Anglo/French wedding dilemma

[Fibilou]

This dilemma comes from another board I post on, I thought this would be the best place to get an answer. Here is the girl's post

"my h2b is French and so a lot of very french people will be decending on our generally quite english wedding and i'm very conscious of making sure they dont think its bad because its not the french way. i'm finding plenty of ways to encorporate bits of their traditions but we've hit a stumbling block with the menu.

in england you have sweet and then cheese course. in france you have chees and then sweet. now while in itself this sounds silly both h2b and i know it would feel 'wrong' to us to reverse how we are used to eating the courses. so my options are as follows:

1 - do it the english way as it is mainly and english wedding

2- do it the french way as they will be the ones in a foriegn country and i want them to feel at home

3 - ask the venue if they can serve some cheese and some sweet and then vice versa so everyone can have it their way round.

i want to do 3 really but h2b is concerned the venue staff may get confused and that it may look like thy got it wrong to the guests when half have one course and half have the other."

What would you advise she do ? Here is the link to the whole discussion

http://forums.confetti.co.uk/index.php?sho...2entry1294972

[K8memphis]

... i'm very conscious of making sure they dont think its bad because its not the french way...

Just as kindly as I can, I want to say that weddings are a celebration of love. It's not about impressing folks. She's working off a negative premise where she wants to be sure 'people' don't think her reception is tacky. Whosoever amongst her guests who will think that way will think that way whether there's a sweet course or a cheese course or a gold plated caviar truffled flaming fois gras course. She's lost in limitless currents of minutiae, riding out on one rip tide after another. The only way out is to give up that line of thinking and celebrate.

French and English and all will celebrate the love.

Edited January 23, 2008 by K8memphis (log)

[Felice]

I think she should do whatever makes her and her husband feel most comfortable.

If I were to get married in the US, I personally would serve cheese after the main course, even though this might seem strange to my US relatives, but only because this is what I prefer.

If she chooses to serve the cheese course à l’anglaise, I really can’t imagine that any of the French guests would care. And if they do, so what?

[Fibilou]

Thankyou both for your eminently sensible advice.

And darn that I never had a gold plated caviar truffled flaming fois gras course

Edited January 23, 2008 by Fibilou (log)

[Simon_S]

Will you be having port with the cheese? If so, it can be hard to go back to dessert and the English way might shade it. If not, and people are just going to go on drinking the wine, I'd have the cheese first.

[Rehovot]

I'm sure that most of the bride and groom's guests understand that the wedding will be a celebration of both cultures...and everyone will probably take it in stride. If there's still some concern, why not note it on the menu and/or make sure the notes to the restaurant/caterer/venue emphasize which way the bride and groom want the courses to proceed?

Our wedding lunch/reception was half Czech and half American, drawing on traditions from both cultures. The little tulle bags of Jordan almonds as favors baffled the Czechs, and the rosemary boutonnieres intrigued the Americans. Anyone who asked about the unfamiliar bits got an explanation, seemed pleased, and then went off to eat, drink, and socialize (in some language) more.

Edited January 23, 2008 by Rehovot (log)

[nikkib]

what about cheeses platters in the middle of each table and then serve the dessert so people can choose for themselves what to eat? Assuming dessert is not hot or going to melt this could be an easy "middle ground"

[pierre45]

The logic for having cheese before dessert is the fact that you'll continue drinking wine(I prefer white) with the cheese course.

AS you know sweet wines usually is served with dessert.

SO you can't drink sweet wine with dessert first and then swich to either red or white wine.

So it all depends as to how the wine factor is important to you and to your guests.GOngratulations.

[John Talbott]

To be very different and perhaps unique, one could serve the French cheese(s) after the main and the English ones after the dessert. How's that for having it both ways?

[Margaret Pilgrim]

All of the French I have encountered find cultural differences interesting and amusing, even my faxes which occasionally arrived on the next-to-bed telephone/fax combo at 3am.

[Underfoot]

She could combine both courses so that both are presented separately on one plate. This way the guest determines the order they will eat the two, though they aren't strictly "courses." Then again this option could also lead towards some culinary experimentation: enjoying one with another, very vaguely mimicking the recently popular "savory dessert," or, even better, serving as a metaphor for the union itself! Uh, okay, just got a little too excited there.

Of course I am only contributing an American youngster's view and am probably suggesting something extremely gauche.