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Chef/Writer Spencer

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Everything posted by Chef/Writer Spencer

  1. Classy. No wonder he has you looking for names for his NYC restaurant. Hey, I'll take that as a compliment. So are you going with my sauce or not, spongebob.....
  2. I agree then. A lot of people on eGullet talk to hear their own voice, regardless of interest. But I suppose that's alright. Not everyone is as succinct as you and me.
  3. What would Chef Keller think about your posts? Relax, dude. If Keller knew how much of a punk I am he'd put me on his BLOCK list, no doubt--although I pissed in his bushes and told him about it so he can't be blindsided by my offensive personality. As for being chill--I'm totally in my element.
  4. EVeryone's a fucking comedian these days.
  5. Take some peeled garlic cloves and DEEP FRY them until they are soft and brown. Take 1 cup dry vermouth,a drop of rice wine vinegar, a sprig of thyme, a bay leaf and some chopped shallot and cook down like a beurre blanc. Add 2 cups cream and reduce till the thing bubbles. Make sure to stir on occasion to keep from sticking. Salt and pepper and youre golden. Oh yeah, and strain the fucking solids out in a chinois.
  6. I'm missing the whole 14 page thing. Care to expound.
  7. There's a great co out of Arkansas--I forget the name--that makes the best wild rice in the world. This stuff doesn't taste like your run of the mill crud--you know the Uncle Ben's meets a tub of ten year old Earl Grey kind of stuff. When it cooks it perfumes like basmati but the great thing about it is it's close to impossible to over cook. Jose Gutierrez at Chez Philippe hipped me to it. I think I'll give him a ring....
  8. Yeah, stilted just there to mask an inability to write humor (like mine perhaps) will very rarely get you anywhere. I realized that one early on after sending my stuff to Michael Ruleman. So I do my best to malign, demystify and approximate liable without putting people directly in my line of fire. I coddle the notion that bad press is good press. Sometimes I get so out of control that I've had run ins with pissed off ex-employees who feel slashing my tires and leaving threatening messages on my voice mail is the best form of retributiion. I find that immensely satisfying and humorous. Sorry for getting tangential with my response......
  9. The BoneCo. Bone Denuding Machine Through with endless hours spent with a flexible boner and lamby fingers? Do your hands resemble the pocked face of your bed-ridden ten year-old? Looking for a way to French those difficult little bones that doesn't entail pain, suffering and a marginal social life? Well does Boneco have a solution for you. That's right, our own meat boning experts have partnered with NASA and the porn industry to create the world's first space-aged lamb rack Frenching machine. Here, let's see how it works.... Just remove the vaccuum-pack sleeve, insert your rack into the patented suction feeds, flip a switch and watch the sinue, silver skin and caked blood disappear into the specially designed FAT MAGNETIZER tm. It's that simple. Your bones will look like they were meticulously picked clean by a brow-beaten frog in a fifth of the time. The BONECO BONE DENUDING MACHINE fits neatly into any tool kit and makes a great gift for the chef who has everything. If you act in the next ten minutes we'll throw in a cute set of ceramic chefs who were injured by improper boning techniques as a free gift. So don't wait, call now. Operators are standiing by......
  10. Oh Boy, here we go again.....
  11. Pickle or preserve them, toss them with some light caramel and serve with pompano coated with lightly tossed almonds and brown butter. make a nice risotto...maybe a little leek, grilled shrimp...
  12. Oh, this is long-term Food Network policy: Jack McDavid, Chen Kenichi, Sarah Moulton, Gordon Elliott, Sissy Biggers, Mario Batali, the Two Fat Ladies. These people are getting air time for their looks, not their personalities or talent. Basically, it's twenty four soft porn, with some cooking thrown in. no no, just the new people are attractive. like the barefoot lady and those Lighten Up ladies. The new "uglies" are mere tokens. And as for the veterans who need facelifts--they came in under the wire, back before looks mattered all that much. And hey, I'd have a little romp with Sissy Biggers--a little low light, a couple Magnums....
  13. Watched "Everyday Italian." Except for the marginally attractive hostess it was an utter snore fest. I can see how some homebodies may find it engaging though. After watching Mario whip up some Lasagna Bolognese--making sure not to cut his veggies too neatly and slopping sauce all over the place like a true Italian--the perfectly 10X dusted polenta cake (pretty nice recipe) and cream reduction for the mushroom "ragu" was disheartening given the title of the show. Suggestion (that will undoubtedly go unheeded): hire out one of those cute little Italian grandmas with poor knife skills for that show or get someone on par with Lynn Rosetto Kaspar. Does everyone who cooks on these new shows have to look like they stepped off of Melrose fucking Place?
  14. Not off topic at all. At this very moment, several food producers are probably scouting firehouses for hunky guys who love to cook. We'll probably see that show in the fall on FoodNetwork with Jill Cordes hosting. I wonder if anybody's doing a Baywatch cooking program for FoodNetwork? Incredibly sculpted women who long to cook (in their bathing suits, of course) for surfer dudes. Might be more suitable for MTV, tough... What about Padme Latskhy or what ever her name is? She just about rules.
  15. Oh lord, I just watched "How to Boil Water." That was sad. Really fuckin' sad. Pastel set designers? You suck.
  16. You're playing right into their hands. Resist the urge to watch this crap....
  17. Three fifty knickers? Gauch knoves? Doesn't sound like philosophical talk to me. Sounds like English drivel....
  18. Good Luck there Ron, You may want to hit Sekisui. Edited by Rosie
  19. I hate all of those assholes I listed trust me. But if you're trying to make the point that The Food Network is trying to get away from food you'd be making an uninformed remark. Look at all sides of your arguement. Don't just make stock responses....
  20. Have you been watching it since the beginning? It has been on a swift downhill catapult since the first few years. I think most of us are in agreement that they are lowering the bar all on their own. If it were the other way around, I believe we'd all be thrilled about the network. It's just not about the food anymore and that's what I have a problem with. For showmanship and bubbling personalities and beautiful sets I can tune into "Friends" or "E News Live" or some "reality" show. For a food network, I want to see some damn fine food, be it low brow comfort or high brow cuisine. I'm tired of plowing through the muck. I find myself second guessing the idea that it's not about food anymore. It is about food. Food is at the forefront of every single one of these shows that we criticize here on eGullet. Be honest...Yeah Paula Deen is an annoying blend of Savannah charm and your least favorite auntie but she's cooking decent food. I hate that, and I'm not sure why. Bobby Flay is cooking, Emeril is cooking, and Gordon Elliot is chasing butter across the world. It's about food. Try to think of one of these personalities that has totally forgotten about food, or obviously couldn't give a shit about food. I really can't. The associations that sometimes arise when watching these shows are what I can't tolerate. I see a whole lot of trend following, ass-kissing, PC sycophantic goo, bad acting and pop culture packaging. Us purists know that it's not like that--or do we? Why are we so bitter?
  21. Fish Spatula, 10" Forscher, Large Spoons for Saucing, Fine Chinois, Tamis, Large Immersion Blender (trolling motor size),
  22. Fucking Purple Ketchup and Blue Freedom Fries...
  23. Canned corn better than fresh? Shudder... the various varieties of "summer fresh" or "summer crips" canned corns are quite good. and available all year round, anywhere. summer CRIPS? Let me guess, only available in LA in the hood...
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