Pickles

Has anyone mentioned Julia Child always says "Or-e-GAH-no"? Just thought I'd toss that in. I like tossing or-REG-ano into lots of things anyway.

I say BAY-zil because everyone around me says it like that and I want to fit in and not get beaten up and have my lunch money stolen. Seriously...I don't say "BAH-zil" because I think it sounds stupid and pretentious coming from my mouth. But that's just me...don't whoop me!!

Cue-min. But somebody's gonna insist it's "Come In!"

Yeah, that and GOLLIC. My personal fave: TAMPON-nade.

Calling all Brits...has anyone seen a Brit-Com called "The Dinner Ladies"? I think it takes place in a hospital canteen and they're the workers there. If it comes out on DVD I'd love to get it. If it's funny... I can't understand why there hasn't really been a successful food-industry-related sit-com here in the US except for "Alice" which of course takes place in Mel's Diner. Flo: "KISS MAH GRITS!!"

That actually took me a second or two..but finally... I just thought of my British relatives who pronounce margarine as "MAR-gar-EEEN." But they were the same ones who enjoyed the dancing of "Mr. Fred ASS-taire." Ass tear, eh? Okeee....

I like it when Martha tarts up her words... BAH-sil, Mari-NAHD. And the consonants get special attention: "Litt-ttle Turrrrkey..." Once, I had someone ask me what made "Sweetish Meatballs" sweet.

They look like spittle...disgusting!

Um, and the problem with that would be? Chad Nothing if you can handle it. Back to what one can smell on the breath, perhaps it's the old Asparagus Pee thing. Maybe some people with noses like bloodhounds can detect the odorless and tastless vodka, but first thing I smell is the alcohol coming out from the mouth. Since vodka has no distinguishable aroma or taste, I'd have to get right up in their grill to be able to say "it must be vodka". Gin breath, bourban and scotch breath..yes...that's easy to detect.

Usually vodka doesn't smell on one's breath, but I had a friend at William Morrow who could probably confirm the "drunk" part. That he liked to drink was no secret. He once admitted he drank a bottle of wine a day and qualified that by saying "some people can handle it." Makes you wonder.....

Well so did Alice. (just kiddin'...) Gotta love Carol. What DID the woman do all day besides needlepoint? Maybe she needlepointed pictures of food. The only time I remember her cooking anything was when she and Alice went head to head in that jam cook-off. Is was jam, yes? I think so... She was always stirring steaming pots of nothingness on that stove, too. According to Florence Henderson, they were just filled with water. And cooked water is about as bland as you can get...even for the Brady's!

Goya Salsa Pico de gallo. I put this on everything, I swear. Comes in a glass jar and tastes like freshly-made. It's not thick and "cooked." I don't do chips much. And when I do, I just grab the bag I know--can't think of the brand right now.

I watched Jeff Smith in the 80's. Looking back, I learned quite a bit from him--especially about food history. But I always found something really kinda creepy about him. Something I couldn't put my finger on. Then when he vanished from PBS and it came out what he'd allegedly done, I knew my intution was right. I can't get past child abuse. If he came back to TV or wrote another book, I wouldn't watch nor read no matter what I felt 20 years ago of him as TV personality. What some don't know is that his "frugal" premise for the show was to cook healthy food, seeing he had had a heart attack or a heart ailment. That soon fell to the wayside, and out came the butter. See...right there you couldn't trust him! And he always pronounced mayonnaise as "MEEE-knees." Used to make me want to gut him like a trout.

My cousin keeps giving me packages of these cutesy pate spreaders. I've got Santas, Bunnies (dolled up for Easter) Pigs, and Chef's heads. Hot ziggity...just what I always wanted.

Beefaroni--purchased by Kramer in massive quantity from Costco or some such place.

If you're a person interested in food, there's a pretty good chance some well-meaning person has given you a food-related gift. What was the best one you ever got? How long have you had it, and how often do you use it? If it was a gourmet item, like a sauce, etc., can you make it now yourself and not have to keep buying it or asking Santa for it. What was the worst gift, and what did you do with it? Plenty of room for the old Seinfeld "regifting" here! I just got something odd called a "dipping set." It's a smallish hand painted ceramic bottle with small neck, and 4 little "dipping bowls" for flavored EVOO I presume. I know keeping that bottle clean and rancid-free is too much effort for me...pretty as it is. I smell a re-gift.

I don't think many of us wear hairnets when we make our own food at home....so I was rather appalled when I dug into my dinner this evening and captured a long blonde hair. I had my hair "up" and everything. That sucker must have been sitting on my shoulder like a crow waiting to swoop down. So glad I was not with company when that happened. Anyway...have you ever gotten hair in your own food/cooking? If the food was served to guests, how did you handle the situation? I'd try to make light of it..."We all shed hairs...it could happen to any of us!" Of course that doesn't lessen the humiliation and the feeling you're not..."clean" or something when you cook. Feel free to talk about your own food sanitation rules at home. Separate cutting boards, gloves when you toss your salads, etc. etc. Come "clean."

OH!!!!! Yes....my Mrs. Bridges and Ruby, her hapless kitchen maid. I actually have a copy of the Upstairs Downstairs Cookbook which is out of print. Thanks for mentioning this. This series is so beloved to me. On the Brit-com line...my fave is Are You Being Served? and there are countless food references here. (shameless plug...come to the board I admin as "Tiddles" (http://pub109.ezboard.com/faybsfrm1) See my sig for one quote, and then the show is so bizarre I guess you have to know it to understand the food references on it! If some fans come forward, we'll have a field day.

Not quite....MARBLE RYE!!! And Elaine's face as Mr. Pitt eats a candy bar with a knife a fork. Or...how about Kramer coating himself in butter for a better tan? I also remember Aunt Bee's adventure in pickle making on The Andy Griffith Show. Those "kerosense cucumbers.."

Here's another classic sit-com food moment from M*A*S*H: Hawkeye in the MESS TENT--sick of liver and fish: "I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish!!! I can't make love unless I'm smothered in onions! "

I shan't offer you a piece of my rich, eggy french toast made with my (staled on purpose) Challah then. Your loss.

Whether it's Lucy and Ethel stuffing chocolates in their mouths in the candy factory, or watching the staff of M*A*S*H suffering through Igor's latest adventure with powdered eggs...I suspect some of you may have favorite sit-com moments with food involved. I was thinking of All In The Family and one of my fave episodes involving Edith's Beef and Mushroom Stew...with tainted "Pokono" brand canned mushrooms--in the pink and yellow can. Archie thinks he's doomed to die of botulism when these mushrooms are recalled suddenly...and his trip to the ER is a classic. The Doctor is going over symptoms of possible infection: Dr.: ".....any lassitude?" Archie: "Nah she never puts that in the stew only the mushrooms..." I know some of you have some more...."Let 'Em ROLLLLLL!"

I am sure some time-pressed person on the Atkins diet has attempted to do just that. A bacon and fried-egg smoothie....Oh dear.....

I do sincerely hope no one thinks this is real.

When I dine out, it's my expectation that the establishment reaches a compromise in order to cater to people over 40 ( or noise- sensitive people regardless their age!) who do not appreciate being blasted from their seats by piped in music, or musak. The "you can always leave" thing is a pat answer that doesn't apply to me. If I want MTV or American Midol, or just to blast my own tunes at home, I know I can do that, or hear that. From sad indigestive experience, I know what places to stay the hell away from anyway. I can't take it. Don't HAVE to take it. I want to be able to hear myself eat.