Carrot Top

My god that would be an interesting pair.

Mmm. Perhaps 'tis the season of their discontent? The show did garner an Emmy nomination, but I'm not sure whether that is based on last season or not . . .

I finished the Pat Conroy Cookbook last night. I'd never heard of Pat Conroy before, or thought I hadn't, but of course he is the author of many books including "The Great Santini" and "The Prince of Tides". This book is filled with good recipes. Some from people nobody's ever heard of, some from people whose names are familiar to those who follow the world of food. But better than that, these recipes sit cuddled between the pages of stories. And what stories. If you took the word "storyteller" in all its most glorious majesty then crowned it with the voice of the American South - where romance, tall tales, and furies of huge proportion sit and simmer in the heat of the summer days just waiting each their turns to be told, you'd find the name and photo of Pat Conroy right there in the dictionary next to it. He says of his life as a writer that he "looks for portents" in daily life, the invisible things that hold truths larger-than-life. He finds them, too. I read a lot of books and it's not often a book makes me both laugh out loud and have to stem tears from rolling down my face, and more than once of each of these things. Who would have thought the small unobtrusive Pat Conroy Cookbook would do such a thing? But it did. It also has the best damn little vignette of an Emeril tale that I've ever had the pleasure to read.

I agree, Tess. The judges seem to be aiming more and more as the season progresses into showing snappy impatience, snotty impatience, close-to-rolling-their-eyes-attitude, a singular lack of the sort of style or grace or humor that makes people interesting rather than merely tolerable, and the analysis provided (with the exception of Bourdain's few moments) of "what's going on" and "why I as a judge am impatient" is not shown to the audience in any way that makes the judges table look impressive. It's rather dreary.

My mouth literally fell open when I clicked back on this topic and that picture popped up. Wow. Wow. Gorgeous. (Edited to add that I am not sure it shouldn't be against the law to show crispy pork belly like that to those whom have none in the house. )

Rockland County is where I first had Taylor Ham, Ellen. Wesley Hills. Then Pearl River. Then Suffern. Then Hie! Up to Greenwood Lake where Taylor Ham was not quite as popular or available. I wonder who the Bagel Bites belong to in the freezer. Those things are the bane of my existence, as my daughter appears to be addicted and I have no idea where she ever heard of them in the first place.

A good expediter should be able to help. If you don't have one a swing position might be able to be created by adding it to an existing job description on an "as needed basis". If the service staff is underwhelmed and the kitchen overwhelmed there might be someone from FOH who could do this. Assistant manager types come to mind, the sorts that generally hang out in the office. It's fun to see them get flustered. And then when they do usually the smartest busboy can take over and do the job better, with that promise of advancement twinkling in their eye.

Oh yeah. That maligned thing. I was trying to figure out why it didn't come to mind but then I realized that if the bookstores here carry them they are buried somewhere deep and hidden, one or two dusty copies. The last time I thought of Zagat was when I saw it bright bold and beautiful displayed on the check-out at Barnes and Noble in Charlottesville. And as we know, Charlottesville is not here. It's there. I'll have to try to discover where this invisible geographic line of stupid clumsy food actually starts. I appear to be in the center of it, at the core. Obviously it is not the only Circle of SCF. Princeton was mentioned before as another region of insult.

(I love that line.)

I don't know. What would your guess be? That's probably a fun idea for a topic: If Michelin rated (such and such a place insert any restaurant here) how many stars would it earn? Would there be debate or consensus, in general . . . As for me, I've decided that if I do not feel like cooking, at this point after this run of disappointments that I kept trying to make excuses for like a good townie, I'm simply staying in and making a baked potato. A simple baked potato for dinner tops any of this sh*t. Grim, isn't it. Grim.

Carrot Top's Lament. I think you've found the title for my first novel, Sir Charles. .............................. I guess the closest thing we have to a national guide is the Mobil one? Does anyone use that? We don't have a tradition of nation-wide respect for any particular authority in dining such as has occured in France with Michelin or Gault-Millau, do we? I wonder who could wear the shoes. If anyone.

I remember him cooking something way back (or think I do, at one point I was getting him confused with CJ regardless of the height difference merely because their hair looked the same ) because I remember backing him back then as potential winner with Tre. Hah. But wasn't the Nouvelle Wonder of Spam with Crispy Onion Tower and Abstact Sauce Pattern dish his this week? That earned him the teamleader position which he then translated into not having to cook.

Howie is an odd mixture (or seems to be, based on what is shown) of arrogant bully and guy-with-a-golden-heart-buried-under-the-bluster. He exhibits moments where he seems to be reaching for honor within himself, for himself, and those moments are rather jewel-like. It's rather like watching a large green toad on a lily-pad in a pond who suddenly spouts beautiful philosophy with the voice of John Barrymore, his eyes turning human and appealing for that moment before there is a mere toad bellowing his toad song there again and you wonder whether it really happened or not. I can't say that I think any of the challenges have been demeaning, though. It's all about food and situation and creativity and chops, whether one is left in the pickle aisle of Key Food with a dollar to spend or whether one is dropped into Balducci's with a thousand. The Balducci's situation is much easier. All the other nonsense that the show doles out aside (hah! ) I enjoy the shape these challenges have taken. They are true challenges. If the results are boring, to me it's not the fault of the challenge but the players levels of response. It is really hard to break out of a pattern of thinking in terms of what one "does" as a chef, and that is what this show asks of the contestants, over and over.

You guys are funny. Really, I think I like this thread more than the shows at this point. Howie has a limited repetoire that he's learned by memory. He hasn't shown that he can think creatively. It's possible he can't but rather just repeats what he knows till he learns something new from someone else, thinks it through, watches, practices, repeats. I'd love to see him on a dance show where the music was turned on and the direction given: "Dance!" He'd definitely do the White Boy Shuffle. Over and over again. That was hilarious. It sort of went along with the fantasy scene he created on the plate. The sugary cereal must have gone up his nose or something. But I can definitely relate, having at moments said the most incredibly bland and idiotic things myself when forced to speak under pressure. I give him credit for at least trying something different. He loved winging it too, which was great to see. The entire menu really could have been transported from the eighties, but those cucumber things definitely were iconic. One of those unfortunate tropical fashion statements - turquoise pants. There ought to be a law. Seriously, I think the judgement-by-hair thing has merit. It seems to be as meaningful as anything else, or moreso, in this competition. Maybe it's so in real life too. Hung or Casey, then. That's who I'm backing at the moment. Hip hair makes the chef.

That sounds alluring. There are more culinary titles - if one alters the search to "culinary" and "sociology" or "history" or "psychology" or "economics" one can find some fascinating results. I'm almost done with the Pat Conroy book - it's half-and-half cookbook and stories and more than worth every second spent reading it.

Oh yes. And what is happening here where I live is that the village has a good number of restaurants but not enough to make the environment really challenging enough for any one of them to be "great". There seems to be a consistent pattern of opening to much excitement, with good goals and intentions, then rather quickly that is the only thing that is consistent: good intentions. Consistency in the food is shockingly low, and I'm not talking rocket science here, just rather simple menus for the most part. And that is what Ms. and Mr. X have grown to expect here: inconsistency. One is as likely to go out and really waste money on any level meal as to be able and willing to actually eat it and enjoy it. Inconsistency is a really wierd thing to see people adjust to, just "because". I agree, and I resent it being that way in this small-to-middle size town I live in. A big university sits right plop in the middle of this place and one would think that those with minds to use would find a way to use them to demand quality in their places to dine. And I sit here and look at the restaurants, and know the simple systems they require to find the consistency that is so sadly lacking, and can not believe that nobody is using these (management) systems. They may be in place in some places, but they are not being followed up on. Instead of rising higher, everybody sinks lower. I am shouting into the wind in my frustration at the way things are here. I am trying to find something to grasp upon that would be an "answer". But as I noted mid-way through this discussion, there probably isn't one, for here. I do appreciate your thoughtful response very much though. ← I hope her response was that she had a bridge to sell that could serve as a trade-off.

You guys sound like triplets separated at birth. .............................................. There's one sure-fire way to always have something sweet to eat in the house. Here's how you do it: Go to the healthy food section of the grocery store. There you will find many things like "EnviroKidz Gluten-Free Low Fat! Low Sodium! Nothing Artificial! USDA Organic Nature's Path Crispy Rice Bars" in flavors like Berry. They have pictures of hand-drawn cute little baby lions popping their heads out of tall grass smiling at the photograph of said Rice Bar on the front of the box. You will be charmed, and will think many good thoughts of how very healthy you will be eating these things. Buy some, and then look around for more healthy delights. Sometimes the apricot leather is a good idea, particularly if it looks about three years old. Load up with all these sweets and take them home. Put them in the cupboard for when you want something sweet. I can assure you that most likely they will always be there when you want something sweet, for after tasting the first one of each sort, you will never want to eat them again. As a matter of fact, after seeing them in the cupboard, it's likely that any taste for sweet things will completely go away and you will need to have a huge greasy cheeseburger with onions ASAP, preferably from a fast-food place. With a beer, and a deep sigh of contentment knowing how wonderful it is to not have that terrible urge for sweets at all, anymore. I've had this one box of Crispy Rice Bars for two years now at least and daresay this apricot leather is four years old.

I'm not sure if anyone else is privy to the fact but based on my experience, if you have an ancient box of instant hot cocoa with marshmallows hiding somewhere in your cupboards, the packets can be torn open to find tiny little hard nuggety marshmallows that try to hide in the cocoa powder. Quite delightfully aged and special.

The newspaper here has two food reviewers, both salaried full-time. One comes from a broadcasting background, one from a different staff position on the paper. I used the wrong word here. "Goals" should be replaced with "mission". And the mission statements of small-town or smaller-city newspapers might include supporting the growth of the community, and in that statement could be read many things. I still would not be surprised to know for a fact that there are grey areas in some mission statements of newspapers. And I was, hoping for more commentary on all this from you, Rogov. I asked a lot of questions above. Of course, it may all be due to the fact that I just started reading a book titled "Born to Kvetch" by Michael Wex (subtitled "Now with more kvetching!") but I'd prefer to think my questions simply valid and true, unaffected by such things.

Yet if I put on the hat of newspaper editor or publisher, and look at what the goals of my newspaper are, it is likely that I would see two things: One, that many of these restaurants are advertisers. (And I hear that this is where the money is to be made in this business, it is not from actual subscription income that newspapers survive or thrive.) Two, that in any given geographic area, tourists or people "just driving through" will be likely to bring their bucks to the area that is touted (focus on touted) as being the most charming, entertaining, and full of lovely places to eat. If one local newspaper took to printing critical reviews rather than fawning or gentle ones, it might be that visitors would just take to driving on past the place with the critical reviews and on to the place that had the kinder gentler reviews. Add to that, that print publications are under all kinds of pressure due to the challenges of online publications which cost the reader nothing, and it looks to me as if it's a lose-lose proposition all around except possibly in terms of quality (and I am not talking taste here, just talking rotten lettuce as opposed to fresh and the verb "to barbecue" not meaning "to steam"). When was it, that moment in history, that small-town and suburban America decided that rotten lettuce was a part of life that had to be endured, and merely pushed to the side of the plate? When was it, that service performed as if by brain-dead monkeys became acceptable, at any level, even that of fast-food places, as if the people there were somehow born that way therefore the performance was to be accepted as they were "not the highest quality people"? I don't know. I don't think fast food employees are untrainable nor do I think that rotten lettuce is unfindable by almost anyone. Given the care.

Okay. Trying to pull myself out of my deep depression that has arisen from the fact that it doesn't seem to matter in the least bit where I go in this town or how much money I spend, I can not escape in any consistent way from service performed by those with less adeptness than a kindergartener playing house and food prepared by those lacking both senses of sight and touch, I will say I think you're right, Pontormo, in general. I was hoping to hear of examples that proved this general rule wrong, but none seem to have come flying in en masse to be posted. So then. What is the point of critical reviews? If finally, they do not affect the food???? (Those extra question marks were an error but one that I like upon a glance, so they remain. ) Are they all just to be considered personalized guides rather than educated critique that does finally have any real measurable effect upon things? Does it finally come down to their use is as journalism that relies solely upon the personality of the reviewer/critic and how well readers take them to heart and bond with them, feeling validated in their own tastes, no more no less? This makes my tummy hurt, reading this, Tim. And I can only imagine how yours feels. In cases like this, the restaurant staff usually takes the rap. The public just sees that they can not "cope with this much business".

Very well put, Duck Fat. The problem here does range, however, from BK's to the most high-end dining (which is self-admittedly or rather self-proposedly a place that tries to do what New York does in terms of high-end or rather how the owners view that which to me seems more like California Pizza Kitchen. Whatever). I'm all for community-boosting. But when the reality does not match the hype there is a problem. It creates a sort of false smugness among those who live in such a place, matched by a lack of excellence. Smug provincialism shaped as proud sophistication. I do speak up after I've had several poor experiences in a place where prices are higher rather than lower and do speak up after maybe every twenty poor experiences at a place where prices are lower rather than higher. And like your experience above, where the owner deflected your concerns with an attitude designed to throw it back on you in some way, sometimes lately I've received the same silly defensive chatter in return. At that point, a very large warning buzz goes off in my head, just as if life were a game show, that says "Wrong. Wrong. You Lose." For if management is defensive of its own poor performance (or shows a false smarmy concern that you know is false for "how could they be expected to do any better these things happen you know") it is clear that this is how it is and this is how it will be, whether or not that poor management runs things right into the ground. The last experience I had at the latest "high-end" restaurant opened here was so poor, and the manager's response so idiotic that I really felt bad for the owner or investors of the place. Because her response was everything they train managers in fine dining venues not to do. Granted, there are staffing challenges here that do not exist in the same shape as they do in cities. But I don't even see training of staff being done correctly if at all in many of these places. Letters to the editor concerning reviews? Reviewers get paid to take the sh*t that goes along with their jobs, in real money as well as in the power of the ego-boost of seeing their name as accepted authority. I say let them do it. I do admit to lurking feelings of contempt for the always-glowing parochial reviews that abound, where it seems the most offense taken is that their portion size was not big enough. (Alternately, the most glowing praise often is that there was "a goodly portion" served.) Here, in a college town, the situation is compounded by the fact that what the money is made off of mostly is liquor. Drinking is revered above dining by college kids (uh, can I call them scholars or are they just "college kids"?) and as long as the drinking scene is one enjoyable, the food falls way way down the list of things Important. After consideration, I honestly think that provincial parochial dining is just that. Probably always has been but for rare exception. Tied by the apron-strings of village life it will remain a child prouder than it should be, in all but the most rare exceptions.

Looks like there's going to be another food book with the title "Secret Ingredients" coming out soon (October 30, hardcover), Max: "Secret Ingredients - The New Yorker Book of Food and Drink" edited by David Remnick. A compilation of

"Wildlife on a Plate" by John McPhee was going to be the first thing I read but instead "The Queen of Exile Cuisine" by Jane Kramer grabbed me and held on tight. Fantastic photograph of Claudia Roden (by John Reardon) as accompaniment and the essay on her life and her work was most fulfilling to read. The story behind the stories. I most particularly enjoyed reading her thoughts and feelings on "authenticity" and on "nueva cocina".

Coffee light no sugar for me with a buttered roll (which means not toasted of course ). Taylor Ham has travelled to the grocery stores of Southwest Virginia within the past several years. It doesn't taste right though. Must be the rolls. Or the air. Or the lack of Soprano's accents. Something.