Fried Turkey

[FoodZealot]

If you haven't yet read this one, there are many worthwhile cautionary tales and tips. Thanks to fifi for starting it. Wishing everyone a safe and delicious Thanksgiving.

[fifi]

Thank you for bumping this up. I thought about it but just didn't get around to it.

Happy frying all you turkeys.

[tommy]

another success. 13-15 lb bird in for about 50 minutes.

[fresco]

This is veering dangerously close to fast food.

[tommy]

This is veering dangerously close to fast food.

brined for 24 hours and air-dried on the bottom of the fridge for 18.

Edited November 29, 2003 by tommy (log)

[fresco]

When McDonalds gets ahold of this they'll combine both processes and get it down to about two minutes flat.

[fifi]

Good show, tommy. That is one handsome bird. From what I can tell from the picture, it looks like the air drying routine worked out. Loverly crispy skin.

[fresco]

It is indeed a thing of beauty.

The other commercial approach has taken place in the prairie regions of both the U.S. and Canada, where small outfits will arrive with enormous deep frying units and do "pitch fork beef" for a crowd. No reason this couldn't be done with turkeys.

[tommy]

fresco, yer pissing on our parade here.

i was able to do this one on my own. when i made the first bird, i had a friend help me lower it in. however, it can certainly be a one-person job. although your arm could get a bit tired if it's not big and beefy like mine.

Edited November 29, 2003 by tommy (log)

[fifi]

OK... macho man. The advantage of having the ceremonial lowering and raising of the bird a two man operation with a piece of rebar through the rack is that you can keep your arms (and legs BTW) some distance from the bubbling oil in case a pop does happen. A common very bad mistake is getting surprised by a pop of hot oil, jump and drop turkey, all hell breaks loose.

[tommy]

obviously it's safer with 2 people (unless, of course, one loses grip, and the bar and turkey come flying down, taking the pot over with it). but it's not a big deal from what i saw. obviously, either way, if something goes wrong, it could go horribly wrong.

Edited November 29, 2003 by tommy (log)

[ivan]

Well, I was inspired by Tommy's success, and decided to give the technique the old trial run a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. I will, as expected, presently launch into an exhaustive account of the proceedings, but first I should note that, paradoxically, my own resounding success in this venture served to convince me that this technique, while acceptable and possibly desirable under any normal circumstance, should be avoided like the plague on the very day that most red-blooded Americans would most be inclined to employ it. Having a cauldron of boiling oil foaming and popping in the middle of the croquet lawn on Thanksgiving Day, what with the concomitant inebriated uncles, octogenerian perambulators, officious in-laws and assortment of ferral urchins, is positively asking for a visit from the good old neighborhood paramedics, not to mention the irreparable neural damage caused by yours truly spending the entire day anticipating imminent disaster instead of contentedly basking in the warmth of adoring relatives while simultaneously becoming thoroughly sozzled.

In other words, deep-frying a turkey on Thanksgiving Day is best enjoyed in solitude. But back to my account.

I took to heart fifi's admonitions, and spared no pains in observing every conceivable safety rule. So, after brining the bird for a fortnight and subsequently injecting all manner of marinades and bottled tobascos under skin, I was ready to cook.

First and foremost, preparation of the cooking area is of paramount importance. While I personally found the power and convenience of a bulldozer indispensable, I suppose a medium-sized shovel brigade would suffice, provided it was an industrious and energetic medium-sized shovel brigade. Clear the area of any extreneous objects (e.g. rakes) and protruberances. Spread sand or kitty litter over a 2-acre area. Place cooker in middle.

Stand well away from the cauldron when igniting the apparatus, in case it explodes and kills you. It is wise to check for gas leakages before attempting ignition; I employed the services of a particularly co-operative urchin -- for a dollar he inspected my rig, giving it the old lighted-match test. All was well.

Every sensible turkey-frier knows that the proper tools make the chef. Protective armor is a must. The much-maligned asbestos long-johns, while possibly posing an inconveniently early demise in the long run, are an absolute life-saver in the short run. I wore two pair.

Care must be taken in lifting the incinerated bird out of the cauldron of boiling oil lest one be put off-balance by the weight of the bird, causing one to topple directly into said cauldron. I used a medium-sized crane.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR RIG UNEXTINGUISHED. There may occur an accident, resulting in the death of several people, unless you put out all flames surrounding your cauldron of boiling oil.

There! Now your turkey is done. Cleanup is a breeze if you have, as I did, the foresight to retain the bulldozer (or shovel-brigade, as it were) for an extra day. With cleanup done, the satisfaction of a job well-done will swell the breast and inspire the soul, bolstering resolve to replant and rebuild.

At this point you might in all fairness ask, "What about the turkey?" Yes, the turkey. Its skin, indeed, was unusually crispy. A good deal of moisture was preserved in the meat. All in all, those who were fortunate enough to survive the fire and did not inhale undue amounts of smoke claimed to enjoy the turkey tremendously.

But if you ask me, it tasted like ham.

Edited December 5, 2003 by ivan (log)

[Al_Dente]

Funniest damn post in a long time...

[jackal10]

http://home.att.net/~purduejacksonville/grill.html

You did not mention the 3 gallons of liquid oxygen dumped onto the bbq to speed up getting to temperature

Edited December 5, 2003 by jackal10 (log)

[ivan]

I edited that part out in the name of brevity.

One thing I might add, however, is that my success with the turkey has inspired me to attempt same technique vis a vis chicken, duck, whole catfish or even steak. I will report any findings.

[tommy]

allstate has an ad on yahoomail. it says that x number (i think it was a coupa hundred thousand) people deep fried turkey last thanksgiving, and 15 managed to burn down their homes.

[Mayhaw Man]

allstate has an ad on yahoomail. it says that x number (i think it was a coupa hundred thousand) people deep fried turkey last thanksgiving, and 15 managed to burn down their homes.

But the real question is-How did the turkey turn out?

[ivan]

0.0075%. Not bad. That doesn't include bodily harm, however.

[Priscilla]

By agreeing to 1., not deep-fry turkeys on the property, and 2., not set up a methamphetamine lab in the barn, I netted a 1.5% discount on my homeowner's insurance premium. But now what to do with the tubs of ephedra?

[tommy]

0.0075%. Not bad. That doesn't include bodily harm, however.

right. and i'm guessing that number was pretty high. the local news in the NYC area carried at least 3 or 4 stories iirc.

[Blondie]

Ivan rules

[colestove]

I am deeply grateful I was not eating or drinking anything while reading your moving discourse. I would have wiped out my entire keyboard and moniter. My eyes are just returning to normal vision and my sides have almost stopped hurting. GREAT REPORT

colestove

[fifi]

The crane... OMG the crane.

[fifi]

*bump*

I thought it was timely to bump this up. I was inspired by a TV ad from Home Depot for this intriguing appliance. This is the first I have heard of this thing.

(edit: I have no idea why the original link would not work. I tried everything. Go to http://www.homedepot.com and search on fryers. It is the Charmglow 28 qt. Or, see MsMelkor's post below. She got one that works. )

It obviously has some safety advantages.

But does it have enough oomph to actually recover temperature in a reasonable amount of time to keep the turkey from being oily?

Has anyone seen this thing in action?

If you had one, would you "fry big" more often?

Edited November 10, 2004 by fifi (log)

[winesonoma]

Not getting anything on that link.