Chopsticks

[Abra]

I do ask for chopsticks, and often use them at home as well. I also sometimes ask for a small rice bowl, so that I can hold it under a bite of food to catch drips.

My understanding is that Thais only use chopsticks for noodles, and forks and spoons otherwise. Oh, and I've also been told that it's rude in a Korean restaurant to hold a bowl in your hand, which I tend to do with soup and rice. If this isn't correct, somebody please straighten me out! I like to know how to be polite, even if I don't always manage to do it.

[browniebaker]

Chopsticks are surprisingly hard to find in Chinese restaurants sometimes. I'm Chinese and look Chinese, yet I often have to ask for chopsticks in a Chinese restaurant. I think perhaps Chinese restaurateurs in non-Asian locations want their clientele to feel comfortable enough to use forks if they wish, and they avoid putting chopsticks on the table because customers might feel pressured to use chopsticks if chopsticks were already on the table.

In my house, I serve dishes with whatever utensils would be used to eat them in the countries where the dishes originated. Chinese or Korean dishes call for chopsticks, but American, French, English, and other "western" cuisines call for forks and knives. Interestingly, I break my rule with respect to Indian and other cuisines in which food in eaten out of hand; I just don't feel comfortable doing that.

Another exception to my rule is rice served on plates. Chopsticks were never intended for picking or scooping rice off plates! In those cases pragmatism rules, and I use a fork.

In public, my parents eat "western" foods with fork and knife, but at home they get comfortable with chopsticks, whatever the food. You should see my mom eating her fish and chips with chopsticks.

In the end, I think people should use whatever eating utensils they are comfortable with, although taking etiquette into consideration when eating with others.

[chefzadi]

I do ask for chopsticks, and often use them at home as well.  I also sometimes ask for a small rice bowl, so that I can hold it under a bite of food to catch drips.

My understanding is that Thais only use chopsticks for noodles, and forks and spoons otherwise.  Oh, and I've also been told that it's rude in a Korean restaurant to hold a bowl in your hand, which I tend to do with soup and rice.  If this isn't correct, somebody please straighten me out!  I like to know how to be polite, even if I don't always manage to do it.

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It is considered rude. I don't know the reason why. I can't help it though, I'd drop too much food all over the place.

[itch22]

In public, my parents eat "western" foods with fork and knife, but at home they get comfortable with chopsticks, whatever the food. You should see my mom eating her fish and chips with chopsticks.

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That's exactly how I do it, defaulting to chopsticks for nearly everything when no one is looking.

[browniebaker]

My understanding is that Thais only use chopsticks for noodles, and forks and spoons otherwise.  Oh, and I've also been told that it's rude in a Korean restaurant to hold a bowl in your hand, which I tend to do with soup and rice.  If this isn't correct, somebody please straighten me out!  I like to know how to be polite, even if I don't always manage to do it.

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As a Chinese married to a Korean, I have to remember to leave my rice bowl on the table when eating at the in-laws'. Picking the bowl up is just not done. I'm also informed that in Korean it is polite to leave the left (or unused) hand in the lap when eating. this is different from Chinese manners, which call for resting the wrist of the unused hand on the edge of the table so that the hand is above the table, either resting or holding onto a bowl.

[chefzadi]

My understanding is that Thais only use chopsticks for noodles, and forks and spoons otherwise.  Oh, and I've also been told that it's rude in a Korean restaurant to hold a bowl in your hand, which I tend to do with soup and rice.  If this isn't correct, somebody please straighten me out!  I like to know how to be polite, even if I don't always manage to do it.

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As a Chinese married to a Korean, I have to remember to leave my rice bowl on the table when eating at the in-laws'. Picking the bowl up is just not done. I'm also informed that in Korean it is polite to leave the left (or unused) hand in the lap when eating. this is different from Chinese manners, which call for resting the wrist of the unused hand on the edge of the table so that the hand is above the table, either resting or holding onto a bowl.

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I was about to mention the other hand and elbows on the table. My Algerian mother insisted on both hands being visible on the table at all times. When my wife and I were dating, I would always ask what she was doing with her other hand!

At best we can try not to be offensive, but really our hosts should want us to enjoy ourselves rather than fretting too much.

[chefzadi]

Another thing is to not scarf up your favorite dishes that are served communally. The idea is to give everyone else a chance to enjoy it too.

What about the last morsel of a communal dish (for instance Korean banchans)? The Koreans think the youngest person at the table is supposed to get that. (I think I'm remembering this correctly).

[howard88]

I use chop sticks for regular american fare at home whenever

the mood hits me.

I just think all types of Aisian food tastes better when using chop

sticks and maybe its a psychological problem for some, but when

there are no chopsticks available to eat Chinese food, I get uncomfortable

and rather not eat with a fork.

I spent a couple of weeks in Thailand and the Thai people seem

to focus on the spoon as their major utensil. I have always been

accomodated when I request chop sticks throughout Thailand.

[chefzadi]

My wife can't eat most Asian foods without chopsticks. She says she feels naked and that it's like there is a hole in her heart. She'd rather just got get a burrito.

[Afterburner]

This thread makes me glad I was raised in the southern U.S., where the main point of etiquette seems to be "Don't wipe the barbecue sauce off of your mouth with the back of your wrist when eating ribs."

[srhcb]

I think that when dining behavior results in a clash of customs, or even a simple faux pas, it should be resoved in favor of the "guest", beit in a commercial or private setting.

A thoughtful guest will try to learn and follow another culture's practices, but mistakes are certain to result. It would be easier for the host to accept failings as the innocent errors they really are.

especially in dining, the comfort of the guest should always be paramount.

[andiesenji]

I learned to use chopsticks as a practical matter and to be polite to my hosts.

When I was stationed at the Presidio, San Francisco, in the late 50s, my roommate was Asian and we spent nearly every weekend at her home and chopsticks were put out as a matter of course and I simply did not want to ask for western type flatware. My friend and her family were very patient with me, teaching me how to use them and I became quite proficient and learned the taboos of what not to do with them. (don't cross them on the plate or you won't have boy babies, don't stab them into your rice bowl and don't use one to stir your tea, although I never did any of these things.)

They were like another family to me and when I was discharged at the end of my enlistment, they gave me a beautiful pair of ivory chopsticks inlaid with abalone. I have never used those for eating, but they are something I will treasure always, particularly since ivory can no longer be imported.

I think that eating properly with chopsticks is very elegant, showing a real appreciation of the food. However if someone is not comfortable using them I do think they should stick to forks and spoons.

Edited February 2, 2005 by andiesenji (log)

[fimbul]

Having just (in the past year or two, at the age of 28 or so) learned to use chopsticks, I've found I quite enjoy them when they're available, and I'm geeky and self-conscious enough to have spent some time researching how they're used in different Asian cultures. Likewise, I was quick to pick up on the fact that "Asian" does not mean "eats with chopsticks, so I'm not surprised or upset not to find chopsticks in Thai or Burmese restaurants. Really, if you set the table, I do my best to eat with what you provide me; it seems only fair.

As far as manners go, I'm not brash enough to believe I'm ever going to entirely adapt to another cuture's rules of etiquette. Any system of etiquette is complex enough, and, depending where you live, it can be a very fluid ideal. Even in the relatively small area of Mid/South-Eastern US that I know well, "manners" vary greatly.

F'rinstance, rules in my home growing up ranged from the pragmatic (Don't stab your sisters with your fork), to the arcane (When you're done eating, place your silverware in the middle of your plate, knife above fork, edge of the knife toward you), to the unimportant (Don't wear hats inside), to the annoying (Don't ever pick your teeth in public), to the just plain weird (If you sing at the table, the Devil will get you -- I mean, what the hell?). I find in other homes, even among those with similar upbringings, any or all of these rules are up for grabs. My knee-jerk reactions to percieved lapses in etiquette aside, I try very hard not to be bothered by differences in what's seen as proper. Welcome to the Melting Pot, kids.

Really, I suspect a respectful attitude, a sheepish grin when you screw up, and a willingness to learn will get you far, even if they won't prevent or excuse every gaffe.

[Gastro888]

For sure we'll never adopt all the cultural habits of another culture that's not our own but basic respect and an open mind will get you far in life.

As for people who hang their spoons on their nose - same deal as with chopsticks. Respect the food you're eating and the people you're with. And who put chopsticks in their mouth like a walrus? A *kok* on the head in all instances! (For those of you who didn't grow up in a Chinese household, a *kok* is a double knucklerap on the head. It's swift and unavoidable and usually follows up with a scolding!)

[chefzadi]

Has anyone else witnessed, let's say the average Korean eating a Western style meal with western style cutlery? Hmmm...

(I'll do a quick duck and run now.) LOL!

I said in another post in a different thread a culinary expert in one cuisine can be an ape in another. We can only try and teach. But patience and understanding help it happen all the more smoothly. The most important thing is to enjoy eating.

Traditionally couscous is eaten with one's fingers. My MIL thinks that's disgusting. We compromise. She can eat the couscous I make (which she absolutley loves) with a spoon or even chopsticks. She let's me pick up my bowl of rice or soup.

[peppyre]

Vancouver has such a large Asian community that it would seem very strange to go into an Asian restaurant (except Thai) and not have chopsticks. In fact you have to ask for a knife and fork and I very rarely see anyone asking for that. I was lucky in that a boyfriend of my mom's taught me how to use chopsticks when I was still a toddler and am quite proficient now. In fact, I used to have chinese friends that were born in Canada that couldn't use them that well. Always made for amusing lunches; me with my chopsticks from home, them with their fork; eating basically the same meal.

[stephenc]

Boorishness with chopsticks and cutlery is hard for me to take. I just look on it as actions by  boorish individuals who absolute have no manners instilled in their upbringing. To be pitied.

Another thing that amuses me is to watch people trying to show off their adroitness with chopsticks by eating(?) loose fried rice off a plate . We Chinese are nothing if not pragmatic and everyone I know would eat fried rice from a bowl with chopsticks. But if confronted with rice on a plate, pass me a fork or spoon please.

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Rice on a plate?

Pull the plaste up to your mouth and use your chopsticks like a shovel.

There's not much in terms of manners when eating chinese food.

Edited February 2, 2005 by stephenc (log)

[itch22]

Rice on a plate?

Pull the plaste up to your mouth and use your chopsticks like a shovel.

There's not much in terms of manners when eating chinese food.

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Is that a joke? Your comment seems to be insulting more so than funny.

Edited February 2, 2005 by itch22 (log)

[andiesenji]

For sure we'll never adopt all the cultural habits of another culture that's not our own but basic respect and an open mind will get you far in life. 

As for people who hang their spoons on their nose - same deal as with chopsticks.  Respect the food you're eating and the people you're with.  And who put chopsticks in their mouth like a walrus?  A *kok* on the head in all instances!  (For those of you who didn't grow up in a Chinese household, a *kok* is a double knucklerap on the head.  It's swift and unavoidable and usually follows up with a scolding!)

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And is related to the knob-knock of a wooden spoon on the pate of a misbehaving child from our cook when I was little. My cousins, rowdy boys all, came in more from this than I did, me being a bit of a pet and a bit of a pill, as far as the boys were concerned. However I did get my share, and having my hair usually pulled back in pigtails (the cook's daughter was my nursemaid and my braids were pulled so tight I had a permanently startled expression) there was not much padding to take the brunt of the spoon. The boys, all with brush cuts or crew cuts, (like their daddies in the military) had even less protection.

It wasn't designed to hurt, just to get our attention, like the corporal punishment doled out by my grandpa.

Edited February 2, 2005 by andiesenji (log)

[Hiroyuki]

I do ask for chopsticks, and often use them at home as well.  I also sometimes ask for a small rice bowl, so that I can hold it under a bite of food to catch drips.

My understanding is that Thais only use chopsticks for noodles, and forks and spoons otherwise.  Oh, and I've also been told that it's rude in a Korean restaurant to hold a bowl in your hand, which I tend to do with soup and rice.  If this isn't correct, somebody please straighten me out!  I like to know how to be polite, even if I don't always manage to do it.

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It is considered rude. I don't know the reason why. I can't help it though, I'd drop too much food all over the place.

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And it's considered rude not to do that in Japan.

[Kit]

Heh, I used chopsticks sometimes growing up with Asian food, but I didn't really learn how to use them until college. I lost all the forks in my dorm room (I kept giving them to other people) and all I had left were a nice wooden pair of chopsticks I bought off ebay. Man, I was so broke at the time I ate everything for about 3 months or so with just chopsticks because I couldn't afford to buy plastic forks and I was having too much fun anyway. I started off with all sorts of food and ended up eating a whole lot of rice.

Oh, and you should eat with the utensils given, or that are native to the cusine. If you can't manage it and haven't had the practice, then the host should be gracious enough to let you be comfortable. But it's always a good sign when I'm on a date and I see the guy I'm with can use chopsticks.

[AlisonA]

I do ask for chopsticks, and often use them at home as well.  I also sometimes ask for a small rice bowl, so that I can hold it under a bite of food to catch drips.

My understanding is that Thais only use chopsticks for noodles, and forks and spoons otherwise.  Oh, and I've also been told that it's rude in a Korean restaurant to hold a bowl in your hand, which I tend to do with soup and rice.  If this isn't correct, somebody please straighten me out!  I like to know how to be polite, even if I don't always manage to do it.

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Over two decades ago I worked in a deli with many Thai nationals - some who had imigrated so recently they did not speak much english. I remember one of my first meals with them, I was eager to show off my chopsticks skills. When we sat down to eat I saw only a fork and a spoon at the place setting, no chopsitcks. Curious I asked where they were. I was told something along the lines of 'only country bumpkins who can't afford silverware use chopsticks. Civilized people from the cities use a fork and spoon.'

Recently lamenting the lack of chopsticks at our local chinese restaurant my husband pondered if this attitude had prevaded other mainland asian cultures in the past twenty years. Who knows.

AlisonA

[chefzadi]

I do ask for chopsticks, and often use them at home as well.  I also sometimes ask for a small rice bowl, so that I can hold it under a bite of food to catch drips.

My understanding is that Thais only use chopsticks for noodles, and forks and spoons otherwise.  Oh, and I've also been told that it's rude in a Korean restaurant to hold a bowl in your hand, which I tend to do with soup and rice.  If this isn't correct, somebody please straighten me out!  I like to know how to be polite, even if I don't always manage to do it.

←

Over two decades ago I worked in a deli with many Thai nationals - some who had imigrated so recently they did not speak much english. I remember one of my first meals with them, I was eager to show off my chopsticks skills. When we sat down to eat I saw only a fork and a spoon at the place setting, no chopsitcks. Curious I asked where they were. I was told something along the lines of 'only country bumpkins who can't afford silverware use chopsticks. Civilized people from the cities use a fork and spoon.'

Recently lamenting the lack of chopsticks at our local chinese restaurant my husband pondered if this attitude had prevaded other mainland asian cultures in the past twenty years. Who knows.

AlisonA

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The attitude hasn't prevaded other mainland Asian cultures nor has it Japan. Thank goodness, because it's one the most ridiculous, snooty things I've ever heard.

[Ben Hong]

Stephenc sounds like one of those people who is ethnocentrically myopic to the customs and traditions of other cultures. We are probably "quaint", no? His comments, unless they are a joke, would draw a "kok" from me and some benign neglect from more polite people.

Edited February 2, 2005 by Ben Hong (log)

[Toliver]

...I was told something along the lines of 'only country bumpkins who can't afford silverware use chopsticks. Civilized people from the cities use a fork and spoon.'

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I attended college with a woman from a wealthy Iranian family. She told me they used to eat bananas with a fork and knife because the well-to-do didn't eat with their hands. America was a shock to her, to say the least.