Asian vs. European customs

[JoNorvelleWalker]

Last night my family treated me to dinner at a favored Asian fusion restaurant -- basically Chinese stir fry with about fifty or sixty choices.  Only once have I seen another non-Chinese/maybe non-Korean table at the restaurant.  The restaurant is located in a heavily ethnically Asian area.  My granddaughter is finishing her second year of Mandarin and so far has made two trips to China.

 

Whether we dine on Asian cuisine or European we generally eat family style from a communal platter or from each other's plates.  Since I am a slow eater, without a full complement of dentation, last night I went away hungry.  Not that there wasn't an abundance of good things to eat, but there were two teenagers.

 

I recall that in traditional Nordic culture in times of scarcity, old ladies were sacrificed or left to starve.  Somehow I thought in the Chinese tradition it was not the same.

[liuzhou]

19 minutes ago, JoNorvelleWalker said:

Somehow I thought in the Chinese tradition it was not the same.

 

You thought right. I've never heard of anything like this happening in China. Quite the reverse.

 

I regularly eat with a number of Chinese families of three or four generations. Everyone, including or especially the youngest and the teenagers, makes sure that  the more senior family member or guest is adequately fed and watered. In fact, they are more likely to be overstuffed rather than underfed.

One family I am particularly close to includes an aged grandfather (late 90s) who has practically lost all mobility. I'm sure he ends up eating more than anyone as the youngsters 9-40 yrs old) make sure his bowl is full, usually of the choicest morsels. He still usually manages to finish first and sits back contentedly with a "慢吃！" (literally 'eat slowly' = 'take your time') while we all battle on.

 

Another family includes an woman of indeterminate age. Same story, although she is a notoriously slow eater. No one rushes her.

 

 

Edited June 13, 2017 by liuzhou
typo (log)

[Anna N]

3 hours ago, JoNorvelleWalker said:

Last night my family treated me to dinner at a favored Asian fusion restaurant -- basically Chinese stir fry with about fifty or sixty choices.  Only once have I seen another non-Chinese/maybe non-Korean table at the restaurant.  The restaurant is located in a heavily ethnically Asian area.  My granddaughter is finishing her second year of Mandarin and so far has made two trips to China.

 

Whether we dine on Asian cuisine or European we generally eat family style from a communal platter or from each other's plates.  Since I am a slow eater, without a full complement of dentation, last night I went away hungry.  Not that there wasn't an abundance of good things to eat, but there were two teenagers.

 

I recall that in traditional Nordic culture in times of scarcity, old ladies were sacrificed or left to starve.  Somehow I thought in the Chinese tradition it was not the same.

 I can totally empathize.  One of the few good things about eating alone is that I can take as long as I need to eat whatever I choose.  In company, family or otherwise, I leave the table hungry.

This. (Duncan Campbell Scott:. The Forsaken).  

 

Edited June 13, 2017 by Anna N
To add link. (log)

[liuzhou]

7 hours ago, JoNorvelleWalker said:

I recall that in traditional Nordic culture in times of scarcity, old ladies were sacrificed or left to starve.  Somehow I thought in the Chinese tradition it was not the same.

 

@JoNorvelleWalker Later in the day today, I met, independently, two young (around 20 year old) Chinese women of my acquaintance and mentioned your original post to them. These are not particularly traditional women - in fact, like most of their contemporaries, their main concern in life is making sure they have the latest cell phone and are unable to walk more than three yards without checking their messages. Both are otherwise intelligent university students - one majoring in English and the other in mathematics.

 

Both were astonished and outraged by your experience, saying that such behaviour would be totally unthinkable in their culture. As I thought.

 

Both also independently mentioned a well-known children's story on this theme. Apparently every child learns it. Rather than letting grandmother starve to death, the story relates the tale of a very poor  couple who are living through a deadly famine (something still in living memory in China) and are extremely short of food. Things reach a stage where they are burdened with one mouth more than they can possibly feed and feel they have to let someone go. This choice is between their young son or his grandmather. (Neither of the couple seem to be volunteering, although that is glossed over.)

 

The husband determines, somewhat logically, that they can always have another son (pre-one-child-policy obviously), whereas it is impossible to 'have' a new grandmother, so the son is to be sacrificed. Some versions of the story end there.

 

Others relate how the couple are digging a pit in which to bury the boy (alive, of course), when they miraculously come across a hoard of gold (or a golden alter) which they naturally dig up. In their new found wealth, they are now able to buy as much food as they need and both boy and granny are saved. The couple are forever to be lauded for their filial piety in putting granny first.

If your grandaughter or anyone else is interested, the story is here (in Chinese).

 

There is another version, told in China, but set in Japan, which is the opposite. In that story, outside each Japanese town there is a mountain known as "Old Woman Mountain". In times of hunger, it is a son's unquestionable duty to drag poor granny off to the mountain and leave her there to starve, therefore proving what devils the Japanese are. It is a nasty story, but the Chinese loathe the Japanese to this day and seldom miss a chance to denigrate them. I was once accidentally caught up in an anti-Japanese demonstration here in China where all these young people chanted anti-Japanese slogans, took photos with their Canon and Nikon cameras, then set off to play on their Sony playstations* or sing karaoke. Bizarrely, their protest took them past KFC where they stopped to hurl insults, no doubt thinking it stands for Kyoto Fried Chicken.    

 

*whatever they are.

 

 

[Beebs]

Oh dear.

 

In our family, the oldest people are always served first, with the choicest bits.  Guests next.  Kids & young people last.  The younger people always serve the older people, and it's expected that you'd continuously put food on their plates throughout the meal and keep their teacups full.  We'd never think of taking the head of the steamed whole fish without offering it to Grandma first!  Both my grandmas were slow eaters, so as dishes came out, portions were set aside for them while they finished whatever was on their plates first.

[pastrygirl]

Sorry to hear that, but I wouldn't blame the cuisine, I'd blame the culture of the other diners at your table.

[JoNorvelleWalker]

6 hours ago, Beebs said:

Oh dear.

 

In our family, the oldest people are always served first, with the choicest bits.  Guests next.  Kids & young people last.  The younger people always serve the older people, and it's expected that you'd continuously put food on their plates throughout the meal and keep their teacups full.  We'd never think of taking the head of the steamed whole fish without offering it to Grandma first!  Both my grandmas were slow eaters, so as dishes came out, portions were set aside for them while they finished whatever was on their plates first.

 

Oh I was served first.  That was not the problem.  Remember we were dining communally, chopsticks in the same platters.  I received the first and choicest bits.  I managed two bites of squid before it was gone and one chicken wing, plus first dibs on the bowls of stir fry.

 

I think what was missed was the part about "continuously put food on their plates".  And alas this establishment does not serve hot tea -- bubble tea, yes.  I had water.