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Chef/Writer Spencer

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Everything posted by Chef/Writer Spencer

  1. early am mountain bike run (15 miles four times a week).... 2 red bulls--slammed, two 50 cent packs of sunflower seeds (hulled and salted), and blue gatorade.... when I get back I drink a fiber bomb of a smoothie....
  2. For such a youngster you sure do come off as a wise old sage Pix. I'm going to suspend myself for a few days for getting embroiled in this childish little pissing contest. Tommy, you win. over and out.
  3. with what "bitter reasoning" do you find fault? Ending the perpetuations.... That you may think, however piously, that I should write clearer to appeal to more readers. That, although you haven't come right out with it, I maybe trying to piss people off because Tony said it may work. He didn't mean on eGullet, I don't think. That my whole stance is based on a house of cards that is blown down daily by how my meds are adjusted. But Tommy, like I said, I can appreciate all points of view, and can definitely see where they come from when I'm bashed. I have taken a position, or positions, here that may not endear me to the Joe Millionaire publishing conglomerates. But I'm having fun. If I never get published because I'm considered a stilted hack that's fine with me. I've waited years and years to be able to debate the issues in this industry. I'm all for a good debate, even it involves my intentions in this forum. As long as you leave my children out of it, I'd be more than happy to lower the level of discourse in PM. Thanks.
  4. you don't really want to suck me back into this, do you? No Tommy, I'm sure I'll run up against you again soon. "run up against." oh, the drama. let's dispense with the banalities... or in dry prose.... Let's quit this pointless back and forth. This forum is about Alton Brown. I like him for his contributions to food science. But he opens himself to an occassion jab with his quirky show (that I think brings esoteric concept to light in an enjoyable manner). As for what he did to Tony, that's Tony's monologue, I have no feelings about it one way or the other. It's possible to like and dislike the same person. To adopt one position on a person is uni-dimensional and a party-line bias issue. Like you Tom, I appreciate you for riding my ass but find fault with some of your bitter reasoning. But that's part of what I like about eGullet. You can express your opinion with minimal repercussion.
  5. you don't really want to suck me back into this, do you? No Tommy, I'm sure I'll run up against you again soon.
  6. Damn...I guess my new thread..."Don't eat sheep's milk cheese on Thursday" is shot to the curb. Actually, CWS is my ghost writer's name...busted...Tony.
  7. Ignatius Reilly is the totally self-absorbed lard ass (I'm thin) who thinks it's his god given right to pontificate on subjects that mean very little in the real world (I see a correlation to a lot of the posting here) from A Confederacy of Dunces. And Dennis Miller could take the word "the" and turn it into a four paragraph litany about the plight of the Shiites. Lest we forget, I'm not Michael Rhulman. Yes, and as I mentioned, Ignatious will never rise again, John Kennedy Toole is dead. And I guess the talents of Dennis are impressive to you..to me,that's why he's some obscure sportscaster now, but I guess to some his ability to ponificate are worthy of attention. Ah, it's neither here nor there...I'm just a regular reader, needed some clarification of your opinion on Alton...I suspect its just an exercise: if someone says black, CWS will reply white...that' s ok..it keeps some people interested..it just makes this old lady tired! Jeesh...I bet you're fun at a cocktail party. But seriously maybe you and Tommy ought to hook up and maybe form an alliance of dry readers that only want to read dry prose. If you read my posts you'd realize I have strong opinions about this industry that I've been calling home for 20 years. Very few food "personalities" can garner my respect (like my respect matters right, Kim? I know). I don't black for white. I don't have an interest in pandering my posts to the easily confused. If I tried to write like Steven, or M. Rhulman I'd undoubtedly end up sounding like I had no idea what I was talking about. I'm a chef maam. My brain has been fried by the years upon years of weird shit that happens in a professional kitchen. I've licked toilet seats in between shifts. I've cooked with a broken arm, alone, on acid, in a Russian restaurant. I've travelled long ways to meet my heroes. I'm not your garden variety A rate writer. But I'm glad that I rile you up. Maybe you can harness the itsy bitsy bit of passion that it takes to condemn me to your own benefit. But if you want to pile it on me, cool. You can stand in line. Boring prose is boring...
  8. Ignatius Reilly is the totally self-absorbed lard ass (I'm thin) who thinks it's his god given right to pontificate on subjects that mean very little in the real world (I see a correlation to a lot of the posting here) from A Confederacy of Dunces. And Dennis Miller could take the word "the" and turn it into a four paragraph litany about the plight of the Shiites. Lest we forget, I'm not Michael Rhulman.
  9. umm...you do realize that Reilly's gone, and Dennis Miller is a sportscaster now? And the intellectually dysfunctional don't buy as many books as the "enjoy a coherent sentence" crowd, CWS. So, do you like Alton. or not? While working so hard to impress us all with your linguistic olympics, I kinda missed the point?... I like Alton. If you could read my posts you'd understand that. And, let's just be clear, I could give a damn about appealing to more people so they buy my prose. Let's just call what I do here "mental masturbation." I'm not going to start posting like one of the more intellectually stimulating pundits around here. If my stuff is over your head or causes you vertigo there's but one solution...But thanks for the press. I wish everyone would just get it off their chests so we can move along. Was that a coherent sentence? Loosen up, yo.
  10. perhaps i thought you were needlessly bashing alton. upon review, pehaps you weren't. your irreverant and wacky analogies get in the way of clear writing. so that means you're not going to buy my book? i may have to give you one for free (with translations of course). I'm a product of too many obscure Dennis Miller rants and Ignatius Reilly's dirty hunting cap. Forgive me for appealing to the intellectually dysfunctionals in the audience. They outnumber the straight guys however, three to one.
  11. perhaps i thought you were needlessly bashing alton. upon review, pehaps you weren't. your irreverant and wacky analogies get in the way of clear writing. so that means you're not going to buy my book? i may have to give you one for free (with translations of course).
  12. Walk into a Vietnamese market and that dead duck/two weeks past due date milk smell is the culprit. Leave that thing out at room temp and you can take that abundance of income you spend on smelling salts and buy something that's edible as well. Maybe you had a refridgerated durian...or one of those "designer" rips offs. If you came face to face with the real article you'd be making that sour lemon face for sure.
  13. profound insight from someone who probably never met alton and most likely doesn't watch his shows. Tommy, while I appreciate your consistent CWS bashing for what it is, I'm starting to think you're just a tad bit jealous (of what I have no idea). Have I "hacked" my way on to your bad side. If so, may I suggest a nice bath in some hot Crisco, a long walk off a short pier, a tennis match in traffic...Atonius and I are most certainly on speaking terms...And my book is about to blow wide open. What are you going to do about it?
  14. I know, deep in my heart, that when it comes time to wait in that long line in heaven that every lobster I've ever killed will be waiting ahead for me with God at the gates. When I lie to HIM about all my fuck ups, and misfortunes those 8000 lobsters are going to rise up and thump my ass down to the netherworld. That's the only reason I feel sorry for those lobsters. It's a selfish thing. Like I said in a long-since deleted post my lobster killer Rob summarily dead pans "Dead lobster walking" every tiime he pulls them from the box. He also has a cruel little affinity for recounting the steps he's is about to take to the squirming crate. They'll get the last word, trust me. But until then, kill em how ever you like.
  15. Tell your waiter that you want the food hotter. Reality 101.
  16. You ate it, you bought it, no? If for whatever reason you choose not to return the dish, you must expect to be charged for it. Although if you're not entirely satisfied you should voice your displeasure to the manager, who must then try to make amends by either offering a round of digestifs or dessert or cheese or whatever. Am I wrong? I agree. If you eat a dish, expect to pay for it. There is no reason the restaurant shouldn't charge you. Being tactful (I'll be the guy throwing the stones at my own glass house in this one) but vocal will get you where you want to go. The last thing a restaurateur wants is a domino effect that eventually leads to his/her demise. That's the way we think...Talk around the hostess stand at the end of a particularly stressful night often revolves around the odds that the disgruntled will return. I've been to many a line up where the GM says "One upset customer tells five more, the next thing you know you're having emergency liquidation sales out on the back dock." Customer input is very useful and speaking as a chef, I want to know when my guys fuck things up.
  17. That's not THE way it is but it's a potential situation. Eat out man.
  18. You ate it, you bought it, no? If for whatever reason you choose not to return the dish, you must expect to be charged for it. Although if you're not entirely satisfied you should voice your displeasure to the manager, who must then try to make amends by either offering a round of digestifs or dessert or cheese or whatever. Am I wrong? Yeah Rasputine, if you don't express yourself vocally the restaurant isn't going to budge. Be tactful and aware that it's not your waiters fault neccesarily but make sure you let the manager know of your dissastisfation or there's a lost opportunity for you to actually enjoy the proper presentation.
  19. If you are not a Smug Scientific Bastard, I don't see the appeal that Alton Brown's show holds. Unless I am baking, I rarely measure exactly. I don't really understand why people don't take Bourdain seriously or don't give him any respect because of his bleeped out monolouges or honesty on t.v. Some choose wisely to ignore him since they'd rather watch the Halycon antiseptic likes of Sara Moulton (whom I am sure can actually cook), but give me a broken down scarred chef any day. In defense of Altonius Dolby.... He makes difficult techniques and esoteric concepts a lot more accessible by using those visual aids--the creep-o-matic oriental kitchen supply Nazi being my fav. It makes it a lot more interesting....
  20. Maybe that's why he dissed Bourdain at the Beardies... That, and Bourdain has made himself diss-able to the dweeb set. Alton, being the "genius" food scientist his is, probably doesn't appreciate Tony's swash-buckling, look for the entrails on the hog first, measure nothing, scab-picking schtick. I can see Alton sitting in a board room with Eclair Boy and the big wigs demanding that they move Tony's show to the informercial hours because a 1/3 of his show is bleepable. It's easy to form alliances against those who threaten the status-quo. A and E are probably beggin' the suits for more pastel and jazz bands. Someone has to represent the other side though, and who better than Tony?
  21. You get a nasty piece of 20 dollar seabass? Politely but firmly ask your waiter to take it back to the kitchen and make the chef eat it. You then should ask--with teeth showing--what is edible on the menu. You are not obliged under any circumstances to eat funky food when you dine out. Hey, if the chef won't eat it then there's a big problem there. So often it happens in the throes of service that quality is a bottom-barrell concern. Look at it from a cook's perspective... The dining room is packed...you're the poissonier... "Ordering in 5 seabass, two lobster apps. Fire, 4 seabass, 3 bouillabaisse (1 no rouille and sub shrimp for the loup de mer on another). Fire 8 tuna (1 no fennel dust, 3 md. rare, 1 well, 4 medium. The guy is dancing like a puppet, burning his digits, swiveling on his aching toes, taking the pounding abuses of the sous chef. It's hot as piss-fire back there, the vent-a-hood unit is down, and Leroy--your otherwise rock worthy CIA extern has been loaned out to the dish hole, leaving you with the task of replenishing your mise en place---which is three flights down into the bowels of hell. There's one piece of seabass left, that you've been chunking to the back of you're 1/3rd pan insert because the fresh lawn clippiing smell has given way to the first sexual encounter reek. But if you cook it up you'll be saving yourself from the trip. Is that one customer worth the trip down those stairs on those bum toes? The answer to that question should be an unequivocal "goddamned right!" But in reality cooks, in general, are more concerned with getting through the rush than your regurgitations. That's where a good chef comes into play. If the chef is off posing for Food Arts with a behemoth blender covering his nads you're in dire trouble. Of course this is a gross over-statement but you can see where I'm going. Ask for your money back, never return, write a letter, give them a little taste of what they gave you. All you can do is stand up and be counted.
  22. Alton, his majesty of all things dweebonic, has been over the edge since day one. Has the equation Alton=level-headed been established. I think the guy probably has young corpses under the floor boards in his basement. Anyone who cooks everything with teaspoons, measuring cups and an endless array of precision measuring devices must have some kind of necromantic fantasy life that they never show the world. Maybe he's like Hanibal Lecter on amphetamines. I hear he's quite uncomfortable with the whole fame thing which, I think, backs up this whole character sketch. Something ain't right with Altonius, but that's why I like him so much. He's safe but creepy. It flirts with mania in my book.
  23. Matthew, I suppose you're the spokesman for the Brits that don't like to talk about money then huh?
  24. I can't believe I haven't attacked this thing head on yet. Restaurant's in general open too soon...for budgetary reasons mostly....Let's get this muthafucka open so they won't turn our electricity off before we even open. Spending all that capital, over half of it unplanned for, often times leaves the restaurateur in the shits. It's open or bust. There's usually a maddening influx of rubbernecks, papparazzi and the uninitiated during the first push...the amateur hour if you will...where all of the kinks are worked out, the polish applied, the miscreant staff weeded for maximum efficiency. Then you get big...if you've mastered the right balance of customer appeal and financial acuity. You think you can do no wrong and you start concentrating on other things...like working out trade-outs with the Porsche dealer or negotiating with your travel agents. You're never there, instead spending time in Perigord getting fucked up and searching half-assed for the elusive black gold. When ever the head of the beast (the one/ones who made the place rock out in the first place realize that they can easily swing half-days, distance vacations and new cars) leaves the rest of the body to carry on the killing alone there are always problems. Then, the vacationing owners return from the brink of their own madness to discover that they've been cut off by every purveyor they use. Now the fish is coming from half way across the country, arriving two days past its prime, the beef is grade Z shit-select. The customer, who just wanted to get the same meal they got two years ago when Bernard Le What's His Name was manning the stoves vows never to return because they got the short end of the Cassoulet de Merde. You've got to watchdog your business like you work in a light house that's run on a treadmill. Take a step off to smell the roses and the next thing you know you're filling out papers with the five million dishwashers you fired for coming in drunk.
  25. I recently used grits (along with some manchego cheese) to stuff jalapenos which I then dipped in flour, then egg, and fried. It was a fun experiment. Grits are fun. This sounds damn good. You had me with the Manchego, corn and jalapeno combo. Totally ballsy trio for kicked up bar food. Nice.
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