The customer is always right ...

[Bux]

In another thread, mynamejoe said:

Except for the couple that wanted to know if we still served "that teriyaki sauce" with our steaks. What they were talking about was actually a cabernet demi-glace.

That got me to thinking that many members who work in restaurants have equally amusing stories they could add. One of my second hand stories is about the man about town who returned his salad because it had bits of glass in it. It took a couple of plates before the staff realized he was talking about the fleur de sel. Do you embarrass a VIP diner in front of this guest, or do you apologize for the glass and let him walk out thinking there was glass in his salad?

So if all you cooks and servers will fire away, we sophisticated diners will snicker on the sidelines until we recognize ourselves in one of your stories.

[SobaAddict70]

What you hope for, but can't seem to get in about the majority of these cases, is a dining companion who knows about food and is proactive.

SA

[glenn]

New flick "Mostly Martha" is Mostly Predictable dribble but it's worth seeing for the food scenes. The guy at table 7, a regular and a regular complainer, finally gets his just deserves by chef Martha when he complains about the steak not being rare enough. Imagine what he got. [fyi, Martha is one of the top chefs at an upscale restaurant somewhere in Germany.]

[macrosan]

I was eating with a group of work colleagues at a large round table. The guy opposite me had ordered prawns. The waiter brought a ifngerbowl of water with a slice of lemon floating in it, and was putting it down at his place when he called out "Who ordered the lemon soup?".

Honestly, cross my heart and hope to die, I was there and it happened just as I said.

[lizziee]

Some fun things to ponder:

1. A client is presented with the amuse bouche and sends it back, saying, "I didn't order that."

2. A client is presented with his wine, Chateauneuf du Pap, and says to the sommelier as well as his wife, "This is one of the best Provence wines ever!"

3. At Lespinasse, 1998, a Texas client orders 1961 Chateau Latour. After his first taste, he exclaims, in his loudness drawl, "This here wine is shit!." Joseph Nase, the sommelier at the time, asks, "Can you explain what you mean?" "It's just shit and I can't drink it."

4. At the French Laundry, a client asks the waiter, as his plate is being bussed, "What are those little black things I left on the plate?" (They were black truffles).

5. At Route 57 in New York, a waitress exclaimed, That vinatge does not matter, because it's a chateau."

6. To add to the fingerbowl story, at Le Cirque, a client picked up the fingerbowl, drank it, and said it was one of the best lemongrass consommes he had ever had.

[southern girl]

A dining companion who ate some of the rock salt beneath his oyster rockerfeller thinking it was ice.

[Stone]

A waiter at a wedding asked the patrons, "do you want chardonnay or caberet?" After all, that's what life is.

[Jinmyo]

A dining companion who ate some of the rock salt beneath his oyster rockerfeller thinking it was ice.

This is it. Eating ice, which closes the palette, is bad enough. Mistaking salt for ice proves that as a species we are not only esthetically inept but only worthy of invasion and harvesting by interstellar gourmands.

Mmm. Tastes like Orthlacian bacon.

[Christopher]

There are all kinds of stories but two gems in terms of sheer hilarity and embarrasment are as follows. Both are plays on words.

Serving the amuse to an overly appreciative woman diner:

"A little something to whet your appetite!"

And she responds:

Ooh, well I'm whet!"

This next is somewhat more obtuse but follows the same principle:

At a burgundy tasting dinner with numerous glasses and the server wishes to ascertain that he is topping off the correct glass. The arrogant gentleman replies loudly:

"I always keep my Beaune on the left!"

In the first case, the woman realized what she had said the instant the words came out of her mouth.

In the case of the wine geek, his friends gave him a great ribbing and talked about his bone all night.

[Miss J]

When I was waiting tables during my uni days:

- At a very elegant wedding, a group of people were nonplussed by nearly every dish I brought out. Especially the gazpacho. They were convinced we just hadn't bothered to heat it up.

- At another wedding, the bride had requested brioche topped with fois gras as a starter. As I refilled water glasses, I overheard a couple of guys at one of my tables discussing it:

"Hey, what's that stuff on the toast?"

"Dunno...tastes kinda like turkey stuffin'. But soft."

[Simon Majumdar]

I am assuming that for all the hilarity these rubes offered, the restaurants involved were still willing to take their cash to help pay the wages of those who are now dissing them and that those serving were more than happy to take the tips.

While these things can be great fun ( I have some wonderful stories from my time in the bookstores ) it is worth remembering that not everyone is as obsessed with food and eating out as we are and for many it can be an extra ordinarily intimidating experience, particularly at a high end place.

I wonder how many situations we have all been in where we have placed foot firmly in mouth not least of all when we were all in our nascent dining days.

Here endeth the sermon

S

[Adam Balic]

Simon are you OK.

[Miss J]

It's the retreat. We're now seeing a kinder, gentler Simon.

[Adam Balic]

Retreat? You mean those places where they give you a low protein diet, loads of chanting and incense which destroys your ability to laugh at the stupidity of your fellow man? Well I fear for him, but I guess as long as it isn't an Anglican Retreat he should be fine.

[Adam Balic]

Oh, all this piss taking reminds me of a story relavent to the topic . When I was staying in a Monastry in Durham (UK) I was invited to dinner with the monks and various local VIPs (Mayor etc). I sat next to the Mayor's wife. After a truely terrible meal (worst of English cooking) the Mayor's wife turned to me and said "Do you eat as well as this in Australia? I could only say that "No, we naver ate like this in Australia".

[Simon Majumdar]

as long as it isn't an Anglican Retreat he should be fine.

It is.

I have not been yet but am indeed in preparation which is perhaps why I am being more kindly than the norm ( except to Australians and Canadians )

I shall however spend much of my time in thoughtful contemplation and prayer that none of us ever drinks a finger bowl, asks a sommelier for their best Blue Nun or sends some grouse back because it is full of "pips"

S

[Adam Balic]

Thank His holy name, there is still hope for Simon yet! Anglican eh? Bells and Smells or Over-head projectors and guitars?

[StephenT]

I was eating with a group of work colleagues at a large round table. The guy opposite me had ordered prawns. The waiter brought a ifngerbowl of water with a slice of lemon floating in it, and was putting it down at his place when he called out "Who ordered the lemon soup?".

Erm, are you sure he wasn't just being silly? I'm sure at some point I've said something remarkably similar in a drunkenly misguided attempt at humour.

Something that happened to me on a flight (I was the customer in this case and obviously in the minds of the steward, being a picky idiot). I'd studied the menu which clearly indicated that their wine of the month (or whatever) was a sauvignon blanc and when asked what I'd like to drink, that's what I asked for. I was given a chenin blanc and when I pointed that out, the response was "Well that one's also a blanc". Economy class of course.

[Jinmyo]

Get thee to a nunnery, Simon.

[Simon Majumdar]

Get thee to a nunnery, Simon.

Why do you think I was asked to leave the priesthood?

[Jinmyo]

Get thee to a nunnery, Simon.

Why do you think I was asked to leave the priesthood?

Well, there was that thing about offering Holy Communion with the eucharist on your outstretched tongue.

[Adam Balic]

Get thee to a nunnery, Simon.

Why do you think I was asked to leave the priesthood?

Well, there was that thing about offering Holy Communion with the eucharist on your outstretched tongue.

That would have to be one big wafer. Or as my father in-law (Anglican priest) says "Big God" sized.

[Jinmyo]

Get thee to a nunnery, Simon.

Why do you think I was asked to leave the priesthood?

Well, there was that thing about offering Holy Communion with the eucharist on your outstretched tongue.

That would have to be one big wafer. Or as my father in-law (Anglican priest) says "Big God" sized.

I think we're ruining Bux's nice thread.

[Adam Balic]

Oh, sorry. How about this. I went to a wine tasting in a winery in Western Australia, it was a bit of a bun-fight so glasses were being passed by people at the bar back to their parteners further back in the crowd. On very drunk Australian women would pass the wine back and shout out the name of the wine. She was so enthusiastic that her arms were pumping like pistons. As there was a limited amount of booze she was very keen to get every cut of the joint owed to her (she thought). Which is why she passed back a glass of water (from the staffs washing up) back to here loved one. "What's this luvvy? It's Bonza!" He said, "Thats the "Shabbliss" (Chablis) darl', it says 'ere that it is very dry and flinty? Giv'us a go", she replied. "Yeh, that's the best one all day! CAn we get a case?".

Idiots. It was very funny though.

[Jinmyo]

Adam, what a dill.