Son going into the business

[Busboy]

It was bad enough when he moved to Baltimore, and then to the Philly 'burbs to do politics, a profession populated by hard-drinking, heavy-smoking young people with visions of of Utopia in their eyes and some half drunk local organizer in their beds. But now, he's going into the restaurant business, the last refuge of the talented but deranged ( ) and not surprisingly the off-year employment of choice for the kind of political hacks my friends and I used to be. Only now he'll be running with a bad crowd and have money in his pocket (campaign pay being notoriously low and irregular)! Why couldn't he get a nice job at Starbucks or some bookshop? He's only 18 -- he shouldn't be allowed to play with these people.

What did I do wrong? How can I get him into a nice trade, like bike courioring or fencing stiolen goods? And, as long as we're inflicting a rookie waiter on the dining public, what advice should we pass along in hopes of making the Washington Dining Scene better and not worse.

Or, y'all could just throw out "first job" stories and detail how you grew up into proper chefs, maitre d's and managers despite the temptations of restaurant life -- or moved on to be accountants or whatever.

Minor irony: the boy will be working for the Clyde's Restaurant Group, a well- respected local chain here in DC. Their second ever restaurant was Clyde's of Columbia (Maryland), which occupied the space vacated by a "continental" place called Per Bacco!, which was where I got my job, as a dishwasher.

The apple, apparently, does not fall far from the tree.

[Carrot Top]

It's only been quiet in response to your post for the last eight hours because we are having a moment of prayer.

[Carrot Top]

Plus, of course, we have to eat inbetween.

[maggiethecat]

Busboy my friend, it is all about the apple and the tree. I majored in that madly marketable double major: English/Art history, so did my daughter. She grew up thinking that the most important part of a parent's day was making dinner and doing recreational cooking in the spare moments. She could probably parse the differences between Ligurian and Umbrian at seven.

First job out of college? Sales for a large, high-end Chicago caterer. Current job? Working in special events for a major LA cultural institution, parsing menus for galas, listening to the quirky menu desires of the Rich Committee Ladies, fighting with the uppity caterer to bring them to life . She put herself through college baking bagels, flipping burgers and checking groceries. Kitchen culture never took her to the dark side, even while dealing with the Exec Chef at the catering company, a notorious rake and despoiler of innocent young things.

Try to remember that restaurant life has actually been the redemption of many a young man, and try to forget the sheenanegans you got up to!

[PamelaF]

My son went through a restaurant phase when he was 21, a friend of his was a waiter and he got him a job at a busy tourist place in San Francisco's Union Square.

I gave him "Kitchen Confidential" to read before he started. I guess I don't believe in sheltering children. Anyway, he started hanging out with all the bartenders after work and that year he gave me a bottle of tequila for my birthday. (It was a really good tequila though.)

He also worked as a catering waiter and got to work at some very nice events like the Napa Valley Wine Auction. After about a year though, he got tired of it and went back to an office job.

[newguy]

Why don't you try to encourage your son? Take him to a few fine establishments, teach him the great side of the industry. Have him speak with some chefs of your favorite places and see what they did when they were younger.

Or else you can send him to a grueling culinary program, and/or have him trail in some places and he can see how hard the work actually is. Make sure that is in the summer too, when it's a bit hotter than usual...

[Busboy]

Why don't you try to encourage your son?  Take him to a few fine establishments, teach him the great side of the industry.  Have him speak with some chefs of your favorite places and see what they did when they were younger. 

Or else you can send him to a grueling culinary program, and/or have him trail in some places and he can see how hard the work actually is.  Make sure that is in the summer too, when it's a bit hotter than usual...

←

Actually, despite the fears that he will follow in my footsteps in not so much succumbing to the vices traditionally identified with restaurant work as flinging himself into their arms, I am pleased that he is becoming a waiter. I'm hoping that he will take the job seriously enough that even if he never goes deeper into the business, he'll want to do it well. I'd hate to think that the Sweeney family inflicted two generations of bad waiters on the DC dining scene . And it's a good trade to have. He's working for the Clyde's restaurant group and they have become successful by doing a lot of little things right. Wherever he goes after this, he will bring a degree of professionalism with him that a lotof younger servers don't have.

We actually -- and in large part through my involvement with eGullet -- have found ourselves socializing with some pretty hot shit food and wine guys -- chefs, somelliers, wine importers -- and we eat well at home most nights, so I think he'll be bringing some excellent background to the new job. I'm a little worried about his aversion to fish -- though that is changing -- given the restaurant's pride in their fish and oyster selection. And, given that he's not old enough to drink wine legally, he's going to need a little coaching in that regard. But that will be a fun project at home.

And, if he decides that this is more than a way to make a few bucks while getting ready for college in the fall, well, the CIA is no more expensive than Worcester Polytechnic.

But if he starts coming in at 5AM sniffling, with some credulous college girl who's all about wild living and free drinks, there's going to be trouble.

[Reefpimp]

Give him a Wusty 10", a box of condoms, a pack of Zig-Zag orange papers, and cut the apron strings. He's got to leave the nest sometime.

**Edit**

I just now read your above post that he's becoming a waiter. Dude, you're a terrible parent and obviously screwed up BIG somewhere along the way. I'm sorry you didn't raise him to be tougher.

He probably won't need the knife then.

Edited February 21, 2007 by Reefpimp (log)

[Carrot Top]

But now, he's going into the restaurant business, the last refuge of the talented but deranged ( ) and not surprisingly the off-year employment of choice for the kind of political hacks my friends and I used to be. 

←

But I like the idea of "talented and deranged".

What startles me most is not that he's chosen to do this (and I think it will be fun for you, too, as he does) but that it was just such a short spark of time ago that it seemed you were writing of him at the table as "average teenage boy" with the usual teenage boy table manners that they seem to like to throw out like bait to fish, making parents tear their hair out in exasperation which probably was the intended plan for you know that you taught them what to do and why are they not doing it.

And here he is, a tiny speck of time later, ready to be part of the theatre that demands manners, good manners, knowing manners. And he'll be able to do it, and do it well, I bet.

Are you going to give him a few days to settle in at his job, or are you going to visit his table for dinner the very first night he works, instead, I wonder.

[insomniac]

Give him a Wusty 10", a box of condoms, a pack of Zig-Zag orange papers, and cut the apron strings.  He's got to leave the nest sometime.

**Edit**

I just now read your above post that he's becoming a waiter.  Dude, you're a terrible parent and obviously screwed up BIG somewhere along the way.  I'm sorry you didn't raise him to be tougher.

            He probably won't need the knife then.

←

my 18 y.o. son has asked me to ask you what to do with the condoms when you're working 0730-0000 or later in the kitchen every day for the last 2 years

or, as he put it, dreams are free

[hjshorter]

He is an intelligent, well-mannered young man with more than a few of his dad's mannerisms (the better ones), and one of only three non-relatives ever trusted to watch my children. I am sure he will be a credit to you.

(And he might well ask you what you're up to at 5 AM)

Edited February 21, 2007 by hjshorter (log)

[hjshorter]

Give him a Wusty 10", a box of condoms, a pack of Zig-Zag orange papers, and cut the apron strings.  He's got to leave the nest sometime.

**Edit**

I just now read your above post that he's becoming a waiter.  Dude, you're a terrible parent and obviously screwed up BIG somewhere along the way.  I'm sorry you didn't raise him to be tougher.

When asked why I stopped cooking professionally, I always joke that it was a tossup between the misogyny and the substance abuse. But of course that was 20 years ago. Things must have changed since then, right?

[annecros]

Personally, I think every kid should be required to do a stint in customer service. Develops good people skills when you learn to suck it up when a customer is obnoxious. He'll learn a little bit about profit and loss when he realizes what it takes to get a good tip - waiter's really work for themselves. He'll learn about HARD work first hand when he has to finish up his sidework after a night of being slammed for five hours straight.

As far as the environment is concerned, with two brutally honest college student kids, believe me on this:

There is nothing going on with the staff in that restaurant that doesn't go on in the honor's college dorms, and clubs, and behind the mall in the parking lot, and apartments loaded with three or four 18 to 23 year olds.

It is kind of scary when you first inflict them on the adult world...

[ghostrider]

my 18 y.o. son has asked me to ask you what to do with the condoms when you're working 0730-0000 or later in the kitchen every day for the last 2 years

or, as he put it, dreams are free

←

Someone's going to make their culinary reputation by using them as pudding pop molds. Only a question of timing.

[Busboy]

Give him a Wusty 10", a box of condoms, a pack of Zig-Zag orange papers, and cut the apron strings.  He's got to leave the nest sometime.

**Edit**

I just now read your above post that he's becoming a waiter.  Dude, you're a terrible parent and obviously screwed up BIG somewhere along the way.  I'm sorry you didn't raise him to be tougher.

            He probably won't need the knife then.

←

See? There's that ugly prejudice against FOH workers that drives them to destructive behaviors. Can't we all just get along?

Actually, given his zig-zagging between being a bit of a spaz and extremely anal-retentive when he locks onto something, I fear that if he ended up behind the line he'd either cut most of his fingers off within the first month -- or go into pastry, two equally frightening outcomes.

(Ducks and covers while pastry chefs come at him).

[SuzySushi]

Give him a Wusty 10", a box of condoms, a pack of Zig-Zag orange papers, and cut the apron strings.  He's got to leave the nest sometime.

**Edit**

I just now read your above post that he's becoming a waiter.  Dude, you're a terrible parent and obviously screwed up BIG somewhere along the way.  I'm sorry you didn't raise him to be tougher.

            He probably won't need the knife then.

←

See? There's that ugly prejudice against FOH workers that drives them to destructive behaviors. Can't we all just get along?

Actually, given his zig-zagging between being a bit of a spaz and extremely anal-retentive when he locks onto something, I fear that if he ended up behind the line he'd either cut most of his fingers off within the first month -- or go into pastry, two equally frightening outcomes.

(Ducks and covers while pastry chefs come at him).

←

Well, if he goes into pastry, he won't need the Wusthof!

[hjshorter]

Actually, given his zig-zagging between being a bit of a spaz and extremely anal-retentive when he locks onto something, I fear that if he ended up behind the line he'd either cut most of his fingers off within the first month -- or go into pastry, two equally frightening outcomes.

Hey now, no need for that. Pastry chefs get the cool tools, including big knives. And you usually get to work during the morning, before all the riff-raff show up.

[Mr. Delicious]

I can completly relate to both sides of these stories, but he's young, no office job will teach you the life lessons you can learn in restaurants. My father was a former McDonalds franchisee and later opened Space Aliens, a themed casual dining bar and grill in the upper midwest. He never encouraged me to go into the business or even to work for him, but was excited and proud when I did. He supported me when I went to culinary school, and was a big influence in me opening my own bakery. My father and I usually disagree completely on foods (hes much bigger on convience and cheap untrained labor) but we both have love for the industry, our lives are food we better. I have always watched my dad working his crazy hours, even at sixty he still works monday to friday over the lunch rush making pizzas, and cooks lunch for his management after the rush. He has influenced me alot and I am proud to have followed in his footsteps although we are in different areas of the industry. He now sells my cheesecake in his restaurants and I know that makes him quite proud.

[Busboy]

(Just in case some have not noted, I am being half facetious in my hand-wringing. After a cross-country trip with two fellow post-adolescents this summer and a stint on a campaign, I know that the boy is no stranger either to brutally hard work or temptations -- some might call them vices -- that I would rather not think about. What I learned as a waiter certainly has made me a better cook and diner, and I trust it will him, too. But knowing how I, my friends and my collegues in the business lived our lives, I can't help but wish sometimes that he's found a nice internship helping save endangered tidal pools in the PAcific Northwest or something.

If nothing else, though, at least we know he'll he'll never date that most horrid species of human -- a person who's mean to servers.)

[Reefpimp]

If nothing else, though, at least we know he'll he'll never date that most horrid species of human -- a person who's mean to servers.)

←

Honest ta Crom, that has got to be half the battle; I don't have children myself, but I live vicariously through my sister and her sprogs; and I consider my role in this world fulfilled because my 11-year old neice joins me in mocking the girls with the spangly "princess" tops, and my 6-year-old nephew wants to be either a blacksmith, a cook, or a sailor when he grows up.... And neither would be cruel to a waitron or a cook. They realize that when they ordered their meal, they made their choices, the die was cast, and what happens--happens. They're better diners now than many adults are. Both eating Contintental with the fork in the left hand, napkin on the lap, and not stunned by more than two forks on the table. I like to think I had something to do with that....

Busboy, your kid'll be fine. Restaurant folk are good folk, even if they do tend to overseasoning themselves.

Me, I just want to be the person my dog thinks I am. Even if I do shoot wide of a pheasant now and again.