When Your Customers Mortify You

[Underfoot]

I was a busser at a restaurant a few months ago and one night one of our regulars came in for dinner. He seemed to be the solitary type, always bringing a book, but he was friends with the chef so nevertheless sat at the chef's counter and chatted with the chef off and on. He looked to be in his late fifties/early sixties and he always smiled at me, so I was friendly to him, in what I thought was a granddaughterly-way (I am 20). However I was soon corrected!

The chef, customer and I were talking and the customer made some joke and proceeded to slap my rear with his book! I was so shocked that I didn't say anything and just walked away. The windows from the kitchen into the restaurant were about one and a half feet above the counter, so the chef didn't see what the customer had done. I told my FOH co-workers, because I felt the need to tell someone. But for some reason I didn't tell the chef; I think I didn't want to make it awkward for him with that customer. From then on whenever the man came in I did whatever I could to have other people help him and avoided eye contact. That probably wasn't the best answer, but I really didn't know what to do.

I'm sure someone else has a much worse story, but I was mortified.

[KatieLoeb]

WOW! That's a doozy. I've never understood how some men feel it's their divine right to touch a woman or even invade her personal space without express permission.

Most of my stories involve loud voiced patrons. Sadly, it's usually women with incredible shrill voices. I had a lovely group at my bar just about a week ago that were really nice. Except the wife of one of them had a voice like fingernails on a blackboard. She pounded back three glasses of wine in no time flat and it only made her less aware of the volume she was shreiking at (she was clearly unaware of just how much the tone of her voice could make your ears bleed). Mercifully they were the first ones in right after we opened so there was no one else there for most of this, but as other patrons filtered in, I started to grow more concerned. The kitchen and other waitstaff had already asked me what the heck was wrong with her. I kept serving her friends, who were perfectly well behaved and interesting to talk to, and I kept refilling her water glass and ignoring her requests for another glass of wine. As soon as they'd finished eating I dropped the check and got them out.

I also had a group of four or five young plastic surgeons at the bar from one of the best hospitals and plastic/reconstructive surgery departments in the country. They were fine to start, but this one particular doctor (a stunningly beautiful and expensively well dressed Asian woman) started getting louder and louder as she drank and had a mouth on her that could make a sailor blush. She was leading the cheering section as a weave pulling/fistfight tumbled outside from the nail salon across the street. (that's a whole other ridiculous story) Unbelievable. I literally saw several customers walk out after hearing her upon their entrance to the bar, and had one of my regulars ask how soon she'd be leaving or else they wouldn't stay either. I'd asked her to please keep her voice down very nicely a couple of times, but it only lasted a minute or two. I finally flagged the whole lot of them. They got belligerent and tipped poorly. No class at all.

I have to wear black to work. Anything at all, as long as I'm in black from head to toe. I have a particular black blouse that's a babydoll style. It's quite poofy in the front. I had a customer assume I was pregnant and comment on it. I replied that I wasn't, but thanks so much for asking. She was pretty embarrassed, as I rightly think she should have been. Should that ever happen again, in that outfit or any other, I'll merely reply "I'm infertile" or "No - it's a giant tumor, actually" and really make them feel badly. Hopefully that'll teach them not to make assumptions and comment on things that are completely none of their business, whether true or not.

[SundaySous]

Actually I think your experience is a lot more common than most people know. This site tends to focus on upscale establishments where I get the feeling it does not happen as often or openly.

If this individual is a regular customer I'm sure his behavior has been observed before. I'm 46, I've been employed at various restaurants over the years. I've seen a lot worse.

Even if the guy is a sweetheart and meant it in the best way it's still inappropriate behavior. For your own self esteem and you are still working there I would mention it to chef or management. If they ask why you are bringing this up now just tell them the truth, it's still on your mind, your concerns.

I'm a guy. I know guys and we talk. I know guys that talk about getting the make on women in just such ways. I don't want to know guys like this but I do. I avoid guys like this and I'm a guy.

Seek out some of the women that work there and let them know, women that have worked in the industry for a while. They should educate you. Ask them what other restaurants don't tolerate this. We are an industry that networks more than many other professions, they will probably know a more professional atmosphere for you to work in. They will probably know the people that hire at such establishments.

You buss tables, you're a professional. You show up on time, you add to the bottom line more than most people will acknowledge. Professionals that hire professionals will not tolerate you being abused even if it is an innocent misunderstanding.

If this happened a couple of months ago and you have not witnessed anything like it since you are probably working with professionals. Professionals that will respect you even if you are bringing it up months later.

[Underfoot]

Okay here I go again. Reading the above replies reminded me of another instance. This night I was working as a food runner. I was reaching past a older man (70s?) to place a plate down, wearing a t-shirt, and the man said "Are you ticklish?" Now I may be a little sensitive but this seemed a really odd thing to say and only made sense as a weird come-on.

There was another time when I was working as a waiter's assistant. He was a good-looking, charming guy in his early thirties and usually used the very subtle flirtation method with his tables. One table that night had a young lady at it with her friends and she and he were engaged in some conversation when I came up to the table. Right then she said "Oh I wouldn't mind doing it with you... or her." I guess she swang both ways!

I think some people just enjoying shocking/messing with young-looking girls... But what can I say, I always give them the red-cheeked embarassment I assume they were looking for.

[SundaySous]

Well we do deal with the public, all of it. You see 100 plus people on a Friday night you will see what escaped for the night from the zoo. Ever wonder how many of your patrons are recently released convicts? How about the rest of the staff?

Has anyone seen a couple out dining and the husband or wife will grope or ludicrously flirt with the staff. What the hell is that? Do they want to piss off their spouse, publicly embarrass them, want a threesome?

I have waited tables and can think of many times another server has asked me to take one of the pervert encounters. And it damn near always has gone something like, "OK I know you're a pervert, I'm not your type what do you want so we can get you on to your next victim, (unspoken for the most part).

LOL or "no I didn't forget your appetizer I ate it myself and it was good. Lets see if you catch it on the cheque. I mean it's only fair your going to stiff me on the tip anyways right?"

Or even taking over a table and they ask what happened to our server. What do I tell them? "Well she was going to come back and stab you in the eye with that salad fork you didn't even know is a salad fork so we thought it would be better if I served you. Less lawsuits, you understand."

[pax]

^ hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Thank you for a bright start to my morning.

[K8memphis]

I was a busser at a restaurant a few months ago and one night one of our regulars came in for dinner. He seemed to be the solitary type, always bringing a book, but he was friends with the chef so nevertheless sat at the chef's counter and chatted with the chef off and on.  He looked to be in his late fifties/early sixties and he always smiled at me, so I was friendly to him, in what I thought was a granddaughterly-way (I am 20). However I was soon corrected!

The chef, customer and I were talking and the customer made some joke and proceeded to slap my rear with his book! I was so shocked that I didn't say anything and just walked away. The windows from the kitchen into the restaurant were about one and a half feet above the counter, so the chef didn't see what the customer had done. I told my FOH co-workers, because I felt the need to tell someone. But for some reason I didn't tell the chef; I think I didn't want to make it awkward for him with that customer. From then on whenever the man came in I did whatever I could to have other people help him and avoided eye contact. That probably wasn't the best answer, but I really didn't know what to do.

I'm sure someone else has a much worse story, but I was mortified.

←

Perhaps work on developing 'the look". Where in no uncertain terms you can without saying a word bitchslap someone into next week.

But of course, this should have all been reported properly and documented not only for you but because there cometh one after you. This dude is without question over the line. Nothing sweetheart about it. Chef does not want any patron, friend or not to do that in his establishment. In this type of work you need to be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. Develop an evil eye to stab somebody with as necessary as you go about life. At a minimum it's the right thing to do in cases like this. Nobody's gonna stick up for you if you don't.

Even if it was three years ago I'd tell Chef. I understand the awkwardness, but I think you really should consider that. Or be ready to spill the beans to a higher up person next time.

[Doodad]

Unfortunately in this "enlightened" and liberated age it is not confined to guys.

I worked tables and barback and such through school and had several older women hit on me. One went so far as to ask me when I got off and how and she patted me on the butt. I looked at her, looked at her ring and said I was an indentured servant and therefore never got time off. I had a girlfriend work them for the rest of the evening.

As if.

[SundaySous]

wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove.

You quote a line from the movie "Gone Baby Gone".

I quote my First Sargent, "We are in Hell, we volunteered now get back to work!"