Nightmare Dinner Guests

[cakewalk]

that is it I never got mad because she was obviously not functing on all cylinders

←

I seriously admire your restraint. I could never, ever have remained silent, I would have dead people in my kitchen and dining room.

[SundaySous]

I'm convinced people that walk into your kitchen uninvited and take over the cooking have a serious personality disorder.

Growing up we had a cottage, one of five on the same property with four other familys.

We would do combined meals. One breakfast I was on pancakes for like twenty. I've got three bowls of different sizes of add water out of the box pancake mix and ready to go.

One of the other parents grabs a gallon of milk out of the fridge and announces we can make crepes, yeah let's make crepes. Needless to say we didn't have crepes that day or pancakes. I got to listen to him tell everyone how I couldn't make crepes for quite a while.

I took comfort in the looks of the audiences. Something like this man is obsessed.

[jgm]

I've been steeling myself up, for "the Talk"  I have it all prepared, but I can't work up the nerve. He's SO super sensitive. I'm afraid to, because he'll take it right to heart, and we'll probably never see him again. I really have to say something, though, because the guy acts like he was raised by wolves, and it's becoming sort of an embarassing problem for ME since he's here so much.

←

If you do "the talk" lovingly, letting him know how much you care about him, it probably will hurt his feelings, but you can end it with an invitation to come to dinner the next night. You can't put it off forever. If you try, one of his antics is sure to hit you wrong one day, and you'll blow up at him -- whatever your version of blowing up is. That would be far worse. Maybe he does know better, but taking liberties at your place is his way of constantly assuring himself that you're the kind of friend he can push the envelope with. If that's the case, he doesn't understand that envelopes wear out.

This guy has never been taught how to act, and until someone compassionately deals with it, he will be lonely forever. You sound like such a generous and forgiving soul. He is extremely lucky to have a friend like you. But if you will go this extra mile for him, who knows, he may end up with several good friends. What a gift that would be! And therein lies your "excuse" for the talk: he's such a wonderful and interesting guy, but these little quirks are annoying to a lot of people, and they are standing between him and the friendships he deserves to have. People who can't get past the quirks, will not have an opportunity to appreciate the wonderful things he has to offer.

Regardless, you have my vote for Woman of the Year.

[Lilija]

If you do "the talk" lovingly, letting him know how much you care about him, it probably will hurt his feelings, but you can end it with an invitation to come to dinner the next night.  You can't put it off forever.  If you try, one of his antics is sure to hit you wrong one day, and you'll blow up at him -- whatever your version of blowing up is.  That would be far worse.  Maybe he does know better, but taking liberties at your place is his way of constantly assuring himself that you're the kind of friend he can push the envelope with.  If that's the case, he doesn't understand that envelopes wear out.

This guy has never been taught how to act, and until someone compassionately deals with it, he will be lonely forever.  You sound like such a generous and forgiving soul.  He is extremely lucky to have a friend like you.  But if you will go this extra mile for him, who knows, he may end up with several good friends.  What a gift that would be!  And therein lies your "excuse" for the talk: he's such a wonderful and interesting guy, but these little quirks are annoying to a lot of people, and they are standing between him and the friendships he deserves to have.  People who can't get past the quirks, will not have an opportunity to appreciate the wonderful things he has to offer.

Regardless, you have my vote for Woman of the Year.

←

Thank you for your kind words. I'm really touched, and I must thank everyone else for the support on this matter, too. What started out as a cathartic bitchfest turned into a very helpful reference, on dealing with my friend. I've since steered away from the idea of The Talk, instead choosing to pepper our usual conversations and interactions with mini-lessons on basic etiquette. I caught him sticking his hand in the bowl of rice, that I was cooling for sushi last night. I casually (but clearly) let him know that I would prefer he used a spoon and bowl. I said "Phil, instead of doing that, here take this clean spoon and help yourself to a sample". Baby steps. It seemed to work, though, he wasn't insulted, yet he stopped picking at it with his fingers.

I've also started getting him to call sporadically before he shows up, too. He doesn't do it every time, but sometimes is great. That was a big one. I still tell him the door's always open, but I shower him with gratitude and praise when he calls. "Oh! It's so great that you called! I was just setting the table for four, should I put another plate on for you?" His reply was, "Naw, I just ate dinner, I'll be over a little later, though" and wonder of wonders, he showed up AFTER dinner.

Baby steps. It helps to come here and talk to understanding people

I'm sorry for semi-jacking this thread, but I think it's all germaine to the topic, in some way. I've learned a lot from how you guys handle your nightmare guests, maybe my experiences can help someone.