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Tim Tam Biscuits

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I came across these tasty biscuits in my local emporium of high priced obscure foods. They are very tasty but it turns out that the have a chequered past. Being the unsuspecting Canadian that I am I had no idea what cruelties your average Aussie is willing to inflict on an innocent biscuit.

My suspicions were aroused when I visited the company website: Arnotts. They proudly proclaim that "Arnott's is more than a biscuit company, it's part of Australian culture". It only occurred to me later that I had never seen those last two words in such close proximity.

When I proceeded to the Tim Tam Home Page (Tim Tam) things seemed OK. It was only when I scrolled down select a variety that the horror was revealed. The Tim Tam Suck. At first I feared I may have been lured into some clever XXX page but it was worse.

"1. Take a small bite from one corner of your Tim Tam.

2. Turn your Tim Tam around and take a bite from the opposite corner.

3. Insert one bitten corner of your Tim Tam into a cup of tea or coffee.

4. Suck hard, drawing the liquid through the biscuit and into your mouth.

5. Quickly pop the rest of the Tim Tam into your mouth before it disintegrates.

WARNING

Don’t attempt this with very hot liquid, or in front of someone you’re trying to impress."

To make things worse I actually tried it! At first I liked it but then I felt unclean. Several showers couldn't get rid of the feeling.

I am writing this because my therapist feels this is the best way to deal with the trauma. If anyone else who has been emotionally and gastronomically scarred by this vile biscuit sucking practice wants to form a support group I think we could all use a hug.

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The best way to deal with the trauma is to suck cointreau through the Tim Tam.

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I belong to an online group of foreign women who live in Japan and about 1 1/2 years ago TimTams made their way into Japan and the Aussies in our group went crazy.

For days they went on about the best way and drinks to suck, obviously us non-Australians hadn't a clue to what they were talking about. My friend and I found some in a store and tried them out, the normal way, we weren't impressed so we never got to the sucking stage.

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Tim Tams are good (Iced Vovos are better), but only the original kind, not the dark chocolate (although I prefer dark chocolate) or caramel versions. British types will tell you that they are the same as Peguin bars, but they no nothing of such things. The Scots have Tunocks carmel wafer bar, which is clearly King of biscuity chocolatey things.

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The aussies are capable of many hideous things, but I must also put in a good word for the aforementioned ( on the candy bar thread ) Violet Crumble.

I have an Australian distributor who regularly sends me care packages filled with these wonderful items

like a Crunchie bar but soo much nicer.

As for Tim Tam's suck is the correct word

S

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The aussies are capable of many hideous things, but I must also put in a good word for the aforementioned ( on the candy bar thread ) Violet Crumble.

I have an Australian distributor who regularly sends me care packages filled with these wonderful items

like a Crunchie bar but soo much nicer.

As for Tim Tam's suck is the correct word

S

Violet Crumble! So very very good. Crunchie? Pah, complete rubbish. OK, now I need a Violet Crumble bar and a deep fried Dim Sim. Damn, I am 18,0000 km from such treats. :sad: .

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I have approximately 128 Violet Crumble bars in my desk drawers right now and you aint having any of them

I am opening one of them right now

I am now biting of a chunk of that crunch goodness with God's good crumble inside

SOOOOO very good. Almost too good.

If only you could share the experience

But you can't can you?

S

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Fool, vicarious Violet Crumble is even better then real Violet Crumble.

Anyway madam, no matter how many Australian Violet Crumbles you eat today(Carb=DEATH), England still will have a rubbish cricket team in the morning. :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

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Actually, it was so good I am now having another

Didn't the england Team do rather well today? knocking the convicts last 8 for a little over a ton, a bit of a collapse, I would call that. And 150 odd for 1 is not a bad start.

S

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Actually, it was so good I am now having another

Didn't the england Team do rather well today?  knocking the convicts last 8 for a little over a ton, a bit of a collapse, I would call that.  And 150 odd for 1 is not a bad start.

S

Keep eating them Smiler, maybe you will choke.

Bet you a fiver that England has just peaked for the test.

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Actually, it was so good I am now having another

Didn't the england Team do rather well today?  knocking the convicts last 8 for a little over a ton, a bit of a collapse, I would call that.  And 150 odd for 1 is not a bad start.

S

Keep eating them Smiler, maybe you will choke.

Bet you a fiver that England has just peaked for the test.

But what a way to go

As it is Friday, I am going to have another with a nice cup of tea and a side order of Violet Crumble.

Let's make it interesting. I will ( in blind optimism rather than any logic ) offer £10 in a crisp note to your fave charity if the Convicts retain the ashes ( not even win the series ) you can do the same in England win. OK?

I know I am on a loser you should just tell me where the "ex-pat ocker academic crippled by emotional insecurities" society hangs out

S

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Done.

You see guy, about this whole Violet Crumble thing, I have watched enough daytime TV to know how it ends.

1. Lots of clever banter about you having the delicious sweeties and me nowt.

2. Spirit of Xmas enters you and I receive a suprise box of chockies in the mail.

3. Fast forward a couple of years, I am at you graveside, brushing away the leaf mould that is covering your name. I straighten up and hear the clap of a pigeon's wings as it takes flight. As I watch it fly into the sun, I smile wryly that this act of generousity on your behalf is the unselfish act that ets you into the Kingdom of God. Maybe ther is a red ballon floating in the background, I'm not sure about this bit.

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That would very much be the Chick's version screenplay coutesy of Nora Ephron.

In the Joe Mctiernan ( Sp?) version it develops more like this

1) I eat all of the Violet Crumbles ( now at 124 and counting down rapidly - so many I am throwing some away from sheer spite ) and pm you on a daily basis with the declining count

2) You hitch down to London from Scotland to have it out with me ( this bit would be an homage, if you will, to David Lynch's tender meister work, A Straight Story ) I see you making a good part of the trip on the back of a pig waggon.

3) We have a "Ned Kelly" style shoot out on Upper st. You in black, me in white, natch. I die tragically from a sneaky shot you put in my back when I turn to kiss the woman I love for luck.

4) you are at my graveside etc etc ( very poetic ) and I rise from the grave Carrie like and bite you in the ass.

The red balloon can stay though and there should probably be a creepy dwarf somewhere ( or one that is distinguishable from me )

S

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I have approximately 128 Violet Crumble bars in my desk drawers right now and you aint having any of them

I am opening one of them right now

I am now biting of a chunk of that crunch goodness with God's good crumble inside

SOOOOO very good.  Almost too good.

If only you could share the experience

But you can't can you?

S

I don't quite know how to break this to you, Simon. Better just come right out with it.

Sugar is a carbohydrate.

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I am well aware of the fact you smug wazzock, but the detrimental result on my regimen of almost biblical abstinence from carbs is balanced by the fact that every bar I have is one that Adam doesn't.

I am carb controlled, not carb free

122 bars and counting Adam

S

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Clearly need to start an Ashes thread while we're making a game of it. If someone hasn't already done so.

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I am carb controlled, not carb free

Controlled, along with hirsute, handsome and tall are not words I readily associate with you.

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Controlled, along with hirsute, handsome and tall are not words I readily associate with you.

Strange with you I find it hard to associate with the words "able to fit through a door without stripping naked and slathering himself in grease"

Funny how these associations work isn't it

Who's starting The Ashes thread?

Wilfrid?

S

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Sorry, have been doing good in the world.

(now at 124 and counting down rapidly - so many I am throwing some away from sheer spite )

God hates you.

3) We have a "Ned Kelly" style shoot out on Upper st.  You in black, me in white, natch.  I die tragically from a sneaky shot you put in my back when I turn to kiss the woman I love for luck.

These anihilation fantasies are very sad.

The red balloon can stay though and there should probably be a creepy dwarf somewhere ( or one that is distinguishable from me )

The Dwarf could be your ex-sex homoculus (suffering from Munich syndrome obviously), out of some type of misplaced loyality, it attacks me, be me being cunning, shouts out "Mr. Spanky time" and make good my escape when it assumes the position.

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It's also known as the Tim Tam Slam, and works quite well with chocolate milk instead of coffee.

And arrrugh, want tim tams! We've never been able to find anywhere in NYC that imports them. Booo.

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Let's make it interesting.  I will ( in blind optimism rather than any logic ) offer £10 in a crisp note to your fave charity if the Convicts retain the ashes ( not even win the series ) you can do the same in England win. OK?

Simon- Seventy Nine

Please 79 donate tenner 79 to the following:

Seventy nine.

Oh, BTW 79 went to Harvey Nicks 79 on the weekend 79 , bought myself a Violet crumble 79. Yep, I've known that I 79 could buy them locally 79 all along. Just thought you would like to 79 know.

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So one Test win (albeit overwhelming, humiliating etc etc etc) constitutes 'retaining the Ashes', does it, Adam? :wink:

I mean, it's not that I think we have a chance, but you might at least give us the privilege of actually stuffing us, rather than just assuming you will.......

Adam

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