Tonight, I made that ancient British dish dating back to prehistory and loved by the Picts and Gaels in their dozens.
Spag Bol
Beef, tomato, garlic, onion, extra virgin olive oil from the olive plantations of Auchtermuchty harvested by Siobhan , the only virgin in Auchermuchty, and don't forget the secret, final ingredient introduced to the UK before it was U or K by none other than Sean Connery's great, great, great ad nauseum grandfather, Williiam McConnery Esq., known to all as Silly Willy. I refer, of course, to Star Anise or as they are otherwise known, haggis droppings. In the Scots Gaelic this is called umami.
Spag(hetti) , as everyone knows, was invented by the younger brother of the famous Marco, Mr. Dave Polo an itinerant Italian ice-cream vendor in Edinburgh. Hetti was his wife. The origins of "spag" are lost in the mists of Glencoe. Dave also invented a game in which upper class twits ride around on horses missing balls. The players miss the balls. The horses are reproductively intact. Unfortunately, so are a few of the players.
Served with a sprinkling of Gran Biraghi, a cheese-like substance named after the grandmother of the notorious highland chieftain Biraghi, which in the Pictish language means, "I'd prefer a hamburger".
To the right of my plate you may see a Microplane, an ancient Scottish weapon designed to inflict near maximum pain on the enemy - mainly the English. For maximun pain we played bagpipe music.
