QuinaQuen

You are quite right about the buyout. That's why I'm all about the mezcal, now.

A few years ago, I found a Braun pump-action at MacFrugal's for $50. It made fabulous espresso (I never tried it for frothing) but it broke after a couple of months of daily use and even authorized Braun service shops couldn't fix it. The moral of the story is, you just won't get good espresso from an affordable chingadera. Have you tried being nice to the (aw, that stupid word again) barista at your local coffee shop? I don't mean the Green Bile, they are specifically prohibited from making a good shot of espresso by the corporate office in Seattle. Aside from that, just get used to moka-grade coffee. It's the quaff of choice in pretty much any home in Italy, Spain, or any other geographic foodie shibboleth. It really is good for day to day drinking, and any stovetop or steam contraption can produce it with a minimum of technique.

Skim really does make some styrofoam. I shouldn't care, since I detest milked-up coffee in any form, but my paycheck once depended on it. 2% always worked best for me; whole milk was entirely too viscous, though tossed up whipping cream always made for great cold drinks. Watch the pimple-jockey at Big Green next time you order your foofyfoamaccino; I bet you they don't even purge their steam wands before plunging them into a pitcher of recycled moojuice. No wonder those Schmuckattle clones don't care about pulling a good espresso shot.

They're all quite pleasant, but the different flavors are wasted on a quaih loh who has spent his entire life developing immunities to other Korean flavors. At this point, they all just taste like sugarcane to me. Then again, that goes for pretty much any drink targeted towards Sanrio's main demographic.

One of my co-managers used to work as a door-to-door for Farmer Brothers. He has offered me their best, and it's still foul! Oh, and by the way, he told me about some of his accounts, and it's not very pretty. Let's just say that it's not adviseable to order coffee at even the most expensive swankiendas in your hometown. Crap ain't just for cubicles anymore, folks.

Since when was Starbuck's swill an issue when it comes to drinkable coffee? If you want to play neolithic, try out Bialetti's new Brikka moka. For $50 to $70, it lays out a ridiculously smoothe demitasse of crema with a little bit of liquid on the bottom for swallerability. Am I the only poor schmuck on this website?

Most any burr grinder works well, as long as you don't expect blade volume from it. My Pavoni has the same problem with high-maintenance feed, but the grind is still super-sweet. The $15 Salton I got for my dad works just as well; good thing I bought the Pavoni for $2 at a resale shop, or I'd feel quite the fool. If you're using it for a pump-action espresso machine, any burr grinder and only a burr grinder will do. If you're using it for any other chingadera, swallow your foodie pride and use a plain old blade. They have them at dollar stores now.

Well, what do you want? The problem is in the nomenclature. These contraptions are basically electronic mokas, not espresso machines. And as such, they work really well. If you don't expect a hibachi to do the work of a barbecue pit, you can get a lot of enjoyment from using it as a hibachi. What these chingaderas allow you to do is to throw away your Mr. Coffee. Office coffee is crap in the office, so why allow it in your home? Let it be your no-hassle morning pick-me up, and get another gizmo for entertaining.

Huhhuhhuh...back off the passion and onto the subject, though; What you're getting is fairly close to the results of a moka. The moka is the home-espresso maker of choice in Italy and Spain, and it does make some dang fine coffee. It is not, however, even close to properly pump-driven espresso. But it sure does taste better than the stuff that the other cubicle-dwellers are drinking, right?

Aw, shucks, it's a whole other story. Espresso is so much more than strong coffee. The @#$% of it is, no one really cares about the loveliness of a straight espresso shot. Big Green only sees espresso as a component of lattes and frappacinos and tall caramel latinos, and where will you find a place that bucks the trends imposed by Big Green? A low-cost option: Bialetti now makes a stovetop moka named, oddly enough, the Brikka (a brikka is the chingadera used for Turkish coffee, which is another animal entirely) for about $50. Check out your various coffee chingadera websites for the best deal. It uses a pressure-cooker type valve to shoot out a smooth, crema-laden shot that most resembles the head on a pint of Guinness. This is close as you can reasonably expect to get to real espresso without blowing $400 on one of the stronger home-pumps. It does take nearly-constant tweaking and seasoning, though. A real espresso only gives you the essence of the beans without including the harsh oils and acids. Only the most conscientious barista (oh shamefully misused term) will try to pull this essence out of their equipment. Check out that chingadera, and figure it out for yourself!

Did I miss a post? Last time I checked, aspartame always come in blue packets. The pink ones are saccharine. Even the knockoffs and store brands stick to this formula.

Oh, f'r th'Chrissakes. Remember what kind of machine you're talking about. Is anyone here talking about a Faema Due or a three-portafilter Rancilio? I'll put our water supply up against any of yours for mineral deposits, corrosive agents, and trace amounts of toxic refinery runoff. All an espresso machine wants is a minimum of buildup. The heat generated by even the most industrial-strength espresso boilers is still insufficient to generate serious ionic reactions. And your little FrancisFrancis simply doesn't use enough constant water to warrant its own plumbing hookup. Stay out of Sur La Table long enough to stop by Home Depot or Lowes, and you'll find plenty of filters that hook up to the supply lines or even to the faucet in your sink. Nearly all of them filter out the naughtly little particulates, and your espresso machine could hardly care less about the rest.

Yeah, we're still trying to get back into the habit. Also, Southeast Texas BBQ is too time-consuming to do in a tailgate setting, so we're still searching for the perfect way to cook up Toro. But the climate? All I can say to those in traditional football cities is, "HaHa!"

VietSpam has a thousand and one looks, but they all feel and taste about the same. None has yet tasted like head cheese or scrapple, but that's not to say they don't contain a bit of beastie. As many varieties as I've found between our two main Little Saigons and their assorted satellite Hues, you'd think I'd have found one that does taste a bit like head cheese. There was one Banh Mi shop in the Hong Kong Mall on the far Southwest side that used a fascinatingly-marbled, black pepper-dominated VietSpam, but it tasted nothing like head cheese or any other sesos product.

I would second the suggestion of sticking with filets. I made the mistake of buying nuggets once and they really do not taste good. rkolluri Actually, I get better results from the nuggets than from fillets. When frozen, which you really should do with any but the clearest-stream catfish, the nuggets make for sturdier slicing. Since thin slicing allows the meat to achieve ultimate butteriness when fried in a dredge, the nuggets are simply better. Also, the fillet is the least flavorful part. It follows that the nugget, as long as you don't cook it thick, gives you the most charmingly concentrated catfish flavor QED.

Too bad I've never been able to afford the truly expensive V.O.s. One thing I have found, though, is that an inexpensive V.O. (say, Raynal) is still harsher than a V.S.O.P. from Hennessey or Courvoisier. If I ever get unbroke, I'll report back on the good stuff. And yes, a balloon glass does lay too much on the olfactories when it comes to the better stuff. Take it from a boozehound.

I make fresh horseradish every Passover, only I do it in the food processor (first shred, the chop) instead of a grinder. The effect is the same. In fact, I've taken to wearing ski goggles while preparing it. Taking the top off the processor is akin to setting off a tear gas bomb in the kitchen. I've had my cats sit up on their haunches, take a sniff skyward and BOLT up the stairs like banshees when I'm playing with the Evil Root. But if it doesn't make you cry it ain't worth a damn, I say! Yeah, food should hurt sometimes. Try doing Red Savina habaneros in the blender. Just a hint: A touch of vinegar in the mix intensifies the atmospheric sneezles. Warm it up, and it's even more fun. Do it in a crowded kitchen, and go for distance!

A huge melamine bowl of YumPlaMuk. I eat 3/4 and save the rest for last. A sip of ice tea, a sip of Gusano de Oro, a swig of Singha. A link of dry czech sausage grilled over white oak with my own BBQ sauce. A swig of ice-cold Ouzo, a Shiner Bock chase. A banh mi stuffed with thit nuong and a pound of stilton, doused in nam pla. A Hennessy and Coke, no ice. A whole knuckle of ginger, a whole bunch of cilantro. A tall boy of Bull. A twinkie. The rest of the YumPlaMuk. Now I'm ready to die.

All quite true; thanks for correcting without contradicting. But going back to my main point, the glycemics are still a sticking point. There is only a fraction less readily-absorbed simple sugars in a loaf of Whole Foods' "Aren't You a Perfectly Superior Neo-Hippie 99-Grain Wheat" than there is in the stuff with the cute little toqued teddy bear on the wrapper. So why is the distinction so important to people who are trying to avoid those same readily-absorbed carbohydrates?

It's as easy as adding a little bit of all-purpose flour to the cornmeal. Depending on how much you're frying and how much oil volume you're working, a little garlic powder doesn't hurt the dredge any, either. 1 hint: cheap beer and acidic hotsauce break down the surface protein enough to make the dredge stick better. Give it an hour or two at least. Neither one will add much flavor, no matter how hot the sauce, but the texture difference is what it's all about. Just don't use malt liquor. It imparts a truly foul artificial banana taste (yeah, I did that once. Now it's just for drinkin').

Hey, hon, stop by my place (it's a little pizza joint next to 59 Diner on Norfolk, at the risk of advertising) and ask for me. I'll make you some creamless, subtly sweet slaw that'll knock your socks off. If you want my fried catfish, which is to any restaurant's offerings around here as XO cognac is to Strawberry Hill, that'll take a little more notice. We don't have a deep fryer.

Gawrsh, that's a lot o' big words. But your ironic tone is well taken. To say that corporate megafarms are skirting USDA regulations is so obvious that you might as well assert that there are hookers in Vegas. If you want to turn this forum into a lambasting of Howdy Doody and the megacorps who have their hands up his culo to make him talk, I'll glady add some flapdoodle.

Whoa, scratch that last one. Growing up is overrated. But do me a favor. While you're in Greece, check the labels on IQF shrimp in inland markets (may Zeus do his zappetificacious thing if they try to sell it on the coast) to see if they're american. I got wind the other day about a rich Greek friend of a broke-ass Greek friend planning to market Texas Gulf shrimp in Greece. Is that selling buggery to the British or what? Granted, Gulf shrimp are the tastiest in the world, but there must be some serious hootie-doo going on if they have to sell it in one of the world's great seafood meccas. Heck, I have to play the big truck game to get the good stuff, even though I live less than 50 miles from the nearest shrimp fleet. This is some crazy For Your Eyes Only kind of stuff. Keep me posted.

Anyone ever imagine what the world would be like if Sigmund Freud had been born before Moses? Ah, probably about the same. A food neurosis is a food neurosis, whether it is codified in an ancient text or not.

Yee-ah! We used to do the same thing when the usual summer drought would dry out the stocktanks. Holy jebus h. kee-rist, though, those fins hurt worse than mesquite thorns. Not to mention the godawful taste of the meat during drought season. It did teach me a thing or two about masking foul fish flavors with processing and spices; be glad I run a pizza joint and not a seafood restaurant .