Recipe etiquette

[dumplin]

jgm--did Edna have a waffle iron that was stove top? My husband's family is Belgian via West Virginia and they have a very similar cookie...minus the wiskey. They call them gauflets which they pronounce as go-flats instead of gau-flays. The waffle iron is old cast iron and goes on a stove top. The cookies look like thicker stroopwaffels without filling. They make the cookies every Christmas. I think they would be much better with a little wiskey in them.

I think a lot of people ask for recipes just as a compliment to your cooking/baking. As in, "ooh, I really liked...can I have the recipe?" If I know the person and the recipe is ultra complicated which they will NOT attempt, I just save us both the time and tell her how long the recipe is. I encourage people to cook, but if I know that the woman only use mixes, she is not going to attempt a cake that has a whole page of ingredients. If she wants the cake, I'll make her one. If she still wants the recipe, I'll give it to her. Writing down recipes takes time!

I don't keep recipes to myself. The only recipe that I have ever kept secret is one of my mom's. She's not a great cook. She has one special recipe, and she came up with it herself. She serves it to guests, and if she gave it everyone it wouldn't be special anymore. She did give it to my then future MIL to use for something very specific. My MIL didn't use the recipe like she said she was going to, and my mom learned her lesson. It wouldn't have been a big deal if my mom didn't live in the same town. She's since moved and its not an issue. This isn't an issue to most people, but my mom doesn't cook...so for her to have one good meal to serve to guests was a big deal to her. Then when everyone in their social circle was served that meal by someone else, it was a little disconcerting. My mom is very gracious and didn't make it into a big issue. There are people that have reasons to keep recipes secret, and its not always just selfish hoarding of all the good recipes. It may be the only recipe they have!

Edited September 27, 2004 by dumplin (log)

[laurenmilan]

As a young home cook, I have absolutely no problem whatsoever sharing recipes, because none of them are mine to begin wth - they're all from books or web sites.

As for the "will they mess it up anyhow" issue... I have to agree, that IS a real issue, and when people tell me they have a problem with a recipe, I ask them first if they've changed it in any way. I'd say almost every time I've referred someone to a recipe that failed, and most times when I've seen a recipe fail, that the person is taking undue liberties with the instructions or the ingredients, or just getting plain ol' cheap on the quality of the ingredients. This is asking for trouble, especially in the case of baking.

When I looked through the "Worst Meals at Someone's Home" thread, there were plenty of stories about cooks that think recipes are just for "other people". My particular favorite: stringy pudding from a box. Cook stirred like crazy for one minute, thinking it was close enough to beat for 15 minutes.

Oh and here's a monument to "eh, close enough" cooking:

http://www.allrecipes.com

Tons of reviews along the lines of: "this recipe is crap, I did x, y, and z differently than the directions, oh and I swapped out the quality ingredient with some crap from Kraft Foods... what the hell happened?"

[jgm]

jgm--did Edna have a waffle iron that was stove top? My husband's family is Belgian via West Virginia and they have a very similar cookie...minus the wiskey. They call them gauflets which they pronounce as go-flats instead of gau-flays. The waffle iron is old cast iron and goes on a stove top. The cookies look like thicker stroopwaffels without filling. They make the cookies every Christmas. I think they would be much better with a little wiskey in them. 

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No, Edna was Italian, and she just had a regular old electric waffle iron. She always referred to these cookies as "French cookies" and said they were supposed to be made on a French cookie iron, but she didn't have one.

[Dryden]

Speaking of people taking recipes and replacing ingredients, we stumbled across this in looking for recipes to make for Rosh Hashana. We nearly fell on the floor laughing reading the comments from Northport, LI and then the follow-up from Pittsburgh....

Honey Apple Cake (or is it?)

[bleachboy]

Honey Apple Cake (or is it?)

Priceless!!

[lannie]

This has been such an interesting topic to read, as I am embarking on a personal project to amass all the 'secret' recipes from my family. It appears that most are hesitant to divulge the recipes for their signature dishes, as I have only gotten 1 recipe so far. D'oh! Anyway, I shall persevere!

I believe that recipes (especially ones that invoke fond memories of feasts with family and friends) should be catalogued for future generations.

[designchick88]

Speaking of people taking recipes and replacing ingredients, we stumbled across this in looking for recipes to make for Rosh Hashana.  We nearly fell on the floor laughing reading the comments from Northport, LI and then the follow-up from Pittsburgh....

Honey Apple Cake (or is it?)

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OK, I just laughed myself to tears reading that. Thanks for sharing.

[Shelley G.]

This is a very interesting thread! I have always cheerfully given out recipes (and I truly do a fair amount of inventing and experimenting)... Until I opened a restaurant. Now, I do not claim to be a great innovator in terms of what I make, but I am always determined to make the best version imaginable, the one that people will remember. This seems to be more a matter of method and care than ingredients - though the cumin and freshly ground black pepper in the gingerbread have customers pleasantly puzzled. The customers are torn, in a way. In a way they would like the recipes, but they also love to have me make their favourite thing for them. I often share recipes that I know I cannot offer at the restaurant. It is primarily my colleagues in the restaurant business who send people in to attempt to get recipes. I do not give them said recipes, but I do not mind their attempts. It is a compliment, and besides, there are lots more ideas dancing in my head. Though I admit to getting a little testy when one woman pops in for lunch, and the very next day a rendering of what she had appears as a special at her place. It was only after the third time that I felt a bit cranky. However, her versions were not as good

[rajsuman]

I've always been generous with my recipes. I feel flattered when people ask me for the recipes and happy when they report how successful the dish was when they made it themselves. However, the older I get, the more I learn that very few people are willing to part with their recipes. What hurts me most is that some of these people are the very same who want to learn all my recipes and yet will not reciprocate.

To me my recipes (especially the ones I invent myself) are the most precious possessions in the world, after my children's childhood videos and photos. I invest a considerable amount of time, money and effort in them - to perfect them, to improve them. I'm willing to try a dozen recipes if it means I can get at the most perfect version there is. And I'm willing to share, but these days only to people who I believe are worthy of them. I've shared so many of my 'perfect' recipes with a dear friend, believing that she would reciprocate. And while a few of her recipes have worked well, most of them have been disasters. I trusted her so much that I kept blaming myself for the failures. It was only by accident that the recipe she gave me had one crucial ingredient missing - since then I've tinkered with her other recipes with much success. And she isn't the only one, although she's my closest friend of them all.

I'm not saying that when someone takes a recipe from me, I feel it's compulsory that they should give me one of theirs as well. What I'm saying is, when I've given them a recipe in complete honesty, they shouldn't try to deceive me with an inaccurate one , should I ask them for one of theirs.

Edited October 21, 2004 by rajsuman (log)

[rajsuman]

Here's an incident that goes to show why it's nice to share recipes with most (read my post above) people. A dear friend of mine, a brilliant cook , has lived all over the world. She has always been very generous with her enviable collection of handwritten recipes from every place she'd been to. Hers is the 'gather and scatter' philosophy - gather recipes from places and at the same time scatter your own, creating a trail of fond memories and good food. It so happened that they moved home recently. During the move, she put all her recipes in a small plain old box that they had meant to throw away. When her husband, not knowing it contained her precious recipes, saw the box he threw it out! Days later when she realised her box was missing, it was too late. I can still feel her pain as I'm sure all of you do too. If such a thing were to happen to me(heaven forbid), I'd have howled for days. I don't care if my diamonds go missing (well, not as much anyway), but those recipes that you cannot find in any book, the collection you've built up over the years....they are SO priceless. Anyway, because she shared so many of her recipes, she's been able to rebuild at least a part of her original collection by asking people she gave them to.

Suman

[DanaT]

I've been reading this thread for awhile and no better time than now to come out of lurkdom.

I share recipes but I don't write everything down with precise measurements. I just give the overall process; most of my friends know how to cook.

Example: lamb with potato au gratin: layer of potato slices, then layer of onion slices, then layer of tomato slices all very thin in a round layer cake pan. On each layer sprinkle some chopped garlic, dried thyme, salt and pepper. Pour 2/3 olive oil 1/3 white wine over and place a round roasting rack on top. Salt and pepper the lamb and put on rack. Bake in oven for rare lamb.

Incidentally this recipe came from the Silver Palette Basics cookbook and they got from Patricia Wells who got it from her butcher in France.

As I was reading this, I tried to think of a reason NOT to share a recipe. The only time I regretted it was when a friend got a new ice cream maker and wanted to make fig ice cream. My great aunt had made fig ice cream when I was a child so I passed her what I remembered: dissolve sugar in heavy cream, then add vanilla, put in ice cream maker till it its medium firm, then add peeled and crushed figs and finish freezing. She later told me that the first day it was delicious, but by the third day, the cream had turned into this nasty consistency and it wouldn't melt. I was shocked and a little embarassed, she made over a gallon for one person which was more than my great-aunt would make for 15-16 children. Needless to say I hadn't remembered any leftovers or else I'd have know what frozen cream does in the freezer after awhile.