Yom Kippur: a High Holiday most solemn

[Gifted Gourmet]

In the Rosh Hashonah thread and in a couple of other threads, we have touched upon some elements of food and its relation to a holiday on which people observe traditions which revolve around food. Or, in this case, not eating food during the fast which personifies this day.

One of the themes of Yom Kippur is repentance for one's sins in the past year. For that, Jews say prayers called "al chaits" ... asking for forgiveness for specific sins.

In this case, jackal began with some food related "al chaits" which I found both interesting and, at the same time, amusing.

I would like to see what you can do on this theme!

A culinary Al chait?

For all these forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement..

Add your own...

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For the sin of serving messy food at a cocktail party and ruining guests' clothes

For the sin of inviting a "bad mix" of guests to dinner and the ensuing lawsuits

For the sin of not serving the proper politically correct food to my liberal friends (i.e. dolphin net tuna, veal, etc.)

For the sin of not recalling every guest's particular food allergies

For the sin of spending too much time in the kitchen cooking with guests present

For all these forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement..

Thanks, jackal, for the stimulation of a great idea ..

[jackal10]

I had in mind a compilation of culinary sins, tabulated along the lines of the Al Chait prayer, wherein observant jews confess their sins over the past year, sung to a jolly tune.

I;m noit sure if these should be (as the original) formulaic general sins, or sins that one has personally comittted during the year.

For the sin wherein we have sinned of using pre-processed foods

For the sin wherein we have sinned of burning the food, and scraping off the burnt bits

For the sin wherein we have sinned of over-salting

For the sin wherein we have sinned of using non-organic or GM food

For the sin wherein we have sinned of using chicken stock in vegetarian dishes

For all these forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement..

[Carrot Top]

I read this last night and tried to respond...but ran right up against a mountain. It was a mountain of thought that I ran up against, and it was not surpassable.

What did I atone for?...I reached for humorous or interesting ideas but this particular one kept slamming into my mind.

This morning, I've been able to go around the mountain and think of smaller lighter things, and will tell you what they are... and will also show you the mountain.

The mountain was the thought that as I mow through the aisles of the grocery stores, loading my cart with this and that, assessing thousands of possibilities and having the means to do so and the plastic card to whirr through the POS machine at the cashier station that magically allows me to pay and walk out with overloaded bags....there are so many, too many others that can not do this.

The mountain was the thought that as I tucked my children into bed, laughingly talking them out of one last cookie or carrot stick or drink or whatever....that there were others in the world with empty cupboards that were trying to soothe their own children to sleep, children that were raw and tired and worn and hopeless from hunger.

So, I atone for the sin of not remembering this each day, and trying to do something, no matter how small, about it each day.

The morning has brought these additional atonements:

For the sin of calling any sort of food 'drek'

For the sin of allowing my daughter to become addicted to individually wrapped Kraft American Cheese Slices

For the sin of letting myself be talked into buying the jumbo size box of 'Oatmeal Cream Cakes' at the grocery store last week, and then lunging into the thing at every opportunity to eat another 600 calorie cookie with the resultant feeling of overstuffed sugary sickness

For the sin of setting the cat's food outside where the possum thought it was his and thought the cat was his to eat, too

And for the major sin of not keeping 'on topic' all the time on eGullet threads

For these and many other sins, I do ask atonement.

[bloviatrix]

My stomach is aching from laughing so hard. And I hope you all don't mind but I'm going to send a link to this thread to some of my friends.

Here are two sins that come to mind:

For the sin of buying more produce than I can possibly use and having to throw it out when it goes bad.

For the sin of showing obvious disdain at the poor food choices of my friends

[Gifted Gourmet]

My stomach is aching from laughing so hard.  And I hope you all don't mind but I'm going to send a link to this thread to some of my friends.

Here are  two sins that come to mind:

For the sin of buying more produce than I can possibly use and having to throw it out when it goes bad.

For the sin of showing obvious disdain at the poor food choices of my friends

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Bravo on two sins I had forgotten myself!

Vinomar, Omain, Bloviatrix! Knew you'd appreciate it ...

[hillvalley]

For the sin of buying more produce than I can possibly use and having to throw it out when it goes bad.

For the sin of showing obvious disdain at the poor food choices of my friends

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I too must atone for these sins

I also add:

For the sin of preparing too much food that never gets eaten

For not sharing my cooking with people who will not or cannot appreciate it

For making stock and not freezing it in time

For eating at a TGI Fridays last month while stuck in Pittsburgh

For forgetting the box of raspberries I just found in the back of my fridge

Edited September 19, 2004 by hillvalley (log)

[Gifted Gourmet]

and may whoever it is who forgives us on Yom Kippur understand my most grievous sin:

Finding this more interesting, always, than this ...

[maggiethecat]

This shiksa has much to atone for too.

For buying Express Salad in a Bag because I was too lazy to wash lettuce one night.

For not making dessert more than twenty times a years.

For all those past years when I did not remember the hungry in my prayers.

[Gifted Gourmet]

For all those past years when I did not remember the hungry in my prayers.

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It is essential to repent one's bad deeds and, in this case, many of us may have committed this error .. let us take your important words to heart and resolve to change this part of our character ...

A special thank you, Maggie, for this vital reminder .... and we ought not only pray but join in deeds of lovingkindness by contributing to local food banks and making this practical deed part of our daily lives.

[bloviatrix]

For all those past years when I did not remember the hungry in my prayers.

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A special thank you, Maggie, for this vital reminder .... and we ought not only pray but join in deeds of lovingkindness by contributing to local food banks and making this practical deed part of our daily lives.

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Bravo!!

Carrot Top alluded to this as well. It's so easy for us, who have access to all of god's bounty to forget that there are people going to sleep at night with empty bellies. Whether its through contributing food or money or even time at a soup kitchen, it's important to remember how lucky and blessed we are.

[Comfort Me]

For the sin of starting an oral recipe with "Oh, it's so easy. First you kill the chicken..."

Oh, and pride -- knowing no one had ever taken Resurection tamales to shul before, making 100, and being agast that no one knew how to eat a tamale!

For using a cake mix, but relating the recipe by saying "Use your favorite yellow cake recipe..."

I sometimes dream about really juicy, gooey cheeseburgers with ghiardinera and grilled onions. That has to be a sin.

When I told a food-snob aquaintance about a tomato, vodka, and kosher "crabmeat" soup I had made, and he started pontificating about how it didn't compare with real and that fake crab was a "shandah" and only stupid people would buy such crap -- I couldn't think of anything polite to say so i said "Blow me."

I'm sure there are more.

Oh, yes. A nurse in the hospital telling me how yummy something was. I told her that I'd tasted it and thought it tasted like shit. But if that appealed to her, she was welcome to it. I preferred by green vegetables green, not grey.

There are still more, but they will have to wait.

[Curlz]

Can't tell you how much I love this post!!! I promise to reflect on my own sins and post tomorrow... Thanks for making me smile before I log off!

[Gifted Gourmet]

Thanks for making me smile before I log off!

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Ooops, had forgotten yet another deep, dark sin: for the sin I have committed by logging off eGullet ... may I be forgiven and inscribed in the Book of Life for another year ...

[jackal10]

Amen Selah... I have comitted some of those (especially the ones about preparing too much and then finding stuff going mouldy at the back of the fridge)

For the sin of making a restaurant booking and not turning up or cancelling late

For the sin of turning up with extra or fewer people

For the sin of ordering the most expensive dish when you are not paying

For the sin of not writing a bread and butter thankyou to your hosts for dinner

For the sin of not labelling packages in the freezer

For the sin of eating junk food

For all these forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement..

Restaurants have their own special series...

For the sin of having both a service charge and open card slips

For the sin of making the customers wait unduly long

For the sin of not answering the booking telephone

For the sin of saying you are full when you are not

For the sin of serving frozen par-baked bread, stock cubes or other shortcuts and thinking the customer won't notice

For the sin of over garnishing with irrelevant garnishes

For the sin of background music

For the sins of designer furniture and decor

For the sin of outrageous markups on drinks

For the sin of too long or too short menu descriptions, bad puns and cutesy descriptions

For the sin of trying to turn the tables twice in an evening

For the sin of overcooking a steak

For the sins of restaurant critics with no taste

For all these forgive them, pardon them, grant them atonement..

Edited September 23, 2004 by jackal10 (log)

[Gifted Gourmet]

Jackal, no one, and I mean no one, says it more profoundly, more wittily, than you!

I love your latest additions to the list .. and for the original idea of the list itself ...

we are in your debt for your creativity in all things, both written and baked ....

[KatieLoeb]

Amen to all the previous sins. I have to add:

For the sin of having evil thoughts toward co-workers with a less developed work ethic.

For the sin of giving a stupid customer a bit of attitude when she insulted my ethics and said something really dopey about my restaurant.

For the sin of being wasteful.

For the sin of not spending enough time remembering and helping those less fortunate.

May everyone have an easy fast and a pleasant breaking of fast with family and friends.

[Comfort Me]

I forgot one...for the sin of eating first when invited to a really bad cooks' house for dinner. (In my defense, though, corned beef isn't supposed to be crunchy.)

For the sin of looking down smugly on parents whose children eat only raw hot dogs while mine asks for kefta and dolmades. And for the sin of not counting my blessings every day for the wonderful child with the wonderful appetite for many wonderful foods. Baruch HaShem.

An easy fast to you all. And may the new Year be filled with blessings and joy. Veimeru, amain.

[Carrot Top]

I atone for the sin of every single serving of stuffed zucchini that I have ever had the temerity to place before any human being or family pet. I would like to atone for every single serving of stuffed zucchini that anyone else has ever served, too, but that would be presumptuous.

[scubadoo97]

Keeping with this holiday sin attonment

On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called

Tashlich.

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Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and

throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their

sins.

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Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown.

Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for

specific sins and misbehaviors.

~~~~~

For ordinary sins.....................White Bread

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For complex sins.....................Multigrain

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For twisted sins.......................Pretzels

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For sins of indecision...............Waffles

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For sins committed in haste.....Matzoh

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For sins of chutzpah................Fresh Bread

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For substance abuse...............Stoned Wheat

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For use of heavy drugs.............Poppy Seed

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For petty larceny.....................Stollen

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For committing auto theft.........Caraway

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For timidity/cowardice..............Milk Toast

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For tasteless sins....................Rice Cakes

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For ill-temperedness................Sourdough

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For silliness, eccentricity.........Nut Bread

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For not giving full value .............Shortbread

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For unnecessary chances........Hero Bread

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For war-mongering...................Kaiser Rolls

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For jingoism, chauvinism..........Yankee Doodles

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For excessive irony..................Rye Bread

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For erotic sins.........................French Bread

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For particularly dark sins ..........Pumpernickel

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For dressing immodestly..........Tarts

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For lechery and promiscuity........Hot Buns

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For promiscuity with gentiles.......Hot Cross Buns

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For racist attitudes .......................Crackers

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For causing injury to others.........Tortes

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For sophisticated racism..............Ritz Crackers

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For being holier than thou...........Bagels

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For abrasiveness..........................Grits

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For dropping in without notice.....Popovers

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For overeating.............................Stuffing

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For impetuosity............................Quick Bread

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For indecent photography ...........Cheesecake

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For raising your voice too often... Challah

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For pride and egotism..................Puff Pastry

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For sycophancy, brown-nosing .....Brownies

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For being overly smothering.......Angel Food Cake

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For laziness.................................Any long loaf

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For trashing the environment ......Dumplings

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For telling bad jokes/puns........Corn Bread

[mizducky]

For telling bad jokes/puns........Corn Bread

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And in the spirit of this sin, I feel the need to free-associate to one of my favorite bits of Yom Kippur humor.

I haven't owned a copy of the delightful cookbook Love and Knishes in years, but as I recall, in the table of contents there was listed a mysterious chapter entitled "Yom Kippur Cookery." When you turned to the indicated page, you found one short paragraph, reading:

"Ah ha! You looked! Shame on you! You should be fasting!"

(Me, I think the main thing I need to atone for is going on and on ad nauseum about "healthy eating." Oh, and despite having become such a tedious bore on the subject, I still seriously need to atone for the crappy Mexican takeout I ate the other night )

[markabauman]

I hope everyone had a safe and easy fast. One part of the "al chate" that troubled me was "For the sin of Gluttony". I mean, after all, isn't that what many of us here are all about?

[LaSugarman]

For the sin of spending too much time in the kitchen cooking with guests present

Uh oh. I'm doomed.