Solo Women Diners

[cabrales]

I'd appreciate your input on how frequently women dine alone at Paris three-stars. I am surprised that there do not appear to be that many solo women diners at such facilities. If you agree with this phenomenon, why do you believe that women do not go and have a wonderful meal on their own more frequently than they do?

[Bond Girl]

not to answer for anyone but I think it's the stigma that society attach to solo woman diners. Single women eating alone are deemed strange phenomenons. They must have some sort of disease or social dysfunction because they would be eating with someone else like a girlfriend or some guy if they are anywhere near normal.... I don't like it, but I have come to accept this as the way the world works.

I haven't had the opportunity to eat alone in a three star retaurants in Paris simply because everytime I was in Paris I was with a guy of the moment. In New York, however, I frequently eat out alone. I've eaten at Jean Georges, Bouleys' Daniels, Le Cirque, Union Square Cafe, Nobu among other restaurants alone. Quite often, that is an experience in and of itself. Sometimes, I am almost forgotten by the wait staff. Sometimes, I get pitiful looks from other diners. Other times, I get the once over look from the hostess who would most likely repeat: "Only one for dinner?" But, more often than not, I get accosted by some slime ball who's pick up line is almost alway: "What's a girl like you doing eating alone?" It makes you not want to go out. Still, as a someone very wise told me once, what other people think should never dictate what you do. And, as long as I love food, I will go out to eat whether it's alone with a book or with a group of friends.

[Nick]

But, more often than not, I get accosted by some slime ball who's pick up line is almost alway: "What's a girl like you doing eating alone?"

What would be your reaction if a man who was dining alone (and not a slimeball) asked if you would like to share a table? Or, do you prefer to dine alone?

Edit: I actually often prefer dining alone, and as Suzanne says below, "check out the room, the other diners, the wine service, the waitstaff -- to me, there is SO MUCH to look at when I'm alone." And you can really concentrate on the food.

Edited January 12, 2003 by Nickn (log)

[Suzanne F]

I seem to remember there being a thread on this issue sometime between June of last year and now. Can't find it, though. Anyway, I'll say now pretty much what I said then:

• If the hostess sounds condescending, respond confidently: "YES, just one." Exude confidence and pleasure at the prospect of eating there.
  
• If the other diners give you pitiful looks, ignore them.
  
• If the wait staff tend to forget about you, engage them early on, chatting about the food, wine, locale, or any combination thereof. Show them you're interested and knowledgeable (or want to learn) and they'll take an interest in pleasing you.
  
• If a slimeball hits on you, call over the waiter (who by now is your ally) and ask that the sb be escorted back to his table (or seat at the bar, more likely). Do not speak directly to the sb; it will only encourage him.
  
• This is my personal bias: do not read a book while dining. It shows a lesser interest in the dining experience. Pay full attention to your food and drink! Besides, you need to be able to meet those pitying glances with a big smile and a raise of your wineglass. And to check out the room, the other diners, the wine service, the waitstaff -- to me, there is SO MUCH to look at when I'm alone.
  

Anyway, that's just my opinion.

[Bond Girl]

What would be your reaction if a man who was dining alone (and not a slimeball) asked if you would like to share a table? Or, do you prefer to dine alone?

I don't mind sharing a table with someone, man or woman. And, I don't have a prefernce to dining aloone, because often when I dine with friends I tend to engage them to exploring the food and check out the scene together.

Thanks Suzanne for the tip on SB. My ammo up to now is to stare blankly and pretend that I don't speak any English (easy being Asian). Now I will get the waitstaff to escort them back to their table.

Actually after I posted the message I had an after thought. Last year, I was dining solo at an upscale restaurant on Central Park West after the opera. because it was very late, I thought I grab a quick bite at the bar. Half way through my dessert, I was confronted by a drunken customer looking to procure the services of the world's oldest profession. I ignored him until he pissed me off enough. The bartender witnessed the whole incident thought someone should call security. I asked the restaurant manager, who was finishing up at the end of the bar to call security, but he simply looked on and did nothing.

It's one of the best places in NYC to eat, so I will probably go back for the food, but I certainly will think twice before eating alone there again.

Edited January 12, 2003 by Bond Girl (log)

[fresh_a]

Hi Cab:

The single women diner is a rather rare occurance, and normally one determined by circumstance, ie. husband's flight delayed,etc.

Although it is rare, a woman can perfectly well have a very enjoyable evening dining alone in any number of Parisian establishments. We always inform the restaurant in these cases, and make sure they are treated in a way that makes them comfortable and at ease.

[PaulaJK]

I have dined solo in Paris [Grand Vefour, Guy Savoy, l"Astor ,

Astrance & others] as well as in the regions [Meneau, Boyer & Lorain's] .Every once in a while I wonder if the maitre d' isn't

appearing a bit nervous .....but I have been treated very

well..... sometimes especially solicitiously and warmly.[Meneau

& Savoy] . The only peering and intrusive chap was an American

who had had too much too drink and despite repeated

encouragment from his fellow diners [his wife included]

could not restrain from asking why I was alone!

[IrishCream]

MFK Fisher speaks eloquently about this topic. Thank you for sharing...I am still unnerved when dining alone.

[Suzanne F]

Irish Cream -- think of it this way: you've no need to be pleasant to anyone except the restaurant staff! And they're there to take care of you.

(MFKF is one of the greats of the game)