Teaching Children about Food

[Mjx]

My parents became vegetarian for ethical reasons when I was two or three. Oddly, my earliest food memories slightly predate that: I remember making small animals from hamburger meat, and the sides of beef and rabbits hanging at the butcher's (this was in Italy); I don't believe I've ever not known where meat came from, and I can't recall it ever troubling me.

My parents never really discussed their decision with me, just made it clear that they believed eating animals was unnecessary (since other foods are so plentiful) and wrong. Although I agreed with them in principle, I continued to eat meatwhen I visited people on my own.

I think inhumane treatment of animals is unnecessary and inexcusable, and cannot justify my consumption of meat on the grounds of necessity; I just like it. But I do think about this every time I buy meat, and it affects my choices.

And, although I have no problem cleaning or butchering an animal, I do find the slaughter very disturbing; I helped a friend slaughter some of her chickens once, and was shaking like a leaf when it was over (and not just becuase I was a bit worried that she might take off one of my hands with the hatchet). But I still eat meat.

From my parents' standpoint, they failed with me (my brother and sister have never eaten meat), and I'm not certain how that makes them feel, but this isn't somthing I can really discuss with them.

I don't know how I'd discuss this with a child, but I'd certainly want there to be no ambiguity about where meat comes from, right from the start (a butcher shop makes this much easier than a supermarket).

My brother, incidentally, has always been difficult about food, and would cheerfully not eat for an entire day or longer, rather than eat anything he didn't like. Not many parents can withstand that: mine certainly didn't. To this day, he'll consume most things made of flour, orange juice, apples, and chips. And a variety of weird protein potions for bodybuilders (he lifts, and he's massive). I think that's about it. However, he has four omnivorous children, so I guess it's possible to overcome parental weirdnesses.

[angevin]

On the other extreme, I can add a cautionary tale...

My sister in law's kid is about 13 now, and for the 6 years I've known him, absolutely refuses to eat anything that is not 1) nutella 2) mcdonalds 3) plain cheese pizza

I think of her as a pretty good mom overall but why this kid has been allowed to get away with this for so long is really beyond me...such a huge pain in the ass when they were visiting. He didn't even have to try anything, it was just "shrug, that's how he is, ha ha". He's really small for his age...

I can't help but wonder what kind of life this kid can have if he can't go anywhere that doesn't serve hamburgers. We would have invited him to visit us for a couple of months (and I know he's keen on spending a summer in the U.S.) but the idea of having to hunt down McD'S or whatever every day or have him starve to death is just too much to take on. Nothing he was offered at the last visit was even that weird -- like, grilled chicken and french bread. Ugh. And while I guess we could do the "you can visit but you have to eat what we have" thing but frankly I don't feel like cajoling someone to eat my cooking.

(edited for spelling)

This isn't necessrily the parents' fault. My brother and his wife have three kids, are extremely adventuresome eaters and cooks and have always encouraged their kids to eat whatever they were making. They have three kids; two will eat anything but the oldest is very much like your sis-in-law's kid. She's eleven and they've been frustrated about this for years.

Some kids with Asperger's exhibit this. In addition to the their internal sensibilities being disturbed by changes in routine and hypersensitivity to touch, some need an extraordinarily plain diet to function.

[ChrisTaylor]

On the other extreme, I can add a cautionary tale...

My sister in law's kid is about 13 now, and for the 6 years I've known him, absolutely refuses to eat anything that is not 1) nutella 2) mcdonalds 3) plain cheese pizza

I think of her as a pretty good mom overall but why this kid has been allowed to get away with this for so long is really beyond me...such a huge pain in the ass when they were visiting. He didn't even have to try anything, it was just "shrug, that's how he is, ha ha". He's really small for his age...

I can't help but wonder what kind of life this kid can have if he can't go anywhere that doesn't serve hamburgers. We would have invited him to visit us for a couple of months (and I know he's keen on spending a summer in the U.S.) but the idea of having to hunt down McD'S or whatever every day or have him starve to death is just too much to take on. Nothing he was offered at the last visit was even that weird -- like, grilled chicken and french bread. Ugh. And while I guess we could do the "you can visit but you have to eat what we have" thing but frankly I don't feel like cajoling someone to eat my cooking.

(edited for spelling)

This isn't necessrily the parents' fault. My brother and his wife have three kids, are extremely adventuresome eaters and cooks and have always encouraged their kids to eat whatever they were making. They have three kids; two will eat anything but the oldest is very much like your sis-in-law's kid. She's eleven and they've been frustrated about this for years.

Some kids with Asperger's exhibit this. In addition to the their internal sensibilities being disturbed by changes in routine and hypersensitivity to touch, some need an extraordinarily plain diet to function.

Plus one from experience. Certain aromas and textures hit me really hard as a kid. The texture of soft carrots? The smell of pumpkin, of cauliflower? I'd dry-retch instantly. Even brining the tiniest amount to my lips was enough. What I would do, as a little kid, to get out of it, was sneak tiny pinches of vegetable matter and jam them into the little crevices on the underside of the table. Or jam stuff into my pockets and drop it into the toilet, bundled in toilet paper so it'd flush, after dinner. I mean, if the food didn't disappear from my plate I couldn't leave the table. Boy did my parents go nuts when they found dried lumps of mushed up peas wedged in all sorts of odd places ... I wasn't diagnosed at the time.

As an adult I forced myself to get over it, pretty much. I don't know what it was--some combination of reading Bourdain's stuff, which was really compelling, and rebelling after years of being told oh, no sensible person eats oysters/rare steak/shellfish in general. Even now, when I'm in a nice restaurant, some textures will just kill me. That little Aspie kid who dry-retched at everything will rear his head, altho' nowhere near as strong. I can ignore it and press on and find that, 99 times out of 100, I actually enjoy whatever it is. Some smells, tho', still kill me.

That urge--to reject stuff before you've even tasted it--is common among kids in general, yeah, but with Asperger's (and some other conditions) it's really strong. I've no idea how you'd fight it at all. Don't think you can, really, altho' I reckon that yelling and screaming and pressing the point would not help at all. You could just expect to dig out a few lumps of 'freeze dried' vegetables one day when cleaning the dining room ... No idea how you'd do it, but if you can rig it so your little kid's 'thing' becomes cooking, they'll eat damn near anything if Jamie Oliver or whoever's on TV says it's good.

Edited January 24, 2011 by ChrisTaylor (log)

[ElaineK]

That urge--to reject stuff before you've even tasted it--is common among kids in general, yeah, but with Asperger's (and some other conditions) it's really strong. I've no idea how you'd fight it at all. Don't think you can, really, altho' I reckon that yelling and screaming and pressing the point would not help at all. You could just expect to dig out a few lumps of 'freeze dried' vegetables one day when cleaning the dining room ... No idea how you'd do it, but if you can rig it so your little kid's 'thing' becomes cooking, they'll eat damn near anything if Jamie Oliver or whoever's on TV says it's good.

As someone who's struggling with it now (and the poor kid is seriously underweight to boot), patience. Lots of patience. Yelling and screaming and pressing the point got us vomiting. Nagging from well-meaning relatives about how she was never going to eat anything but specific brands of macaroni and cheese got us not eating at all.

Rationality, negotiation, "mouse bites", licks, letting her help cook, letting her pick. Letting her eat food off our plates... Mostly though, we just go with the flow on food. Macaroni and cheese because pasta with butter and parmesan (specific brands, because other ones "had a taste"), which became pasta with tomato sauce and parm. Cole slaw that's slowly widened to several different types of dressing. Following acceptable flavors got us from dill pickles to fresh cucumber salad and balsamic dressing for carrots and cabbage (from the slaw).

The really hard part is not "losing" foods. She'll take a sudden irrational dislike to foods she's adored. They just "don't taste right" anymore, and we scramble for a bit finding replacements and altering things. Some of them come back, and some don't. I wish I knew why.