Adventures in chopstick etiquette

[herbacidal]

Don't leave your chopsticks standing vertically in your bowl of rice.  That's a religious no-no.

We use spoons to divvy up and carry the portions to our plates.  If we do reach out with chopsticks into a community dish, then "whatever piece we touch, we take."

very true.

hmm, guess i can't remember any of these things myself.

gotta be reminded by everyone.

[tryska]

vertical in the rice is a religious no-no? why is that?

[titus wong]

Typically, chopsticks are inserted so that they stand straight up in a bowl of rice when a funeral offering is being made, at least amongst the chinese I know. You never do so when eating with others -- it's considered bad form.

[tryska]

i see. that's interesting.

[torakris]

Typically, chopsticks are inserted so that they stand straight up in a bowl of rice when a funeral offering is being made, at least amongst the chinese I know.  You never do so when eating with others -- it's considered bad form.

This is very true in Japan too, probably the biggest no-no next to passing something from your chopsticks to somebody eles's chopsticks. This also goes back to a funeral rite of picking bones (with chopsticks) out of the cremated remains and passing them among the relatives.

[torakris]

and then Korea has its own rules!

http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?act=ST...6&hl=chopsticks

[tryska]

thanks torakris - it's fascianting how taboos come abotu, no?

and thanks for digging up the korean thread - i wonder if the rules go out of the window when it's a korean BBQ/Sushi restaurant, liek the one down the street from my house.

[Daniel]

While in china i was told that it was proper to use the back end of your chopsticks to serve someone or to eat out of a communial dish.

[Laksa]

I remember as a kid that when dining with close friends and relatives, they would use the narrow (business) end to serve others. It's customary for Chinese parents, aunts and uncles to serve food from the shared plates and place it in a child's bowl, even though the child might be perfectly able to serve himself.

It is also customary, as a sign of respect, for an adult to serve a parent or parent-in-law this way. Personal hygiene? What are you talking about?

I reserve the back end of the chopsticks for dessert! You want to eat the longans with a spoon? What are you, a sissy?

[Jason Perlow]

The Koreans are the only Asian culture I know of that do not eat rice with chopsticks or on plates -- they eat with a spoon, and with bowls.

[adoxograph]

A bit of chopstick lore I heard was that one symbol of class was how you held your chopsticks - the further from the food, the higher your social stature was percieved to be. Anyone know if there is any truth to this factoid?

[petite tête de chou]

I can certainly understand these rules of etiquette but why NOT stab at a particularly slippery dumpling- for example. Seems like it would make the dining experience easier if a bit more heathenish.

[Laksa]

The Koreans are the only Asian culture I know of that do not eat rice with chopsticks or on plates -- they eat with a spoon, and with bowls.

Well, I don't blame them. Their chopsticks are as slender as toothpicks.

[Susan G]

While in china i was told that it was proper to use the back end of your chopsticks to serve someone

Not only polite, but a way of honoring someone by giving them a choice piece of something!

[Laksa]

I can certainly understand these rules of etiquette but why NOT stab at a particularly slippery dumpling- for example. Seems like it would make the dining experience easier if a bit more heathenish.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm guessing stabbing is verboten for the same reason the Chinese don't use knives at the table. It's barbaric!

[LittleMissCrepe]

So here's a cry for help addressed to adept chopstick users: How do you pick up a slippery dumpling, spring roll or similarly awkward item? Is there a trick involved, or does it just take practice and fine motor skills?

I'm Chinese-American but my horrible childhood chopstick technique went uncorrected, so I'm still a failure in young adulthood. I'm OK with the etiquette, though, since my mom was very big on not pointing chopsticks and serving with the other end. Is there a rule - this escapes me now - on how and where you should position them when not in use? Ideally there would be a chopstick holder at your place setting, but what if there's not?

Several years ago, I was in Hong Kong visiting all the extended family and while at dim sum, everyone said, "Let's see if our American relative still remembers how to use chopsticks!" I picked up a spring roll and ended up launching it across the table. It hit my uncle in the chest.

[Dejah]

I can certainly understand these rules of etiquette but why NOT stab at a particularly slippery dumpling- for example. Seems like it would make the dining experience easier if a bit more heathenish. 

I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm guessing stabbing is verboten for the same reason the Chinese don't use knives at the table. It's barbaric!

I am from Canton/ southern China and all the chopsticks I have ever used are blunt ended, so "stabbing" would have looked like a food fight

When setting the table, chopsticks are placed perpendicular to the edge of the table,

on the right hand side, big end down. This way, the chopsticks are ready for use when the guest is ready to eat.

When not in use, place your chopsticks back as they were first placed, with or without a "rest". I have also seen chopsticks placed with the ends resting on a "bone plate" if one is being used.

I was taught to serve others with the big end of the chopstick because it has not touched your mouth. I often serve my Mom that way when she is visiting.

When eating from a communal dish, never reach for food on the side away from you.

When the dish is not close to you, place your bowl close to the food before picking it up and placing it into your bowl. This way, you don't dribble onto the table.

When eating noodle soup, I pick up a small amount of noodles with my chopsticks, and hold the spoon under this as I transfer (daintily ) the noodles to my mouth.

So many rules...When do I get to eat!?

[Laksa]

When eating noodle soup, I pick up a small amount of noodles with my chopsticks, and hold the spoon under this as I transfer (daintily ) the noodles to my mouth.

Call me uncouth, but I will pick up as much noodle as I can hold between the two sticks and shove it quickly into my mouth before I drop any. Then with a lot of noise I suck in all the trailing strands.

You must either be descended from Chinese nobility... or a girl.

[Dejah]

You must either be descended from Chinese nobility... or a girl.

or have a smaller mouth

[herbacidal]

When eating noodle soup, I pick up a small amount of noodles with my chopsticks, and hold the spoon under this as I transfer (daintily ) the noodles to my mouth.

Call me uncouth, but I will pick up as much noodle as I can hold between the two sticks and shove it quickly into my mouth before I drop any. Then with a lot of noise I suck in all the trailing strands.

I rarely use the soup spoon either.

Transferring it to the spoon before inserting into mouth is the right way though, according to my father.

A faux pas on my part.

I also agree with everything else Dejah said, it jives with my own experience.

About not stabbing things and inserting chopsticks into foods like meatballs and such, I'm speculating that's because it's one step away from the Chinese death ritual briefly mentioned by Jinmyo early in the thread.

That's displayed more vividly in the practice of not standing your chopsticks in your rice in the bowl.

For those who are unfamiliar, Chinese go worship the dead in the cemetery twice a year. Those are more strict adherents may worship at home more often as well.

You worship by planting sticks incense in groups of three in front of the grave, or if at home, in front of the memorial, after which you bow three times.

You can see the similarity to chopsticks in rice.

As far as holding the chopsticks as far away from the food as possible, I don't know anything about traditional reasons.

I would just say that by holding them farther away you get more control over them, your fingers won't get dirty rubbing against the food, and your hands won't get as tired by the end of the meal.

Much as I try to teach people how to hold chopsticks, when it all comes down to it, if it works for you, good.

My cousin, I have no idea how she manages to get food the way she holds her chopsticks.

[Laksa]

For those who are unfamiliar, Chinese go worship the dead in the cemetery twice a year.  Those are more strict adherents may worship at home more often as well.

A point of clarification, in case readers unfamiliar with the practice get the wrong impression. The Chinese have a tradition of worshipping their dead ancestors, not all dead people. I don't want people to think we're morbidly obsessed or anything.

My parents would go once a year to the cemetary and tend to their parents' gravesites, and place fresh flowers, etc. It's more about honouring and remembering the dead than what Westerners would consider "worship". The closest it comes to that would, I guess, be asking the spirits for guidance...

Edited July 1, 2004 by wongste (log)

[herbacidal]

Good point, wongste.

That post does make it sound rather dark and ominous.

Yea, on cemetery day, we wear all black, with black nail polish and black everything (don't have to dye our hair!)

We're the originators of the Goth look.

[Bux]

As far as holding the chopsticks as far away from the food as possible, I don't know anything about traditional reasons.

I would just say that by holding them farther away you get more control over them, your fingers won't get dirty rubbing against the food, and your hands won't get as tired by the end of the meal.

Many years ago, in a Chinese restaurant on the upper west side of Manhattan, in a restaurant not particularly known for authentic or even particularly great food, I observed a young woman who held her chopsticks very far towards the back end. I could barely notice any movement in her fingers at all, but the ends of the chosticks opened and closed around bits of food. It's all about leverage I suppose, but at the time I was mesmerized by the grace with which she ate. She was, naturally enough a lovely woman with an exceptional hand, but it was the way she handled her chopsticks that got my attention.

[Hest88]

It's a nice thing to grow up with the Chinese traditions 'cause it means I know when I can break them! For instance, I use a soup spoon when eating noodles and never reach over to grab food on the far side of the dish only when I'm with strangers or people I need to impress. I never stab my chopsticks in rice in restaurants, but do it often at home. And while I'll use the "eating" end of my chopsticks to pass food to family and close friends, I'm conscientious about using the blunt end when I'm out with other people.

[Schneier]

In Thailand is is not uncommon to eat Chinese dishes with chopsticks.

Bruce