Carrot Top

Ouch. Sorry, but yes - you will get some flack for saying this. First of all, the question is about learning to write about food, not simply learning about "getting it" or "finding why it may taste a certain way". There is more to writing than "getting it". In your post alone, there are enough spelling and grammar mistakes to make any knowledgeable reader grimace. . .and unfortunately they are not the sort of "mistakes" that are simple to make. The mistakes show ignorance about "how to write". Did you take English classes at UCLA? What were your grades? Have YOU found a "great author" to mentor YOU? Can you give us an example of how you know it possible and it seems perhaps even probable that "great authors" (who do have their own lives to lead, books to write, and income to make) will merrily find the time to mentor a "young ambitious person"? Please note: I am not against the idea of working to learn, and am fully accepting of the idea that life often offers a "better" education than college. But it is also true that the most practical time for a person to attend university is when they are young, when they do NOT have the pressures of family or financial responsibilities. Any young person that has this opportunity should, in this day of credentialism in all fields, including the food business AND the writing business, take full advantage of it. To say "Quit" to someone shows a lack of forethought or of care. You have had the opportunity and you did it. Perhaps it *was* a waste of time for you. But it may not be, and generally is not considered to be - for most people. My final conclusion is that you must be writing a column at the moment on comparative tastings of spirits and have forgotten to spit and are swallowing intead. This is the only reasonable explanation for your presentation and your recommendation.

Let's not forget that old stand-by, Pistachio Pilaf with Pumpkin Pieces. Eat while playing Parcheesi.

I hope that as part of the festivities you will all take part in reciting "Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers", finally culminating the game with a Grand Winner who of course will win a Precious Prize of perhaps some small Pecuniary Possibility or more Prettily, some small Peckadillo. One does not want to be too too Parvenu!!!

Busboy, you forgot to say how useful knowing how to wash the dishes is. . . Tepee, your story once again shows the Importance of Cookies. There is actually one thing I forgot to tell about. . .though I haven't *really* had a chance to try it yet. Chocolate paint. A chocolate company sent me a catalogue this year and in it (along with the usual bonbons and truffles and such) were some really thrilling things like Chocolate Voodoo Dolls and Chocolate Body Paint. The chocolate body paint came with stencils and a paintbrush. Now how fantastic is that! A mere can of chocolate paint and a brush is nowhere near as interesting as getting STENCILS with the kit. I ordered two chocolate voodoo dolls for my kids so that they could try to destroy the voodoo dolls instead of each other, and one paint kit for The Boyfriend of Carrot Top. For some reason the order was sent wrong and I got three voodoo dolls. What does this mean? Well, I gave it to him anyway. The paint kit would have been more aesthetically interesting, I do believe. P.S. Just saw the body-paint in TARGET of all places. Being sold WITHOUT the stencils, in the Valentines Day merchandise section. What is the world coming to?

In agreement with the concept of a meal being an actual activity and not simply a part of "multi-tasking". But hot-dogs do have their own place in America at the supper table of families. They have traditionally been a staple for families with budget constraints (sometimes to a fault perhaps ). Grilled or boiled hot-dogs (depending on the brand and how to best prepare) served on buns (sometimes, in the New England tradition, buns with open sides to grill with butter) with baked beans and coleslaw and potato chips or french fries. Not such a bad combo nutritionally, really. So the hot-dog *can* be a more serious, sit-down sort of meal if one wishes.

Might be worthwhile to plan a menu (write a menu) with adjectives beginning with "p" that describe the foods that begin with "p". Like. . . Pearlescent Parsnip Soup Porcine Pork Chops napped in Pickled Plum Sauce Philosophic Potato Puree Pedagogic Pineapple and Passionate Pomegranite Mosaic Passable Port

Well, yes Michael you are absolutely right. It was early in the morning and my attitude had obviously not been screwed on right yet. ................................................... Jack, here is something you might enjoy, from H.L. Mencken: "I devoured hot-dogs in Baltimore 'way back in 1886, and they were then very far from new-fangled. . .they contained precisely the same rubber, indigestible pseudo-sausages that millions now eat, and leaked the same flabby, puerile mustard. Their single point of difference [. . .] their covers were [. . .] not the soggy rolls prevailing today, of ground acorns, plaster-of-Paris, flecks of bath-sponge, and atmospheric air all compact."

Mmm. Well then. Other than blurting out "Let's go get drunk, baby!" what might one do? Here's a subtle ploy. . .we all know education is important. Therefore going to an evening wine seminar would be VERY educational. Very important. And of course one would ignore the part where they say "Spit out the wine". Oh! Even better would be a visit to a local wineshop offering a tasting, on Saturday afternoon. . .before a movie or something. I've seen people get totally plastered at these things. Or. . .telling someone that you REALLY need some help deciding whether this certain bottle is worth the price you paid for it or not? Everyone does want to feel USEFUL.

Yeah. . .they may not be krispy or creamy but sadly they are often the best doughnut to be found for thousands, literally thousands, of miles around (short of getting out the batter and the fat and the deepfryer oneself. ).

Here are the additional definitions from the same book: hot dog - one who is particularly proficient at an occupation or activity, esp. a successful gambler. hot dog - 1. good, excellent 2. showy, flamboyant hot dog - pornographic hot dog - to chase, to harass hot dog! - an expression of delight hot-dogger - a show-off, a braggart and finally. . . . hot dog stand is open - a warning to a man that his trouser-fly is open. Note: I made an effort to drop some connecting words in both posts to conform to copyright laws but did not leave out anything eh. . ."meaningful".

As Behemoth noted: "In most other places I've lived it is seen as kind of rude to eat while walking around...this is what sets Americans apart, I think." Probably the point should be made here that one can not be considered a true "New Yorker" without learning how to quickly slide into a pizza place, shout out "One slice, please!" then proceed to walk down the most crowded streets one can imagine while delicately eating a half-folded pizza dripping cheese and sauce off its sides while maintaining a loud conversation with your companion and while not dripping a single spot onto your clothes. * People who eat hot dogs in New York without spicy onions in sauce or steaming piles of sauerkraut sliding off the ends while they walk and talk through the crowds are also wimps. Or wusses, depending on one's background. Standing still to eat either item is considered boorish and rather rude. Ah. I can't wait to visit the city again. These children need their training in how to do this amazing task with hot dogs and pizza. All in the name of good manners, you know. ......................................................... As to the word itself, here are the definitions from "Cassell's Dictionary of Slang" by Jonathon Green: hot dog: 1. a spiced, heated sausage or frankfurter (cf. NEW YORK TUBE STEAK) 2. the penis {SE since 1939 when served under that name by the Coney Island Chamber of Commerce to FDR and his guests, King George VI and Queen Elizabeth, the hot dog started life as slang. It probably comes from heavy-handed mid 19C humor focusing on supposed use of horse-and-dog meat as sausage filling, a concept accentuated by the 1843 scandal concerning dog-meat. The image was intensified in 1860 by the use of Hundewurst, dog sausage - to mean smoked frankfurter sausages - larger sausages were Pferdwurst, horse baloney. The dachshund, of course, is a "sausage dog". So, really. . .what can you expect of something that started its life as slang?! It *will* continue to insist on being slangy in every way it can think of. *P.S. IN high-heels for the females and WITH a bulging briefcase being carried by the males. Or switch 'em around. I don't care.

Recently, as the New Year began, it seemed that there was a spate of increased interest in the idea of romance (to put it mildly) in the annals of eGullet. Bond Girl wrote of a dining and dating adventure and the interesting follow-up, FabulousFoodBabe asked what it would take for us to ditch someone with romantic potential for their ways with food, and it seems that in general the subject is high on the radar here. Which brought to mind the question: (As Valentine's Day is near, and planning must begin for those with intent towards seduction. . . ) What ploys have you ever implemented or considered implementing in the ways of using food and all that concerns it, towards the final result of getting a date, or finding a sweetheart ? Cooking a meal is the obvious answer - an invitation to a "home-cooked" meal is always a good ploy in general. But there are more. In my own experience, I am quite sure that I have been brought close to seduction by several, more Macchiavellian methods (which I greatly appreciate in their subtlety!). *Being invited to a dinner at the fellow's mother's home. His mother was the most amazing cook in the world. (Probably I should have married her, not him, but life is full of mistakes. . .) *Being tricked into thinking that a certain man was both a connosieur of fine food AND fine literature as he took to walking by me often with either a good cookbook or a copy of Oliver Twist in his hand as if he was reading it. (Later he admitted this was a ploy - he did not open any of these books, they were merely props in the game of love ) *Being given a handmade bouquet of flowers that was composed of some wooden skewers from the kitchen with brownies and cookies stuck onto them. . .( ) Points for creativity here. . . *One that was rather ridiculous was when a fellow came into my office and picked up a huge Oreo cookie paperweight that I had on my desk, saying brazenly that he LOVED Oreo cookies and that he HAD to have this one . . .which he then walked right out of my office with, carrying it into his office where I finally had to go to retrieve it and also then get questioned about whether I wanted to date him. . . The only thing I have ever done as ploy is just plain old cook a meal. I had to, for as a chef, nobody ever offered to cook for me. A favorite romantic ploy still remains in my mind, undone as of yet. Of course it is rather complicated and I could never really figure out how to do it, but I love the idea. It's an elevator fantasy, really. But it involves chocolate chip cookies. Now for those of you who might claim that it is merely an elevator fantasy, I must tell you that you are dead wrong. If there were no cookies involved, the thing would be merely tawdry. Cookies being involved raises the thing to a higher level, I believe. Think about it, do. Into the elevator I go with my huge stack of cookies. There are too many on the plate. They are precariously balanced. The elevator stops on the next floor, and presto! Into it enters the object of my affections! He smiles and says something noncommittal. I blurble something stupid back, too shy to really talk to him. The elevator ascends, then suddenly! It stops with a lurching motion. It goes up and down, up and down, toppling the two of us slightly sideways. Then with a huge creaking noise, it bounces up and down to a sudden stop! The cookies fall everywhere. . .and so do we, as he tries to save the cookies from falling. Well. You can imagine the rest, if you'd like. Never could pull that one off, though. So. . .have you ever thought of or implemented a romantic ploy based upon food in the many ways it could be used? Has it worked? Or was it a dud? Tell us a tale, if you will. . .

"The Cubicle Gourmet" really should be put into print. Sounds like a best-seller to me, and very very useful to many many people. Danielle - when someone keeps coming by and fondling your stuff, it does not mean they like your stuff. It means they like you. (Hope he is cute and nice. . . )

After reviewing more than a decade's worth of stories set entirely in the Wall Street investment bank (top five category) partner's dining rooms, first as Executive Chef, then Director, finally ending up as VP in charge of all foodservices including several cafeterias - I have to say that in all that time, I can remember only one Partner of the firm exhibiting behavior of this sort, at a breakfast. It was much more common to see this thing happen with younger men (never saw a tantrum from a female but of course the numbers there were nowhere near equal at the upper echelons so the study must be considered skewed along with other things one might consider skewed ). . .men with fairly newly-minted MBA's who were out to make their name. They always looked foolish to whomever was there, and I can not remember a single one of them rising much higher on the corporate ladder. And I have to say that it was even more common to see this sort of behavior in the cafeterias, with the more average level person "taking it out" on the cafeteria worker - in ways larger like loud ugly comments on the (subsidized) food that did not float their boats for some reason or ways smaller like being carelessly and unneccesarily dirty and unkempt with the food that they ate. On the other hand, I can count on more than the fingers of one hand some other "newly-minted MBA" types who did know some things about food, about manners, and about how to organize and prepare for a meeting that included food as part of it. Some are now Partners in the firm, some have their own highly succesful firms, some are in high-level politics, and some actually are now at the helms of the public/governmental organizations that run things to do with America's money and power. The bad-mannered ones, the uncouth, the ones that disrespected the food - well. God knows where they went. Probably they were thrown onto the trading floor with the other hyenas. Heh. Fine place to be, money to be made, bagels to be thrown. As for the Partner that mis-behaved that one time? Wily fellow. Didn't hurt him a bit. Moved on to politics at the highest levels. Brains can sometimes overcome naughtiness. Que sera.

I've never read a more amazing book of recipes for whole grains than this one:The Splendid Grain. (It even appears to be on sale now on Amazon. . . ). Wait a minute. There is another book that is as amazing for whole grains. This one:Mediterranean Grains and Greens by Paula Wolfert. Between these two books, there is a lifetime's worth of recipes to explore without ever being bored and probably rarely being disappointed with the idea of "whole grains". Amazing.

I KNEW that "the bureau swallows to take the fish idea powder" and that "Napoleon fries the idea powder" all this time, in my heart - - - but had never seen it so succinctly expressed. As for me, I am merely "living to fry the beef rice" (remember the disco song of the same name?) and naturally, in my off hours, to "pick private's ham of three texts cure". That does take a lot of time. Singing the "song of sung" in happiness at your find, I remain, "The Cold Cow in West in Special Grade Picks" P.S. Are you sure this is not a code? Anyone that reads it will fall down laughing and whomever wrote it can then come in and steal our jewelry and bonds and even our pastoral egg sand!

But is it okay with you to use food instead of report covers for purposes of this discussion? I hope so. Report covers don't taste as good. And they are nowhere near as difficult to make, generally. Nor as expensive, generally. Nor as emotionally appealing to most folk. Indeed, this has given me inspiration for a new sig line! Thanks!

Perhaps you could substitute "report folders" but it would not be the exact same thing. "Food" is not just something that is eaten or that is cooked, "period". After our ancient ancestors slaughtered their first deer and sat around the fire chowing down upon it for mere physical sustenance, their next act was to take a hacked-off leg and offer it to their neighbor. In this act, much of what is generally considered to be the essence of humanity was born. Sharing of sustenance. A thought and behavior process that goes beyond the mere animal instinct to something that might be considered "higher". Today in discussions of food we call this behavior "hospitality" when discussing its larger sense, and in the smaller or more singular acts, we call it manners. Certainly we could discuss manners or hospitality using "report folders" in an anecdotal sense, but it would not be quite the same. Report folders are quite nice, but they do not hold within them quite the same essence as a bagel for discussion of cultural norms, sensitivities or behavior. Therefore the anecdotes. Food is not just fodder for the stomach nor is it merely science for the mind or technique for the chopping block and hands.

The behavior exists, for sure. And you will find Dr. Jekylls and Mr. Hydes (or Ms. Hydes as the case may be) in any field. The only point I would make here is that underlings are not powerless, even in (and perhaps even moreso than in years past) the typical corporate situation. If there is any body of people working at the place at all in any sort of hierarchy or team, getting a reputation for this sort of behavior will not pay in the long run for those that exhibit it. What would I do? As Soba asked. Smile nicely and curtsey to the assholes then tell everyone who was anyone or who knew anyone afterwards about the interesting scene that had occured. Bwaaa haa haa. Karma. Never forget the power of karma.

Perhaps it was due to the phenomena called "positive thinking"? So often, saying so does make it so. Very unscientific in the world of food, I know - but true in the world of psychology. I often throw entire jalapenos into the freezer from laziness, to chop and use later. Never noticed any affect to the heat level. . . (Definitely not SSB here. . . )

Wilted baby spinach salad with thick chunky bacon bits, softened red onions, and quickly browned sliced portobellos in a deglazed pan raspberry vinaigrette. Sigh.

While telling tales of high-powered investment bankers behaving badly can sell books and create a feeling of superiority to such animals among the readers of such literature, it is a fact that most investment bankers who rise to any level at all of power within the workplace are not badly behaved. Their clients would not put up with it as such behavior can obviously make people uncomfortable and the deals would start falling through. There might be a rare enfant terrible who pulls this sort of prank (and who will get away with it as long as whatever genius is shown is still pulling in the money hand over fist) but they will not usually get away with it forever and continue to prosper in the structure of the corporation. Now LAWYERS may be a different subject. Wherever they are, who knows what might happen.

These things can be worrisome. Does the way a person eat say something about their personality? Sometimes I'm not sure. But probably. As far as deal-breakers go, I definitely knew there was something wrong with the man I was once married to when he saw button mushrooms in the fridge and insisted that he could not stand the taste of them, not to use them, only to use hoity-toity mushrooms like shiitake and enoki or portobello. . .fuss fuss fuss. It came to my mind that I was not sure he knew what he was talking about. I thought it food snobbery. So I made a recipe that included mushrooms and did use the common button mushroom in it, no others. Placed it in front of him and let him think it was the "other" sort of mushroom. He ate it and loved it. Told me he really liked the dish made with these sort of mushrooms. So good, so different from the blech button mushroom. I didn't say a word. Haven't said a word about it to him to this day. Naturally we are no longer married. How could you respect someone like that? ............................................................................ P.S. He actually had been a chef. Graduated from the CIA.

Moody's Diner in Maine used to make a home fries potato breakfast dish that was served topped with a meat sauce similar to what you might serve with pasta but not exactly. Outstanding. Around here sometimes (Southwest Virginia) you will find the diners serving "Beans and Cornbread" - stewed mushy pintos in a ham flavored broth with a side of cakey cornbread. Once in a while greens will be prepared to go alongside -garlicky vinegary long cooked greens. That is the only way the other stuff is tolerable to me - when the greens are alongside it. Durn Yankee.

A wetsuit.