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Make this engagement a very long one. Be sure you want to marry this woman. A lifetime is a long, long time not to share food lust. You don't want to find yourself cheating on her with the Eggplant Queen. And divorces are much more expensive than weddings.

My mom and my husband get it, or at least to the extent I need them to. Last year for Christmas, Mom got me cookbooks by Batalli, Hazan, Keller, etc. - but when I thanked her, she said "You really like that stuff?" She bought them because they were on a list of possibilities I gave her. She likes to cook, but Rachel Ray is more her style. My husband though, is wonderful. He will eat most of what I make. He buys me requested cooking toys for Christmas and my birthday. And this weekend, he took me on a special trip to Williams-Sonoma. There was this special cake pan... it makes a cake shaped like a pumpkin. I don't know why I fell in love with it, but I did, and I had to have it. (I can't explain it.) But I refused to pay full price for it. (I can explain that: $30 for a cake pan???? No way.) I thought it might go on sale right after Halloween, but when it didn't, I checked back every week to see if the price had been reduced. Then I figured it would go down right after Thanksgiving. So the next day, we had a nice lunch and drove to W-S. They had just then run out. One lady had two (twoooooooooo!!!!) and I fought off an urge to hit her. (She wasn't playing fair.) A terrific struggle ensued inside me, in which I valiantly fought off my inner kindergartener. ("No hitting! No biting!") Then someone said "There are more over there!" and DH was right on it. I got the next-to-the-last one! Yes, he definitely gets it. Or at least he's smart enough to go along with it.

As the relative of a woman who used to pull crap like this, I must reveal the truth. Her actions had nothing to do with health considerations. Or sugar. She has control issues. She's not happy until everyone is dancing to her tune. She doesn't care whether she's rude; she doesn't care if no one else is able to enjoy desserts. She needs to have control, and all other considerations are not even on her agenda. Wasted food, hurt feelings; it doesn't matter, as long as she has control. Don't be surprised if a month from now, she's on some other kind of diet, and insists that everyone around her eat the NEW way she eats. She's not concerned about anyone's health. She has some serious mental health stuff going on, and that will not change until she gets help from a professional. Do whatever you can to not be in this woman's company again. It's not about the food; next time it will be about something else. One of the most gleeful, memorable moments of my life was when I walked in on this relative as she was downing a Cherry Coke and two candy bars. I confess to being utterly obnoxious, and immediately letting everyone in the family (those who were there in addition to those who weren't there) know every last detail of my discovery--at the top of my lungs. I am not sorry for my behavior, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be. It was a turning point. Not long after, said relative gave up her food battles, and began stockpiling guns and expressing horrendous political opinions. (Thank God that's over; she's also changed religions twice since then.) It'a all about control. Been there, done that.

A couple of random thoughts, based on experience: I like the idea of a pod system, but only if morale is good and employees are trustworthy. One outfit I worked for, the management and employees hated each other. That resulted in many unpleasant and unfortunate things, including some employees taking pre-measured packets of coffee home with them. In my current employment situation, we don't have to worry about theft; in fact, it's almost the opposite --employees will often furnish their own kitchen items to avoid costing the firm money. If you go with a pot-at-a-time system, try to find a system that will dispense the coffee into thermal carafes. If you can't find such a system, or decide for other reasons to go with one that doesn't offer them, buy some and encourage employees to quickly dispense coffee into them, instead of letting it sit and cook all day. Overall coffee expenses will be lower, and coffee drinkers will be happier.

It will be this: dogs from 3 families praying to the Turkey Goddess after the meal:

I love my ricer, too. In fact, when we go to other relatives' houses for holiday meals, I bring it with me and volunteer to do the potatoes. I've never been good at using a masher, but my mother is. Hers has a circular plate (parallel to the bottom of the pan) that is a grid, with about 1/2" square holes in it. (So it works sort of like a large-holed ricer.) I ate a lot of her potatoes growing up, and don't remember any lumps.

If I'm cooking for myself, I try to undo as much damage as I can, and then continue. If I'm cooking for anyone else, I do not continue. If I can't lift out the contaminated portion, I chuck it and start over. Eating something with my own blood in it is one thing. But I wouldn't appreciate someone else serving me something that had been contaminated --even if it was cooked later-- and I won't do it to others.

We're eating at my sister's this year. I will be baking the pies; each is a request. So there will be pumpkin, chocolate, lemon meringue, and coconut meringue. Plus a pumpkin roll. And I'm taking off early on Wednesday so I can get it all done. I don't get to bake as much as I'd like, so I'm very, very happy about that! I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to fit four pies and a pumpkin roll into our little refrigerator overnight, and then get them and a large, always-hungry 75 pound dog, into a car at 6 in the morning, and then traveling 150 miles, with no tears, mishaps or homicides.

Look at it this way: you're both planting seeds. He's planting vegetable and herb seeds, and you're planting seeds for his future. I predict that one day he'll decide to like vegetables, and when he does, he'll have the skills to grow them.

Several years ago, when I ordered my wedding cake, I sat down and talked with the baker/chef at length. I wanted a "scratch" cake; one that had good, pure flavor. And I wanted buttercream icing made with butter, and not with shortening. Again, a flavor issue. What I wanted to get away from, was artificial flavorings. I had strawberry filling between two layers, and lemon curd between the next two layers. I requested that these be made from scratch, again, as a flavor issue and also as a texture issue. The goo that many cake bakers put between layers around here is just objectionable. It's mainly sweet; sometimes you can also identify a flavor. But mainly, it's just sweet. I got what I wanted, and both the baker and I were happy. She'd had few requests for this kind of baking, and she was happy to do it. The cake was spectacular in flavor and texture. Our guests loved it. And the neighbors to whom we gave slices, said it was the best cake they'd ever eaten. I was a happy bride. If people were going to get out on a sloshy weekend to come to my wedding, I wanted to treat them as well as I could. Some of them spent a lot of money to get here; others left professional activities and drove across three states to make it. Making the effort to give them really good cake (worth the calories!) was just one of the ways I could thank them. If the woman doing the baking used any kind of mix, it certainly didn't show, and I wouldn't have objected. A few weeks ago, my husband came home with a cookie mix he bought from a guy at work, who was selling it on behalf of his child's school. I couldn't believe he'd bring something like that home when I try so hard to make delicious things. I scanned the container to see just how disgusting it was going to be. To my complete surprise, the ingredient list included no artificial flavorings, colorings, or preservatives of any kind. My husband did the baking, so I don't know what was added to create the dough, but the cookies were delicious!

If you're not familiar with the roasted cauliflower thread, do take the time to look it over. If you're serving cooked vegetables, roasted might be more appealing than other ways of fixing them.

How about cream cheese? Edit: a local restaurant makes a cake-like creation out of layered crepes, vegetables, and meats. It's frosted with a savory-type frosting. I think they call it "crepes primavera." You might try Googling that, or if you'd like, I can ask them what's in it.

Consider planting a vegetable and/or fruit garden next spring. Several people have told me that kids are more likely to each such foods if they've grown them, themselves. I also like the idea of seeing if you can lure him into cooking. And if it works, don't forget to brag about him to others, so that he can hear it. "This kid makes his own pizza. And it's better than anything we can buy." Kids have a way of fulfilling their parents' expectations...

How was it? Did it taste like L&P? I had heard somewhere that the original recipe was a deep dark secret stored in a cavern somewhere. . . I'm intrigued by the idea of making it!

I live in Kansas, which has similar qualities to Texas when it comes to growing herbs. The only thing I would add to this discussion, is that you might plant the basil where it will get the most water, and the rosemary where it will get the least. My rosemary died out this year, and I think it was because it got too much water at certain times. Pots are so extremely convenient, but must be watered by hand. I'm still debating what I'm going to do with my herbs next year -- return to pots, or plant them in the ground. We have bindweed, so anything planted in the ground is subject to it, and I spend the whole freaking summer fighting it. It grows faster than I can grab it and pull it out. I have a feeling it's going to take a nuclear holocaust to kill the **** stuff. Next spring we're going to go look at model homes in a development where we're considering building a house. I've added "bindweed-free" to my list of things like "large kitchen" and "ample storage."

In today's Wichita Eagle is a story about local women who've done a DVD entitled "What's Your Table Wearing the 4 Seasons?" Here's where to read the story. The story doesn't say so, but it wouldn't surprise me if these are two of the women involved in the local "Holiday Tables" fundraiser for a local arts organization. Over the years, some of those tables have been breathtakingly gorgeous; even the ones that were "over the top" had great ideas to steal. If the link above eventually expires, the name of the article in the Wichita Eagle is "Turning the Tables." And according to the article, the DVD is available on Amazon.

With the gingerbread... how about lemon custard? Maybe with some sort of accent flavor. How about a pear amaretto ice cream? I would think that would taste good with nearly anything. It also occurred to me that pumpkin chocolate chunk would be good. Feeling adventurous? Here's an idea. Several years ago, a friend returning from Portugal told me that in that country, avocado is always served sweet, never savory. And she gave me a recipe for a great avocado pudding. Use very ripe avocados, and puree in a food processor. Add a little sugar, a couple of tablespoons of port, and enough milk to create a smooth pudding texture. Done! Serve with 1/4 lime to squirt over the pudding. I have a feeling this would translate nicely to an ice cream, although I suspect the freezing may mute the flavors somewhat, and it's possible some adjustments might have to be made.

Welcome to eGullet, Julie_B! And congratulations on posting the most horrific recipe I've ever read! I may have nightmares about this tonight. If your future posts are as entertaining as this one, we're going to love having you here! Hope you enjoy eGullet!

I hate to say this, but I drink only the free coffee at work. And I have to put a ton of creamer in it, before it's drinkable. On a really, really good day, when I actually got my butt out of bed as early as I'd promised myself I would the night before, I will stop by Starbuck's for a latte. Occasionally, I'll stop by McDonald's when I'm doing errands for the office. It's hard to find better coffee around here, than theirs.

I would appreciate info about both coffee urns, and how to make coffee in them. I'd like to buy a somewhat inexpensive urn, and I have no clue as to how much water and coffee to use.

At my wedding, we invited one couple and their children, because although their children are far from perfect --like everybody else's children-- the parents are quick to respond and curb behavior that may become an imposition on others. Their children do not run up and down the aisles in a church; they do not interrupt adults when they're having a conversation; they simply act like well-behaved children. And if they don't, a quick, whispered conference takes care of things. Another couple and their children were not invited. This couple thinks everyone loves their children as much as they do. They believe that everything their kids do is wonderful, exceptional, and cute. The children run wild at all times; they disturb others; they interrupt others; they have no "indoor" voices. They are ill-mannered because their parents make no attempt to teach them any manners whatsoever. I have a feeling that this entire discussion summarizes much as I've written above. Seldom do people object to the presence of well-behaved children; even if their behavior slips a little and their parents have to remind them. But there is no reason to be expected to sit in a restaurant, and not be able to converse with one's companion because the children at the next table are unruly and loud. I know people who've had beverages knocked into their laps, been hit with flying food, and have not been able to enjoy their own meals because other people aren't bothering to insist that their children behave. If a parent has to correct a child's behavior, very few people mind; they understand that it's a learning situation for the child. It's when behavior is not corrected, and becomes a problem for other diners, that objections to children in restaurants usually arise.

I am still reeling from attending a funeral on Friday and watching a young man (about 17 or so) bring a soft drink in a paper cup into the church with him, and proceed to the pew with it. The person being memorialized was only 19, so many of his friends attended; several had quite a bit of skin inappropriately displayed. Restaurants aren't the only place where people don't know how to behave. However, I did find this story in today's Chicago Tribune. Here's the heart of the matter: (edited to bring above quote into compliance with eGullet policies)

Actually, the dinner thread does make me feel inadequate. The great part about that, is that it also gives me something to strive for. I have come to realize that after a tornado hit our home in the spring of '99, and I lost so many things (including 20 years' worth of cookbooks), I went into a grieving phase that I didn't recognize. I dropped my interest in cooking, and in decorating my house. It was hard to care about things that might be lost again. Joining eGullet has helped me find my lost interest in cooking, and in living my life every day. I'm old enough now that I recognize that owning a lot of cooking equipment --things I wish I needed, in other words-- doesn't make me a cook. But actually cooking, and making things I've only read about in the past, is adding a richness to my life that I've never had before. The grief is turning to enthusiasm; the depression is fading as energy emerges. The next step, inevitably, is presentation. The dinner thread is helping me to understand the possibilities. And this thread is giving me a lot of food for thought about even more possibilities.

This sounds absolutely incredible! What a feast! Feel free to provide a post-Thanksgiving review! I would just love to hear about the grits, especially.

Fried chicken legs work pretty well in the car. I've also been known to eat cold salmon, straight from the deli, as well as various salads. Tabbouleh is a challenge. But one must Know Thy Cops in the area. Sometimes they'll pull eaters over for inattentive driving. What I prefer to do is go to a nearby park during my lunch hour, and eat in the car, in absolute peace and quiet --or while listening to Day to Day-- and watch the geese and the squirrels. Sure beats lunching with lawyers at work.