Dinner Guests Don't Return Favor

Pam R · May 22, 2005

them not us

I'm on my way!

them not us...

sarashrugs · May 24, 2005

I was raised with the idea that if you accept an invitation you're obliged to reciprocate.My parents had many parties and went to just as many but in my memory my mother didn't have the sort of friendships with the guests at her parties that i have with my friends many of her guests were business associates of my fathers . entertaining is so much more casual amongst my friends. There are some of us who are more inclined to throw parties and have people over and have greater resources for doing so, but everyone involved makes an effort and contributes.

sassybat · May 26, 2005

it's interesting that this topic came up, because it's something that has been bugging me lately. i'm not a stickler for insisting on being reciprocated for inviting people over for dinner, but i have my limits.

a really good friend of mine is frequently invited over for dinner because a) when he calls to invite us out, i'm usually making dinner anyway, and b) it's just cheaper than dining out. i don't ever expect him to invite us over for dinner because he lives with his parents and i'm a little skeptical about his cooking ability since he never cooks. but if i invite him over for dinner, i would like some appreciation for the time and effort i put into my meals other than "thanks for dinner." i'm not saying he needs to praise my food to the skies. but he doesn't offer to do the dishes, and rarely brings anything, though sometimes he will bring beer, wine, or liquor. normally when guests come over and offer to do the dishes, i turn them down, because i feel that is what's polite, and that's the way i was raised. my friends ignore me anyway, and at least take the dishes into the kitchen, which i truly do appreciate. :biggrin: but there have been times when my friends have cleared the table and brought the dishes to the kitchen, but this guy just continued staying seated. :hmmm: and i had been getting annoyed with his lack of social graces (this is one of his milder cases of social stupidity), but the last time he was over for dinner, he offered to help with the dishes :blink: and my fiance and i were so surprised we just said "okay!" i think he was a little surprised we had accepted :rolleyes: but i figure he had racked up enough reciprocity points. :biggrin: afterwards, my fiance asked if i had spoken to him about how it had been bugging me, but i told him no. maybe his girlfriend (another good friend of mine with much better manners) clued herself (and by extension him) in. :wub: