Diary: August 11, 2002

[Malawry]

Thursday, August 8

Before I became a vegetarian in 1992, I consumed very few variety or game type meats. I think the only vaguely exotic flesh I ate was pheasant, and I only had that once. As a result, many of the things we have cooked at school I have tasted for the first time in my life. Today, we made something I had not even seen in its raw state, much less sampled: rabbit. Chef Peter took apart the whole animal, and the carcass looked sadly bunnylike. The flesh looked a lot like chicken does, and the meat is fabricated into the same parts as chicken, but I don’t think it tastes much like chicken. It’s closer to pork in flavor. I was surprised at how non-meaty it tasted. I expected more game flavor even though the rabbit we got was farm-raised. The cuts shrink up into really tiny pieces when they’re cooked, and we didn’t debone them, so I ate even less of the meat at lunch than I normally eat. I have none of the ability to handle bone-in meat expertly that most people have by the time they reach my age. I can barely wrest a bite off the bone without straining with my knife and fork.

I didn’t really make anything at lunch today; I served as “mise chef” for everybody else on my team. We made an excellent gumbo as our starter. I’d never tried andouille sausage before, and tasso ham was also new to me. I loved both meats. I seem to be becoming a cured meat addict.

I chopped a lot of parsley for garnishes while preparing for lunch. We use parsley almost every day at school, so I’m getting pretty quick at mincing it. Parsley evokes a lot of memories for me; I identify it with Passover and with my deceased grandmother. We eat it dipped in salt water every year during the Passover seder; as an adult, this is the only time I eat parsley on its own. As a child, I ate it whenever we visited my dad’s parents. My grandmother grew it in her garden, and I’d always pick a piece when I walked by the bed where it had been planted. I have fond memories of my grandmother and of visiting her house, and Passover is my favorite holiday. The ability of aromas to evoke memories is well-documented, and it’s distracting that I don’t have time to enjoy following those thoughts while I’m at school. I need to just chop the parsley and be done with it. As a food lover, I attach many memories and emotions to foods, and parsley isn’t the only example I encounter regularly at school.

I’m finding that professional cooking requires an ironic degree of dissociation from food. If I think too much about rabbits or get lost in a parsley reverie, I won’t get my work done. But if I didn’t care so much about those things, I wouldn’t be entering this field in the first place. I’ve always thought that the best cooks were those who got intimate with their food, who really cared about it and who enjoyed emotional things associated with food. The best cooks are also efficient. I strive to be both passionate and efficient. I think most of what I need to know is efficiency.

Friday, August 9

I woke up feeling a little sick this morning, but not sick enough stay home. Chef Somchet had told me that today’s menu would include eclairs, because she knows that eclairs are one of my favorite desserts, and so I felt a particular obligation to show up and go into pastry today. Also, a visitor was slated to join me for lunch: our own Edemuth was planning to come check the school out and attach a few names to faces. I think I was dragging because of not having a full weekend last weekend; I knew that by Friday I’d be pretty run-down, and I guess my immune system is weakening as a result. I forced myself out of bed and went to school.

After the morning demo, my team agreed to let me do pastry, so I happily went into the pastry kitchen and started setting up mise. I worked on the pate a chou for the shells and the patisserie cream for the filling at the same time, and within twenty minutes the pastry was in the oven and the cream was in the refrigerator. I’ve made both of these things before, so they were simple to put together. Chef Somchet had suggested we flavor our patisserie cream with coffee flavoring. I asked her if I could try a mocha filling (because we all need more chocolate in our lives) and she was very enthusiastic about the idea. So I melted some chocolate over a bain-marie to stir into my patisserie cream. When it was ready, I asked Chef Somchet to come show me how much chocolate to use. She took my melted chocolate and immediately added it to my (well-chilled) cream. Of course, the chocolate broke up into bits since it hadn’t been tempered with the cold cream, and so I had an unusuable chocolate-chip product. “Ohhhhhhhhh. This is not good. It’s okay, I’ll fix it.” Chef Somchet and I whipped out another batch of patisserie cream in record time, and she showed me how to add the chocolate so that it wouldn’t seize up. I stirred my cream constantly as it chilled, and then I filled and glazed my eclairs.

Edemuth showed up right around then, and it was lunch service time, so I gave her a quick tour of the school and then we joined my team for lunch. Chef Peter happened to be assigned to my table, so Edemuth got a chance to meet him as well as classmates Chin, Zoe, and Ivelisse. We had a roasted tomato-eggplant soup, coq au vin with broccoli and rice pilau, and then my eclairs. I had to leave the table between the soup course and the entrée to finish with my eclairs; I wanted to decorate the tops with fondant and chocolate. Edemuth, Zoe and George came in to check the eclairs out while I was in there. I had a nice time putting spirals, squiggly lines, and quadrillage marks all over my eclairs. They looked perfect.

Right around then, Chef Francois asked to see me. Since the first full grading period is over, all of our grades have been put together into a single overall grade, and Chef Francois was doing brief consultations with each student about how we were doing. I popped into his office and he went over my grades. He said my classroom participation grade was one of the better ones in the class, and he was impressed with my performance on the written exam. Then he asked if I wanted to know my class ranking. I said, “Of course.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “You really want to know?” “Yes, Chef Francois, I’d like to know my standing.” “Congratulations.” I blinked. “I’m sorry?” “Congratulations.” “Are you saying I’m first in my class?” “Yes. Imagine there’s a railroad track around this school. You’re on it. Stay on it.”

I went back to the kitchen to finish my lunch. As soon as I got to the table, Zoe and Chin asked me how I ranked. I always answer truthfully when people ask me such questions…I’m not exactly a private person, as this diary shows…but I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell them. I couldn’t help it, though. I started smiling. Chef Peter asked, “What are you, number 2 or 3?” “No. I’m number 1.” There were lots of congratulations around my table.

People have asked me about competition among students, and I’ve said it doesn’t exist, but I think it’s crept in over the past few weeks. I don’t usually ask people their grades, but I have asked the student who I assumed was first in our class how she’s done because I wanted to know how I compared to her. Plenty of people have asked me how I’m doing on various things. There’s not much grade secrecy and now that I think about it, I realize that there’s plenty of people measuring themselves against one another. For that matter, I’ve always regarded grades as a somewhat artificial construct, but at the same time I care deeply about them. If Chef Peter thought I was number 2 or 3, the point spread must be pretty close among the top students. Now that I know I’m on top I’m determined to stay here.

I debated whether or not to even write in this diary about my standing. By making my standing public, I’ve increased the pressure on myself, since now I’ll have to report what happens in subsequent grading periods. Also, I don’t think I’m the best in my class at any one thing, except perhaps taking written tests. I have so much to learn in the kitchen. I’m still deglazing with gastric and gouging my thumb on mandolines.

As lunch was wrapping up, Chef Francois wandered around the kitchen. We’d been talking about tofu at my table, so I asked him if we learn any tofu at school. I meant the question jokingly, but Chef Francois took my question very seriously. (He takes all food-related questions seriously.) “Well, you know how to saute, right? You know how to fry and how to poach. So you could do these things to tofu. What else is there to learn? Unless you want to know how to make tofu, that is.” I told him I’d actually love to learn how to make tofu. He shook his head. “We don’t teach that here. It’s not classic French.” He wandered off. I’m going to have nightmares about somebody serving me tofu poached in a court-bouillon for weeks now.

[southern girl]

Yea Rochelle...you ARE #1!!!

Keep up the good work...

Edit to add thanks for posting such great diary entries.

[Sandra Levine]

Well, we're not surprised Congratualtions, Rochelle.

[Varmint]

Thanks so much, Rochelle. We're proud of you and appreciate your candor.

Keep it up!

[cabrales]

Malawry -- Please know that, while I am happy for you regarding the standing and it would be great if it could be maintained, there are things that sometimes crop up and that could be beyond one's planning and I would not be disappointed if for some reason things didn't pan out exactly as you would hope regarding the standing.

[Fat Guy]

Geek! I'll respect you again when you're in the 30th percentile, with the cool people.

[Malawry]

Thanks, Cabrales. Glad to hear I'll be supported even if I'm not No. 1.

Nobody puts pressure on me as much as I do. However, I betcha my parents (who read these entries) and most of the folks who read this would enjoy hearing about it if I graduate at the top of my class.

[Malawry]

I'm already out of the closet about my food geekiness.

[KateW]

Congrats on your good standing!

I really liked what you said about having to be somewhat detached from food. I also think it's great that you're trying new meats and other things.

[WednesdayGirl]

Right ON girl! I'm so proud of you. You're the shiznit.

Amy

[Fat Guy]

Malawry, are you beginning to have opinions on the differences between professional and amateur cooks?

[Rachel Perlow]

Congratulations!

Have you told your classmates about this diary yet?

[Malawry]

Fat Guy, I am indeed starting to see some of those differences. Some of them are fairly obvious; I don't get to decide for myself what I'd like to cook each day, I have less time than I'd give myself for home cooking, and I have to coordinate with other people. Also, the whole "mise" setup is totally different. Mise is way more important in the professional kitchen than in the home kitchen, and my attitude towards it has changed to the point where my home cooking is much more professional in the way I plan and approach it. We haven't spent much time talking about food costing or menu planning yet, but those are essential aspects of professional cooking that home cooks don't have to deal with on the same level.

As for my opinions on those differences, well, they're hard to explain since they're still somewhat nebulous. It definitely takes different skill sets to be a good amateur cook than a good professional cook. I'm still learning about what those are.

Rachel, no, I haven't talked to my classmates or to the school about my diary. I keep going back and forth on the subject, and I'm a bit surprised nobody has found it yet (or if they've found it, nobody has mentioned it to me).

Before ya'll razz me about being here during the school day: I am still sick. I decided to come home after today's demo rather than sharing my effluvia with the whole school.

[SobaAddict70]

I think you have what it takes to be whatever you want to be.

Class standings are hooey anyway.

But keep it up, grrl.

If you thrive on time pressure as much as I think you do, you'll do fine.

::thumbs up::

SA

PS. I have to say, your threads are the first thing I read whenever I open up this site on any web browser (for convenience's sake I never log out), and also I look forward to reading new entries. Take care and be well, R. -- S.

[Jogafur]

Malawry, I just wanted to let you know that I am enjoying your diary immensely. I've followed your posts for quite a while on another BBS and always enjoyed your point of view. With your skills being elevated to a professional level, I hope to read even more about your adventures in the kitchen!

[Fat Guy]

Malawry, you know what would be cool? Maybe you could just do this diary thing for the rest of your life. I'd be happy to continue reading forever.

[Malawry]

Wow, this is all very flattering.

Welcome, Jogafur. And thank you, SA, your thoughts mean a lot to me.

Fat Guy, I can't decide whether to hug you or smack you for saying that. It's one of the sweetest things anybody's ever said to me. But at the same time, I miss having a social life and an income some days, and the diary unfortunately doesn't help with those things as it currently exists.

[SobaAddict70]

You could always, with a little editing and a little permission from Jason and the powers that be, publish your diary entries (not responses and subsequent discussions, just your initial diary entries per thread) at some point in the future.

I don't know the legality of that from an IP perspective but I'm sure something can be worked out with the right persons or powers.

Anyway, something to consider.

SA

[Fat Guy]

I hope she will do so, and she doesn't need any permission from us. As the user agreement states: "You as the creator of your messages retain the rights to your messages, with the exception that eGullet.com and its present and future affiliates or assigns will always retain the right to publish, reproduce, and otherwise use your messages once they are posted."

[Malawry]

Indeed, those rights were one of the reasons I chose to use eGullet for this project.