bourdain

Lupa

I hear they're considering that guy from Hootie and the Blowfish.

From today's New York Times restaurant review of Casa Mono by Marion Burros: "Even fried anchovies are well prepared, if you like fried anchovies. I am not a fan." Okay. Fair enough. But then... "I will never know how cap i pota fria (the name is catalan dialect for calves head and feet, or headcheese) tastes. Do you really want this on the menu in the age of mad cow?" Translation: "EEwww! Scary and gross. I'm not touching it! And it might make me sick! Maybe you shouldn't eat it either (though I don't know cause I ain't putting that in my mouth--ever.)" NOTE: The dish is one of the best things on the menu--and a cherished--some say signature feature of Batalidom. "And I am afraid you are on your own when it comes to cockscomb and tripe." Translation: " Gross! Who would ever want to eat tripe?! That's like guts, right? And cockscomb..That can't be good. Yuk! YOU try it--if you want. Not me--I'm ONLY THE ACTING FOOD CRITIC OF THE FUCKING NEW YORK TIMES!!" NOTE: Again--one of the best things on the menu--and about as traditional--and representative of both Casa Mono, the chefs' philosophy--and a little place called SPAIN--as one could hope for. Given her unapologetically stated prejudices,and unwillingness to even TRY important menu elements, Ms. Burros is reviewing Casa Mono.....WHY? Hey--It could be worse. They could hire a seriously compromised, immediately recognizable novelist with minimal food knowledge,a 20 year trail of comped meals in his past--and no culinary background. But that would never happen, right?

Sylvia Weinstock.

I want a Paco-Jet.

I really enjoyed it. The guy can write--and has a lifetime of stories to tell.

" Die Hard meets Big Night" " I like it!" " I mean--we've had Die Hard on a bus, right? And on a boat. A tall office building...How about a restaurant? Food's big now. " "So..like there's a bomb in the pasta or something?" "No. no...like the restaurant is taken over by German/vaguely Middle-Eastern terrorists. And instead of like Mario Lanza or whoever coming to dinner at the end--it's the President!!" "I'm interested..." " It'll be great..I think we can get Lucas to produce." "George Lucas? George LUCAS wants to produce?" "Not exactly..Melvin Lucas, his cousin is interested." " George Lucas' cousin? That's GREAT!! " " We can definitely get Spielberg to direct.."" "You think so? That's FANTASTIC!!Steven Spielberg?" "Well..actually..no. We can get his cousin. Morris Spieberg" "Steven Spielberg's cousin? That's TERRIFIC! AMAZING!!Who's attached to star?" " We've got--you're not going to believe this--COSTNER! Costner's attached!" " Kevin Costner's COUSIN is gonna star? Terrific! We can shoot in Toronto--it's cheap--and it looks just like New York" " No, dude...we got KEVIN Costner." " Awwww..fuuuuck. I think we're going to have to pass." Please remove from competition--as it's an old joke..

Perhaps here, Burger King would be a good idea.In fact--all the Burger King they want.. Less agile, more easily-winded felons and flabbier, slower-moving recidivists might be a real step in the right direction!

Think black.

As reported in this week's New York Observer,Batali, in partnership with British chef April Bloomfield (River Cafe, London, Kensington Place, Chez Panisse)concert promoter Ken Friedman, Joe Bastianich and --reportedly, U-2 dude, Bono,will open The Spotted Pig, a Brit-style "gastro-pub" which will seat 50 in the site of the former Le Zoo on West 11th Street. Brit/Italo style stews, ragouts, roasts are promised. And I'm guessing some skillfully prepared guts.

Tiny. Maybe 10-12 counter seats, no tablecloths.. seating for 30 (or less) at the tables. Cooks slinging pinchos from behind the counter--as in Spain. It's a storefront space. Mario fell very much under the influence of Cal Pep and Pinotxo on recent trips to Barcelona. Which is a good thing.

After my first line shift in over a year--working saute station, I limped down to meet St Mario at Casa Mono. The cock's combs were indeed wonderful--as were the chipirones with white beans. Awesome cuttlefish..My favorite was the tripe with chickpeas and morcilla. Also great, the duck egg with mojama and a cap i pota fria ( I think this was veal head and pig foot--and pequillo peppers--served like a jellied tripe or head cheese--and delicious, delicious. Rest of menu: pan con tomate jamon serrano a mano ensalada mono with manchego bacaloa croquetas with orange aioli fried anchovies pumpkin goat cheese croquettes setas with garlic calaramis frotos cockles with huevos revueltos sepia ala plancha with salsa verde pulpo a la plancha scallops with cava and chorizo quail with quince and grenada sweetbreads with fennel guineau hen with cardoons duck with olives lamb with preserved lemon skirt steak with onion marmalada pequillo peppers with oxtails wild boar with escalivada artichokes a la plancha parsnips a la plancha scallions with romesco patatas bravas The place is about as casual as a place can be--and it sounds like it will eventually be open very late--until 2 AM, which will make it perfect for cooks and chefs getting off work. Next Batali move: The imminent opening of the Spotted Pig.

" Now with 20% LESS seepage!" Olestra spokesman Rick Bayless says. "It's a step in the right direction!"

January sometime would be good.

Has BC been to Big Nick's yet?

Has anyone mentioned "Sawz--eech" (sausage) and "Sang-weech" (sandwich)?

I'm going this Saturday.

Tips for shopping at Fairway (or Zabars Xmas week): Wear visibly heavy footwear--something intimidating like combat boots--worn outside the pants. Seeing you, others with lesser footwear will instinctively shrink back to avoid having their feet mangled.. Wear old, preferably dirty clothes. It's a good idea to look like you might smell bad. Adopt a deranged, distracted look--an expression of "I might snap at any minute--or possibly soil myself" . Bark, growl or make inappropriate, angry remarks from time to time. Dark sunglasses are a nice addition. The idea is to make others think you don't see them and might blunder into them at any second. Walkman headphones (with no music playing) give you yet another edge. You can hear them (though they don't know it) and they'll think you're too lost in thrash metal to hear any screams of pain as you careen down the aisle with your cart. Disturbing props can be your ticket to the express line: A headless doll held to your chest, a sock puppet, scuba mask or a garland of unwrapped condoms will make everyone--from other customers up to the manager want to get you through the system as quickly as possible.

"Real change" in this case, will--if it ever occurs--be the result of a general change in perception not of a change in policy. I don't, by the way, think it's either deserved or appropriate to boot Bayless off any board--or do anything (like picketing) which might hurt his business. Before this imbroglio, Bayless--and his works--were (and remain) positive contributions to his community and to the general level of cooking and discourse. Ridicule is not only appropriate--but enough in this case. People will stop going to the Clown and the Colonel for the same reasons that they stop going to any small independent: Cause they decide they don't "want" or "need " it..because it has been determined--for whatever mysterious reasons that it is no longer"cool" or "desirable"--that it is somehow "over." As much fun as it might be to suit up in black pajamas and set off stink bombs in fast food outlets--or chain oneself to the clown with a sign saying "Exploiter of Children!!", I just don't think that's what's right or called for. This is a hearts and minds issue---not something that should be settled in the courtroom or the boardroom. The outcome will be decided in the media, on the web, on a person by person basis across the world. If it's settled at all. In the end, it's about one individual after another deciding " You know? I just don't want to eat this shit again!" or " I think I'll walk a few blocks, wait a few minutes longer, deny the kids their denuded chicken parts in batter-even if they bitch." More likely, it will be decided independently of all our efforts, in the schoolyards--when kids (the target demo of all these noxious groups) start teasing their friends who still frequent the feed lots. That, let us hope, might well be the tipping point.

Granted--in the grand sweep of human events, maybe the "BK Incident" is small beer. Certainly, the question of whether Rick Bayless has in some way "betrayed" either his principles or his public (and to what degree) is more sport than burning issue. But I think the issue has real traction. Bayless, I think, is unfortunate in that he's inspired a lot of people to start asking the difficult question: "Is American fast food as we know it an inherently destructive force?" I happen to believe it is--that the answer to that question is painfully apparent to any who care to look around. Which is why I react so badly--and instinctively to Bayless's (in my view) self-serving and disingenuous explanations. When measuring the positives and negatives, the pain/gain meter on almost anything-- policy, music, cultural development, whatever, one asks oneself: Is the world a better, or prettier, or healthier or kinder or more enlightened place AFTER X? Or worse? I can't see how anyone who walks American streets--or the streets of places where American fast food has spread--can say they've made those streets anything but uglier, less healthy, less enlightened, less kind. The short term advantages, the convenience of these industries is inarguable. But are they--for lack of a better word, "evil"? If you view evil as uglifying and destructive, then the answer is yes. Bayless suggests that it's a few crackpot "elitists" who'd bother to be upset by this issue. Which, to me, is as insulting a suggestion as my blunt solicitation of oral gratification. It's simply wrong to say those who are disgusted by the chain fast food business model are elitist. Nor is it some fringe contingent of earth-first loonies seeking to return to some pre-war agrarian Valhalla who protest loudest and longest. "Mickey D--friendly clown? Or destoyer of worlds?" IS a fairly serious issue--and one that's going to get more and more prominently discussed. If Bayless finds himself hung out and twisting slowly in the wind on this issue it's not because he himself is a central offender--it's that food writers and chefs and others feel perhaps that we thought of him as someone we admired--a comrade--who suddenly and without warning slipped us a shit sandwich and gave public comfort and succor to our perceived enemies.. There's a biiig difference, in my view, between that--and flogging Butterballs or toothpaste. Most jarringly, this whole incident has made Bobby Flay appear much wiser and cooler than I ever gave him credit for. And I'm beginning to think nice things about Jamie Oliver. Bayless has a lot to answer for.

Glad to see someone who's kept a sense of humor about this. Best post since Tony's solicitation for favors. Yup. "Suck my fucking dick!" is very very clever & very very humorous! Why mess with a classic?

And if anybody finds out--you can give it to charity.

Oh..I forgot to add the incentive...I'll PAY you forty dollars...

Further evidence that Bayless is a complete wanker and douche bag--thoughtfully proved by the man himself. Hey, Rick! Suck my fucking dick!

...there's Bruce Willis memorabilia on the wall ...the line is longer at the gift shop than for tables ...salad or "fixins" bar in evidence ...the name sounds anything like TGI McFunster's ..."antique" road signs, Americana, "old" toys on wall ...fajitas AND pizza on same menu ...waiter says "My name is Chad--I'm an Aquarius--and I'll be your server tonight." ....the words "jumbo" or "garden-fresh" or" free" or "two-for-one" appear on menu ...nonsensical restaurant name chosen by committee as in "Macaroni Grill" ...folksy name: ie: "Cap'n anybody's" or "Ye Olde" or the "Rusty anything" ..sno-cone margarita machine cranking out crap frozen drinks ..small kitchen yet enormous menu (except in case of Big Nick's in NYC) ...glowing review from Sheldon Landwehr in front window ...Early Bird Special ...bartenders with arm garters and Gay 90's decor ...live jazz on Sundays ...no meat