have seen it several times, just not the begining of it I guess. I love how a lot of the time the first 2-3 minutes of the show has almost nothing to do with the main story line of the rest of the show.

[Keith Talent]

How old are your monsters, Redhead?

Mine are 3 1/2.

They are pretty good eaters. Noodles mostly, with what ever meat we're eating. Only downside is nothing too spicy, which limits me, but sacrifices must be made when you start a family I guess. They've been raised on a diet of asian food since they started eating solids, so nothing seems that weird to them. They love pho, which is good for us, although I doubt a bowl of rice noodles have much in the way of nutrients. The refer to pho as going out to the Chinese Spagehtti Factory, which is their favourite restaurant, and naturally our most despised. They like Japanese, they'd eat salmon sashimi exclusively if we'd let them. (Two problems with that, a)cost and b)I'm not sure if toddlers should eat raw fish.) I'm not the one to pontificate on kids diets, they're a complete mystery to me. How they determine what's good and what's not seem to be ruled by some abitrary selection lotto rather than any logic. In fact pretty much every aspect of their personality seems to be governed by some giant cosmic roulette table. "And todays behaviour ball falls into the slot marked "crabby"".

I'd look at taking your kids first to a Vietnamese place and getting the rice noodle bowl. THere's nothing foreign or strange about them. Thin rice noodles, grilled chicken skewers, spring rolls (and speaking for my kids, ANYTHING deepfried is good, I suspect your kids/all kids might be the same?) and a few slices of carrot and cucumber. Dipping sauce (sweet/vinegary) on the side. Nothing alien when you think about it, 'cept spring rolls and they fall under the deepfrier provision.

[gus_tatory]

...and to keep this food related, Apu 'chiliing his loins' in the Quickee Mart ice cream freezer when trying to impregnate Manjula.

this thread = hilarious.

a) i have never been to said restaurant, but the "Alice in Wonderland quality" reminds me of a bar across the street from me. i went in for a beer one friday eve, and there were 6-8 Hasidic (sp?) rabbis standing around watching a big-screen tv football game on the sabbath!

b) i have also never eaten at an IKEA, but i have multiple friends who insist that the meatballs with lingonberry sauce are the best. and who make it a "destination restaurant" for those meatballs.

c) The Simpsons is hands down the best show on tv, IMHO. every time Matt Groening renews the contract, i silently thank heaven.

...and to keep this food-related, remember the "sacrilicious" pancake (is it a pancake?) in the fridge, that (doh!) Homer eats?

[cjs]

I've got a pair myself. They are 13 (going on 25!) Boy & Girl.

If they could, we would be out eating sushi every night of the week.

Also, I grew up on the island and have lived on the mainland for years now and I can't tell you how many trips I've taken on the ferries. It's funny but you would think someone would have figured out how to make a decent meal on those boats by now!

Edited February 13, 2004 by cjs (log)

[Redhead]

How they determine what's good and what's not seem to be ruled by some abitrary selection lotto rather than any logic. In fact pretty much every aspect of their personality seems to be governed by some giant cosmic roulette table. "And todays behaviour ball falls into the slot marked "crabby"".

LOL! You really nailed it there.

We ought to start a new thread with CJS on the egulleters' guide to the feeding and culinary education of twins. Coop apparently successfully taught his offspring to PREHEAT the pan, among other essentials. Inspiring, no?

We have b/g twins aged 6 who are also great fans of the aforementioned Spag. Factory (at least the one in Whistler -- god save us from the truly inedible meals we were served in a Seattle S.F.). Your suggestion of a rice noodle bowl is excellent.

Deep-fried foods continue to offer maximum appeal to the little Redheads; we are regulars at a cheap Japanese place where our standard order includes prawn tempura, miso soup (carefully pre-filtered to remove those offensive "slimy green bits"), edamame ("popping beans," many of which naturally end up in the laps of neighbouring diners) and chicken yakitori (extra teriyaki sauce on the side please for a pleasant sugar buzz).

The next time the behavior balls read "compliant", "willing to try something new" and "promises not to bop sibling incessantly on the head with blow-up toy from the P.N.E. that parents thought they'd hidden in the crawl space", we'll head out in search of that rice noodle bowl....

[cjs]

Here's a strange one.

When my son was very young, he would chew the hell out of any meat I was serving, and then neatly deposit the mass at the edge of his plate. achh

My daughter wouldn't eat any kind of ground meat (wonder if she knows something we don't??) Any way I make a type of Danish meatball using ground pork and veal. As long as I told her there was peanut butter in them, she would happily chomp away. Do I feel bad?? No. It was even more fun telling her about it when she got old enough.

[young one]

I grew up eating lots of asian fare and started mighty young, high-chair sized. Our fave as kids was definitely dim sum. I suggest sticky rice, har gow and shui mai (I absolutely do NOT know how to really spell those). Orange crush is a must. The long flat white rice noodles wrapped around beef/pork drizzled with brown sauce. Shanghai Noodles is a super yummy kid friendly dish.

You guys should get all the kids together and go as a big group. Most restaurants that do Dim Sum are kid friendly. You will be able to order enough good stuff so the grown ups don't feel like they are giving up flavour. The kids can check out the live lobster tank. When they're done eating they can play under the big round table you are sitting at while you calmly enjoy the rest of your food and conversation.

For us, this was the dads thing and there were usally at least four kids. Moms relaxed while dads nursed hangovers.

Have fun!!!!

[HKDave]

Drifting back onto the topic of White Spot..... I have very fond memories of them from my youth (sounding and feeling older than my years here).

I remember going to their drive-ins before Vancouver had its first McD's, and even better, going to the long-gone White Spot buffet at Oakridge (does anyone remember that place?) I was raised in a low-budget vegan household - I don't want to talk about it - and whenever my grandparents came to town, they would take my brother and I out to that buffet.

For a couple of always-hungry carnivorous kids in the 60's and 70's, that was paradise. Turkey, ham, all kinds of delicious food that normal people ate - and you could eat as much as you wanted! The whole concept boggled our minds at the time. And when you're about 12 years old, you can eat a rather staggering amount.

Their buffet closed years ago, and I moved to Asia in about 1990. I've been back a few times in recent years when passing through Vancouver, and wasn't especially excited. But I was walking through a mall in my current home of Hong Kong recently, and I was quite astonished to see a small White Spot outlet. Apparently an expatriate Hong Konger got a taste for White Spot while at university in Vancouver, and decided to open one here. I should try it someday. We've also got a Keg here now. Now if someone will only open an Earl's....

- Hong Kong Dave

[Keith Talent]

We've also got a Keg here now. Now if someone will only open an Earl's....

...you'd have a trinity of bad Vancouver inspired restaurantrs?

[HKDave]

When I'm back in Van I don't mind hitting the Keg for a big chunk 'o meat at a rational price. Plus I love to hear those immortal words from my youth: "Will that be regular or Keg-sized?" It's not world class food but it's not pretentious - unlike overpriced steak places like Gotham. I haven't tried the Keg in HK, it will be interesting to see if they can pull it off here.

And I have nothing bad to say about Earls.... try living 13 years somewhere (like HK) where you need reservations to get a burger that's half as good and costs three times as much and is served by waitron that doesn't pretend to care, and you'll see what I mean.

But White Spot I can live without, no problem....

HKDave

[Coop]

Personally I think large chains could learn a lot from the philosphy employed at Earl's. They seem to offer a lot more then meat and potatoes. Thier products seem to be a sort of second level of quality and it's easy to get some decent vegetables with your meal.

As for the Keg you better like that seasoning salt they apply to all thier steaks. What sort of quality is thier meat. A couple of weeks ago I had a steak at an Outback while golfing south of the border. I suspect they get thier meat from slaughtered dairy cows, then marinate it in papaya juice. It has the wierdest texture. The taste seems to be masked by some sort of finishing marinade.

BTW Outback blooming onion equals 2,130 calories. This from that great source for nutritional information, Golf Digest.

[Keith Talent]

Where were you golfing a couple weeks ago? Must have been wayyyyy south of the border.

[Coop]

It was a very rainy day everywhere except in Anacortes where we played. Similk golf course. It's 6,230 yards from the back tees, very hilly and kind of wide open. It's in very good condition, not busy and $15.00 US during the week. Highly recomended! As for the Outback and Krispy Kreme in Burlington, you're on your own!