Comfort Me

I also suggest adding a decent amount of black pepper. I got this idea from a gingerbread babycake (i think) recipe in Baking With Julia. I loved the cakes, and now add a healthy amount of pepper to my grandmother's gingerbread recipe. It adds a wonderful layer of flavor wihtout being in-your-face noticable.

I couldn't survive without cakes that needed no last minute fuss. Boston Cream Pie Coconut Cake filled with Vodka Lemon Curd, Iced with 7 Minute Frosting. (LIGHTLY toast one-third of the coconut for the garnish and mix with the un-toasted, then apply it to the cake. It looks sooooooo pretty.) Black Forest Cake -- as long as your cream is stabilized. Gallette des Rois I went to a tea recently where the hostess served a 6 layer square red velvet cake with that spectacular frosting that starts with making a roux-like pudding with vegetable shortening...I gotta tell you, the square cake was stunning, and I've had dirty, dirty little dreams that included rolling around in that frosting! I'd never tell my hostess that, of course. She's something like 96 and I feel quite certain she wouldn't understand. (But I also feel quite certain many people here WILL! lol!)

Hear hear! I'm a vegetarian. There. I said it. Whew. I felt better once I came out... I'm allergic to raw alcohol. It makes me swell up and turn horrible colors. Not pretty. So I'll never taste that case of '61 Bordeaux in the cellar. And I'll never again feel quite the same eating in a 4-star restaurant (where they look so disappointed when you tell them you won't be drinking wine).

What you might be feeling is a phenomenon known as "Survivor's Guilt".

To get her in the mood, he fakes a heart attack.

Eeeew! Pity the poor fool who has to wash out HER lingerie!

Spread a slice of fine rye bread with goose grease, sprinkle with fleur de sal, and top with gribbenes. Heaven. Don't forget to write.

Fresco: I respectfully disagree. My wife and I both work full time and we have a 6 year old. We have a "Mostly Homemade" dinner at the dining room table an average of 6 nights a week. I pick my son up at 5:15, take him home and we work at getting dinner together. And dinner for me is rarely from a box, can, or takeout. I bake all our bread and make our breakfast cereals. I make our sausage and hope to learn the fine craft of cheesemaking soon. And yes, in my spare time I've been known to knit a sweater, blanket, or scarf. I know not everyone has the interest or the motivation to take it that far. But many people won't ever try if someone is out there telling them that feeling your family crap is the way to go. It is really, when you boil it down, a matter of priorities. We need someone out stumping for families to eat dinner together more often, with the tv off and the phone turned down. We need a cheerleader to say "Get in that kitchen and rattle them pots and pans!" And we need someone teaching basic cooking skills without pretense and giving people a boost in self esteem. Damn -- we need Julia back. G-d bless her!

Denise: The people you are concerned for would be better served with a show that gives them a grounding in the basics. Instead of making Semi-Homeshit, they could be watching shows like Sara's Secrets, 30-Minute Meals, or How to Boil Water. I know each of these shows have their detractors, but they do a much better job of communicating useful skills to the novice. And their food, with rarely a processed ingredient, is better and more healthy. And it is Mostly Homemade.

I am afraid that the ceramic ones have pretty much gone the way of glass beads, but if you would like I can mail you a bag (100 per bag, they are really cheap, I will get you a price) or two if you pm me with mailing info. I need to go to Mardi Gras World this week to pick up a supply of rubber roaches, as I am running low on that important comedy prop. Mrs. Mayhaw once constructed an entire outfit of king cake babies applied to mesh (we were younger and more attractive then, now we are just older but still quite attractive -or at least she is. I am just old). It was fun poking hot needles through those hundreds of little dolls If you look my photo on my info page you will see a baby or two on my suit from last year (I make a new one every year). There are some resources on the web,, but they are pretty incomplete as far as their catalogs go. Just google on Mardi Gras Throws. Mayhaw: I looked at the picture and, well, you ain't that bad. Thanks for the offer -- I'll be at Mardi Gras World in a couple of weeks, so I'll get some and save you the effort. Still wish I could get a ceramic. I had one, a souvenir of Mardi Gras at Aunt Cedil's place on Chartres near Jackson Square. (I was 8 and she'd lived there for 70 years.) I found the baby, and I still remember the feeling of being king -- I was allowed to drink milk punch all day -- until I fell asleep on a balcony, where I spent the night! Anyway -- it was in a place of honor, until a new cleaning lady knocked it from the mantle and disposed of the pieces. I have a lot of stories like this -- for those of you who heard my missive about my cafe au lait bowl. Maybe I should care less about things and keep the memories in my head instead of on the mantle or in a cabinet. Aidan

The humanity! QUick, assemble the unruly mob of villagers, complete with pitchforks and torches. We'll assemble on Trish's front lawn!

Je suis aussi, svp!

Alas, no parades are scheduled for the weekend we will be in NOLA -- January 24 & 25. (At least according to the parade schedule on nola.com -- if you know differently, please let me know!) I shall have to be contented with eating Gallette des Rois day in and day out, ascertaining who has the best.

If Sandra Lee's show and books are successful and have a huge audience or readership, someone is getting something from them, I'd have to guess. These books are purchased with real money by people who make independent decisions to do so. No one is forcing anyone to watch her show, and there are no shortage of alternatives, including not watching tv at all. I'm not sure that any of this is necessarily an indication that the world as we know it is going to hell or is otherwise a cause for despair. Fresco: No one held a gun to the heads of people buying Rush Limbaugh's books, but I still thought they were making a mistake. And I proved to be correct. (I originally wrote "right" but thought that was ironic AND incorrect!) I would also wager that it might not be a huge following which maked SL's ventures profitable, but possible financial relationships, heretofore undisclosed, which provide for her margin of profit. I certainly think the networks should make full disclosure of all financial relationships with equipment and product manufacturers. PBS has been doing it for years. "Financial consideration has been provided by...[insert Name Here]." And while I completely support you in expressing a differing view, I feel justified in speaking out against this woman. No, she isn't Hitler. But she is conning us all -- on many levels -- and nobody likes to be conned. Even if she isn't getting payola, she's feeding the public lies -- cheaper than, as tasty as, and as nutritions as. And if there was an "All-Alton-Ina-Sara-Martha Network", I would certainly be watching it.

Moo: I could kiss you on the lips. You said it -- and you said it so well. Kudos, baby! I haven't taken the time to look at who is advertizing on her show. I'm fairly certain the show recieves some financial consideration for the use of name brand products. I think the network is making a serious mistake selling off the programming time for commercial purposes without a) thinking the viewing public will notice, and b) thinking they will care. What is next? "Fast Chicken with Ron Popiel"? Anyway -- you get a gold star today, Mooph.

Perversely, it is money she doesn't really need--she's the "trophy wife" of the wealthy CEO of a $5 billion home construction company. She does this out of the pure, rotten, evilness of her heart. For all of the general lameness of many of the shows on Food Network, I think this is the only one where the motto of the show would be "Eat Sh*t and Die!" It's true that one doesn't really expect a whole lot in the way of quality from commercial television, but Sandra Lee is actively harmful and deceitful, just another way to convince people they need to be dependent on the producers of industrial food products. Think what she could do if she used her powers for good!

Perversely, it is money she doesn't really need--she's the "trophy wife" of the wealthy CEO of a $5 billion home construction company. She does this out of the pure, rotten, evilness of her heart. For all of the general lameness of many of the shows on Food Network, I think this is the only one where the motto of the show would be "Eat Sh*t and Die!" It's true that one doesn't really expect a whole lot in the way of quality from commercial television, but Sandra Lee is actively harmful and deceitful, just another way to convince people they need to be dependent on the producers of industrial food products. Great. I really didn't need to hear that. So let me recap: she's talentless, yet she is tall, thin, pretty, has two successful cookbooks, her own magazine, a television show and a really, really rich husband who is bound to die before her. Oh, if only her prenup was on Smoking Gun! Alas, is is not. Woe is me. Or I. Who gives a shit about grammar. I'll still be fat, plain, and working class. Note to self: make appointment with therapist to work on self esteem issues. Edited to add a really.

Oh, please, beans? That is so not fair! Now we all want to know what you really think! Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease? (Aren't you glad you aren't my mother?)

Sandra Lee is much more malignant. Ms. Lucy means well -- I think she's convinced she's sharing great cooking tips. She's an entertaining anachronism. Sandra Lee is in it for the money, baby. All the way! Check out her web site and you'll be amazed at how successful she is at marketing mediocrity. The saddest part is, she doesn't know how to DO it, but she knows how to SELL it. And people BUY it! Oi! She's a Martha Stewart Wannabe -- only Martha had some substance and encouraged us to be better than we were. Sandra Lee wants to make us less than we are. It's funny -- I was watching a tape which included one of her shows, and she was talking about cutting corners while I was stuffing meat into casings for homemade sausage! How do you spell irony? I may not be rich, but MY cooking is all the way homemade and it tastes like it. And it is worth all the effort knowing that every night we sit down as a family and eat a home cooked meal together sans tv, gameboy, phone, etc.. And I am thrilled that someday he'll be recalling his youth and remembering all of the wonderful, happy times we spent around a dinner table eating food flavored with love.

My wife now torments me with this show. She turns it on when company is around just to show them how verstimmeled it makes me -- as if popping an embolism is some hot new party trick. Sandra Lee is possibly the whitest woman on television -- in a way there have been very few white women. She makes Mamie Eisenhower look groovin'. I watched one episode recently where she "made" a cake with storebought angelfood cake, canned icing flavored with cocoa, canned apple pie filling, and then sprinkled the top with pumpkin seeds and called it her Kwanzaa Cake. That revelation caught me mid-bite, and I ended up shooting homemade chorizo out my nose. It looked like a cow pat with seven candles stuck in it. Wouldn't you love to be a a fly on the wall at her Kwanzaa party? Now I'm a realist -- I know that every meal every day of every week can't possibly be made without once or twice succombing to the ease and salt of processed foods. I happen to love Kraft Macaroni & Cheese on cold Sunday afternoons. But Sandra Lee is out there telling people that canned icing is the kind of crap one should serve to friends and family -- even on special occasions! And, according to her website, her last cookbook (can we really call it that?) was on the New York Times bestseller list. Isn't this a sign of the End of Days? I need a valium really badly. This woman it my "Anti-Me". She's tall and thin, I am not. She's blond and beautiful. I am not. She's perky. I bit the last person who called me perky. But beyond the obvious, she apparently doesn't give a flying f***about her family or her guests. Because when I care about someone, I try to think of things I can do to show them how much I care -- not try to think of ways to do less by way of them.

Charmaine Jones at Outrageous Cakes 212-722-0678 Outrageous Cakes

Fifi: I have to strongly disagree with you. My six-year-old is better behaved than most adults, and has already been to more than a half-dozen high-end restaurants. He has always behaved in an exemplary fashion, earning praise (and desserts!) from staff. And on more than one occasion we have encountered adults who were not nearly as well behaved as our son. We have tried to teach our son to live in a world that is larger than just himself and to think about how his actions affect other people -- something very few adults are able to do. My son is part of our family. And we actually like him and like being with him. We have always spoken to him about our expectations in advance, dressed him appropriately, planned his day so that he comes to the restaurant well rested, and we keep him involved in the conversation -- be it about the menu, the food, or whatever else we are discussing. So many people take children into a restaurant and expect them to be self-contained and let the adults alone for a while. I wouldn't like it if I were taken to a restaurant and ignored! I'd act out, too. We are planning a trip soon to New Orleans, and my son will be with us every step of the way -- and I expect he will continue his record of good behavior. And, while it may not be popular, I can't help but wonder why anyone would think that their experience is more important than mine or my son's.

I've made the Director's Aloo Gobi. It is excellent. And, fearing the wrath of her mother and "Auntie-ji" I pealed both my potatoes AND my ginger. And laughed and laughed! The special feature was every bit as good as the film. We liked it so much we had to buy it. One thing I have found myself wishing over and over again was how I wish it were easier to approach people about learning their culinary traditions. I saw a wonderful peice in the tribune recently about a Greek woman and the foods she prepared with her family. I really wanted to write her a letter and ask her to teach me to make them -- but my wife said I'd probably be reported to the police. I can't just walk up to an Indian woman on the street in Chicago and say "Teach me to make chappati's and paneer, please." But I'd very much like to!

I would suggest force-feading him malted milkshakes as often as you can get them down him! I had a terrible bout of pneumonia many years ago and lost a ton of weight and nearly dies. I was given malteds probably 6 times a day. I had no idea malt contained so many calories! Anyway -- it worked. I'm big as a house, now. (OK -- I am exagerating, but I am a pound or 20 overweight!) OH -- peanut butter is high in protien and high in colories. Good luck.

As long as you keep the batter refrigerated, it will keep from morning to evening wihtout problem. Enjoy -- my grandfather made Tom & Jerrys for open house on New Years Day. Lots of great memories. Happy Holidays.