Keith Talent

Apparently KK donuts cure cancer, as that's the only rationale I can see for standing in line for a couple hours to get them after the recent Delta openning. Now here's a little tip for those with young kids. Have your kids press their noses against the glass. Skipping a couple meals first is a good idea, becuase little kids can't act worth shit, or at least subscribe to the DeNiro Method school of emoting. You want them looking hungry. They hang around long enough looking hungry enough the samples will start to flow. Much like the truffle hunters of Umbria, your greatest challenge is wressling the prize away from the animal that does the work (your kid) and replacing it with something of greater value to them, but not to you. Ask yourself, what do little kids like more than anything, something they are never allowed under any circumstances, and only know of through furtively sneaked samples? Smokes? Yeah, that'd probably work too but it'd probably get Social Services dispatched to your location. What else? The ultimate kid treat, COKE! (Actually, probably and soda would work, just the added spice of a caffeinated one adds to their perception. Forbidden fruit tasting sweeter and all that.) Anyway, kids passes the donut back to daddy, they get a pull on the communal soda. Your average donut industry employee doesn't give a rats ass how many samples they give out, so as long as the kid stands there looking hungry, donuts arrive in a timely fashion. Voila, you've had your fill over overpriced overly sweet donuts for the cost of a Coke. And before any of you call me cheap, remember it's the game of saving money that's interesting, if not the actual 5-6 bucks saved on donuts.

I've got a fifty that says you could stroll into the airport coffee shop, order a glass of wine cut with 7-up and filled with ice and not one single staff member would look askew, in fact I'd be willing to wager they'd respond with "if you want a Chilliwack, why not just ask for it by name?"

Nice link by plunk. Added to my bookmarks, going to spend my savings on booze.

Damn you for working in the Condi/Jenna innuendo. I tried but couldn't make it work. Also, if anyone is interested, there's still a giant boob joke waiting to write itself, all it needs is a poster willing to hit submit.

Installing Jenna Jamison in the oval office would boost the average White House scrabble score by at least fifty points, unless of course Condi was around.

What is the name of the joint on the SW of Main & 49th? There is also a very similar place at the NW corner of Main & 50th. The street is anchored by these two dueling Indian vegetarian buffets. We've been to both, but continue to return to 49th oppsed to 50th because the only difference is free pampadams. And if you get flamed for anything, it'll be shopping at Costco, not buying prepared Indian. One last thing. "...if it's good enough for everyday folk then count me in!" Us peasants appreciate your open mind. Generally the aristocracy have such closed opinions.

You have friends that refuse anything outside of the city limits proper based on some bizzarre "too hip for suburbia" rationale? I was going to mock and suggest you expand your base of aquaintences, then I remembered I have the same problem. THere is nothing funnier than aging hipsters that pride themselves on their "downtown lifestyle" and "open attitude" yet are afraid of Scott Road. Yeah, way to going exploring Magellan. Then again on the other hand I also have friends who are the diametrical opposite, terrified of Commercial or Main. Still, hardcore Vancouverites should be slapped. Actually "hardcore" anything deserves a slap. City dwellers, runners, oenophiles, whatever, step back and take in a little perspective. If you get tired of the clean fresh vibrant flavours of Rangoli et al, head down to little India on Main for some Indian food that is if nothing else, cheap. We periodically go to the buffet on the south-west corner of Main and 49th. Something like 5.99 per person. Quite good, although certainly not excellent. Vegetarian. Aloo Gobi, chick peas and panneer, dal; Simple reasanable food. Occasionally we order a meat entree to suplement. The clientele is hilarious, big Indian families (not funny), students from Langara looking for a cheap feed (again not that funny), and hippies, (totally upriotously funny. Yeah, being a hippy in 2004 is pretty damn amusing.) Stay away from the Samosas. Tandori chicken wings make you wish an NFL game was on rather than the bollywood flick ussually showing. And I doubt that is Kingfisher on tap as they claim. If you really want a sureal Indian meal, head to the Hare Krishna temple on Marine Drive, east of Patterson, north of Marine Way. It's pretty easy to find, the 40 foot statue of Krishna out front is a "Blues Clues" level hint that even hyper 3 year olds can deduce. We've only gone once, food was very average at best, very similar to the above mentioned place on Main, although more home cooked style (and I don't really mean that in a good way). The night we went was the night Princess Diana was killed in Paris, so who knows what has changed since then. (That was an interesting evening. First dinner there, then in the car to hear the news from Paris. The whole world seemed to be going bizzaro on us.) Guarantee you won't find a hair in your food though.

I was reading an encyclopedia of Asian food last night and it said that Salmon is never eaten raw in Japan, but rather quickly grilled or marinated ceviche style. Is this true and if so why? I always kinda thought that free swimming predators were generally eaten raw, while bottom dwellers were always cooked, but now see this is wrong.

I'd actually like to hear that arguement too. I'd also like to hear why we should all look the other way and titter politely when the 800 pound gorilla in the middle of this thread farts, namely the fact that these scumbag food service employees and restaurantuers should shut up about poor tippers and start paying their freakin' taxes like the rest of us. Complete and total business model change is the answer. 15% service added to the bill. Everyone pays Rev Can so I can continue to get my 32 welfare scams paid (kidding, kidding.) Places with notorious bad service will go out of business, kinda like they do now.

Money doesn't motivate emplyees to perform, the forces that make someone strive to do a good job are rarely intrinsictly financial. Someone who takes pleasure in delivering gastro joy to others will make a better more motivated server than someone who doesn't feel as strongly about superior food service. A simplistic example would the the illustration of a chef. They make crap money, work bad hours on their feet hustling, the monetary rewards are very slim except for the lucky few that hit the lotto as it were. Yet is there any shortgage of passionate chefs? Well, that could be argued but you get my point, they're not in it for the money. Money is only what is considered a short term motivator. After a time the allure of moiney fades and old bad habits replace the good. That holds true for everyone. Praise, advancement and respect all are far stronger employee motivators than a couple extra bucks an hour.

Following Coop around town is becoming a habit. Went to Cru on Saturday night with anther couple. Arrived, greeted by name by the owner?/manager? Thought it was a nice touch, didn't realize it was because they were dreading our arrival and watching the front door hoping for a no show. We were told that our table wasn't quite ready and would we mind taking a seat at the bar. This foursome had no problem what so ever sitting at a bar. Drinks ordered. Had a nice converation with the owner/manager about the fact that a Martini is a Martini, nothing else. He confided his pet peeve of being asked to see the "Martini List". What list? Gin, vermouth, olive. How many variants can there be that you require a list? Death to Green Apple Schnapps in a martini glass drinkers. Out came the complimentary bruschetta Jerry A got screwed out of. (Sorry man, but the Tuna that was missing off yours was f'ing superb.) Out came the owner/manager with a concerned look on his face. Seems the restaurant is overbooked. We've got no space for you. Oops. We were sitting at the bar on the corner, with a couple on either side of the "L" would we mind taking our meals there. We were quite happy. The stools were comfortable. The arrangement was actually quite ideal. He're the sweetener he told us. "Accept our apologies for the error, I'll buy your drink, the bruschetta and a bottle of wine with dinner." No problem. We were all over that, hell, buy us our first round of drinks and we'd be happy. Absolutely stunning generousity. Even if the food were crap (which it's not) I'd wish these people well. There should be a Cru on every street corner. Superb customer service. Then onto dinner. We all had the prix fixe menu, gotta be the steal of the decade, 3 courses, 32 bucks. The menu has four selections each, of two courses so we ordered one of everything planning to send each plate around the table (bar). The caeser salad was the only thing that wasn't oustanding in the appetizers, the pork entree was dry/tough. Everything else was phenomenal, doubly so considering the price. I subbed cheese for dessert, five dollar supplement. Never pass on a chance to eat cheese is one of my life philosophies. Food was really really nice. Decor was good, with the exception of the t-bar ceiling, felt a little too much like being at work. I felt an uncontrolable urge to surf the web and post shit on bulletin boards. Service was great, one of the most extravagant "I'm sorry" I've ever received in a restaurant. Eat at Cru. Anyone eat in the place that was in that space before. We looked at the menu on prior occasions while milling about outside waiting to get in next door. It looked good, very traditional and uncool, so uncool that it kinda was cool. Classic french I beleive.

Even my couldn't pass high school math brain sees the lack of logic in this arguement. Care to elaborate with some examples? If foof and booze represent 50% each of the cheque total, (a fair generalizaion I'd say) wouldn't an increase of 30 % to food cost cover lost tips? How do you get double? Anyways the whole discussion should be moot. Restaurants should all bump prices 15% across the board, and offer service included. The greenest business school freshman could explain how the incentive of a tip really won't motivate the server one iota to improve service.

Are you a gnome by any chance?

Not like my opinion has any professional weight, or is formed by anything other than being a consumer, but I would be wary of a booking for 12 and giving up a table based on only a few members of the party being there at the appointed hour. Particularly a party of young people. (Sorry, not trying to be condecending re: age, but when I was a kid, time was a very elastic concept and plans could change on a whim.) Cheers

I'm going to hire Paul Mitchel to be my personal "devil in my ear". "Paul, should I have another drink?" "Paul, getting your taxes filed on time is for wusssies, right?" "Paul, should I live my dream of becoming a hillbilly moonshiner and setting up a still in the garage?" In all seriousness, I live in Richmond, on a 40X100 foot lot. Pig pits don't really factor in to the urban planning, (or lack thereof) in my neighbourhood. Although the school down the street has lots of open unused space... And yeah, roasting a pig in the backyard does imbibe a certain muy machismo to the roaster, but I'll have to rely on more traditional tactics to buy my kids love, trips to Disney, ice cream and acquiescing to their every demand while walking down the cereal isle at Save-on-Foods. That all said, I'm adding "roast a whole pig in a pit" to my list of tasks to be accomplished before I die.

In one of the finest instances of instant karma ever, I go off on Hawaii and my kids take an interest in hula dancing the very next day. In fact, I think Mrs. Talent and I were sitting outside having a glass of wine discussing my anti-Maui bias when one of the mini-Talents came screaming outside, "wanna see me hula?" And then proceeded to perform a somewhat credible version of the dance. In the immortal words of Homer, DOH! Anyway, their fourth birthday is in the medium term future, and they have decided they want a Hawaii themed party. Most likely becau it combines two of their greatest preschooler passions; Mermaids and giant toothy man eating sharks. An Arail (sp?) the mermaid fixation I get, Disney marketing clout and all that. Why sharks are a topic of constant discussion, I'll never understand. Anyway for dinner I'd like a whole roast pig. I'd prefer to buy whole roast pig (piglet?) pre-roasted, as I'm almost certain my wife wouldn't allow me to excavate a barbecue pit in the grass, as much as that appeals to my sense of entertainment. (I'm also not allowed to make and age cheese in the spare room. Nor have I been given the greenlight to proceed with my homemade proscuitto project, because she claims it will make the whole house smell like pig. Well duh. That's a pleasnt side benefit to my way of thinking.) A Filipino co-worker gave me ythe name of a place of Fraser, Fraser Barbecue and Fresh Meat, I'll go and check it out. Anyone else have any other suggestions?

Thief. I give money to support PBS, you should give money to me. In fact, if you subscribe as apatron of the CBC at the 90 dollar pledge level, I'll be happy to send along a premium; A signed copy of "Coop: The early postings, musings, wiiticisms and obervations from Maple Ridge's fouth favourite son." (Walker, Moore and Neely slotting above him.) I'll be ceratin to include you pledge along with my tax remiottance to help offset the burden to our tax base caused by people overusing the medical system after gouging their ears after some particularly idiotic Don Cherry spot.

C'mon, quit being such a curmudgeon. Spring hockey is the best, really the only hockey that's bearable to watch. You can't tell me there hasn't been a large measure of entertainment value in the Vancouver/Calgary series, win or lose. Yeah the lifeless hockey geeks that sit through NJ v. Philli everynight are troubling, and need to get out of the house, but to follow one series doesn't seem particularly onerous. And lets be honest, last night, you're sitting at home, it felt pretty good to forgo The Apprentice for hockey instead didn't it? It was pleasant not to have the usual bouts of Thursday night self loathing, sitting through two hours of Survivor and The Apprentice. Seriously though, I think those stupid Cambodian Tire Canuck flags that every rusted out 80's Festiva around town sport need to fuck right off. They are another reason to despise Canadian Tire. First that gave us that sexually ambigous fake couple in every spot, he with the beard as about the only external proof he's a man, she looking like she was pulled out pof a legion hall just before the meat draw to do the spots. These two wanderers travel the land, having adventures and fixing shit using second rate Cananian Tire tools, accompanied by a mid tempo country tinged rock tune, the level of vacuosness which hasn't been heard since Hootie and the Blowfish thankfully went away. Worst casting ever. Go Canucks.

In such a big world with so many great places, spending any time on Maui seems odd, particularly when you factor the shitty food and high cost into things. First, in an effort to be totally fair, I've got to disclose I despise the beach. I hate sand. How spending a day dusty, dirty and hot is pleasant is beyond me. Plus, I've recently decided to call a moratorium on swimming in the ocean. I refuse to enter an environment where I'm no longer the top predator on the food chain. I've done tons of snorkeling in Hawaii, and how seeing the exact same thing as the aquarium with the added bonus of swallowing a couple gallons of salt water and getting stung by jellyfish adds to the experience is again beyong my reasoning. The only fish I'm interested in seeing is sitting in a middle of my plate. So that all said, and really those are the only reasons to go to Hawaii. There's nothing else there. Yes the scenery is spectacular, the air has a soft gentle feel not found many other places, and the climate is close to ideal. But the general grubbiness of the place, the local idiots asking you "smoke brudda?" more frequently than while walking down Granville, the fact that they (the town of Kehei) seemed to use the same urban planer that did Scott Road in Surrey and a lack of good food all outweigh the positives. And the whole "Malaysian hole in the wall" arguement is misleading at best. If high quality cheap asian is your bag, flying to Hawaii passing through Richmond seems somewhat ironic. Richmond is the island with these atrributes, five hours cramped up on Air Transat seems like an unnecessary inconvenience to me, plus the fact that you could spend a week in Malaysia for the same money as a week in Maui, maybe less. I can see Hawaii being awesome if you're Ringo Starr, ensconced in a compound sipping gin and tonis being gently buffeted by the trade breezes, but for me a week in a Kehei condo or Ka'napali high rise seems about as attractive as a long weekend in Belligham, without the cheap golf. Not like Mexico is heaven on earth, but at least it holds the advantage of some good meals, great meals if you do your homework and cultural attractions outside of faux pineapple plantations.

Wrong thread and all that, but holy crap are there ever some bad meals to be had in Hawaii. I hate Hawaii. Prmarily because so many people like it, and if you want to be a contrarian, you've got to stake out some unpopular positions. I'd be happy to list why Hawaii (or Maui at least) sucks, if anyone is interested. Suffice it to say that I'd (almost) rather spend a week in Calgary rather than Kehei. In fact, that's kinda what Maui is, isn't it? Calgary with the ocean and palm trees.

Oh, we've got porno alright, just not on every freakin' street, kitty corner to a Hortons. Besides, only Calgarians would still be getting their porn on the street, when the rest of the civilized world has moved online.

Isn't beating up on Calgary well, kinda mean? I mean, it's Calgary. Tim Hortons and porno shops are really the only areas they can claim a legit leg up on us. I think as Vancouverites we should make an effort to fight in our weight class. And San Francisco has been strutting around, talking trash and looking pretty cocky lately...

I'd had the misfortune of sampling frozen sushi. It's a very bad idea.

I grabbed the issue this weeknd. I've gotta say, you're all nuts. I stopped reading and hunked it into the blue box when in "This month in Food" it suggested I catch an episode of Top Five, with Bobbbyy Riveeerrrssss. That was odd. I hope it is a level of irony that even I, a member of the generation that perfected irony, is not ironic enough to get. Seriously though, some of the comments in the issue do seem a little odd/vague/wrong. The whole thing seems to lack a level of professionalism that Cityfood used to have years ago.

A good Bloody Mary contains and ounce of beef consomme, and I see the logic in a rib subbing for the celery stir stick.