Stone

Here are the wonderfully thoughtful and well stated responses I got to my emails telling Polder that their dual-use oven thermometers suck. My kind, understanding, and constructive email: The first response: When I told them that the bbq never got above 300 degrees, they wrote this lovely ditty: According to their website, these probes are good up to 570 degrees. (Yes, the spelling errors, all-caps, and general level of illiteracy come from Polder.)

I think there's too much lemon in the world. It's too easy a crutch. Just squirt lemon on stuff and most people will say "ooh." Not that Danko does that.

Kelly's is quite good, and Zeitgeist is one of my favorite places in the city. I just wish they'd put some more onion, salt & pepper in their spuds.

But I assume you'd agree that someone who never went to culinary school, but was nonetheless running a kitchen is a chef? And how about someone who sent to CIA, but is running a string of sandwich shops? I mean, if I quit the law and started some other business, I'd be, at best, a non-practicing lawyer.

Went back to Danko last night with Cabby. (Who is alive and well.) Don't have the energy for a full review but -- it was excellent. A few impressions: The menu was much more wintery than it was in February, in my opinion, perhaps a winking nod to the San Francisco summer. Fewer items had citrus (thankfully), and more earthy mushrooms, and aromatic meat-jus reductions. I enjoyed it more. Amuse: chilled asparagus soup with duck confit. I thought it was a great combo. The duck was subltly smokey. Cabby seemed to think it was too close to pea soup with bacon. Glazed oysters: The oysters were plumper than I remember, and they only used one type of caviar (osetra), instead of two (the last had osetra and trout -- Cabby thinks it may have had sevruga as well). Still great. The recipe is on the challenge butter website -- it's amazing that the dish is so simple. The oyster liquour combined with the cream in the saucing is an explosive way to start. Spring risottoe with lobster and rock shrimp: Pleasantly light for a risotto dish. beautifully served in an off-kilter white bowl, with a swoosh of green sage oil. But not a great bang for a lobster dish. Scallops -- well seared outside, pillowy inside. Excellent. Loved the small quarters of beet. Cabby's foie terrine came with a great meyer lemon compote. Seemed to be tempered with orange, which was good for me. There's lemon in my furniture polish, I really don't need it on my plate. Beef medallion -- The beef was good, but we both ordered it rare and it was more medium rare. Fine for me. Cabby is certain that if this were France, her meat would be properly cooked. The saucing was outstanding, with morels and "beech" mushrooms that were amazing. Great cheese. Voldeon (?) from spain was described as similar to Cabrales. Frankly, it smelled better than Cabrales. But was great nonetheless. Livorot -- very stinky washed rind, very good. La Serena, curdled with thistle instead of rennet. Smooth, good. The staff was very nice, but didn't make the impression on me that they did last time. We had some trouble getting the sommolier's attention -- but the wines Cabrales chose were terrific. When presenting the food, they did not provide the full description; however, the waitress was very knowledgable and able to answer the questions asked. It wasn't smoked pork butt, but GD did a good job. By the way -- a gander at the menu shows that they've got about 25 dishes in the appetizer/seafood/meat categories. That seems like an awful large selection for a restaurant serving this quality of food. I think FL had a lot fewer items on the menu at any one time. Maybe not.

I thought about the throne, but when I was trimming the ribs, I got carried away and took some whacks at the birds. I did mist the birds once with water. (I was too lazy to do it again.) They were certainly moist enough. Since I had some trouble fitting two butterflied birds on the top rack (I stuck some thin bamboo skewers through them to help keep their shape), I did lay each bird over a beer so they "tented" a bit. (I had the can down towards the bottom of the bird so as not to cover too much of the body.) I doubt this affected the flavor of the bird, but the beer was nice and smoky after two hours in the bullet. (Yes, I'm kidding.)

I dare say, it was good. Put two butts on, about 7 pounds each, at 9 pm on Friday. Notwithstanding my thermo issues, I pulled one off a little before 7 as the meat was pulling back from the bone and it was wiggling. Wrapped it in foil and popped it in the oven. I basically cycled the oven off and on for most of the morning, so it was rarely more than warm. The other butt was still pretty firm. Pulled it off at 9. Put two butterflied chickens on at 11. Brined them for about 3 hours in the morning. Rubbed one with some lemon/pepper that I bought at Costco (idea from the VWB), the other with a mixture of leftover butt/rib rub. Took them off at 2. Put the ribs on at 11 as well. Did not brine them. Too lazy. They came off at 3. The butts were perfect -- at least in the opinion of a Jewish kid from Westchester. Great pulled texture, and the fibers split apart easily. Moist, but not running with fat. Hot pink smoke ring (matched my thong), good flavor. The chickens were my favorite. I don't think the rub made much of a difference, because the meat had a great smokey flavor. Just like smoked chicken. Whooda thunk? I thought about putting them under the broiler for a few minutes to crisp the skin, but was too lazy. The ribs received a few "best ribs I've ever tasted" comments. 'Twas a good day.

Keith Hernandez and Lawrence Taylor won MVPs while on coke. You (whoever is reading this) are not Keith Hernandez or Larence Taylor.

So it's 11:50. I've got three thermometers in there. One says 165, one 240, the last 275. I take the high and the low inside and wipe down the probes. Test them under my tongue. They both say I'm 95 degrees. Well, I've been accused of being alittle cold at times, but that's good enough for me. I put them back on. Ten minutes later -- one says 160, the other says 280. What the fuck?

Well, I'm done wasting money on Polder thermometers. I bought two new probes. One is pierced through a potato -- niether the oven sensor nor the food sensor is touching metal. They're parallel to the heat. It's telling me that the food is at about 275 degrees, the oven at about 200. The other is stuck in a butt. It's got the meat at 50 degrees, the oven at 175. Oy vey.

"Southern?" Well beyond my cornbread ken. I just did the easiest recipe.

Mmm. That's good. Turned out onto a plate easily. Not the moistest I've ever had, but not the least bit dry. Great with a dollop of honey.

I made Snowangel's recipe. Cornbread with Flour. I doubled it for a 12" skillet. Thought it was odd to just melt 1/4 cup of shortening in the skillet and pour the batter on top. This is what it looks like coming out of the oven: I'll let it cool and see how it tastes. Gonna make two for tomorrow.

Actually, I wasn't trying to compare expensive places with cheaper places. I only listed the Delfinas, Almas, Chez's as example of what I consider to the "next tier" down from FF, Masa, Danko. When I say "best restaurant in SF", I'm not trying to say that one can't get a great meal for a lot less. But as much as I love Suppenkuche, Sunflower, Limon, I don't think they or their ilk can rightly be called the best place in town. So, yes, I'm only trying to compare the top-end places that purport to be putting out the best food/service/wine/experience in town.

Never been there, but I was recently told that Acquerello was for old people. Sorry.

It has a belly-button now.

Does a person have to be literate and coherent to be President?

What happened to the other 2 beers? I only bought four for the room. The next day I moved to the all-inclusive Radisson. By the way, the food at the all-inclusive Radisson sucks.

Depends on the size of the sauce pan. You want to completely cover the tail.

Hmmm. I wonder . . . .

Or a $120 Tilia Foodsaver.

Sushi. For anything placed near a piece of seaweed (Nori?); or near cold lumps of rice.

Nah, just tired.

You're right. Let's blame Chef Dempsey. And I'll blame the fact that I'm overweight on my clients because those bastards have retained me to help them in some serious legal battles. That must be why I eat too much and don't exercise. Hmm, I wonder why Jerry Garcia spent most of his life addicted to herion?

You know what this is? [Visual -- fingers rubbing together.] It's the worlds smallest violin playing just for all the poor souls who have had to work with the bad Chef Dempsey. Boo fucking hoo. Oh the stress that someone's Ahi Tuna may be seared unevenly. Or perhaps his mayo may break, sending him into into the corner weeping. Jeepers, the excuses we make for our frailty. But, as Carlovski points out, if cooks aren't smoking crack and doing herion, how can we know that they're really, really cool?