Presumptuous Waitress

[Just Jim]

I was at a chain restaurant awhile back with my daughter.

The waitress took our order, asking for our drink choices.

When I said "coke", she said "diet?".

I said no, and I let it go.

Later, she asked if I wanted a refill, and asked what I was drinking.

I said "coke", she said "diet?".

I grimaced, said no, and let it go.

We returned a month or so later, same waitress.

When it came time for the drinks, I said "coke", and she said "diet?".

Okay, I know I'm not a small man (6'2", 300+ lbs), but this is getting on my nerves.

I haven't been back since for fear that it would happen again and I would lose my shoe in her rectal area.

[Toliver]

I was at a chain restaurant awhile back with my daughter.

The waitress took our order, asking for our drink choices.

When I said "coke", she said "diet?".

I said no, and I let it go.

Later, she asked if I wanted a refill, and asked what I was drinking.

I said "coke", she said "diet?".

I grimaced, said no, and let it go.

We returned a month or so later, same waitress.

When it came time for the drinks, I said "coke", and she said "diet?".

Okay, I know I'm not a small man (6'2", 300+ lbs), but this is getting on my nerves.

I haven't been back since for fear that it would happen again and I would lose my shoe in her rectal area.

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If she bugs you that much, the next time you're at the restaurant ask to be seated in someone else's service area. They should be able to accommadate your request.

I have friends who are diehard Diet Coke fans. Whenever we eat out, they always, always, always, order Diet Coke. So I'm thinking perhaps this waitress normally gets a large number of orders for Diet Coke and rarely for regular Coke. She may be just trying to confirm that you do not want Diet Coke.

Take a deep breathe and reiterate, "No, just Coke, thank you." Save your shoes for the real pains in the posteriors in life.

[Just Jim]

If she bugs you that much, the next time you're at the restaurant ask to be seated in someone else's service area. They should be able to accommadate your request.

I have friends who are diehard Diet Coke fans. Whenever we eat out, they always, always, always, order Diet Coke. So I'm thinking perhaps this waitress normally gets a large number of orders for Diet Coke and rarely for regular Coke. She may be just trying to confirm that you do not want Diet Coke.

Take a deep breathe and reiterate, "No, just Coke, thank you." Save your shoes for the real pains in the posteriors in life.

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Nah.

I can't give her the benefit of the doubt.

Her job is to listen, and provide me with service.

If she listened, she wouldn't have heard the word diet.

It would the same if I ordered coffee, and said I take sugar with it, and she said "Splenda?".

It's a presumption she should not make.

And I'm saving my shoes by not seeing her again.

And lest you think I am irate, I'm not.

It is a lighthearted post, and I'm sure someone got a chuckle out of it.

[TheFoodTutor]

I was at a chain restaurant awhile back with my daughter.

The waitress took our order, asking for our drink choices.

When I said "coke", she said "diet?".

I said no, and I let it go.

Later, she asked if I wanted a refill, and asked what I was drinking.

I said "coke", she said "diet?".

I grimaced, said no, and let it go.

We returned a month or so later, same waitress.

When it came time for the drinks, I said "coke", and she said "diet?".

Okay, I know I'm not a small man (6'2", 300+ lbs), but this is getting on my nerves.

I haven't been back since for fear that it would happen again and I would lose my shoe in her rectal area.

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This I would find extremely irritating, and I'd probably actually tell a manager about it, unless I was certain that the waitress misheard me, both times. The implication, otherwise, is rather insulting and rude.

I would never ask if someone wanted Diet Coke instead of Coke, unless people were shooting beverage orders at me, rapid-fire, and I was so flustered at trying to write it down that I wanted to clarify. I do sometimes ask, while I'm picking up the glass for the refill, "Was this Diet Coke or Regular," just in case I wasn't the person who originally took the order, or it wasn't written down, and there's none of the original beverage in the glass, in order for me to easily see which one it was.

Incidentally, long-time servers can tell the difference between Diet and Regular Coke by the color. Diet is a shade or two darker, enough to notice if you see it a lot, and while that is not by design in the product, it does make it easier to tell the difference, as one is setting the drinks down on the table, so that one can deliver the appropriate type to the person who orders it. There is no such color difference in any other beverage that I know of, such as the difference between sweetened and unsweetened ice tea. Those are indistinguishable without tasting them.

Aside from the rudeness of suggesting Diet Coke to a person that one thinks is overweight, it's also self-defeating, on the part of the server. Diet Coke either has crack in it, making patrons drink more of it much more quickly, or it has a much faster evaporation rate, ensuring that many more refills will be necessary, and hence, more footwork. Actually, I can confirm that the former is true, rather than the latter, because I am a drinker of Diet Coke, and I sip it during most of my shifts, but never during my time off, when I drink water or wine or coffee or beer, or some combination of those. (OK, not mixed - don't go thinking that I'm drinking a water/wine/coffee/beer cocktail from hell.)

Best case scenario: Maybe she's a Dental Assistant by day, and she's hoping to help you stop washing your teeth in sugar? OK, probably not.

If it's a really good restaurant, I'd go back and tell the manager to tell her not to superimpose her beliefs on her guests. Otherwise, I'd seriously think about not going back and taking my business elsewhere.

Edited April 24, 2009 by TheFoodTutor (log)

[Julian Teoh]

I thought she may just have been playing it safe, as the people who drink Diet are more likely to kick up a huge fuss afterwards if they were served real Coke rather than vice versa? Maybe it's just her normal practice and wasn't targeted at you?

FoodTutor, not sure if it is a cultural thing, but most of the people I see drinking Diet in this neck of the woods are actually skinny people trying to avoid surplus calories.

[ambra]

If she just wanted to clarify, all she had to do is repeat back, "Coke," or even "Regular coke" (at the most!) when she repeated back your order (if she does that.)

I think it's pretty obnoxious in any event. As you state, it's not much different then asking someone if they want chicken after they ordered the steak.

But you can always sit in somone elses section. Shoudn't blame the restaurant if you really like it because how can they fix the problem if they don't even know about it?

Edited April 24, 2009 by ambra (log)

[TheFoodTutor]

I thought she may just have been playing it safe, as the people who drink Diet are more likely to kick up a huge fuss afterwards if they were served real Coke rather than vice versa?  Maybe it's just her normal practice and wasn't targeted at you?

FoodTutor, not sure if it is a cultural thing, but most of the people I see drinking Diet in this neck of the woods are actually skinny people trying to avoid surplus calories.

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We see a lot of that around here, too, but I also see a lot of overweight people who clearly aren't on diets drinking Diet Coke. It's a personal preference. Some people like Diet Coke because it's sweeter than regular Coke. For a lot of people, Diet Coke is their second choice of beverage when they find out that my restaurant doesn't serve sweet tea.

Sometimes, a Diet Coke is the perfect beverage to help wash down a platter of fried chicken tenders, french fries and cole slaw. There's no telling why, really.

[CDRFloppingham]

I agree that waitressing is a service industry and, in this instance, you, as the customer, are right.

However, maybe you're being a little thin skinned?

Your BMI is at least 38 (6'2", 300+lbs). Maybe she felt that she was trying to help or couldn't understand why you wouldn't want to save a few calories.

[Tess]

I agree that waitressing is a service industry and, in this instance, you, as the customer, are right.

However, maybe you're being a little thin skinned? 

Your BMI is at least 38 (6'2", 300+lbs).  Maybe she felt that she was trying to help or couldn't understand why you wouldn't want to save a few calories.

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That would be hideous. How many calories a customer is taking in is none of the server's business! The server "can't understand" why you wouldn't want to save calories? She needs to be keeping her mind on the job, not on the customer's waistline. If I thought a server was doing that to me I would respond: "Do you think I'm fat?" and see what he or she said.

Back to the original post: If you want to avoid weird intrusive server behavior, not going to chain restaurants is a good way to start.

[faine]

Waitresses should not make commentary on people's eating habits or proclivities. I think that should be lesson one in training, actually. No one wants their person critiqued, insulted, or questioned when they're just trying to eat some tasty food. Not sure if it's worth writing a lettrr over, but not going back or sitting in a different section? Absolutely .

Anyone else encounter Presumptuous Waitresses? Sorta curious now about how far this sort of thing can go.

[munchymom]

Anyone else encounter Presumptuous Waitresses? Sorta curious now about how far this sort of thing can go.

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Not exactly the same thing, but I've noticed when eating with my husband that restaurant servers tend to make assumptions based on gender norms. My husband was a vegetarian for many years and still will choose vegetarian or seafood dishes at restaurants, and he rarely drinks alcohol. I usually order wine with meals, and tend to order beef or pork dishes. In restaurants where the server who brings the food is not the same person who took the order, inevitably they place the steak and Cabernet in front of him, and the shrimp salad and diet Coke in front of me. Every single time. Ordinarily I don't welcome the "who had the shrimp salad" inquiry, but if you can't get it right, ask!

[TheFoodTutor]

Anyone else encounter Presumptuous Waitresses? Sorta curious now about how far this sort of thing can go.

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I've heard stories about servers or bartenders denying Cokes to pregnant women, but don't have any knowledge first-hand.

It would be interesting to hear stories from women who have been pregnant as to what their servers have allowed or not allowed them to have. Rare cheeseburgers? Caffeinated beverages? An occasional glass of wine?

[nibor]

Anyone else encounter Presumptuous Waitresses? Sorta curious now about how far this sort of thing can go.

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Not exactly the same thing, but I've noticed when eating with my husband that restaurant servers tend to make assumptions based on gender norms. My husband was a vegetarian for many years and still will choose vegetarian or seafood dishes at restaurants, and he rarely drinks alcohol. I usually order wine with meals, and tend to order beef or pork dishes. In restaurants where the server who brings the food is not the same person who took the order, inevitably they place the steak and Cabernet in front of him, and the shrimp salad and diet Coke in front of me. Every single time. Ordinarily I don't welcome the "who had the shrimp salad" inquiry, but if you can't get it right, ask!

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This happens to us too. All the time.

[CDRFloppingham]

I agree that waitressing is a service industry and, in this instance, you, as the customer, are right.

However, maybe you're being a little thin skinned? 

Your BMI is at least 38 (6'2", 300+lbs).  Maybe she felt that she was trying to help or couldn't understand why you wouldn't want to save a few calories.

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That would be hideous. How many calories a customer is taking in is none of the server's business! The server "can't understand" why you wouldn't want to save calories? She needs to be keeping her mind on the job, not on the customer's waistline. If I thought a server was doing that to me I would respond: "Do you think I'm fat?" and see what he or she said.

Back to the original post: If you want to avoid weird intrusive server behavior, not going to chain restaurants is a good way to start.

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Did you see that I wrote that he, as the customer, is right?

I'm just saying that it could have been the manifestation of a subconscious thought on her part...not malicious although not acceptable in a service occupation either.

With regard to your comment that implies that this happens more often at a chain restaurant, could you explain that further? Maybe you are generalizing that chain restaurants hire/tolerate rude servers more than non-chain restaurants?

How is that different from the way that this server could have been generalizing that overweight patrons tend to drink Diet Coke?

Edited April 24, 2009 by CDRFloppingham (log)

[slkinsey]

Some people like Diet Coke because it's sweeter than regular Coke. For a lot of people, Diet Coke is their second choice of beverage when they find out that my restaurant doesn't serve sweet tea.

Diet Coke is not simply regular Coke that has had the sugar replaced with aspartame. Diet Coke is actually an entirely different beverage than regular Coke. It was developed at a time when the people at Coca Cola were worried that Pepsi (a lighter, less intensely flavored, sweeter cola product) was gaining market share. Diet Coke was created specifically to have a "Pepsi-like" flavor profile. And Diet Coke was a huge success. New Coke, then, was simply Diet Coke with the aspartame replaced with sugar. My understanding is that Coke Zero is real Coke with the sugar replaced with aspartame. This is really, in my mind, the true diet "Coke." The other stuff is a completely different product from Coca Cola.

[CDRFloppingham]

Some people like Diet Coke because it's sweeter than regular Coke. For a lot of people, Diet Coke is their second choice of beverage when they find out that my restaurant doesn't serve sweet tea.

Diet Coke is not simply regular Coke that has had the sugar replaced with aspartame. Diet Coke is actually an entirely different beverage than regular Coke. It was developed at a time when the people at Coca Cola were worried that Pepsi (a lighter, less intensely flavored, sweeter cola product) was gaining market share. Diet Coke was created specifically to have a "Pepsi-like" flavor profile. And Diet Coke was a huge success. New Coke, then, was simply Diet Coke with the aspartame replaced with sugar. My understanding is that Coke Zero is real Coke with the sugar replaced with aspartame. This is really, in my mind, the true diet "Coke." The other stuff is a completely different product from Coca Cola.

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That is very interesting.

[Just Jim]

Some people like Diet Coke because it's sweeter than regular Coke. For a lot of people, Diet Coke is their second choice of beverage when they find out that my restaurant doesn't serve sweet tea.

Diet Coke is not simply regular Coke that has had the sugar replaced with aspartame. Diet Coke is actually an entirely different beverage than regular Coke. It was developed at a time when the people at Coca Cola were worried that Pepsi (a lighter, less intensely flavored, sweeter cola product) was gaining market share. Diet Coke was created specifically to have a "Pepsi-like" flavor profile. And Diet Coke was a huge success. New Coke, then, was simply Diet Coke with the aspartame replaced with sugar. My understanding is that Coke Zero is real Coke with the sugar replaced with aspartame. This is really, in my mind, the true diet "Coke." The other stuff is a completely different product from Coca Cola.

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You are correct.

I drink coke zero at home, as most restaurants don't have it in their machines.

[Jaymes]

I think the waitress is just trying to get it right because things go amiss when it isn't. There are many kinds of Coke, you know, and in the south, the word "Coke" really means "soft drink."

As in, "I think I'll have a Coke." "What kind of Coke do you want?" "Root beer."

I'm not a fan of sweet beverages, wine or otherwise, with my meals. So at lunchtime, I usually drink unsweetened iced tea.

If I just answer "tea" when the server asks what I want to drink, it can mean completely different things in different part of the country.

This is one time I'd give that waitress the benefit of the doubt. She knows what happens when she screws up an order. Clarifying what you want is just her attempt to be sure she'd heard correctly, and she wants to be sure she's gotten it right.

Besides, with the majority of this country overweight, it's not like she's unaccustomed to people of size and is either singling you out for special scorn and ridicule, or trying to send a message.

As as for trying "to help" you, she undoubtedly has neither the time nor the interest to try to improve you, or any of the rest of her larger customers. If she did, she'd sure have her hands full, wouldn't she? In fact, I'd bet a lot of money that she doesn't give a rat's ass what size you are.

She's probably tired and harried and just trying to get through her shift with the least number of mistakes possible.

Edited April 24, 2009 by Jaymes (log)

[Just Jim]

I agree that waitressing is a service industry and, in this instance, you, as the customer, are right.

However, maybe you're being a little thin skinned? 

Your BMI is at least 38 (6'2", 300+lbs).  Maybe she felt that she was trying to help or couldn't understand why you wouldn't want to save a few calories.

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So when it's time for dessert, she should ask everyone else in my party if they'd like dessert, and turn to me and say "but not you, right?".

As far as her helping me, I don't think that's her place.

If it were I should be able to reciprocate and offer to go over the S.A.T. practice tests with her.

Should I tell her "it's your first day, huh?" ?

I know I'm big.

She knows I'm big.

Now all of you know I'm big too.

It's not a problem.

It's not like I'm trying to hide it, or have an issue with it.

How about if you showed up at a restaurant with an extremely good looking person of the opposite gender, and the waitress said "you two aren't together right?"

You know, because you are so hideous you couldn't possibly be standing next to one of the beautiful people.

It's presumptuous, and whether you have an issue with it or not isn't really the point.

It just shouldn't happen.

[Just Jim]

There are many kinds of Coke, you know, and in the south, the word "Coke" really means "soft drink." 

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I'll keep that in mind if I ever dine in the South.

Is the person behind the pharmacy counter just trying to help when you go up and ask for condoms, and they respond with "small?"

[slkinsey]

Without being there and observing the waitress ourselves, it's hard to say definitively what happened.

Is it possible she was making some kind of point? Sure. There are people like that out there. I can't imagine that a waitress who feels it is her right and duty to chide people about the sugar content will last long in that business, however, so I have to believe this is a pretty unlikely scenario.

Is it possible that she unconsciously made an assumption based on your size that you would probably be drinking Diet Coke, and checked back with you to make sure you wanted regular Coke? Certainly more likely. People do make assumptions about these things unconsciously all the time, as evidenced by the common practice of automatically delivering the steak to the man and the salad to the woman.

Is it possible that she always says "diet?" when someone orders a Coke, because this is a popular choice and she wants to make sure she gets the order right? More likely still. We really can't know this unless someone else at the table also ordered a Coke and wasn't asked the same question.

And, of course, is it possible that you're sensitive enough about your size to react to what might have been an innocent query? Also likely.

[Jaymes]

There are many kinds of Coke, you know, and in the south, the word "Coke" really means "soft drink." 

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I'll keep that in mind if I ever dine in the South.

Is the person behind the pharmacy counter just trying to help when you go up and ask for condoms, and they respond with "small?"

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Assuming that this also happens to you with some regularity, I think you have similar options as to how to handle this problem:

1.) Patronize a different restaurant/pharmacy.

2.) Patronize that restaurant/pharmacy, but request a different waitress/clerk.

3.) Patronize that restaurant/pharmacy and that waitress/clerk, but assume no harm or insult is meant and overlook it and continue on with your life concentrating on real problems and truly large issues.

4.) Patronize that restaurant/pharmacy and that waitress/clerk, but next time, ask in a loud, confrontational, head-turning, attention-grabbing voice: "What's THAT supposed to mean? Are you trying to TELL me something? Are you INSINUATING something? Because I don't GODDAMM LIKE IT!"

I figure that in either case, your problem will be solved and that waitress/clerk will never ask such an insulting, demeaning question again.

[Just Jim]

There are many kinds of Coke, you know, and in the south, the word "Coke" really means "soft drink." 

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I'll keep that in mind if I ever dine in the South.

Is the person behind the pharmacy counter just trying to help when you go up and ask for condoms, and they respond with "small?"

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Assuming that this also happens to you with some regularity, I think you have similar options as to how to handle this problem:

1.) Patronize a different restaurant/pharmacy.

2.) Patronize that restaurant/pharmacy, but request a different waitress/clerk.

3.) Patronize that restaurant/pharmacy and that waitress/clerk, but assume no harm or insult is meant and overlook it and continue on with your life concentrating on real problems and truly large issues.

4.) Patronize that restaurant/pharmacy and that waitress/clerk, but next time, ask in a loud, confrontational, head-turning, attention-grabbing voice: "What's THAT supposed to mean? Are you trying to TELL me something? Are you INSINUATING something? Because I don't GODDAMM LIKE IT!"

I figure that in either case, your problem will be solved and that waitress/clerk will never ask such an insulting, demeaning question again.

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LOL, this has only happened at this restaurant, with this waitress.

One two seperate visits.

The pharmacy thing doesn't happen, as I always say "xtra small, with shims" when ordering.

[Jaymes]

The pharmacy thing doesn't happen, as I always say "xtra small, with shims" when ordering.

Sounds like my first ex-husband. Mike, is that you?

[Hest88]

I dunno. I just suspect she was trying to get the order right. So many people order diet Coke that she probably wanted to be sure you wanted regular Coke so you wouldn't return it. Her memory is probably not so good that she remembered when you asked for refill and certainly not when you returned the second time.