Plan: eGullet Pasta Feast

[Varmint]

Although my palate was quite dead by the time Random Alias' dish was served, I'm thinking that the richness of the duck (man, that was GOOD) overwhelmed any subtle flavor differences the toasting made. I'd like to try the toasted penne with just some EVOO and sea salt. There's a lot of potential for bringing out some caramelized flavor here.

Those of you who were in a better (and less obnoxious) state than I, please chime in.

[Random Alias]

Excellent pictures. It looks like everyone had a great time.

Question for Random Alias- how did toasting the penne effect it's

texture/flavor?

Thanks.

What Varmint said.

I made two batches of penne side by side, one toasted, one not. It's easy enough to taste the difference, the toasted has a slightly nutty flavor comapred to the penne straight out of the box. But put any type of tomato based sauce on it and I don't think you're going to notice. Makes the dish sound fancy though.

I ran across the idea in a Tom Douglas recipe that was with a cream based sauce. He claims it changes the texture too, but that's a subtle change at best.

Either ways, it's not much work. Just have to keep a careful eye on it because it goes from toasted to brown in about 20-30 seconds. Once some of the penne starts to get a pinkish hue, you have to check it about every 5 seconds.

[Toasted]

Thanks for the info. I'm going to try to make it tonight as Varmit suggested

with just some EVOO and grated parmesan. I'll let you know how it comes

out.

[phlawless]

So the night was a blast, and I honestly don't want to eat pasta for quite some time...everything was wonderful, I think the porcini and truffle with fettuccini was my favorite: always a sucker for shrooms.

I'm not sure if I'll get around to posting recipes, honestly I didn't really use any except for the consomme, but if there is interest I'll do my best to remember!

Thanks to Varmint for organizing it all, and pass along more thanks to your in-laws for being such gracious hosts to our motley crew!

Edited February 9, 2004 by phlawless (log)

[Suzanne F]

Phlawless, that was one beautiful consomme!!!

And all, looks like a good time should have been had by all -- and was! Thanks for sharing (vicarious) with us.

[edemuth]

What an incredible meal! It's really hard to say what was better, the food or the company. Every time I go to Varmint's house (or his in-laws'), I meet more and more amazing people. Thanks to Mr. and Mrs. scottie and Mr. and Mrs. Random Alias for the directional help, assistance in the kitchen and kind invitations to dine elsewhere (next time, I promise!).

And Varmint, I DID leave some dessert for you (and pancetta for 'Cella's parents, the wonderful hosts)!

I think I'm finally ready to eat more food now....

[Bill Klapp]

I can't post on this until later, but since I was sitting near the Varmint just before he unceremoniously lost consciousness for the night, I want to reserve the right to tell that story!

[Al_Dente]

I want to reserve the right to tell that story!

You not only have the right to tell that story, you have the DUTY to tell it.

This should be good...

[Varmint]

Yes, I'd like to see how much Mr. Klapp embellishes here. I'll then post the truth.

[Mayhaw Man]

Yes, I'd like to see how much Mr. Klapp embellishes here. I'll then post the truth.

Like you remember.

[Chad]

Yes, I'd like to see how much Mr. Klapp embellishes here.  I'll then post the truth.

Bill, as an attorney and dedicated eGulleter, has an ironbound duty not to let the truth stand in the way of a good story.

For shame, Dean. You know better.

Chad

[Bill Klapp]

I take the posts above to be a clear mandate from you kind folk to tell the truth as I remember it, without fear of contradiction by Varmint, who had no recollection whatsoever between 11:00 Saturday night and some yet-to-be determined time after sunrise on Sunday morning! I will post later tonight or tomorrow morning. I think Saturday night was worthy of a brief essay, and I must give it its due...

[bloviatrix]

Yes, I'd like to see how much Mr. Klapp embellishes here.  I'll then post the truth.

Like you remember.

I was thinking the same thing. You beat me to it.

[Bill Klapp]

"I want the truth!" - -Tom Cruise to Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men; Dean McCord to Bill Klapp on February 10, 2004 (more or less)

"You can't handle the truth!" - -Jack Nicholson to Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men; Bill Klapp to Dean McCord right now

Regarding last Saturday night, there follows the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Mostly. As long as the truth doesn't get in the way of a good story. (Something like when Norman Mailer wrote his book on Marilyn Monroe. He employed what he called "factoids", that is, those bits of information which, if not confirmable as true, at least OUGHT to be true.) Look, this may get a little sappy, and I apologize in advance for that. But life is sometimes a little sappy. Take comfort in the fact that every sappy moment in life, however brief, is completely neutralized by a half-hour episode of Donald Trump's The Apprentice.

First, to establish my credentials as a Teller of Truth, a personal confession: Like the Varmint, I, too, drank a gallon and a half of wine Saturday night. Unlike the Varmint, I did not buffer my consumption with 2 1/2 pounds of pasta. (Although I DID get to taste the delightful rosemary-grapefruit sorbet at the end, and was even able to drizzle the honey on the accompanying grapefruit sections without mishap. But that is another story...) In fact, for some time prior to Saturday night, I had been on the most powerful weight loss program known to humanity-the Atkins (or South Beach, if you prefer) divorce diet. (Those of you who have divorced, or have friends or family members who have divorced, will be familiar with that regimen. It begins with the Atkins "induction" phase, wherein you cut out carbs and eat massive quantities of protein and fat. After a while, you stop eating altogether, and live on pure adrenalin, while you purposefully set about correcting all of your faults that your ex complained of. If you find that you do not have as many faults as you were led to believe, you then begin to correct lesser character flaws that you SUSPECT that your ex would have eventually complained of, had you remained married! And so it goes. By the time that I showed up Saturday night, my body had ceased to produce adrenalin, so I was living mostly on adrenalin FUMES at that point. Just kidding (mostly)!) I choose to believe that none of the rest of you knew that I was drunk because, unlike Varmint, I was able to walk away from the party under my own steam. In fact, I remained in denial myself until I got on the Wade Avenue access road to I-40, when it became painfully apparent that what I had previously believed to be a two-lane highway in the westbound direction had miraculously become a FOUR-lane highway during dinner. Even worse, as I surveyed the traffic ahead in the lane (two lanes?) that I seemed to be travelling in, there were TWO identical tractor trailers! Thankfully, I had the foresight to do what I always do in such situations- -set my gaze on the RIGHT-HAND pair of white lines (to the exclusion of all other lines, regardless of how many pairs may have shown up between Raleigh and Chapel Hill), set the cruise control at the speed limit (statistics reveal that you are more likely to get arrested for going 25 than 65 while DUI) and continuously monitor my appetite for succumbing to the conventional wisdom of pulling off the road and sobering up. I arrived safely in my bed at about 12:30AM, still wondering what in the hell had happened to Varmint.

But, as they say, enough about me. (The last sentence is, of course, a stock literary device employed by self-absorbed authors to give the reader false hope that the author may soon curb his or her self-indulgent ramblings and write something actually worth reading. No such luck. As the sign said above Hellmouth in Dante's Divine Comedy, "All hope abandon ye who enter here"! And I suppose that, for those of you who are not familar with my posts on the Italy board (presumably all of you but the Varmint, based upon the number of recent hits!), fully half of every post I write is parenthetical, and, as a general rule, if I write anything funny, it will be found in parentheses. This enables the time-challenged reader to skip over the bullshit and maybe enjoy a chuckle or two. Of course, as in all other dealings with lawyers, there can be no guarantees.) But I digress. To the meat of the matter: frankly, I lost my eGullet offline virginity Saturday night. I suppose that I knew that eGulleteers were sponsoring such events around the country, and of course, I knew about the Varmint's pickin' last fall, but for me, eGullet had been largely a cyber experience, probably because it took all of the free time that I could devote to it to keep up my responsibilities on the Italy board. (I hope that I did not disappoint anyone when you learned that I was a middle-aged man and not, in fact, a precocious 13-year-old bilingual Italian girl who goes online to mess with the minds of a bunch of obsessive American foodies. I must warn you, however, that "Sam Kinsey" is, in fact, a precocious 13-year-old girl, and quite the opera buff to boot!) I did not even read the pasta party thread before I came, nor was it clear to me that the group would be mainly eGulleteers. In short, I came totally unprepared for what I discovered there. (Whatever his other shortcomings (and we will inevitably turn to those later), at least the Varmint had the good sense not to ask me to bring a pasta course!)

And what I discovered there was a source of considerable amazement to me, beginning with the warm greeting of a total stranger from those four pizza-nibbling kids and Marcella, to the comfort that the Varmint is actually O.K. (for a lawyer, I hasten to add), to Lianda and Ben (who are such wonderful people that I still refuse to believe that they are ANYBODY'S in-laws, much less the Varmint's), and finally, to all of the rest of you, who, although I sensed that most of you had done this before, seemed a lot more like family than mere food enthusiasts. I spend a lot of time in Italy, and the most appealing thing about it is the dominant importance of the table, both for eating and for rhapsodising and philosophizing about food and wine. Saturday night was the only time that I have ever experienced the same feeling in this country. And that has caused me to examine anew just what eGullet is about. As a co-host of a board, one of the most profound personal benefits (there being, of course, NO economic benefits) I enjoy is getting to share the insights of those giants in the industry, Jason Perlow and Steve Shaw, about this enterprise. (As you might imagine, those moments are not unlike gazing upon the face of the Almighty herself!) They seem to treat it as a franchise sometimes (I think they still harbor the notion that eGullet will make money someday), but mostly, they treat it as a really gifted child who needs equal measures of discipline and encouragement. The offline experience of Saturday night leads me to view it as a family, large, to be sure, but also much less dysfunctional than most. I was impressed by two things Saturday night: how much the group knows about food, individually and collectively (ingredients, technique, equipment, the whole shooting match), and how much more intelligent you are than our fellow Americans on the whole. (To my latter observation, I quickly "Duh!"ed myself after it occurred to me that the only reason I do this is because there are so many bright, articulate, passionate people online, but it is worth noting that I rarely feel the same way when I am in a room full of UNC professorial types and such in Chapel Hill. Said another way, I felt that we could have had a rousing discussion of almost anything Saturday night, had anyone been inclined to talk about anything other than food and wine. Thankfully, we dodged that bullet!) I have a pretty big head about my own cooking skill, but as I watched you guys go at it (and let us not forget the Varmint with his cook's knife crafted exclusively for him by a samurai master!), my first reaction was that I would graduate no better than in the lower third of our class, were we a culinary school. I based my estimated ranking on the fact that Lianda had a rolling-pin rack with eight, count 'em, EIGHT different rolling pins in it, while I have only two of the eight personally. (I am working to overcome that inferiority complex. I have talked myself into the 50th percentile, and realized that, were white truffles in season, and had I had a large one in my pocket Saturday night, I coulda been a contender. Either that, or I could have had a pack of dogs and pigs follow me home!) Thanks for letting me serve as busboy! I did get the sense, though, that the group needs a full-time sommelier, and thank God I have the credentials to at least submit a resume for that job. I suppose that, if eGullet is a cult, I drank the Koolaid (metaphorically speaking - -actually, I drank a gallon and a half of wine, as indicated above) Saturday night.

And now the moment that we have all being waiting for: the Varmint's unceremonious disappearance from the dinner table! Wassssup with that? At first, as he dozed off at the table, I thought that maybe he had just worn himself out with all of the preparation, which has happened to me on occasion, but then I realized that the rest of you did most of the cooking (and prepping, and bussing, etc.). After he buried his face in what was left of the duck ragu on his plate (that is to say, precious little - -he was never at risk of suffocation) and I concluded that he was asleep and not just being overly appreciative of the quality of the dish, I sensed that he was in real trouble. I was giving due consideration to slapping him around a bit (something I am inclined to do only when someone his size is THAT drunk - -you other short guys know what I mean), or perhaps enlisting the aid of four or five of you to help me dump him under a shower. But by the time I began serving dessert, he had disappeared altogether! (He claims to have been asleep in the living room, but I must confess that I did not see him, with single or double vision, on my way out.) My mind was racing - -could he have had a bad reaction to the rotgut Barbera I brought? Or could it be something darker, like a serious alcohol problem? I paused for a minute to mull over the latter, and wondered whether, with Marcella, the kids and his in-laws, the disparity of the perfection and happiness of his home life, when measured against the fact that he is a lawyer in his professional life, had created such a disparity between the two that it had driven him to drink. In the final analysis, I reached no firm conclusions, and now, I choose to try and block the whole ugly episode from my mind, choosing instead to remember that beautiful plate of penne and duck ragu BEFORE the Varmint ruined it with his face!

Suddenly, I have recalled the old Forrest Gump line about life being like a box of chocolates. How about this instead - -life is like a box of Lucky Charms, where food, wine and friends are the cereal, and everything else is just so many dried-out, artifically colored marshmallow bits? I believe that this strikes at the heart of the eGullet philosophy. Take it from a guy who pushes dried-out, artifically colored marshmallow bits from one side of his desk to the other, and then back again, for a living!

[Al_Dente]

I (which is to say me, or the sentient being sitting here actually typing this post) can't (or cannot, for those of you who prefer to avoid contractions) wait to hear (or read, as it were) the rest of this stor [HAD TO POST DUE TO BOSS LOOKING OVER SHOULDER]

[Bill Klapp]

"Al", do I detect a mocking tone in your post? Surely, after I charged some hapless client $500 an hour to write that drivel (just kidding, in case any of my law partners are reading this!), you would not stoop so low as to mock me? I'm fairly certain that the Varmint will want to reserve that right for himself...

[mnebergall]

This Varmint incident sounds to me like something in the nature of an automobile accident. We need to know the views of those standing on the other three corners.

[Al_Dente]

"Al", do I detect a mocking tone in your post? Surely, after I charged some hapless client $500 an hour to write that drivel (just kidding, in case any of my law partners are reading this!), you would not stoop so low as to mock me? I'm fairly certain that the Varmint will want to reserve that right for himself...

Not mocking. Just a fellow parentheticalist here. ()

[Varmint]

Response:

1. I did not pass out into the ragout.

2. I had too much to drink.

3. After eating the ragout, I started sweating and shaking profusely and exited stage left.

4. I realized that I had eaten way too much rich food, and in combination with the alcoholic excess, I was in for major GI trouble.

5. I took care of the immediate problem.

6. I continued to sweat and shake.

7. I sat in the living room chair some time before midnight; sweating and shaking did not diminish.

8. I woke up in said living room chair shortly after 3 AM.

9. I went to the guest bedroom.

10. I fell asleep in said guest bedroom.

11. I woke up in said guest bedroom at approximately 7:45 AM.

12. I continued to clean up the kitchen.

13. I went to my own home at 9:15.

14. I continued to have GI problems.

15. I need to eat and drink less.

Sworn this day, the 11th of February, 2004.

Dean M. McCord

[Bill Klapp]

I don't know about this. Do we have any pictures of his head in the ragu? That does not strike me as the kind of thing that I would make up. The Varmint's story does have a certain plausibility going for it, and the GI part of it plays to the sympathetic side of all eGulleteers, but the contrite "I need to eat and drink less" thing at the end somehow just does not ring true to me. Even when I do eat and drink less, it is not something I am proud of, and certainly not something that I would be comfortable posting on this website, for fear of the chilling effect that it might have on our hard-core posters!

[Varmint]

I did not quantify how much less that I needed to eat and drink. So don't read too much into that particular statement.

[Bill Klapp]

We are getting closer to the truth all of the time. By the way, do Lianda and Ben miss me? I can make myself available for dinner soon if so. I am also beginning my search for an apartment in Raleigh soon. Aren't there apartments across the street from their house?

[Al_Dente]

I've heard sleeping in the remaining pasta sauce is taken as the highest form of compliment in some parts of Sardinia.

[Zeb A]

Response:

1. I did not pass out into the ragout.

2. I had too much to drink.

3. After eating the ragout, I started sweating and shaking profusely and exited stage left.

4. I realized that I had eaten way too much rich food, and in combination with the alcoholic excess, I was in for major GI trouble.

5. I took care of the immediate problem.

6. I continued to sweat and shake.

7. I sat in the living room chair some time before midnight; sweating and shaking did not diminish.

8. I woke up in said living room chair shortly after 3 AM.

9. I went to the guest bedroom.

10. I fell asleep in said guest bedroom.

11. I woke up in said guest bedroom at approximately 7:45 AM.

12. I continued to clean up the kitchen.

13. I went to my own home at 9:15.

14. I continued to have GI problems.

15. I need to eat and drink less.

Sworn this day, the 11th of February, 2004.

Dean M. McCord

I am sorry that I missed this, but, I am sad to say that I have seen this all before. In a way, it is reassuring to know that Varmint hasn't changed all that much.

[Bill Klapp]

My conscience is bothering me. I forgot to add that he called me from his office early Sunday afternoon, although I am at a loss to explain how he got there. Of course, Sunday, as they say, was another day. Actually, I love the Varmint, and I think less of myself for giving him such a hard time. Why, he hasn't done the same thing to me more than FIFTY or so times in the past year!