Off the Menu at 15 Restaurants

[elyse]

Why oh why do the people who do not ask for off menu items in restaurants think that they know how anyone reacts to the request? How would they know? It's just crazy. Not only do they not know, but not feeling that way about it themselves, why do they feel secure enough in their opinions to pass judgement on the motivations of the people who do ask for it? Somebody please tell me in which way other then pure conjecture, how Ron, Martin, Tommy, Suzanne or Maggie know what motivates people to ask for it, and how they know how the restaurants react to it when actually asked?

Because Steve, I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant and I saw the reaction of the chef to people doing this. Thats how I know how they react. That is why it is not pure conjecture.

I also waited tables for years and had these requests made to me, so thats how I know how I reacted when I had to pass this along to the sous. I was there. That is why it is not pure conjecture.

As fas as passing judgment, thats all we do on this forum. We pass judgment on food, wine, restaurants, chefs, publications, locations, cities, airlines, hotels, smells, tastes, colors, each other, and anything else that is related to food. Its what a forum is, a chance to share opinions and debate the merits of those opinions. It doesn't have to be personal, or should it be. Sometimes two people just dont think the same way about the same thing.

I too have stated that I have worked in restaurants where I saw both sides of the fence. For the most part, when a request was refused, it was due to the pettiness of the server/chef/manager/owner. Outrageous, in my opinion. No one in the weeds, no lack of ingredients, no danger involved in the cooking of the dish. Just moodiness. Chef/owners can be tyrranical and may bite the hand that feeds them. Several lunatics I have worked for, several lunatics I have left.

Other chef/owners are more than accomodating, but sometimes the customer has to get by that pesky server. And I've seen the chef happily go to great lengths to make this customer satisfied assuring a return visit. Emphasize HAPPILY. I personally wouldn't trust a server who told me "No" unless it came with a reason I could accept.

And I don't think we're talking about asking the chef of a vegetarian restaurant to whip up a chicken kiev, are we? I'll restate, many chefs these days believe more is more rather than letting the food stand on it's own. If that's the carefully designed menu, it's designed poorly.

[Suzanne F]

Because Steve, I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant and I saw the reaction of the chef to people doing this. Thats how I know how they react. That is why it is not pure conjecture.

Ditto of What Ron Said. Several restaurants. And I mentioned very early in the thread that once the requester became a regular, we were far more willing to put up with his request.

What I don't understand, Steve, is your conjecture that all those places love acceding to your wishes. Surely they would try to give you that impression even as they were cursing you out back-of-house. After all, as you yourself stated, they have to do this for you because they are "service establishments."

By the way, you gave me a great big laugh when you said that you would just as soon pay less, not more. Who wouldn't?

My problem is the assumption that, especially in the finest restaurants, what the chef has offered on the menu is not as good as it gets for that chef and that restaurant. If one is merely ordering off-menu because one assumes better is possible, than that is a slap at the integrity of the chef and the menu, insinuating that the restaurant is not already offering it's best.

Thank you, Holly, for also saying what I said long ago and far away.

[Steve Plotnicki]

My problem is the assumption that, especially in the finest restaurants, what the chef has offered on the menu is not as good as it gets for that chef and that restaurant. If one is merely ordering off-menu because one assumes better is possible, than that is a slap at the integrity of the chef and the menu, insinuating that the restaurant is not already offering it's best.

Holly - Well since some restaurants hold things back from the menu, and some don't, how would you know until you asked? So nobody is insinuating anything. All people want to know is what is available that isn't on the menu. And considering how many times it turns out to be something really substantial, especially when it comes to wine lists, it is in your best interest to ask that question.

Wilfrid - Correct. The server didn't understand what we were asking. Nor did she try to reallly ascertain what we were asking. Whether it would have turned out differently if she enlisted the help of a manager (not that he would necessarily know,) or had the type of relationship where she could go ask Batalli, who knows. The point was that she made us feel uncomfortable for asking. So we didn't take it to the next level. What we would have liked her to do is to assume that she was the one who was missing information, which in reality was the case. But sometimes that's the way it goes. Look at Cabby and her FL reservation 2 weekkends ago. The first reservationist told her she needed to find a second diner to secure. But the second reservationist told her one person is okay. Go figure.

[Steve Plotnicki]

Suzanne - But I don't care if they like doing it or not. I don't eat at their restaurants to make them happy. They are supposed to be making me happy. And they can say no if they don't want to do it. And in reality they curse about a lot of things, including Mario Batalli cursing me for sending back cold lamb chops. The fact of the matter is I couldn't care less what they curse about but for some reason you do. All I want is the best my money can buy. In fact I want that for everyone who goes out to eat. We all deserve it and more often then not restaurants do not deliver the quality they are supposed to deliver. And if the chefs want to curse me about it for asking for it, whether it is on or off menu, too damn bad.

Somebody asked, I don't remember who, what happens when they turn your request down. Well the answer is you order from the menu. What do you think happens, you start a revolution?

Edited February 17, 2003 by Steve Plotnicki (log)

[Basildog]

Somebody asked, I don't remember who, what happens when they turn your request down. Well the answer is you order from the menu. What do you think happens, you start a revolution?

If your request is refused, how does that influence your opinion of a restaurant?

[Holly Moore]

Holly - Well since some restaurants hold things back from the menu, and some don't, how would you know until you asked? So nobody is insinuating anything. All people want to know is what is available that isn't on the menu. And considering how many times it turns out to be something really substantial, especially when it comes to wine lists, it is in your best interest to ask that question.

I think this thread has been mostly about food, not wine.

In terms of food, that which is being held back is not necessarily better than what is on the menu. It is just different. It may be not as good. One never knows unless one samples the menu too.

I'm intrigued by the "held back" concept. I'm not sure a chef brings in items just in case someone asks for something that is not on the menu. I'm guessing what is "held back" is left over from the previous meal, intended for the next day's meal, a treat the chef picked up for his dinner or a gift or sample from a purveyor. My suspicion is it's probably yesterday's or tomorrow's. My hope is that you're not depriving the chef of his intended dinner.

[stefanyb]

My hope is that you're not depriving the chef of his intended dinner.

Thats funny because I'd hope that if the chef was saving the best for himself then he should be home letting someone else run the kitchen. Seriously.

[Steve Plotnicki]

Well the only times I can remember it being refused was at Fresh when it first opened. But when we told them the meal was going to be written up somewhere, they changed their policy for us. The other time was at Babbo, where we chalked it up to a bad server. But the real answer to your question, is that like any other service interaction you have with a restaurant, they are either gracious in the way they tell you or they aren't. How it went down at Babbo, or how Robert Shonfeld described it went down at L'Impero, are the bad ways it happens, where the waitstaff doesn't handle it tactfully. But being told by your server that he/she appreciates the request but it just isn't possible for whatever reason they give, puts a different face on it don't you think? Sometimes for me, when the issue is my wheat sensitivity, and the server isn't getting it, I get very frustrated with them. But ulitmately that becomes an issue of do they care whether my meal is good or not. Some servers when they hear my issue, go on their own volition to speak with a chef or manager and come back with a list of dishes I can eat. Others swear to me that a dish is wheat free only for me to find that it appears at my place setting "lightly breaded" or "dusted in flour." I don't know about you but, I'm from the school that says the servers should understand any question you ask them. And if they don't, they should find someone who does. Even Mario Batalli if they have to. And I'm sure that you are the same as me, and that any answer is okay providing they have evaluated your request in earnest and have given you their best answer possible.

edited in after If you want to know the difference between a good server and a bad one, ask my wife how many times she has had to eat her dinner alone because the server didn't ask the chef about my entree having wheat in it? And then they had to take mine away, and come back 15 minutes later with a new dish where I now have to eat alone. If I told you that has happened to us at least 3 dozen times I wouldn't be exaggerating. How easy would it have been to have asked about it?

Edited February 17, 2003 by Steve Plotnicki (log)

[Varmint]

Somebody asked, I don't remember who, what happens when they turn your request down. Well the answer is you order from the menu. What do you think happens, you start a revolution?

That was me, Steve. Thanks for noticing. I was simply trying to distinguish between asking for an off menu item and demanding it. I'm a firm believer in the former, but not the latter. I guess now the question is whether one should expect to be accomodated, and, as Basildog asked, whether a denial affects your assessment of the establishment?

[Holly Moore]

My hope is that you're not depriving the chef of his intended dinner.

Thats funny because I'd hope that if the chef was saving the best for himself then he should be home letting someone else run the kitchen. Seriously.

Not what I suggested. I didn't say he was saving the best for himself. Rather I was thinking that while at the market that morning something caught his eye, that he fancied for his dinner that night, but did not want to put on the menu.

[Varmint]

Of course, the chef may have found some special item that wasn't in sufficient abundance to put on the menu, but he did indeed reserve it for customers who requested something off menu.

[elyse]

Somebody asked, I don't remember who, what happens when they turn your request down. Well the answer is you order from the menu. What do you think happens, you start a revolution?

If your request is refused, how does that influence your opinion of a restaurant?

All depends on how it is presented. If I'm uncomfortable remaining in the restaurant, I may leave. I'm not a fan of waiters with attitude.

[Bux]

Whew, after being absent from this thread for a while, there's a lot to read--more words than thoughts however. The one thing I've learned is that I'd fear being embarrassed least by having Wilfrid as a dining companion. He's offered the clearest indication he knows how to act in public as well as in a restaurant.

All the time I am reading, I'm also thinking about meals and dishes I've had that were not on a menu and how I got them. I don't ever recall asking to have what the boys in the back room were having, or even suggesting I should like to have something that wasn't on the menu. I may have in a weak moment or two have just said I'd like the chef to choose my meal, please. I've found that works particularly well in Japan where I can't read the menu and it's far easier to learn that one phrase that works in a multitude of places.

"Yes," is how I usually ask to eat off the menu, as in reply to "the chef would like to cook for you." "Yes," to you may choose my wine, and "yes," to do I like truffles, works fine when I'm the guest of someone else who has the connections as when my son-in-law took us to a restaurant managed by an ex coleague of his.

It's taken me some time to learn when to expect the offer, when to accept it and when to suggest that I'd like the chef to feed me. And I don't whine when after the chef offers to feed me and it turns out that I get a selection, but not what I would have selected, from the menu, but I am delighted when it turns out that the chef bought something special that is not being offered to anyone in the room or when he serves me a dish he's been working on and asks my opinion.

The issue here is knowing how to act and react in a restaurant. I didn't read the WSJ article but just from one or two of the restaurants on the list, I get the sense these reporters were clueless. There are side issues here that make this thread annoying to read. There are people who go to restaurants to show off and to push other people around. There are people who demand special attention for their ego needs. I'm not sure the WSJ writers understand the difference and I'm not sure some of the participants of this thread may either.

[Holly Moore]

And I don't whine when after the chef offers to feed me and it turns out that I get a selection, but not what I would have selected, from the menu,

This is the risk, though I can only think of one time that I had a problem with what a chef sent me from the kitchen. It was at a Philadelphia restaurant that I won't name. Let's just say the food was exceedingly fresh - that all manner of beast and fowl has walked its "Green Mile" in that restaurant's basement. Alas, no more. A disgruntled employee ratted out the chef to the health inspector.

One evening the chef sent me a very special appetizer, a plate of sauteed lamb's brain's. A half hour before the brains had been conceiving as much original thought as a lamb is capable of. A rare delicacy for sure.

I have had occasion to consume all manner of animal from stem to stern. The one organ that I just can not abide is the brain. I think it's the texture, the mouthfeel. But I tried. I took a bite and immediately knew it would be the last. The waiter happened to be a good friend. He slipped it back to the dishwasher when the chef wasn't looking. Not that good a friend though. I doubled his tip that evening to insure his silence.

All that said, I agree with Bux and others. It is great when I'm in a restaurant where I'm comfortable requesting the chef to suggest my menu. But then again, if the chef has designed that day’s tasting menus, hasn't he done that already?

[bugsy gugoff]

The issue here is knowing how to act and react in a restaurant...

There are people who demand special attention for their ego needs. I'm not sure the WSJ writers understand the difference and I'm not sure some of the participants of this thread may either.

Knowing how to act and react in a restaurant???? You are the customer for christsakes! You make it sound like they are doing you a favor.

And where do you get off saying that people who posted here who asked for the "chef to cook for them" want to push people around or feed their egos? What presumption!! So what of people who ask? Some of my best meals came from a chef-constructed tasting menu. Maybe it was on the carte maybe not. And if the guy says no, so what, you pick your food like anyone else. Sure, when you are are a friend of the house, it is almost de rigeur to say, "Tell Fernando to make me a nice meal." To do that in a place you never ate at would be kind of stupid.

[lizziee]

It is interesting how the WSJ reporters begin their article. They describe an incident at Spago where "demanding diner," Randall Rubin, an aspiring 32 year old filmmaker goes to Spago and is quoted as saying, "Why should I let the menu dictate what I'm going to eat?" and "he just didn't feel like eating anything on the menu that night." Thereupon, Wolfgang Puck constructs a special dish of spicy tuna tartar and delivers it to the table himself. (For the record, Wolfgang rarely cooks anymore and the spicy tuna tartar is a standard first amuse.)

Their premise seems to be that because the restaurant industry is in a terrible recession, any "average Joe" can demand "couture cuisine." The key sentence in the article is their comment: "The weak economy has shifted the balance of power from the celebrity chef to the paying customer." The reporters were clearly setting up a we vs. the restaurant. Their purpose was to see if they could get special treatment: they set out to "challenge the chef," insist that their "appetizer and entree not appear on the menu" and with "few parameters" ask the waiter "if the chef could prepare something special, just for us."

I don't think we are talking about ordering off menu in any way similar to the WSJ reporters. For me, restaurants where I have tasting menus or off menu items are restaurants where I have a long standing relationship.

In the case of Spago, a restaurant we go to frequently, we never order. I haven't seen a menu at Spago in years. Lee Hefter, executive chef, does a tasting menu and we never know what will be served. This is far different from announcing to the waiter I don't feel like eating anything on the menu this evening and I want Lee to cook just for me. When they see our name on the reservation book, they know in advance that we will do a tasting. We make no demands or last minute requests. We never expect anything special just for us.

We recently went to Sona for the first time. As I had never eaten there, we ordered their tasting menu as written. After a wonderful 3 1/2 hour meal, the chef, David Meyer, came over and said he looked forward to our returning and creating new dishes for us to sample. We were there last Saturday night and the hostess greeted us with the words, "the chef is ready for you." Were we served off menu items? I honestly don't know as I never looked at the menu. Am I demanding to be served something special? Never. I just come in with the attitude that I love good food, I am willing to take a chance, and I am looking forward to whatever the chef makes.

[elyse]

Bux, don't you think your recent post is on the personal attack side? No names, but still... P.S. I'm not taking it personally, in particular. BUT, knowing how to act in a restaurant or in public goes both ways. When provoked, I WILL react. I see nothing wrong with expecting pleasant, helpful service. If it's not provided, why hang around? I'm not a masochist. And I don't throw away money on things I don't enjoy. I don't see what's wrong with that.

[lizzie]

A note of levity, certainly not about topnotch exclusive dining, but definitely off the menu, as well as off the wall. Many years ago, at a breakfast place I frequented, my plate of poached eggs arrived with crusts of toast, the bready part torn off. I looked at it, then caught the server's eye. She came over. I pointed to the crusts, and I asked what it was. She laughed, and said, "well, we've noticed you always eat only the crust of your toast, so the chef thought you might enjoy it more this way."

Liz

[Steve Plotnicki]

Liz - Gee that doesn't sound pretentious, obnoxious, or anything else to me. Though it obviosuly sounds that way to some people around here.

Elyse - Cool your jets.

[Fat Guy]

Anybody who thinks most good restaurants don't have a VIP level of cuisine held in reserve should look to this thread as a learning opportunity. Anybody who, after learning that such a level of cuisine exists, would like to have it but doesn't try to get it is a masochist.

I can only say it a million more times: it's not a question of any inherent obnoxiousness in trying to feel out what a restaurant can offer. The only question is how you ask. If you're obnoxiously insistent, as the WSJ reporters report they were, that's the infraction. Asking per se is not the infraction in any way, shape, or form.

I'm not just talking about off-menu items. There are menu structures (longer tastings, various ways to split and sample dishes, etc.), wines, and aspects of service that can be bargained for as well.

There are a lot of reasons to pick on Plotnicki, but this just isn't one of them. Sorry folks but he's right and those of you disagreeing with him are wrong. And I don't even believe he's obnoxious in the way he asks. I've met the guy. I know how he behaves in public. Just about everybody who has met him thinks he's friendly, gregarious, entertaining, and charming -- even if he doesn't always act that way online. I read his report of the Babbo incident and how he "dismissed" the server and I thought the report sounded a lot more obnoxious than anything he might have done in person. He was probably extremely gracious to this clearly incompetent server -- more so than I would have been. I'd have asked for a manager in a second.

People, take this opportunity to learn how many experienced, well-traveled, demanding, discerning customers eat. Don't fight it. Learn it. Use it. Enjoy.

[stefanyb]

Bux, don't you think your recent post is on the personal attack side?  No names, but still...  P.S.  I'm not taking it personally, in particular.  BUT, knowing how to act in a restaurant or in public goes both ways.  When provoked, I WILL react.  I see nothing wrong with expecting pleasant, helpful service.  If it's not provided, why hang around?  I'm not a masochist.  And I don't throw away money on things I don't enjoy.  I don't see what's wrong with that.

Elyse, I'm with you. While its always important to act decently in all situations- whether or not you are paying and whether or not you have any power over others- if you are coming to a restaurant to spend your money and would be best served by friendly, attentive and respectful, knowledgable service (who wouldn't?), then thats what you should get, nothing less. All of your requests that are made in a reasonable and respectful way should be addressed to the best of the restaurant's ability. Its a service industry after all.

A waitperson with attitude should be doing something else. And, if they are serving your table, you should be somewhere else if thats what you want. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Fat Guy]

Next lesson: when you get really good at this, you don't even have to ask. You can just put out the vibe and people bring you stuff. Maybe I can get the Wall Street Journal to pay me to conduct a series of clinics on what someone in another thread called "dining karma."

You see the thing about this article that's so messed up is that it's written by clearly inexperienced diners. Who cares what they have to say? What a newspaper of this stature should do is find expert journalist-diners to tell inexperienced non-journalist-diners what to do. It shouldn't be inexperienced journalist-diners teaching. What do they have to teach besides their inexperience?

[lizziee]

Fat Guy,

Well said and bravo. That is exactly the point. An experienced diner doesn't have to ask or throw their weight around. It just happens!

[Fat Guy]

Thanks for the bravo. Here's an encore.

I'm going to explain to all of you how this is done. It's not about walking in and demanding something special. It's about developing relationships. Heaven help the restaurant world now that the Wall Street Journal has unleashed a bunch of naive corporate weenies with misguided ideas of appropriate behavior. If the Wall Street Journal wants some real food content that will actually help people become better, more sophisticated, happier diners, they can give me a call. These are two pieces I did for the New York Law Journal last year. The copyright is mine now, so here they are for your edification:

Becoming a "Regular" At Your Favorite Restaurant

By Steven A. Shaw

The best restaurant in New York isn’t the one with the highest Zagat rating, the most stars from The New York Times, or that cute celebrity chef. It’s the one where you’re a regular.

Every restaurant is really two — the one the public eats at, and the one where the regulars dine. Being a regular affects every aspect of the dining experience, from getting that tough-to-book table on a busy Saturday night, to getting the waitstaff’s best service, to getting special off-menu dishes and off-list wines.

And that’s just the beginning. A special relationship with a restaurant is one of life’s great pleasures and, if you do a lot of client entertaining, it has practical benefits as well. Part I of this two-part series will explore how to become a regular at any restaurant (easier than you think, even at very in-demand places). Part II will talk about what to do once you’ve acquired that status.

There are several misconceptions about how to become a regular, and acquiring preferred-customer status is mostly a question of avoiding these pitfalls.

The first mistake people make is dining at too many restaurants. The relentless pursuit of the new and the different cuts directly against depth of enjoyment at just a few well-chosen places. New York has 20,000 restaurants. You’ll never visit them all, so don’t try. Instead, choose a handful of restaurants to satisfy your various dining needs: the special-occasion place; the business-lunch place; the neighborhood place where you go for a quick bite — and cultivate the heck out of each one. You’ll soon find you don’t want to eat anywhere else. Eating one meal at a restaurant will never expose you to the establishment’s true capabilities; instead, think of your first meal as a mere preview.

The second mistake is failing to make an impression. Sure, most good restaurants’ waitstaffs will recognize you after two or three visits. In that sense, anybody who visits a restaurant often enough eventually becomes a regular by default. But there are levels of regulars, and if you’re going to visit the restaurant anyway, you may as well attain the highest, super-VIP level.

This needs to be accomplished on several levels. You should learn the name of your waiter and the Maitre d’ or manager, and, more importantly, you should make certain they learn yours. The easiest way to accomplish this: “I really enjoyed my meal today. My name is Joe Smith.” If you aren’t answered with, “Thank you Mr. Smith, my name is François, please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you in the future,” then there’s something wrong with you, or with the restaurant.

The third mistake is thinking a relationship with a restaurant is just about money. Sure, money is important to people in the restaurant business, just as it’s important to lawyers. But like the law, the restaurant business is a service business, and all of us as lawyers know that there are good clients and bad clients, and that you can have bad billionaire clients and great penniless clients. When cultivating a relationship with a restaurant’s service staff, being nice counts at least as much as callously throwing around your money. The use of “please” and “thank you,” and general acknowledgment of your waiter as a fellow human being, will immeasurably improve your stock.

And there’s something that counts as much or more than being nice: being interested. Any chef or waiter can tell you how disheartening it is to work so hard to create the best possible food and service experience, and then to dish it out to a mostly uncaring clientele. If you can distinguish yourself as someone who really cares, you will be everybody’s favorite customer. The quickest approach? Ask questions, which indicate interest, and interest is one of the highest compliments. Of course, if you do choose to distribute a little extra cash, a $20 bill and a discreet “thank you” never hurts.

The fourth mistake is faking it. Don’t try to be someone you’re not in order to impress a restaurant’s staff. Aside from being undignified, this is doomed to failure. Every New York City waiter is a part-time amateur psychoanalyst and can spot a poseur clear across a crowded dining room. It’s not necessary to try to appear learned about wine and food, or to appear absurdly enthusiastic. You’ll get a lot farther by deferring to the staff’s expertise than you will by showing off your own.

The final mistake people make is moving too fast. You never want to force yourself on a restaurant with a full frontal assault. Don’t be the kid in school who was so desperate to be popular that nobody wanted to be friends with him. Just be cool. Eat your food, ask your questions, get your name out there, and be nice. The relationship will grow on its own.

Becoming a "Regular" At Your Favorite Restaurant, Part II

By Steven A. Shaw

So you’re a regular at your favorite restaurant. Now what?

You could go on eating at the restaurant and just getting whatever little bits of special treatment the staff doles out to you. But that would be like buying a Porsche and never driving faster than 55 miles per hour. If you want to get the most out of your relationship with a restaurant, you’ve got to be proactive.

First, reservations. Let's cut through all the disinformation and mythology here: Restaurants always hold back a few tables for their VIP customers. Some say they don't, but they do. If you visit a restaurant often, spend lots of money there, and are known to the staff, part of the restaurant's implicit promise to you is that you will always have access to an 8:00pm table on Saturday night. You only have to know one thing: Whom to call. Chances are, the reservationist who answers the phone won't know you and wouldn't be authorized to release a VIP table to you anyway. What you need is the name and direct number of a key manager -- or the chef or owner -- who can put your name in the book even if the restaurant is ostensibly full. Furthermore, getting your favorite table and waiter should be a given.

Second, special requests. You want a multi-course tasting menu centered entirely around mushrooms? You're bringing in a party of eight and you want to share in a whole roasted leg of lamb? You have a favorite cheese but it's not on the restaurant's cheese cart? You've got a special bottle of wine in your cellar and you want the chef to build a menu around it? So phone ahead and ask for it. Use your imagination. In the process of becoming a regular, chances are you've tasted everything on the restaurant's menu several times over. Being a regular means not being constrained by the same menu everyone else gets. Any good restaurant's staff will view special requests as agreeable challenges. As long as your requests are in keeping with the restaurant’s style (and presumably, you wouldn’t have become a regular without this basic level of compatibility), you should be accommodated.

Third, rituals. There are few things more comforting in life than hearing a waiter say, “The usual?” Be it a particular cocktail, an appetizer the kitchen prepares only for you, or extra salt in your butter, your rituals should be remembered and honored. Specifically in the business-entertaining context, there are a number of things you can do to coordinate with the restaurant: Do you always pay the bill? Then set up a house account. The restaurant will keep an imprint of your credit card on file, and you can leave standing instructions to add an 18% gratuity. Do you always need to conclude a business lunch in exactly 75 minutes? A good restaurant can make that happen.

Fourth, reservations at other restaurants. The clique of top New York restaurants is like OPEC. If you’re a regular at restaurant A, and you want to go to restaurant B where you’ve never been, chances are somebody at restaurant A has a strong contact, a wife, a brother, or a lover working at restaurant B. Have somebody make a phone call on your behalf. Remember, that person over at restaurant B probably has customers that want to come to restaurant A. It's all about reciprocity.

Fifth, travel planning. The restaurant cartel phenomenon extends across the country and around the globe. When you head to the other coast or overseas, especially if the goal is gastronomic tourism, your favorite restaurant becomes a miniature travel agency. You should never, ever call a Michelin three-star restaurant in France for a reservation: The chef or maitre d' at your favorite restaurant should make that reservation for you. Nor does the menu of travel planning services end there. For example, restaurants buy a lot of wine. If you’re going to be in Burgundy, find out with whom the restaurant has a relationship. Even if the restaurant has no direct contacts in the region, there should be an importer/distributor who can exercise some pull on your behalf. This little bit of entrée makes all the difference: You will be assured a VIP winery tour and tasting unattainable by ordinary tourists.

Remember, though, once you’re part of the family, you have certain obligations. A long-term relationship with a great restaurant transcends economics. In many ways, regulars are more restricted in their actions than strangers. As a regular, you're under an increased obligation to be courteous, to be understanding, and to be discreet. Part of the bargain is that you can't go around telling everybody else about the special treatment you receive, because it will interfere with their enjoyment of the restaurant if they go -- VIP treatment is a secret bargain. And remember, the special relationship runs between the restaurant and you alone: Don’t overstep the bounds of the relationship by overtly demanding reservations or special treatment for your friends. If you do want the restaurant to know someone is under your umbrella of political capital, there’s an easy way to do it: “My friends are coming in tonight and I’d like to buy them a bottle of Champagne.” They’ll get the idea.

Steven A. Shaw, a former Cravath, Swaine & Moore litigator, writes about food on fat-guy.com and elsewhere. He can be reached at steven@fat-guy.com.

[Bux]

I get the sense these reporters were clueless. There are side issues here that make this thread annoying to read. There are people who go to restaurants to show off and to push other people around. There are people who demand special attention for their ego needs. I'm not sure the WSJ writers understand the difference and I'm not sure some of the participants of this thread may either.

Perhaps it was necessary for me to spell out that it appeared as if the WSJ writers did not understand the difference between the types I note here and the types who know how to get the most out of a restaurant. Amongst the types that are not clueless I would include Wilfrid of course and undoubtedly Steve P. most of the time and Fat Guy, who's written the text book and reposted it here.

It appears to me that some people here don't understand how to get the most out of a restaurant anymore than the journalists in question, but how is what I said anything like a personal attack?