Fresser

And that's the kicker. Jared actually SKIPPED breakfast (a dumb move for any dieter) and walked a total of five miles to and from Subway for his remaining two meals. So their once-zaftig spokesman skipped meals, cut his caloric intake by at least one-half and POOF! "I lost weight by eating Subway sandwiches!" This may not be fraud, but it's an egregious omission of facts.

Since we're on the topic of punny flavors... How about an ice cream flavored with Israeli liqueur called, "Hava Tequila" ?

I look way better in drag than Paula's sons do.

That's exactly my point, Solly. Try packing fifty pounds of sand into a backpack and schlepping the pack for three or four miles. See how you're schvitzing? That's how much effort it takes to carry an overweight body, and it demonstrates why walking is such a great exercise for losing weight.

Subway omits one salient fact in those ads: Then 400-pound Jared WALKED 10 blocks to and from Subway for both his meals. That added up to five miles a day. The full story was disclosed in Men's Health magazine, but Subway edited it to suit their purpose and make Jared a folk hero in the process.

Gee, everyone can find a fine Southern lady except the Fress Man.

When you bonk, do you get the shakes and chest-pounding palpitations? Honestly, I hope not. I knew someone who bonked on mile 85 of a century ride. She didn't know her name or what day it was.

Geez, if Starwich had just read your eGullet bio, they would have KNOWN that you're the Cucumber Queen. Is Starwich coming to Chicago anytime soon?

So will the Southern belle of my dreams allow me in the kitchen to cook? I've been cooking for Mama Fresser since I was 7 years old.

Far be it from me to tell a Southern lady how to enjoy her collard greens. Damn Yankee presumption. Now top those collards with some smoked turkey, however, and I just might have to buy a bouquet of flowers and pay a social visit.

You have one lucky husband. So, you have a sister maybe? I'm eminently smoochable. And I make a mean pot of cheddar cheese grits, too. GRITS don't mind a man in the kitchen, do they?

Here we call that a "boink." Still, it's not something you'd want to experience on a bike.

If you need any help with the GBC recipe, I'll hook a brotha' up.

That's handy advice, Blair. I've found that fibrous foods such as prunes and whole-grain breads make great cycling snacks. These foods are high in carbohydrates but low on the glycemic index, which measures how quickly a food elevates blood sugar. Contrast these foods with baked potatoes*, which I know some cyclists munch while on the bike. Unfortunately, potatoes are very HIGH on the glycemic index, meaning that the noble spud spikes my blood sugar about as quickly as a Snickers bar.

Ladies of eGullet, I'm proud to reveal the secret to my gorgeous gams: hours in the saddle of my trusty steed, the Novara Buzz: click here I bought the bike in 2001 to rehabilitate after knee surgery, but I found that cycling is fantastic for controlling blood sugars (I'm diabetic), plus the oxygen-induced high that results from a three-hour ride is something that you MUST experience. Something I don't recommend that you experience, however, is the bonk, or exercise-induced hypoglycemia. Bonking results when intense aerobic exercise depletes the body's glycogen stores and lowers blood sugar to dangerously low levels. Low blood sugar can lead to dizziness, disorientation, shaking and chest-pounding palpitations. Bonking is severly uncomfortable for cyclists and other distance athletes. For diabetics, it's dangerous. So even though I ride to burn calories, I always snack before a ride AND I carry snacks such as dried plums, low-sugar energy bars and peanuts in my saddle bag. Watch triathletes in the midst of their rides--you'll often see them munching on bananas to replenish gylcogen stores as well as electrolytes. Personally, I find that foods that are low on the glycemic index work best for me. Also, I'll plan rides around fruit stands and other places that serve a quick bite of energy. An ice cream stand near me serves no-sugar-added frozen yogurt that's both a cool treat and fuel for my "gas tank," so to speak. Energy bars are marketed heavily to athletes, but check their labels--many of them have over 20 mg of sugar per serving. I know there are other diabetics in eGulletLand, and probably some of them are bicyclists. What do you like to nosh on mid-ride? And have you completed your first "century" ride yet?

Manischewitz just introduced a kosher-for-Passover laxative. It's called... Let My People Go!

Who can forget MarketStEL confronting his "Inner Oreo" in the Green Bean Casserole thread? Oddly reminiscent of Steve Martin discovering his roots in "The Jerk."

This will come as no shock to Pontormo or Moosnsqrl, but the Ladies Who Lunch thread always amuses me. Now I must go fix myself a cucumber sandwich.

At the Rubber Glove Cafe, the chef's special is butt steak!

At the risk of sounding like a philistine, I must state that broccoli stir-fried in garlic and soy sauce is, if not orgasmic, then downright ethereal.

Really? I can't think of a time when I wouldn't want a manservant... ← I just knew I'd come in handy here sooner or later...

In my online personals ad, I describe the potential Mrs. Fresser thusly: She has the brains of Marie Curie and the body of Jane Russell. Maybe even the sarcastic wit of Elaine Boozler? Oddly, I made no mention of her culinary tastes. I just hope she likes garlic...

I have not yet dated a woman who had cottage-cheese thighs. But maybe soon.

Check out the furry mound atop the cake... It seems someone is eyballing that dense, chocolatey goodness. Could we make him the newest PMS Cravings thread member?