Study supports touching guests

[Grub]

I have no idea where I read this, but there was some sort of "study" that insisted servers got better tip when touching -- but that this "trick" only worked for female servers. This seemed to make sense to me, at least until I read all the responses here. So maybe the conclusion should be that this "trick" only works if you're a hot waitress, and only on unattractive, male customers..?

[Carrot Top]

So maybe the conclusion should be that this "trick" only works if you're a hot waitress, and only on unattractive, male customers..?

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Well. . .I have to admit the idea occured to me that the study from Cornell was developed and then written in such a way to get the responses it did from some old guy who was hungry for something else besides a burger and fries if you know what I mean. . .

Funny to think that this is how history is made and culture is developed. The academic pen with all that power residing behind it standing proudly in print declaiming utter nonsense. And all for a nice little backrub.

[Susan G]

Having grown up in an Eastern European family and enjoyed kissing hugging all my relatives I have no problem if someone wants to touch me/offer a reassuring pat on the shoulder-what's the big deal anyway?

Germs?

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In no way is this about germs: It's about an inappropriate approach. I am seated, looking up at my server.........it feels like he or she is treating me as a social inferior by asserting the right to touch me without my permission.

And doing it as a manipulation for a larger tip? I'm so outta there!

[AlexP]

I am from Spain and hugging-kissing as way of introductions is normal. There is a lot more touching, in life in general, than in the US.

Maybe that is why I really do not care if somebody touches my shoulder and says hello.

Alex

[Carrot Top]

At the same time, I can not remember ever having a waiter or waitress touch me while dining in Europe.

And it is quite common here.

I think it has something to do with the idea of service being considered a profession that has its own sense of pride historically in Europe whereas here it is (from what I hear and see) more of "just a way to make a buck" for most that do it.

Therefore the "we are all equals here including me the server" approach. More of a "I am serving you today but by touching you, introducing myself, crouching down to be a part of your group" it is made clear that the service part is not taken in really the full sense of pride in itself alone that it might be. There is something inferred that someday soon, it will be the server sitting at the table being served. It makes of the situation a more "democratic" approach somewhat avoiding the real "sense" of service that service is.

I have an old-fashioned view of service. I believe it is an end unto itself for those that can see it that way. Excellent and true service can give back to the one who provides it more than what they give to those that they serve. I'm not talking money here. . .but money does tend to flow from these things when done right, too.

Edited September 15, 2005 by Carrot Top (log)

[Carrot Top]

Do you know ratings for other cultures that have been mentioned here? It might be interesting to add that information to this thread if you've got access to it.

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Here is a link that defines the initial development of the study of proxemics, Chris:

Edward Hall: Proxemics

Although the name of the website sort of makes me snicker (Center for Spatially Integrated Social Science) it is rather a serious course of studies. I still have not found any more specific information on your question but that is due to the fact that I am a story-teller and have never been too interested in How to Find Facts.

Unless those facts pop up right in front of me in real life. That, I can accept.

You might have better luck than me in tracing more information if it does interest you to do so. Bon chance!

Edited September 21, 2005 by Carrot Top (log)

[hjshorter]

What's the syndrome whereby some people are aroused by casual contact? That might account for some of these differences.

I for one am not much bothered by casual touch from acquaintances and expect it in my family and circle of friends. As for service, I'm with Viva upthread:

It depends <cough/shallowness ahead> on the attractiveness of the waiter. There was that really hot waiter on Mykonos... I didn't mind at all when he put his hand on my back. In fact, it's one of my favorite memories of my trip to Greece. A not-hot waiter? Hands off.

[TPO]

It depends <cough/shallowness ahead> on the attractiveness of the waiter.  There was that really hot waiter on Mykonos... I didn't mind at all when he put his hand on my back.  In fact, it's one of my favorite memories of my trip to Greece.  A not-hot waiter?  Hands off.

Conversely, some young bimbo waitress better not touch me (and more importantly, hands off my date).  However, a nice grandma-type in a diner serving me pie wouldn't bother me.

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As I read this thread I had a similar thought. I wonder if the studies done take into account pretty waitresses touching men and handsome waiters touching women.

I don't like to be touched if it is obvious the person isn't sincere -- and usually it isn't all that difficult to tell when it is someone's nature to touch people or when they are doing it just for better tips.

Two other things I don't like: servers squatting down next to my table so they are below my eye level while taking the order; and servers who sit down at an empty chair at the table to take the order.

Even if I am dining alone, I am not looking to pay someone to be my friend.

Edited September 20, 2005 by TPO (log)