Feeding Kids

[touaregsand]

I offer choices at meal time to my children. My parents raised me that way, not just my mom but my dad who is a pretty good cook. My husband is a chef so I don't have to do all the cooking. He is basically a meat and potatoes man. Loves his beef and lamb. My son is 2, he's a big meater as well, but likes different proteins and he goes to the refrigerator and cupboards to pick what he wants for his meals. The girl is mostly vegetarian like me. I like much more variety and spice than my family does, so sometimes I'll make something different just for myself. It's not as complicated and chaotic as it sounds. Components of our meals overlap and I talk to the girl about nutrition, good eating habits. The boy is obviously too young for this. I tell her that there are certain foods that she should eat for overall health, if she resists I say it's her choice but then she can't have dessert or a "fun" snack in her lunch box for school tomorrow. I am against junk food and processed foods but will let the girl have them occassionally, at a kids party she can eat whatever. I don't want to create food issues with "forbidden" things. I even pack what she wants to eat for lunch. She knows what her options are the food groups that belong in a meal and chooses accordingly.

[Tepee]

I've 3 girls and, yup, each of their tastes vary. I only allow them to be picky with only one or 2 food.

DD#1 (11 yo) hates skin, so I've no problem with her removing all chicken skin or fish skin, etc.

DD#2 (7 yo) can't take heat, not the slightest bit. She doesn't have to touch that dish, or I'll rinse off the gravy with water.

DD#3 (3 plus) hates mushrooms. Not a problem.

However, I'm lucky that all of them are comfortable with all kinds of food, whether eastern or western. Lunch is usually less fussy...they're tired from school, so it's sandwiches, rice gruel, salad or even instant noodles. However, it has to be different every day. I also plan my weekly dinner menu so that there's no repetition. They like to be surprised every day. If today we're having fish, the next day we have beef, then the next is chicken. I don't repeat the same fish or green vegetable during the week. Dessert 3 times a week because the other evenings, we have to rush for tuition or music classes.

Try to find out why they hate a particular food.

DD#1 used to hate chicken...I discovered she hated to remove the meat from the bones, so I try to give her pieces which are boneless.

DD#2 gradually became a very slow eater, like she wasn't interested in food. Then we realized that since she had been losing her teeth (she's 7), it was tough for her to bite. I now make sure meat or vegetables for her are bite-size.

All food must be finished. I'm a very firm mom. No leftovers, unless I cook more to freeze for a subsequent meal.

One of my friends pasted a big picture of starving children on a wall to get across the message that they are lucky they have food on the table....so no wastage, please.

Edited April 11, 2005 by Tepee (log)

[jsolomon]

Don't forget when they say that they like things like "chicken" and that sort of thing that there is more than one way to make chicken.

There are all manner of braises, roasts, broils, etc.

At my house I seem to remember soup being the default food, but it's been a very long time since I played picky eater.

My advice: roll with the punches and sleep when you can!

[Pan]

[...]One of my friends pasted a big picture of starving children on a wall to get across the message that they are lucky they have food on the table....so no wastage, please.

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One day, my grandmother found her younger daughter (now my mother) stuffing food into an envelope. She asked the girl what she was doing. "Sending the food to the starving people in Europe." Of course she got in trouble for that! But my mother has always been a smart person, and obviously was never above needling authority figures with pointed questions and comments. The fact that other people are starving is not a reason to stuff yourself if you're full. It's an irrelevant fact. If you want to help starving people, money is probably the quickest way to do that. But I can see where you would want your slim daughters to have energy for work, play, and growing.

I don't have children, but my parents didn't make either my brother or me eat things we hated. We both generally liked our mother's cooking (and our father's, when he cooked). I hated peas (still don't like them much unless they're blanched for 30 seconds only) and brussels sprouts (still don't like them unless they're boiled to death or seared pretty harshly), but my brother loved creamed spinach and both of us liked broccoli. Both of us would eat steak or roast beef happily. Both of us would eat pasta with tomato sauce and meatballs or meat sauce. Both of us liked potatoes, though I've always preferred sweet potatoes; there was room in the oven for both. Lamb chops were a special treat. It concerned my mother that when I was little, I would eat no part of chicken except the skin, so she snuck little bits of diced meat into soup. When I found out she was doing that, I didn't care because the soup was tasty and I think it was the texture of the chicken meat that bothered me. My mother's always preferred white meat; my father and I have always preferred dark meat (ever since I started eating chicken meat at all, around the age of 7 I guess); my brother was happy to eat either; so between us, there was enough to go around.

I don't believe my parents ever told me I had to eat everything on the plate, but unfortunately, I used to make eating a competitive sport in that I would finish first, and nowadays, I usually finish whatever I order in restaurants. Why is that?

[Tepee]

About eating everything on the plate, with experience, you sort of know how much they can reasonably finish so I don't give them more than they can handle.

[Varmint]

We've worked out an OK system that works to ensure the kids get what they'll actually eat PLUS it preserves Mrs. Varmint's sanity. First, my wife hates, despises, abhors, and detests cooking. Second, the one thing that she dislikes more than cooking is planning the meals. Third, I don't get home most days until 7:00, so it's too late for me to cook. And fourth, well, did I mention my wife's disdain for cooking (and her refusal to learn)?

Mrs. Varmint has put together a list of the things she can (or will) make. It contains about 30 entrees, 15 vegetables, 15 fruits (depending on what's in season). Every weekend, one of our kids helps plan the week's meals, choosing a protein, a vegetable and a fruit for each day. Sometimes there's two vegetables, or a starch and a vegetable. But the child gets to pick his or her favorites. Marcella then chooses which meal she'll make each day, based on how much time she'll have after running car pools and the like. We then go to the grocery store using this menu. The menu is then posted on the bulletin board. The next weekend, it's another child's job to choose the week's meals.

The weekends are Daddy's turf. All bets are off, and I make what I want.

We've added some choices and some rarely get selected, but this process allows all to participate, gets Mrs. Varmint out the planning business, and simplifies her tasks.

Oh, and then I cook for the two of us after we tuck the kids in for the night!

[hjshorter]

About eating everything on the plate, with experience, you sort of know how much they can reasonably finish  so I don't give them more than they can handle.

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When Emma was a baby, I read a great child nutrition book that recommended no more than 1 tablespoon of each kind of food per year of age. Full plates were overwhelming and she ate better once we started giving her less food.

We also haven't worried too much about fiber - their tummies are so small that they need nutrient dense food, and lots of fiber keeps them from getting all the calories they need. We add fiber (whole grain bread, oatmeal, etc.) as they get older. We also moved them gradually from whole milk to skim, rather than do it all at once.

[NulloModo]

I don't have children myself, but as I was growing up the expectation at my family's table was that you would eat what was being served or you wouldn't eat at all. Showing disdain for the meal or making rude comments (such as saying something looked like slime, or scabs, or etc) were grounds for being sent to your room without dinner. For that matter, so was belching, sneezing without covering your nose first, or producing other bodily noises, but that's another thread (or two).

I was never a picky eater, so it was fine for me. And I am glad for my parents insisting that I try certain foods over and over again. I hated okra and turnips the first times I had both, but being exposed again and again has led me to love both now. They would never force any of us to clean our plates, but we did have to at least try a taste. I have heard that encouraging kids to clean their plates can lead to obesity issues later on, and that it is best to just allow them to eat until satisfied then let them stop. Of course, it probably is a good idea to teach them to take portions of a size which they can handle to begin with.

[SuzySushi]

My daughter was a very adventurous eater until she was 3, then turned picky and is still in the picky stage at age 8. She went through a lo-o-o-o-o-ng "white food" stage when the only foods she would eat were white: white bread or rolls (no crusts), bagels (the insides only), white rice, ramen (God forbid there was a fleck of parsley in it), spaghetti with Parmesan cheese (no sauce), mashed potatoes, white meat chicken. She also ate fruit and guzzled milk. Her pediatrician advised us to just go with the flow... to not have a fight over foods so she wouldn't have eating issues later.

Now she's learning about nutrition in school (she didn't want to hear it from us!) and is more willing to try new things. The other day, she even discovered she liked cilantro!

I still don't make an issue of food and plan *her* meals around what she'll eat. That sometimes means making a partly separate meal for her. For instance, she won't eat fish except tuna sushi or smoked salmon, so if my husband and I are eating fish for dinner, I'll make her chicken tenders. She still won't eat sauce on pasta, so hers goes on her dish "plain" before I finish cooking the dish for the rest of us. Vegetables are still a problem. She'll eat carrots, broccoli ("baby trees"), and occasionally peas, but few others (oh, for the toddler days when she picked up asparagus spears with her little fingers!). I make her try "one taste" of other vegetables, but she usually politely refuses more. One day, I figure, she'll come around.

[francois]

On a different note...

For years I cooked a different meal for the kids. Hell! I did not want to eat what they liked and they did not like my fancy stuff. But I think the key is that I really did not mind. On Sunday mornings I would prepare sheppard's pies, spagetti sauce, that sort of things (I just dislike these!). Enough to last several days. So at meal time, I simply would put their things in the oven and prepare me and my wife a meal we would enjoy. That way, we all ate well.

Eventually, they wanted to taste our things. Now they eat like us. On Saturday evenings (when I prepare a more fancy meal) they just never go out to eat (sometime I wish they would!)

So really, just plan ahead and do what you want, as long as you dont get upset with it.

[Pan]

[...]They would never force any of us to clean our plates, but we did have to at least try a taste.[...]

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My parents' household was like that. In fact, my mother even insisted that if I had hated a food a few years ago, I try it again. Sometimes, my taste had in fact changed after a long while.

[jess mebane]

Oh, and then I cook for the two of us after we tuck the kids in for the night!

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We do the same thing. I look forward to the day when all babies are big enough to join us at the grownups' table, but until then it is a short respite, an atoll of quiet, a soothing oas--wait, the middle one just disassembled his crib again....

Picky eaters press their mother's hysteria button, because after all it is our first instinct to nurture, and what is wrong with you that your beloved offspring won't feed? NOTHING. Well, nothing a circus balloon-sized glass of red wine and good night's sleep wouldn't cure. God bless you and your house!

I had a boy that wouldn't eat anything but dreadful Goldfish crackers and Cheerios, and I thought I would lose my mind. Then he went to Granny and Grandaddy's house for a week, and watched his cousins scarf everything, watched my parents nonchalantly scrape his untouched plate into the trash, and then watched his own little self go to bed without the irradiated orange fish pellets. Said boy came home with a refined taste for green beans, actual fresh fish and cream chipped beef--I blame Grandaddy for that last one, but it was wonderful and we've never looked back.

Now, congratulations and good health to you by the way, and may I offer my mother's droning advice: This too shall pass!

[pamjsa]

The rule at our house is that everyone tries three bites of everything, even if it's something you don't think you'll like, because tastebuds change. My son (Mr. Picky) is harder to please than my daughter, but he knows the rule and rarely tries to get around it. If I know the entree is something he isn't going to like, I try to be sensitive about that and make him something different--something easy, like a sandwich--but he still has to try the offending dish. Many times he'll say "That's not so bad" before switching back to his sandwich. He's already changed his mind on a number of things, making the sandwich option a less frequent requirement. Knowing he had an option was what eliminated the need for rebellious behavior.

The point, for me, is getting the kids to try new things in a way that respects their right to not eat what they don't enjoy. I really don't want them eating out of guilt--that just sets the stage for all sorts of food-related issues. I realize adults have to do this sometimes, but hopefully not too often--and hopefully not at home. Mealtime was frequently a battle when I was growing up, and I really want the dinner table to be a pleasant place in my kids' memories.

Still, I feel completely justified in telling my kids "This is not a restaurant and I am not your personal chef."

Congrats on your new arrival, Toasted! I've been there (bedrest and all), and I know it's hard to remember how fast they grow up and life gets back to normal. Er . . . what passes for normal, anyway.

[RobinCR]

Have everyone old enough to state a preference pick a few favorite meals. Then put them on a rotation - 2 weeks or 3 weeks. Leave some flexibility where you need it - usually eat out on Friday night, cook fancy on Saturday night and want to leave that up to the chef's whim, leftovers on Thursday night. Kids are less likely to complain about Tandori Chicken on Monday night if they know they are having Mac'n'cheese on Tuesday.

I've also found that just by giving my kids plain meat and saving the complicated sauces for the grown-ups solves alot of problems. Like others, I do require a few bites of everything at every meal. More than once, the fish they hated two weeks ago is great now. PB&J is a last resort and it rarely comes to that. Involving kids it the cooking process also gets them involved and willing to try anything. I save that for the nights when I have alot of time and patience.

Robin

[Pan]

Coming back from work today on the 7 train, I observed and overheard a conversation between a young mother and her toddler son. My favorite part of their conversation:

[Mother:] "You want some pizza?"

[Toddler:] "no, No, NO, NO, NO!

[Mother:] "The anchovies are gonna get bigger than you!"

[bavila]

I'm bumping this up after an observation I made last weekend of a friend and her daughter. We were doing a simple grilled steak and salad dinner for the grownups of our two families, and I was putting together hot dogs and mac-n-cheese for my 2yo and the visiting 3yo. (If it were just us, I would have served my daughter the steak, but we cut slack to guests.)

As I was prepping thetoddler plates, I asked the 3yo if she liked strawberries, and she said, "No!" Well, her mom hauled her off and yelled at her to say "No, thank you," nicely (which of course she never did). Thus began the death spiral which included threats for the 3yo to finish two bites of hot dog (which she loves, by the way), or she would go in a time out.

Talk about unpleasant for everyone. So it occurred to me just how important it can be NOT to make mountains out of molehills with kids -- lest they resist eating even their favorite foods AND ruin everyone's meal.

Edited April 26, 2005 by bavila (log)

[dvs]

i can't seem to find them ( ) and since i know some of you have kiddos out there, i would love to know what you're cooking for them.

my daughter is 15 months old and her current favs are steamed broccoli & veggie dogs... i've never given her jarred food & have tried to make as much of her food myself as i can.

would love to hear what others do...

[kellycolorado]

My daughter got her teeth pretty quickly, but before that she didn't want anything to do with the pureed baby food or rice cereal. She's almost 3 now, and will eat almost anything, but from 1 1/2- 2 she liked things in broth a lot.

I made homemade chicken noodle soup a lot with soft carrots and she liked that because it was easy on her molars as they came in. She loves rice, steamed broccoli, tofu in broth (miso or chicken broth), green beans if they're really overcooked, oatmeal, yogurt (both plain then lightly sweetened)... Also raisins, prunes, almonds... That's what comes off the top of my head.

Now she really likes all beef hot dogs in thin slices and well cooked bacon (I get the no nitrate types). She's my little carnivore. (She didn't tolerate dairy very well until recently)

I'm glad I started her on soups and stews early - She doesn't seem to have any aversion to things "mixed together".

--Kelly

[kellycolorado]

more ideas: minestrone soup with beans and veggies and pasta (she loves pasta but marinara is messy so I try to use it in other ways)

tender chuck roast with soft carrots in the winter

tender lamb with garbanzo beans and couscous

she likes Indian buffet and asian foods as long as they're not too spicy, especially with rice...

snacks: carrot sticks, almond butter on crackers, goat cheese on crackers, fruit cut up...

[dvs]

did you feed her the soups or was she using a spoon??

also, do you know if almond butter has the same allergy probs as peanut butter?

Edited July 23, 2005 by dvs (log)

[Pan]

i can't seem to find them (  )

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Did you do a site search for threads in the Cooking forum with "kids" in the title? I did, and came up with three other threads, including the one you would have been looking for:

What Did You Cook for the Kids?

[dvs]

i can't seem to find them (  )

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Did you do a site search for threads in the Cooking forum with "kids" in the title? I did, and came up with three other threads, including the one you would have been looking for:

What Did You Cook for the Kids?

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yes, i searched... but i had a jumpy toddler next to me ;)

[kellycolorado]

did you feed her the soups or was she using a spoon??

also, do you know if almond butter has the same allergy probs as peanut butter?

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Oops, sorry- I only put a tiny bit of broth in her soups at first- She really like the moistening effect on her molars and it kept her from choking/gagging on dry things that were hard to chew. I also would spoon feed her some cool broth (I make a lot of soups and stews in the winter). She is pretty independent and was using the spoon pretty early though. I just put a big napkin on her and a place mat under her bowl and let her go to town!

If you check the food & nutrition forum on mothering.com there are tons of toddler ideas there. I highly recommend it!

Oh, tree nuts aren't as likely to be allergenic as peanuts, but there is still a chance. If there are allergies in your family you might want to wait til she's 2 or even 3. We didn't have any nut allergies here so I started some almond butter around 15 months I think (since she didn't tolerate dairy back then). She loves almonds though.

[dvs]

did you feed her the soups or was she using a spoon??

also, do you know if almond butter has the same allergy probs as peanut butter?

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Oops, sorry- I only put a tiny bit of broth in her soups at first- She really like the moistening effect on her molars and it kept her from choking/gagging on dry things that were hard to chew. I also would spoon feed her some cool broth (I make a lot of soups and stews in the winter). She is pretty independent and was using the spoon pretty early though. I just put a big napkin on her and a place mat under her bowl and let her go to town!

If you check the food & nutrition forum on mothering.com there are tons of toddler ideas there. I highly recommend it!

Oh, tree nuts aren't as likely to be allergenic as peanuts, but there is still a chance. If there are allergies in your family you might want to wait til she's 2 or even 3. We didn't have any nut allergies here so I started some almond butter around 15 months I think (since she didn't tolerate dairy back then). She loves almonds though.

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thnak you so much for the response! i'll check out the site!!

[ckamom]

Sorry if this has been done a million times!!! My kids are out for the summer, ages 12 to 5. They have pretty decent palates, but all are very different. Anyway, today, we made spaghetti tacos for lunch. There is actually a story relating to a t.v. show behind this dish. In the long run... they really enjoyed their lunch.

We have a long, hot summer ahead, so if anyone has any recipes to share we would appreciate it.